Part II of what God told me:
1) Walk - Isaiah 40:31
...............for world - prayer miles for millions (Matthew 5:14)
...............to wait on Him - for the next step (Isaiah 30:18-21)
...............for weight control [with weight lifting] (1 Corinthians 6:20)
2) Word - Jeremiah 15:16
...............Old Testament with the BBC
...............Hebrews with SCC
...............with Weavers in Dinner and Discipleship Thursdays
...............with women
3) Weavers - Titus 2:3-5
...............love my husband by dating him weekly
...............love my children by weekly walks, dinner, and discipling
...............work at home: cooking, clutter, crafts (photos!), camping
...............Washington D.C. (wedding, Wardrop ancestry)
4) Women - 2 Timothy 2:2
...............Kathleen (every other Tuesday)
...............Stacy (Monday mornings)
...............Abi (World Walking and Downton Abbey)
...............Spiritual Direction, Discipeship, Discernment as needed
Saturday, June 09, 2012
Friday, June 08, 2012
Friday Freewrite Fifteen
I just had three glorious days at the Shalom Prayer Center in Mt. Angel, Oregon. What was lovely is that I didn't have some pressing emotional crisis. No one had devastated me by seething out vicious words or vitriol (like last time I was at the beach and had to spend five days working through something like that).
It is the first extended time where I could just sit and soak. Definitely had some fears just below the surface that came in the quietness before God though. I was able to hear His voice for the immediate future.
It took about 30 hours before heaven broke through as I unplugged from the world and just sat at a bench perched at the top of Mt. Angel and listened in the quietness. The gardeners with their leaf blowers were gone. The tractor laying fertilizer in the freshly mowed grass left, and there was just me and the wind and the birds and the gorgeous sunshine shining down on the green farmland below.
Then I sat in the quietness of the church and just listened. Then I heard the monks at Vespers (sunset evening prayer). Then I walked down the mountain with the sun shining in my face, and You spoke clearly and distinctly and all my plans at the bottom of the hill that I had furiously journaled about in pages 5-8 were for not because "the mind of a [wo]man plans [her] way, but the Lord directs [her] steps" (Proverbs 16:9). How foolish I had been in my striving (Psalm 46:10).
Paul required my attention, and it is two hours later that I am getting back to this freewrite. I am going to go and finish Isaiah 48 first. I must complete June, and that is the last post for it.
It is the first extended time where I could just sit and soak. Definitely had some fears just below the surface that came in the quietness before God though. I was able to hear His voice for the immediate future.
It took about 30 hours before heaven broke through as I unplugged from the world and just sat at a bench perched at the top of Mt. Angel and listened in the quietness. The gardeners with their leaf blowers were gone. The tractor laying fertilizer in the freshly mowed grass left, and there was just me and the wind and the birds and the gorgeous sunshine shining down on the green farmland below.
Then I sat in the quietness of the church and just listened. Then I heard the monks at Vespers (sunset evening prayer). Then I walked down the mountain with the sun shining in my face, and You spoke clearly and distinctly and all my plans at the bottom of the hill that I had furiously journaled about in pages 5-8 were for not because "the mind of a [wo]man plans [her] way, but the Lord directs [her] steps" (Proverbs 16:9). How foolish I had been in my striving (Psalm 46:10).
Paul required my attention, and it is two hours later that I am getting back to this freewrite. I am going to go and finish Isaiah 48 first. I must complete June, and that is the last post for it.
Monday, June 04, 2012
Monday Morning Freewrite
I have much of a full day of writing ahead of me today as I am going on a prayer retreat for three days starting tomorrow morning. I want to work my way ahead in the Bible Book Club so that I can take a vacation this summer. Oh, I also have a meeting with Jennifer in the early afternoon, and I think she is very tired and needs some TLC. I have the energy for it though. I have been much better at balance these days. I also need to send back the bathing suit and dress that did not fit and cancel a subscription to something. Then, I will be totally free to go on my retreat.
After that, we speak for the career singles class at Northwest Hills and have Micah and Abi's wedding on Saturday. Then, I think I can honestly say that I will have some rest.
I haven't had a freewrite in some time, mainly because I haven't been writing much this last week. We finished up our Kingdom Community, and I wanted to finish well by getting all the reading done, getting some evaluations, and helping Heather get out the door to China. I spent most of the day with her on Thursday helping her get her oven cleaned up and dishes packed. She was off by 6 am Friday morning at which time I did a much needed LONG workout at the club including elliptical, run/walk, weights, and Pilates.
The weekend involved a wedding, retirement party, church annual meeting, and Hemingway's For Whom the Bell Tolls. I didn't write one stitch, but George and I did some walking and talking and praying about our role in the Kingdom next year; and again, why I am going to go away for three days to pray. When I get back, we will be taking Heba and her mom to the beach and Silver Creek Falls on Friday and Saturday. Then, I am doing a Wedding Shower devotional for Abi on Sunday afternoon.
After that, we speak for the career singles class at Northwest Hills and have Micah and Abi's wedding on Saturday. Then, I think I can honestly say that I will have some rest.
I still need to talk to Stephanie. I had to tell her that I couldn't meet with her until after I was done with all the things with the Kingdom Community, Romans study, etc. I will see how I feel at the end of the time of prayer. Maybe next Monday.
At the beginning of my prayer retreat, I will meet with Sister Joan. I want to find out about the Spiritual Direction program that she has going on.
Well, I have five more minutes, and I have run out of things to say. Oh, my back has done very well these days. I am not sure what I have been doing differently. Even having cleaned Heather's oven at a sideways angle did not make it go out. I have been really good about getting it back in place lately before it becomes too big of a problem. I do hope the beds at the Shalom Prayer Center are good.
I cannot believe it has been 1 1/2 years since I have had an overnight prayer retreat. No, I had an aborted one last year at this time when that man kept talking in the library at the Sylvia Beach Hotel, and I could not, for the life of me, concentrate! I got my money back and came back home in the early evening, frustrated. The time before that was about six months earlier when I was at the beach home of a friend, but they saddled me with all these things to do for them while I was there and called me during the time. I was so frustrated by that too and resolved never to go to the home of another unless it could be given to me "responsibility free." That time, it was when I was quite tired and needed a lot of rest. It was when I was doing Revelation. So that would have made it about October 2010. So, I guess that was about a year and a half ago.
Perfect 10 seconds left. Bye. George has awoken!
Sunday, June 03, 2012
Summer Lighting by P.G. Wodehouse
I want to read this book someday, but it isn't in my library!
Read more: http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/Helen-Fieldings-Bookshelf/6#ixzz1polan56T
Summer LightningBy P.G. Wodehouse
Reading Wodehouse novels is like dancing wildly to pop records in your living room at three in the morning while glugging alternate mouthfuls of white wine, frozen yogurt, and leftover chocolate from Christmas. This one involves a party at an English estate, single young men, a butler, various attractive women, a rich aunt you want to keep on the right side of, and a large pig. It's impossible to stay in a fed-up, resentful, or self-righteous state of mind when reading Wodehouse.
