I am sitting here and listening to meditation music while I work on my homework that I need to submit before I go. Our teacher wants us to include relational styles of AGAINST/ACCESS/ASSERT. It is hard, and I want to do the right thing, but I am just including it where it seems obvious to me. The examples he used for us are as clear as mud. They make sense to him, but they don't make sense to me, and that is why I am in the class. From the homework I have seen submitted by others in the class when they have missed, I see that they did whatever they wanted to do. The class that I am missing is probably the most complicated. So, for me to do homework and then do a ONE PAGE summary of all the Types and their Wings and Connection points just seems overwhelming to me.
But I am not really much of a people-pleaser anymore. The facts are (going into that great thinking Triad to access that part of my brain) that it DOESN'T MATTER what my teacher thinks because I am doing this to help ME in my helping others, and I don't think regurgitating his way of thinking is going to help me help others because I know others would NOT get what he is trying to say.
So, once I got over my major mental block yesterday and decided to just do it MY way that will help me help other people (and help myself), I was free and clear and had fun. I am proofreading the Type FIVE one (previous post) and will do the Type EIGHT for the rest of the morning. Then I MIGHT meet with one of my directees, but I might not. I already set a boundary because it is always last minute, and this time she wants me to come to her house. I wouldn't mind that if I weren't trying to finish the Letters of Van Gogh before I go (hey, that sounded funny - and cool)!
I met with one of my directees. It has been a week of lots of meeting! I met with a directee by What's App for 1.5 hours on Monday, an old roommate and person I discipled 31 years ago for 4 hours on Tuesday, and another directee for 1.5 hours on Thursday. I also had 1.5 hours of group time on Tuesday morning and 2.5 hours of community time last night. I have had a LOT of people time this week, all while trying to get this all done, and pack, and finish my reading in preparation for the trip. All that, and I realize that Van Gogh Museum sent me FOUR TICKETS instead of just TWO! Ack! I just noticed it. It might include the audioguides? I need to look up everything. Monday is swamped with hair and nails and doctor before I go. The weekend will be celebrating an early birthday for Paul. So maybe going over to a directees house would not work out for me. She is so good with that. I think it would take the pressure to just say no.
Anywho, I just wanted to write this freewrite because my time with God has been sweet. My time with God with people has been sweet. Those three one on ones and two group times were both pregnant with the presence of God. Since daylight savings change, I have sat at the kitchen table in the afternoons, and the light is now just hitting that window. Those are the sweetest times of presence with God for me. I have meditation music going off, and I love my life right now.
For some reason, since I have broken down and asked lots of people to pray for jobs for my boys, the anxiety has lifted from my shoulders. I know they are BOTH trying very hard to get jobs. They are both growing in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man. What more could a mom pray for? So the load has been lifted, and I hope and pray for a miracle. I know He has a plan. I know he has a purpose for their life that is SO GOOD! I love them both so much. They are the best. They are the easiest to be around, and I love our family time so much.
So, my time is coming to a close, and this was a good freewrite. I am going back to writing. It will probably take me another four hours of work, but I am up for the challenge.
Freewriting is FUN!
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