Freewrite and Journey with Dietrich Bonhoeffer Day 1

My college roommate and buddy, Shannon, is dying. I sat by her bed in a hospice house in southwest Portland for two hours yesterday. Her friend of 24 years, Nick, was so warm and inviting. He asked me questions about our life together that many years ago. (We graduated in 1981). She asked about the Nick that broke her heart (because Shannon would always say that his name reminded her of "that" Nick). She asked about the Fiji she dated, Scott, she broke HIS heart. I was there for all of that. She was my closest college friend back then. We stayed tight for many years after we graduated, but she drifted away. I went on to do world travels, and also our values didn't match up anymore. I think she thought I was condemning her for her choices, but I am just not one to do that. Sometimes people just feel convicted by the way you live your life, and she and I were going down different roads in that respect. She was angry at me once when I questioned (gently) her choices, but we still remained friends after our very first conflict after probably 10 years of friendship. It weathered it, but we drifted apart. She became fairly self-focused when she went to law school. I didn't want to intrude. My dad died. I didn't hear from her even though she had taken me to the airport for my final goodbye to him. I think I just was afraid of her in some respects. She was a force to be reckoned with. Even Nick said she was a Tiger. Even he had pulled away a couple of years ago over her choices. So I know I am not alone in that.  

We reconnected again back in 1999 after my family came back from Malaysia, and some one told me she was offended by the distance between us. When I called, she told me off and then forgave. She was in a very stressful time of her life when she was in law school, and I should have understood. She still had my wedding gift to give me even. 

Sitting by her hospital bed, her playlist on her phone playing the whole time, I see how much we are still so connected in heart despite the years, even in our taste in music. John Denver is the one that comes to mind. We sang a song together at sorority rush: "I Live One Day at a Time" sung by Joan Baez back in the 70s.  I wanted to sing it to her, but I had a hard time not choking on my tears. 

So many memories flooding in. I have to go. Just having a weird day as she is breathing her last breaths on this earth. 

I will write more about how it ties into my Day 1 of my Journey with Dietrich Bonhoeffer.