Reading Wodehouse novels is like dancing wildly to pop records in your living room at three in the morning while glugging alternate mouthfuls of white wine, frozen yogurt, and leftover chocolate from Christmas. This one involves a party at an English estate, single young men, a butler, various attractive women, a rich aunt you want to keep on the right side of, and a large pig. It's impossible to stay in a fed-up, resentful, or self-righteous state of mind when reading Wodehouse.
Read more: http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/Helen-Fieldings-Bookshelf/6#ixzz1polan56T
52 in 52 Week 24 :For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway
No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.
(1624 Meditation 17, from Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions)
Before I start my review, let me refer you to a fascinating NPR radio report by Susan Stamberg about how fierce political opponents, Barack Obama and John McCain, relate with the main character, Robert Jordan HERE.
First off, let me say that I have always avoided Hemingway like the plague, but he is one of my husband's favorite authors. Also, four out of Hemingway's seven novels are on my list of "100 Great Books"! Can you believe that?
So this is my first foray. The tipping point toward reading came when I saw Midnight in Paris, and my husband laughed through all the lines of the Hemingway character, and I realized that he was the only author in the movie that I had not read (If you love art and literature, you HAVE to see Midnight in Paris. It is so fun!). Now that I have read through my first Hemingway, I know that Woody Allen TOTALLY pegged him in this movie. I need to see it again now that I have finally read him!
 |
| Francisco Franco ruled Spain from April 1939 - November 1975 |
I like books that make me think of history and war. Hemingway had an agenda. War stinks ("a bitchery" as one of the characters in the book says toward the end). I agree. The story was very slow moving, but I have to admit that Hemingway finally captivated me about 1/2 way through the almost 500 page book. I had been listening to it on audiobook, but there was something about seeing Hemingway's words that made me appreciate him for the craftsman that he truly was.
When I was stuck on that first half, I checked out the 1943 movie version with Gary Cooper and Ingrid Bergman (really, a blonde-haired, blue eyed Swede playing a Spaniard?). A visual picture sometimes gets me through a book. By the way, this is the only movie adaptation that Hemingway liked, and he loved Gary Cooper, his friend, playing the role of Robert Jordan.
Prior to the halfway point, I would have said it was pretty boring. Wondering if anyone else thought Hemingway boring, I found a fascinating article by Googling, "Is Hemingway Boring?" Read it! It is great (It has a few spelling errors, but don't let that deter you.). My husband tells me that Hemingway was the first of his kind. How he wrote was so ground-breaking that he won the Pulitzer Prize for literature. Today's reader might not appreciate this.
As I read it, I did wonder why is it that so many Twentieth Century authors wrote so brilliantly when they were drunk or high on drugs? I feel like it is like a "Photoshop for authors" because it enhanced their writing like Photoshop enhances photos. It is sort of like cheating.
Why were so many of them such troubled souls? Many of them died tragic deaths with suicide or the slow suicide from the substances they abused. Hemingway's suicide was related to all the health problems related to hard living, but it was also because he was severely depressed after the death of his friend, Gary Cooper (star of For Whom the Bell Tolls), from cancer two months earlier.
All that said, I ended up loving this story. I couldn't put it down (and even brought it to our church's annual business meeting and read it during less interesting points in the evening. LOL!).
The movie, like the book, is incredibly slow in the beginning, but it picks up in the second half and leaves you quite moved and contemplative in the end. Their love story was mesmerizing (and much cleaner in the movie than in the book!).
Friday, June 01, 2012
52 in 52 Week 23: The Color Purple by Alice Walker
I warned my book club of this three weeks ago, but no one had responded. So, I plunged ahead with it. Just as I was finishing the last line on my iPod this morning, I heard a "ding" from Facebook with another person in the club who started it last night and said, essentially the same thing. I guess they didn't see what I wrote three weeks ago. So, we are rethinking it.
I am really conservative. I know life can be gritty, but I felt Hurston did it in such a non-offensive way, whereas Walker (and Toni Morrison in The Bluest Eyes) are just distastefully crude.
I felt like I needed to take a shower afterward. I think it is sad because there is much in the book that is really quite beautiful (Nettie's letters), but the crudeness spoiled the book for me. I really, really wanted to like this book, but I didn't really care for it.
Also, Alice Walker, while sweet, should stick to writing books and not narrating them. She is no actress. So, it was really stilted and boring in parts. I read from a print copy when I could.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
52 in 52 Week 22: Quiet - The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
Well thought out. I loved this book. I had heard her on a Ted Talk and was intrigued. I slightly prefer introversion and can go either way on the descriptions between the ISFJ and the ESFJ. The book jacket says:
"Passionately argued, impressively researched, and filled with indelible stories of real people, QUIET shows how dramatically we undervalue introverts, and how much we lose in doing so. Taking the listener on a journey from Dale Carnegie's [my hero] birthplace to Harvard Business School from a Tony Robbins seminar to an evangelical megachurch, Susan Cain charts the rise of the Extrovert Ideal in the twentieth century and explores its far-reaching effects."
This book really is wonderfully written (just a little slow at the end because it talks about how to raise introverted kids, and I don't think I would have ended it that way because many of the readers will probably be older, empty nesters or near empty nesters like me). To get a taste of it, watch the Ted Talk that first turned me on to this book.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
An Arrogant Man in the Making
Ack! I spent some time with a teenager who oozed arrogance: put down his sisters and mother, and ME! Wow! It was so weird. My husband and kids are such respectful men.
How do I tell this teenager not to turn out like his father did who put down and ground his wife so into the ground that she divorced him after 20+ years of marriage and many children? How do I warn him that he is on that same path?
My heart is heavy with prayer this morning for this young man.
How do I tell this teenager not to turn out like his father did who put down and ground his wife so into the ground that she divorced him after 20+ years of marriage and many children? How do I warn him that he is on that same path?
My heart is heavy with prayer this morning for this young man.
52 in 52 Week 22: Miraculous Movements by Jerry Trousdale
This is a tremendously encouraging look at what God is doing with Muslims in Africa. I have had the pleasure of learning from one of the people who catalyzed a movement there, and he is a humble and wonderful servant of God.
Our African brothers and sister in Christ put the Western church to shame in their commitment to obeying (applying) the Word, praying, fasting, and accountability. I loved hearing each and every story. The book is also very practical. One could walk away and have tool that will help them in catalyzing their own disciple-making movement, and it will replace Church Planting Movements by David Garrison in the curriculum we use (we may still use the 60 page PDF version though).
