Journey with Bonhoeffer Day (3-)6 FREEWRITE

I have not been writing about this fantastic new Journey I am on. I love passing on good things, and I have really enjoy this little book I bought so in April of 2017:

40 Day Journey with Dietrich Bonhoeffer

It is a daily devotional with these components:

Excerpt from Bonhoeffer's writings
Biblical Wisdom - one to two verses related to the passage
Silence for Meditation
Questions to Ponder
Psalm Fragment
Journal Reflections
Intercessions
Prayer for Today 

Love it! I was in the middle of something when I bought this book, and then I discovered the Spiritual Exercises in the Fall of 2017, and I was involved with them for a solid 1 1/2 years. So this summer is the summer for Bonhoeffer. I think I might send it to Debbie and Patty for their birthdays. It is that good! 

So on to the Freewrite, but I must pause to go to the bathroom. :) 

FREEWRITE

Day 2 was about prayer and meditation
Day 3 was about prayer to start the day sets the tone for the day
Day 4 was about work and prayer (I love my work)
Day 5 was about thankfulness (so glad that Ignatian Spirituality emphasizes gratitude as a daily discipline through the examine and that Ignatius thought that the lack of gratitude was the root of all sin)

Day 6 is about what the heart clings to and where our treasure is.

I am listening to my Gregorian playlist on shuffle this morning, and it has a beautiful song that I have never heard before. Ecstasy and subline presence is with me right now. YAY!

"The eyes of all look to you, 

       and you give them their food in due season.

You open your hand,

       satisfying the desire of every living thing. Psalm 145:18.

Then I am to reflect on my particular idolatries - things (or people) to which your heart clings in such a way that they get between you and your obedience to Jesus. 

I think mine are 

1. Food - especially "treats" like ice cream. I have put on a few pounds during this allergy quarantine, and I need to get it off. 
2. People - their positive or negative response for me "can" send me into a tailspin. I would say it is less so these days. I got a curt, "no" this week after I invited someone to join me on a journey I will be taking with several other people, but I moved on quickly knowing how UBER relational I am and how task-oriented and less relational many other people are. I could tell when I offered that it would be a, "no" by the questions that were asked after my invitation. I have a great group of people joining me on the journey already, and they are all related to each other in some form or another. It is good to be rejected now and then (as Mr. Bennett would say). 
3. TV - The good news: I am no longer a "news junkie," limiting my news time to 45 minutes, 6 days a week. That is huge, but I am into observing dynamics so I indulge in reality TV that I am taking a fast from this July. I am convinced this is more related to #2 because people can be an idol, and people dynamics are my thing. I know I can learn a ton, but there is also nothing new under the sun in terms of what people do and say to one another. I always wonder how I would respond in the situations they are put in. 

So there you go. I give it to you Lord. Lead me and guide me. 

I think I am going to go beyond my 15 minutes because this week was so tough.

I was in limbo most of the week. They thought my college friend would die last Monday, but she held on until Friday. Her dear friend, Nick, was so kind to call me right away. I think the whole week was just clouded with memories. The whole idea of their being a separation between us because of the roads that we both chose to go down. I have learned more about her life leading up to this unnecessary death, and I wished I could have been there for her. I know we had a special bond when she was walking the road with Jesus. The things that came to light as late as yesterday were so disturbing. I wish I would have been more aware. Many tried and then pulled away. I know we were soulmates. More so than any of my other sorority sisters would have ever known. Even after our nine year hiatus in friendship, we came back together so strong. Then I noticed a change the last time we all came together. There was a distance with her and everyone. The secrets people hide. I should have been more assertive, asked more questions. Then she quit coming to things altogether. I am so sad. That colored my whole week.

I originally postponed with Nessa as I was supposed to meet with her on Monday, and I was just too pensive after my visit with my friend on Sunday afternoon. Plus, I was busy scanning pictures and contacting significant people from her past. Nessa was great to wait until after July 11th when she would return from California, but I met with her on Wednesday, and that turned out to be the most  life-giving thing of the week. I love her. I asked her how she was experiencing God, and the answer was balm to my soul. It oozed out of every pore of her being. She is doing so well. She has such peace about some "heart string" sorts of things. I am so grateful.

Then I did some self-care on Friday and got a massage and had the therapist pray over me (she is a strong believer). Sadly, while the initial feeling was good, she wacked my lower back out that has not been out since the other massage I got in Santa Barbara in 2017. So, I think I am swearing off massages from now on. I have never found anyone to replace Jennifer who moved back to New York. I am sad about that, but I think it is best to not risk someone messing this complicated pelvic system! But all that to say that was my attempt at self-care. Then I met a spiritual director in town, and she went through the training I almost did at the Mt. Angel Benedictine sisters program! She was lovely and did not even charge me because she said it was so life-giving for her to get together. She said she had just prayed the night before that God would bring someone for her to do spiritual direction with!

Saturday was rest and doing the Examen with George and covering the whole week. It was great but as I sat, my muscles in the lower back started spasming. So there you go. Back to the drawing board. Been there and done that. Hope I can still go to the blessing of Madina's baby today at noon. 

A huge weight was lifted when we discussed not going to England/France this summer. It is just too precarious a time with both kids looking for jobs and not knowing if they will have time off if they get new ones. So, we are postponing until next year. In the meantime, we will go to the coast over the 4th to get Michael and I out of the WORST pollen in the country and go to Yellowstone in between my Spiritual Direction Training and Jake's wedding in September.  That has weighed on me for months. They were all cool with it, and I was the only person who felt bad about not planning a trip. 

This was a long freewrite, but there you go.