The biggest drawback of this book is that it implies that no one has every thought of obedience-based discipleship before, and that no one had ever discovered what was "hiding in plain sight" in the Bible. Have you ever read The Master Plan of Evangelism by Robert Coleman and The Training of the Twelve by A.B. Bruce (written in 1871 and the book from which Coleman derived his principles)? These biblical principles were discovered and have been practiced for many years. In fact, the rich biblical heritage in which I was raised called for obedience-based discipleship and application of 2 Timothy 2:2. We were always to pass on what we received resulting in a disciple-making movement. It is as old as Genesis 12: You have been blessed to be a blessing. My mentors, who spent 25+ years in Japan also practiced these principles. While fading in Western Churchianity, they have been practiced long before the people of this book "discovered" it.
All that said, I do believe that, of the majority of people who have come to believe in the West, most have NOT been exposed to obedience-based discipleship. I just have a problem with someone claiming they discovered it.
Friday, May 25, 2012
52 in 52 Week 21: The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun
This is the story of a brother in Christ who is the same age. It is such a moving autobiography about perseverance in suffering and persecution. VERY inspiring. I am so glad I "had" to read this for our training group! It has been on my bookshelf for quite some time, and I have never had an opportunity to read it. HIGHLY RECOMMEND.
The miracles will blow you away.
The Scripture will blow you away.
The fasting and prayer will blow you away.
WOW!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
The Divine Presence
I haven't been writing as much here because I have had some back problems that are directly related to sitting too much. The retreat last weekend did me in. I sat too long in one place. My back has been perfect for the last two weeks because I have gotten up every twenty minutes and walked for two minutes (at least) and broke up my day with work around the house. Last Saturday, I led the last retreat for our Kingdom Community. It was a lot of relating while sitting. So, pretty much from 8:30 am - 6:30 pm I sat (other than two breaks and lunch that included walks). TOO MUCH.
So, I am taking back my body and walking more today.
All that said, I had to write. I am wonderfully feeling the covering of God in this moment. I love it when I can stop and pause and give praise. I know that He is with me in this moment. I am aware of His peace and presence as I write this, and I want to give testimony that He is, indeed, real and active in the lives of men and women around the globe.
Cannot deny it, and I gotta' shout it.
So, I am taking back my body and walking more today.
All that said, I had to write. I am wonderfully feeling the covering of God in this moment. I love it when I can stop and pause and give praise. I know that He is with me in this moment. I am aware of His peace and presence as I write this, and I want to give testimony that He is, indeed, real and active in the lives of men and women around the globe.
Cannot deny it, and I gotta' shout it.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Sunday Morning Freewrite
Well, much of the stress of the last few weeks are really over. H. is happy with the decision for me not to go to Washington, D.C. with her and her mom, decisions about our summer have been made, and the Abilities, Heart Passion, and SHAPE review and affirmation weekend are OVER! I loved this weekend, but I didn't realize how much it was pressing hard upon me!
I am so wiped. I am not sure if I will be going to church today. We have a going away party for Heather at Corey's house today at 3 pm, but that is all. I plan on just enjoying the day. It should be a good one with nothing pressing over me except the usual picture albums that I am behind in and papers that need to be filed. YAY!
My back survived the weekend even though I slept in a difficult bed. I missed my Tempur-pedic though! It was fun to sleep in the Cottage Room on the couch, but I could tell I had to be really careful and not make too many moves or my back would be toast. I looked forward to my time in there in the morning, but when I came out of the shower, my room was occupied by someone having time with God. I was a bit disappointed, but I just went out in the living room. I didn't need to do too much prep. time for time of teaching, but it was a more public place. So, people wanted to talk.
I need to write down how the weekend went:
Friday night - Peacemaking
Saturday
8:30 - 9:00 Breakfast
9:00 - 9:45 Prayer through Psalm 139
9:45 - 12:00
12:00 - 1:45 Lunch and walk
1:45 -
Break
- 5:50 Affirmation in Personality that contributes to the team
I'll look in my notebook and fill this out later. :)
I walked three times outside yesterday, but it resulted in a big pollen hangover this morning. So, I think I need to stay inside today for most of the day. I do need to go to the club and exercise though. I haven't burned a sweat in two days, and that always makes me have hot flashes. :)
Well, the bell is going to ring. Listening to The Ascent of George Washington as I make my chai tea this morning.
I am so wiped. I am not sure if I will be going to church today. We have a going away party for Heather at Corey's house today at 3 pm, but that is all. I plan on just enjoying the day. It should be a good one with nothing pressing over me except the usual picture albums that I am behind in and papers that need to be filed. YAY!
My back survived the weekend even though I slept in a difficult bed. I missed my Tempur-pedic though! It was fun to sleep in the Cottage Room on the couch, but I could tell I had to be really careful and not make too many moves or my back would be toast. I looked forward to my time in there in the morning, but when I came out of the shower, my room was occupied by someone having time with God. I was a bit disappointed, but I just went out in the living room. I didn't need to do too much prep. time for time of teaching, but it was a more public place. So, people wanted to talk.
I need to write down how the weekend went:
Friday night - Peacemaking
Saturday
8:30 - 9:00 Breakfast
9:00 - 9:45 Prayer through Psalm 139
9:45 - 12:00
12:00 - 1:45 Lunch and walk
1:45 -
Break
- 5:50 Affirmation in Personality that contributes to the team
I'll look in my notebook and fill this out later. :)
I walked three times outside yesterday, but it resulted in a big pollen hangover this morning. So, I think I need to stay inside today for most of the day. I do need to go to the club and exercise though. I haven't burned a sweat in two days, and that always makes me have hot flashes. :)
Well, the bell is going to ring. Listening to The Ascent of George Washington as I make my chai tea this morning.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Balancing my Life
Thursdays have been a counseling day, but I am trying to get back into balance. So, I am going to take some time off from it. It was just a "when it rains it pours" kind of season in April and May.
I would really like a new schedule. Like the thought of spending an hour every day in my room to work on things in there or the master bathroom. I want to be standing up for that amount of time. I am also starting to feel munchy at the time, and it helps me stay active.
I also feel like an afternoon workout really is better for me, but I LOVE Pilates. It just is not at a good time for me. I wish there were an afternoon Pilates class. The one they have on T/Th is too late for me to get home and have dinner with the family. Need to think through all of that.
I would really like a new schedule. Like the thought of spending an hour every day in my room to work on things in there or the master bathroom. I want to be standing up for that amount of time. I am also starting to feel munchy at the time, and it helps me stay active.
I also feel like an afternoon workout really is better for me, but I LOVE Pilates. It just is not at a good time for me. I wish there were an afternoon Pilates class. The one they have on T/Th is too late for me to get home and have dinner with the family. Need to think through all of that.
52 in 52 Week 20: Bruchko by Bruce Olson
Thursday Freewrite
I am so ready to write today! I have gotten some really good rest and exercise since last Thursday. I am back in balance! YAY!
I haven't written on the Bible Book Club in ages. Now that I am not going to Washington, D.C. with Heba, I dont' need to worry about getting ahead in my postings until we go on vacation later in the summer.
I feel like I have let go of worrying about disappointing everyone. I needed to get back in balance, and I need to continue to speak truthfully to others. I cannot commit myself to things that are not humanly possible for me.
So, today is free other than some exercise. I will work on Bible Book Club and prepare for the retreat.
YAY. Time to go make some tea.
I haven't written on the Bible Book Club in ages. Now that I am not going to Washington, D.C. with Heba, I dont' need to worry about getting ahead in my postings until we go on vacation later in the summer.
I feel like I have let go of worrying about disappointing everyone. I needed to get back in balance, and I need to continue to speak truthfully to others. I cannot commit myself to things that are not humanly possible for me.
So, today is free other than some exercise. I will work on Bible Book Club and prepare for the retreat.
YAY. Time to go make some tea.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Monday Musings
Well-Watered Soul/Well-Adjusted Heart
These two are so inexorably combined that I cannot separate the two. So, I will do these together from now on. The music from this song is gently playing in the background:
Well-Educated Mind
This is part of my balance, and I haven't been going forward in it. It isn't just one more thing to do for me. It takes me to a different dimension in my mind and relieves stress and makes me think of things that affect my soul and heart! I have to write about this someday, but last week did not include as much of this dimension for my taste, and I have to have it and fight for it in my life or else I am back in Bellevue, WA wondering who I had become and on the edge of a nervous breakdown.
To say I am a life-long learner and value that is an understatement. Continuing to learn helps me to continue to develop as a whole person. So, last week was a bust on that. I eked out a short audiobook and a bit of Hemingway, but I need to keep pressing on my list. Keep moving forward.
Well-Tuned Strength
Another dimension of the balancing act. I cannot say that I have necessarily neglected it lately, but I had to rest after surgery on some of the most gorgeous days, and I haven't walked as much as I would like (primarily because I haven't done the audiobook thing very much lately), and that always gives me wonderful perspective. That is why walking out in the sunshine with Nancy on Friday and with mother in law on Saturday was so special. Sunshine and Sweat are necessary for all of us..
Again, this is part of my balance
These two are so inexorably combined that I cannot separate the two. So, I will do these together from now on. The music from this song is gently playing in the background:
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Refrain
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
It really is well with my soul after almost two weeks of not doing very well.
Part of it was I realized I had said, "Yes" too much, and the "No's" I had said were challenged, or I perceived a challenge. Death, nausea, tiredness, deadlines, pressure, complaining where all pressing on me too much. I needed to disengage for a while to get perspective. Honestly, the biggest turning point was going on a walk with Nancy on Friday afternoon. I managed to keep it together at different points along the journey, but I realized how very alone I felt. I am not a very dependent person, but the one local person that I do go to just doesn't have the capacity at this stage in her journey, and I do NOT begrudge that, but where am I to go. I tried it with the dear little 25 year old, but I realized it wasn't fair to her or to me. She doesn't have the whole picture of life yet to see where I am coming from. Does not have the balancing act of husband and children. She is so sweet, but she is limited in what she can really understand or hear my heart. Plus, she is a personality type that I often don't feel heard. My "go to" people are those who are similar to my own type. They "get it" because they understand how hard we work at everything we do. It is even hard to explain here, but I felt "heard" by Nancy on the walk on Friday afternoon. I felt heard by Debbie and Carol too, but they are not local, and I realized that I needed local, face to face being heard.
I do have one friend who has heard me on occasion, but she has had so much on her plate, and she doesn't really have anyone to listen and care. So, even when I left from my walk with George with many tears and decided to go to lunch by myself, she called an dumped on me during my private, relaxing lunch. I can go into that mode of listening, but I also steered the conversation away from all of that.
Then, God had providentially given me a massage because I needed one when Dr. Koen couldn't see me (and I was sitting trying to schedule an appointment when that SNOTTY runner and her friends walked by me at Timberhill. That was another difficult thing that happened that I had forgotten about!), but I couldn't get a hold of this person and eventually saw Dr. Koen. Then, the girl called back last Wednesday, and I thought, "Well, I have no pain, but it might be good to see if she is good for future reference, and she was the BEST message I have ever had, and it was so perfectly timed with my very teary day.
Then, my mother-in-law came to town, and we dropped everything to go to the Farmer's Market, look at rhododendrons on the OSU campus, go to a Mexican fiesta with free food and entertainment (totally unplanned surprise), dessert at Applebee's, movie with Teala and mom, and more talking at home. The perfect day that I would not have picked had I not had to.
I did work that day, but the marriage devotional on Colossians 6 really was helpful and lovely. I probalby took me seven hours on Saturday and Sunday and was one of the things on my "stress plate" but it helped.
Also, somewhere in the blur of last week, I filled out all the paper work for Beyond Lebanon High School for Paul (I think while the men were on a walk), sat down with George to pound out a schedule for our summer trip, bought tickets with our reward points, put our names into Peter DeFazio's office for congressional aide tours, and made contact with my relatives in Pennsylvania! GREAT to get things off the PLATE! I had to disappoint Heba in the process, but I am OK with that.
So, now I sit with the boys and George gone earlier than usual because of their dental appointments, and I am going to go for a walk, prep for the retreat on Friday/Saturday, and read Bruchko. No meeting with Stacy I. until AFTER my bible study and kingdom community wrap up. YAY!
I am back to balance. But I have had to realize that I need to seek out face to face friend time with people my own age and outwardly focused.
Well-Educated Mind
This is part of my balance, and I haven't been going forward in it. It isn't just one more thing to do for me. It takes me to a different dimension in my mind and relieves stress and makes me think of things that affect my soul and heart! I have to write about this someday, but last week did not include as much of this dimension for my taste, and I have to have it and fight for it in my life or else I am back in Bellevue, WA wondering who I had become and on the edge of a nervous breakdown.
To say I am a life-long learner and value that is an understatement. Continuing to learn helps me to continue to develop as a whole person. So, last week was a bust on that. I eked out a short audiobook and a bit of Hemingway, but I need to keep pressing on my list. Keep moving forward.
Well-Tuned Strength
Another dimension of the balancing act. I cannot say that I have necessarily neglected it lately, but I had to rest after surgery on some of the most gorgeous days, and I haven't walked as much as I would like (primarily because I haven't done the audiobook thing very much lately), and that always gives me wonderful perspective. That is why walking out in the sunshine with Nancy on Friday and with mother in law on Saturday was so special. Sunshine and Sweat are necessary for all of us..
Again, this is part of my balance
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Mother's Day Freewrite Fifteen
"This person realized that their pity party affects other people, and she didn't like it."
I spent a lot of time with a complainer a while ago, and it has affected me for quite a while. Why am I so sensitive to this type of thing? When I attempted to speak truth that they didn't want to hear, she complained about ME. UGH. I must disengaged. I am so sad about that. So hard when you truly care, but it is difficult when people just want to stay stuck in their stuff.
I had some pain in the early morning. I would have preferred to sleep in, but it looks like I am not going to have that option as it is better for me to sit or stand up to relieve the pain. This happens to me every once in a while.
Yesterday was totally lovely because I did no work AT ALL. Well, George corrected me when I told him how wonderful it was to not work all day. I said, "What do you mean? What work did I do?" His reply, "Marriage retreat devotional, Carol." OH I forgot. I got up at 4:45 am and worked until 10:15 am on the marriage retreat devotional. LOL! Well, once my mother-in-law came, I didn't work!
We visited in the living room. Then we drove to the Farmer's Market and saw Nessa and Pete holding hands! I was shocked. I went to hug Nessa, and I said, "We must talk!" I turned around to have Peet say, "Carol, remember when you asked me a few months ago if I liked anyone. Well, I really didn't then." LOL! I love it. Apparently, it was a very new relationship. They have known each other since they were in their mother's wombs!
We had a lovely day at the Market. The sun was out. The produce was spectacular. Lots of flowers and samples and music and people. I LOVE CORVALLIS!
After this we drove to the campus. The rhododendrons were in FULL bloom. We could not have picked a better time. We try to do this on a yearly basis with George's mom, and they always bloom around Mother's Day. So, it is nice to combine the two. (I may add some pictures later, but this is a freewrite after all)
When we were walking I heard some music, and there was a FULL ON Mexican Fiesta with free FOOD! So, instead of spending money on an expensive lunch we ate there and watched a full show with singing and dancing. It was delightful (pictures maybe later).
Then, we continued looking at flowers and went to Applebee's for dessert. Then, Teala met us for the movie Mirror, Mirror at the Carmike. Teala and I both had very WEAK weeks (hey that sounds funny). So, we couldn't be there for the other. So, she said on Friday, "I just want to go somewhere where I can laugh." So, this was our solution. My mother in law loves Teala. So, it was very nice. I don't think MIL liked the movie a whole lot, and it was very slow in parts, but it was also very funny. The acting was also very good. So, I liked it.
After that, we came home. MIL and DH had some coffee, and we talked. Then, she drove home, and I did a bit of Ancestry.com stuff. Then we watched that funny BBC comedy on PBS called Outnumbered (best kid actors I have ever seen). Then, we watched What a Girl Wants with Colin Firth and Amanda Bynes. Nothing like seeing "Mr. Dashwood" dance in leather pants to top off a perfect day.
Well, I better go. The timer went off a while ago, but I got distracted by BBC Africa and forgot I was doing a freewrite. I am doing better every day.
I spent a lot of time with a complainer a while ago, and it has affected me for quite a while. Why am I so sensitive to this type of thing? When I attempted to speak truth that they didn't want to hear, she complained about ME. UGH. I must disengaged. I am so sad about that. So hard when you truly care, but it is difficult when people just want to stay stuck in their stuff.
I had some pain in the early morning. I would have preferred to sleep in, but it looks like I am not going to have that option as it is better for me to sit or stand up to relieve the pain. This happens to me every once in a while.
Yesterday was totally lovely because I did no work AT ALL. Well, George corrected me when I told him how wonderful it was to not work all day. I said, "What do you mean? What work did I do?" His reply, "Marriage retreat devotional, Carol." OH I forgot. I got up at 4:45 am and worked until 10:15 am on the marriage retreat devotional. LOL! Well, once my mother-in-law came, I didn't work!
We visited in the living room. Then we drove to the Farmer's Market and saw Nessa and Pete holding hands! I was shocked. I went to hug Nessa, and I said, "We must talk!" I turned around to have Peet say, "Carol, remember when you asked me a few months ago if I liked anyone. Well, I really didn't then." LOL! I love it. Apparently, it was a very new relationship. They have known each other since they were in their mother's wombs!
We had a lovely day at the Market. The sun was out. The produce was spectacular. Lots of flowers and samples and music and people. I LOVE CORVALLIS!
After this we drove to the campus. The rhododendrons were in FULL bloom. We could not have picked a better time. We try to do this on a yearly basis with George's mom, and they always bloom around Mother's Day. So, it is nice to combine the two. (I may add some pictures later, but this is a freewrite after all)
When we were walking I heard some music, and there was a FULL ON Mexican Fiesta with free FOOD! So, instead of spending money on an expensive lunch we ate there and watched a full show with singing and dancing. It was delightful (pictures maybe later).
Then, we continued looking at flowers and went to Applebee's for dessert. Then, Teala met us for the movie Mirror, Mirror at the Carmike. Teala and I both had very WEAK weeks (hey that sounds funny). So, we couldn't be there for the other. So, she said on Friday, "I just want to go somewhere where I can laugh." So, this was our solution. My mother in law loves Teala. So, it was very nice. I don't think MIL liked the movie a whole lot, and it was very slow in parts, but it was also very funny. The acting was also very good. So, I liked it.
After that, we came home. MIL and DH had some coffee, and we talked. Then, she drove home, and I did a bit of Ancestry.com stuff. Then we watched that funny BBC comedy on PBS called Outnumbered (best kid actors I have ever seen). Then, we watched What a Girl Wants with Colin Firth and Amanda Bynes. Nothing like seeing "Mr. Dashwood" dance in leather pants to top off a perfect day.
Well, I better go. The timer went off a while ago, but I got distracted by BBC Africa and forgot I was doing a freewrite. I am doing better every day.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Sad to Glad
Sad that Maurice Sendak died. Sorta' sad in general today, but counting blessings.
Sad to glad:
Glad that George Weaver noticed we were almost out of milk and gas.
Glad he went to get both.
Glad he made me chai tea and brought it to me all before he went to work.
Glad that my "little sis" Joann Linder is turning 50 and is counting down the 30 days.
Glad that this reminded me of my own 50 countdown: http://fiftycelebrations.blogspot.com/ with warm and wonderful friends.
Glad that we finally decided our general itinerary for our east coast trip.
Glad that my kids wake up nice rather than grumpy.
Glad that I have some time this morning to write (which has not been possible and needs to be a part of my everyday life like breathing).
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
People in Pain
Why do people in pain always knock me off my kilter. There is a picture of compassion and frustration that mingles together in the hours I spend with them. They need help, but they don't know that they need help.
Monday, May 07, 2012
52 in 52 Week 19: MondayAgain?!
I really enjoyed this quick audiobook, and it was free from www.learnoutloud.com. It had some great encouragement, quotes, and useful information! Surprising how much I enjoyed it for a motivational book. I listened to it on Monday, and it was just what I needed after a very hard week last week.
Sunday, May 06, 2012
52 in 52 Week 19: Once Upon a Secret: My Affair with President John F. Kennedy and Its Aftermath by Mimi Alford
I listened to the audiobook read by Susan Denaker (6 hours, 28 minutes). Kennedy was beyond the label of "womanizer" and by this book can be put in the classification of sinister sexual predator. DISGUSTING! I have no respect for the man. Not one inch of respect. He is no hero and was a horrible president just because he was a VERY immoral, sexually deviant man. The blind, women's rights feminists who slam Alford are also immoral. Their left-leaning political persuasion should not blind them to the truth of this book by slamming on Alford. I see her as a victim even though Alford does not see herself as one.
There were times when I thought, "What an idiot!" But then I remember I, too, was naive at 19 years old. There is so much you don't know about life, and if your circumstances put you in the wake of a predator, it is hard to be rational, especially since you haven't been warned about them. I had a similar predator at that age that sucked me into their web. Didn't know what hit me.
Just at the time I was thinking, "Where were her parents?" She said that they just weren't that involved with her at that stage of her life. As a mother of a 20 year old, that is hard for me to fathom, but those were different times. My parents weren't involved very much in my life either. We are much closer to our kids.
Just at the time I was thinking, "Where were her parents?" She said that they just weren't that involved with her at that stage of her life. As a mother of a 20 year old, that is hard for me to fathom, but those were different times. My parents weren't involved very much in my life either. We are much closer to our kids.
Yes, she was too naive, and she made a choice to continue in the affair. She does not see herself as a victim, but I believe she was. She is too gracious to this man. I wonder if she has dealt with anger toward him. She seems very passive by nature.
So sad how it really did affect her whole life.
I really did not care for this narrator. She sounded too plastic and fake.
So sad how it really did affect her whole life.
I really did not care for this narrator. She sounded too plastic and fake.
Friday, May 04, 2012
State of "The Well" Freewrite
I haven't done one of these for a while. I haven't written for a few days either. So much has happened.
Well-Watered Soul
The state of my soul is good. I feel like I want to soak deeply today in Isaiah 9, "The people walking in darkness have seen a great light." I want to blast that song from Messiah this morning, but I don't want to wake the whole house up. The sun is coming up, and the light is coming into the house. I love that Jesus came to bring light into our dark, dark world, and I believe it with my heart and soul.
I am also reading in (I just had a 50 minute Skype chat with Julie B. So I must restart the timer. LOL!) different New Testament verses about the incarnation of Jesus. It goes along so well with Jesus being the "light that dawned" for those in darkness!
I have loved the interaction of the Old and New Testament I have had with doing the Bible Book Club AND the stuff for our Kingdom Community.
We are still praying about inviting those to join our Kingdom Community with a missional purpose. Looking outward as our life together in the Kingdom flows out into the lives of all we touch. I like that! Lord, give us words to communicate that.
I have a full and free day today and I want to pray as a friend, Glenn Ginder, died of a massive heart attack on Tuesday. He was one of our friends when we lived in Malaysia.
Well-Educated Mind
I took a little break from depressing, tragic 20th Century novels to read some other stuff, but I am back and am listening to Hemingway's For Whom the Bells Toll. I told George that I love his writing, and I know that he does too, but he said, "Just wait. It will get depressing too."
Oh joy. LOL!
(OK, this is attempt #3 at writing this freewrite because I decided to go to Pilates. LOVED it. I am freeeeeee of pain! Felt awesome).
I listened to Hemingway as I rode to Pilates and did dinner prep. I like it so far. Could anything be more weird than Steppenwolf? We will see.
I am also reading Bruchko for Kingdom Community. SO, that should be fun for a change. NEVER read it before, and I can't believe it!
Now that I am no longer tied to the Book Babes reading, (I needed to free myself from the obligation by dropping out.) I hope to read more of books I really like. I haven't been really wild about most of the reading except Unbroken that I loved. The rest have been so-so. I love the William Wilberforce but no one else in the group did. So, I realize I have REALLY different tastes from the rest of the women and am more polite about reading and commenting on those books than they were polite about my book: SLAUGHTERED IT! OUCH! Not a lot of tact by a few of the people, but I can see why. They aren't my closer friends in the group. Those friends were tactful even though they didn't like it. :)
Well-Adjusted Heart
I'm so good now. I made a decision to leave the Book Babes which was heavy on my heart. It just wasn't a healthy or good fit for me anymore, and Kim said, "If you are struggling five days after the meeting is over, then maybe it is time to move on." I thought that was a good thought. I don't have the mental energy to struggle with negativity that is elective. We have enough negativity that is not elective. Book club should be fun not frustrating! So, I am out of there!
My heart is sad over the death of Glenn, but I had such an awesome talk with Julie H. via Skype because of it. It was really good. She is interested in learning more about Listening Prayer, and I think it would be so helpful where she is.
Emotionally I am doing really well. I still can't figure out what was wrong on Spring Break. So strange for me to be so unevenly keeled!
Well-Tuned Strength
I was in pain from lifting something for Heba on Tuesday. I had to go to the Chiropractor, and it made me realize that I really can't do a trip like Washington, D.C. without George to do my heavy lifting. Mexico was a stretch, and I paid for it afterward. So, I needed to tell Heba that it wasn't going to work. I feel horrible, but we are also going to go to the East Coast as a family now. So, I think that will be better.
I have been going to Pilates more consistently, and walks have been my cardio of choice over running or biking. That should change with better weather. I don't want to run until my core is EXTRA strong, and it is about medium now. So, I am trying to make at least two Pilates classes a week and three would be even better.
Still working on my eating. I am just four pounds overweight, but I don't like it!!!!!
Well, this has probably equaled at least 15 minutes with all the stops and starts. I look forward to a very quiet day as Teala can't get together for lunch and the boys will be out of house until at least 2:30. I am looking forward to the quiet and rest. Will walk though.
Well-Watered Soul
The state of my soul is good. I feel like I want to soak deeply today in Isaiah 9, "The people walking in darkness have seen a great light." I want to blast that song from Messiah this morning, but I don't want to wake the whole house up. The sun is coming up, and the light is coming into the house. I love that Jesus came to bring light into our dark, dark world, and I believe it with my heart and soul.
I am also reading in (I just had a 50 minute Skype chat with Julie B. So I must restart the timer. LOL!) different New Testament verses about the incarnation of Jesus. It goes along so well with Jesus being the "light that dawned" for those in darkness!
I have loved the interaction of the Old and New Testament I have had with doing the Bible Book Club AND the stuff for our Kingdom Community.
We are still praying about inviting those to join our Kingdom Community with a missional purpose. Looking outward as our life together in the Kingdom flows out into the lives of all we touch. I like that! Lord, give us words to communicate that.
I have a full and free day today and I want to pray as a friend, Glenn Ginder, died of a massive heart attack on Tuesday. He was one of our friends when we lived in Malaysia.
Well-Educated Mind
I took a little break from depressing, tragic 20th Century novels to read some other stuff, but I am back and am listening to Hemingway's For Whom the Bells Toll. I told George that I love his writing, and I know that he does too, but he said, "Just wait. It will get depressing too."
Oh joy. LOL!
(OK, this is attempt #3 at writing this freewrite because I decided to go to Pilates. LOVED it. I am freeeeeee of pain! Felt awesome).
I listened to Hemingway as I rode to Pilates and did dinner prep. I like it so far. Could anything be more weird than Steppenwolf? We will see.
I am also reading Bruchko for Kingdom Community. SO, that should be fun for a change. NEVER read it before, and I can't believe it!
Now that I am no longer tied to the Book Babes reading, (I needed to free myself from the obligation by dropping out.) I hope to read more of books I really like. I haven't been really wild about most of the reading except Unbroken that I loved. The rest have been so-so. I love the William Wilberforce but no one else in the group did. So, I realize I have REALLY different tastes from the rest of the women and am more polite about reading and commenting on those books than they were polite about my book: SLAUGHTERED IT! OUCH! Not a lot of tact by a few of the people, but I can see why. They aren't my closer friends in the group. Those friends were tactful even though they didn't like it. :)
Well-Adjusted Heart
I'm so good now. I made a decision to leave the Book Babes which was heavy on my heart. It just wasn't a healthy or good fit for me anymore, and Kim said, "If you are struggling five days after the meeting is over, then maybe it is time to move on." I thought that was a good thought. I don't have the mental energy to struggle with negativity that is elective. We have enough negativity that is not elective. Book club should be fun not frustrating! So, I am out of there!
My heart is sad over the death of Glenn, but I had such an awesome talk with Julie H. via Skype because of it. It was really good. She is interested in learning more about Listening Prayer, and I think it would be so helpful where she is.
Emotionally I am doing really well. I still can't figure out what was wrong on Spring Break. So strange for me to be so unevenly keeled!
Well-Tuned Strength
I was in pain from lifting something for Heba on Tuesday. I had to go to the Chiropractor, and it made me realize that I really can't do a trip like Washington, D.C. without George to do my heavy lifting. Mexico was a stretch, and I paid for it afterward. So, I needed to tell Heba that it wasn't going to work. I feel horrible, but we are also going to go to the East Coast as a family now. So, I think that will be better.
I have been going to Pilates more consistently, and walks have been my cardio of choice over running or biking. That should change with better weather. I don't want to run until my core is EXTRA strong, and it is about medium now. So, I am trying to make at least two Pilates classes a week and three would be even better.
Still working on my eating. I am just four pounds overweight, but I don't like it!!!!!
Well, this has probably equaled at least 15 minutes with all the stops and starts. I look forward to a very quiet day as Teala can't get together for lunch and the boys will be out of house until at least 2:30. I am looking forward to the quiet and rest. Will walk though.
Wednesday, May 02, 2012
Venting Freewrite
I did it! I disengaged from something that I had considered disengaging from many months ago. I was going to slowly creep away with my tail between my legs, but verbalizing it to a friend this morning made me realize that I needed to just cut the cord. The situation is a waste of my time, unhealthy, keeps me away from what I am more passionate about, and causes me to have to feel lousy for a few days after I have left. So, I disengaged!
YAY! I feel like it was a brave thing, but I feel nervous about the repercussions and questions that will follow.
I also had a very rude encounter with someone today. A stereotypical "mean girl"! I know she was a really popular mean girl in high school. When she was so rude, her friends looked at her in shock. I could tell by the looks on their faces that they didn't agree with her little tirade (very little really, and I couldn't hear most of it because she had gone out the glass doors of the gym and was obviously telling them her choice words about me). It was almost comical, and I thought, "Really, seriously?" But I had to get back to the task at hand. So, I moved on.
Mean girl. Bully. I asked her politely to please be quieter because I couldn't hear the person on the other end of my phone and had to wait quite some time for her to move on out of the hallway. I had my lap covered with materials, and I was needing to write down a number, but she thought I should take all my materials outside and try to write while standing up rather than her being a little quieter (yelling across the hallway to people quite a ways down the hall). I had waited for quite some time. I guess I could have moved all my materials out of the room to outside but no one would have had to move if she had lowered her loud and booming voice. I wouldn't have been able to carry on a conversation with another person physically in front of me either. She needed to use her "inside voice" as I used to tell my children.
She started attacking me for the request, and I just was sort of in shock, and so were her friends. Oh well. As someone who can get loud myself at times, if someone asks me to quiet down, I just do. Case closed. I think she is one of those people who dominates her friends (I could tell by how they followed her sheepishly out the door) and probably her loved ones. I choose to feel compassion for her rather than anger.
Shake it off. I took a shower (per Alicia's suggestion) because I felt slimed by her negativity, and her lack of politeness in social discourse left me flummoxed. She is part of that age group that George said, "Weren't disciplined as a child." I know that age group. We worked with them in the mid to late 80's in the college group. Tough cookies.
I didn't get accomplished what I wanted to get accomplished on the phone anyway. I should have just come home and tried to work on it from there. As it is, I found no resolution and must suffer through the day with a pulled muscle in my back (not out, just pulled with makes me very functional but a little out of sorts). I would rest, but I cannot. I am in charge of bringing the lunch for Heba's Graduate Committee before her dissertation. I think helping her with the groceries on Tuesday is what did this to me in the first place. I had to reach for one of her bag far away from me, and that did me in. I should have know better.
So, I went to Pilates hoping to get it loosened up, and it does feel better. I did moist heat and took a muscle relaxant. Then, I got home to the kids saying that maybe they can take the car to school, but I need to car for picking up the pizzas. Paul couldn't find his wallet. He couldn't print his paper and would have to do it at school for money instead. He was on the verge of missing his bus. Dr. Hopkin's office was calling for payment for my implant next week (why didn't they just let me pay for it when I was in the office? They do things so WEIRD in that office, but this is the third thing I have had to deal with them on. What is also weird is they have you pay all this money up front only to send you a check for some of the money. What happened to waiting until all the bills and insurance pay and then paying the amount owed. That is how most offices do it. They have REALLY bad office management, but I have learned to just roll with it after Michael's implant surgery when they forgot to get the preauthorization and expected me to pay the FULL AMOUNT without a pre-authorization. I just rescheduled, but I digress . . . ).
I am also evaluating my summer. What should be do? Should I go to Washington D.C. with Heba only to turn around to go with our family eight weeks later when we go to Micah's wedding? Should we skip Micah's wedding and just go to the reception in August? Should I go with Heba and then go to California, see Samira, and then go to my class reunion instead? I am so confused, and I think I just need to wait until after today to make any kind of decision. I am not in a great space after getting slimed.
So, I have vented. I need some focus right now because I am leaving for the big afternoon in 1 1/2 hours. YIKES!
YAY! I feel like it was a brave thing, but I feel nervous about the repercussions and questions that will follow.
I also had a very rude encounter with someone today. A stereotypical "mean girl"! I know she was a really popular mean girl in high school. When she was so rude, her friends looked at her in shock. I could tell by the looks on their faces that they didn't agree with her little tirade (very little really, and I couldn't hear most of it because she had gone out the glass doors of the gym and was obviously telling them her choice words about me). It was almost comical, and I thought, "Really, seriously?" But I had to get back to the task at hand. So, I moved on.
Mean girl. Bully. I asked her politely to please be quieter because I couldn't hear the person on the other end of my phone and had to wait quite some time for her to move on out of the hallway. I had my lap covered with materials, and I was needing to write down a number, but she thought I should take all my materials outside and try to write while standing up rather than her being a little quieter (yelling across the hallway to people quite a ways down the hall). I had waited for quite some time. I guess I could have moved all my materials out of the room to outside but no one would have had to move if she had lowered her loud and booming voice. I wouldn't have been able to carry on a conversation with another person physically in front of me either. She needed to use her "inside voice" as I used to tell my children.
She started attacking me for the request, and I just was sort of in shock, and so were her friends. Oh well. As someone who can get loud myself at times, if someone asks me to quiet down, I just do. Case closed. I think she is one of those people who dominates her friends (I could tell by how they followed her sheepishly out the door) and probably her loved ones. I choose to feel compassion for her rather than anger.
Shake it off. I took a shower (per Alicia's suggestion) because I felt slimed by her negativity, and her lack of politeness in social discourse left me flummoxed. She is part of that age group that George said, "Weren't disciplined as a child." I know that age group. We worked with them in the mid to late 80's in the college group. Tough cookies.
I didn't get accomplished what I wanted to get accomplished on the phone anyway. I should have just come home and tried to work on it from there. As it is, I found no resolution and must suffer through the day with a pulled muscle in my back (not out, just pulled with makes me very functional but a little out of sorts). I would rest, but I cannot. I am in charge of bringing the lunch for Heba's Graduate Committee before her dissertation. I think helping her with the groceries on Tuesday is what did this to me in the first place. I had to reach for one of her bag far away from me, and that did me in. I should have know better.
So, I went to Pilates hoping to get it loosened up, and it does feel better. I did moist heat and took a muscle relaxant. Then, I got home to the kids saying that maybe they can take the car to school, but I need to car for picking up the pizzas. Paul couldn't find his wallet. He couldn't print his paper and would have to do it at school for money instead. He was on the verge of missing his bus. Dr. Hopkin's office was calling for payment for my implant next week (why didn't they just let me pay for it when I was in the office? They do things so WEIRD in that office, but this is the third thing I have had to deal with them on. What is also weird is they have you pay all this money up front only to send you a check for some of the money. What happened to waiting until all the bills and insurance pay and then paying the amount owed. That is how most offices do it. They have REALLY bad office management, but I have learned to just roll with it after Michael's implant surgery when they forgot to get the preauthorization and expected me to pay the FULL AMOUNT without a pre-authorization. I just rescheduled, but I digress . . . ).
I am also evaluating my summer. What should be do? Should I go to Washington D.C. with Heba only to turn around to go with our family eight weeks later when we go to Micah's wedding? Should we skip Micah's wedding and just go to the reception in August? Should I go with Heba and then go to California, see Samira, and then go to my class reunion instead? I am so confused, and I think I just need to wait until after today to make any kind of decision. I am not in a great space after getting slimed.
So, I have vented. I need some focus right now because I am leaving for the big afternoon in 1 1/2 hours. YIKES!
Tuesday, May 01, 2012
Tuesday Morning Free Write
There is something so nice about just freewriting away. I suppose I can do it on my computer without this public blog, but I have journaling for my most private thoughts, but this is totally fine for others to see.
I slept in a bit more (7 am) again. I sleep so much more soundly and wonderfully on this Tempur-pedic. I got up to time with George, unpacking yesterday's full schedule of meetings with people and then a study of Romans 5 with Kim and Rachel. We went in the office as the boys' schedule has changed to where they need to get in the kitchen and eat breakfast and make their lunch in order to get out the door at the same time our Bible Study ends.
I liked the office's warmth and coziness compared to the open expanse of the living room. Perhaps it was too warm, but it was nice to have the change of pace, and the Bible study is almost over for this year. We have one more time to meet (May 15) before we break for the summer or not continue at all. They are two very busy women, and while I am busy, I set more my own schedule that isn't motivated by having to work to put food on the table like they are forced to do. So, I can be much more flexible. Not sure if the time has been really "good" for them or just one more thing that they have on their plate.
I, personally, have enjoyed the time because I like being with people who come prepared to study the Scriptures and don't just say what is off the top of their head rather than have opinions formulated from hours of private study. I miss that in the circles that we now find ourselves. I like it much more this time around than the last time I studied Romans. One finally got the vision for doing the personal study, but the other one was not every prepared, and it was obvious. It is hard to tell a person that, even though they have grown up in a religious home, they still need that time in the Word of God. I don't know how people function without it! Much better experience this time around for me.
The rest of the the morning and early afternoon, I will be doing dinner prep while listening to Once Upon a Secret about Mimi Alford's affair with President Kennedy. I won't comment on it here because I have already formulated a review of it since I am 60% of the way through the book, and I DO have a very strong opinion about it. Stay tuned.
I also hope to get some time in Isaiah. After that, I will either walk or ride my bike to the library to hear Heba run through her Ph.D. dissertation. My back is feeling a bit precarious right now, but maybe walking will loosen it up. I have 2 1/2 hour to evaluate that. So, I will wait and see.
After time with Heba, I will probably come home with George (or take the bus) and finish dinner and get ready to meet with Kathleen. I was hoping to have some time with Paul too because George is at a meeting and Michael has Bible study, but I am not sure if that is going to happen tonight because of meeting with Kathleen.
Well, I have five more minutes to write, but I really want to get to time in the Isaiah. So, I will say GOOD BYE for now. :)
I slept in a bit more (7 am) again. I sleep so much more soundly and wonderfully on this Tempur-pedic. I got up to time with George, unpacking yesterday's full schedule of meetings with people and then a study of Romans 5 with Kim and Rachel. We went in the office as the boys' schedule has changed to where they need to get in the kitchen and eat breakfast and make their lunch in order to get out the door at the same time our Bible Study ends.
I liked the office's warmth and coziness compared to the open expanse of the living room. Perhaps it was too warm, but it was nice to have the change of pace, and the Bible study is almost over for this year. We have one more time to meet (May 15) before we break for the summer or not continue at all. They are two very busy women, and while I am busy, I set more my own schedule that isn't motivated by having to work to put food on the table like they are forced to do. So, I can be much more flexible. Not sure if the time has been really "good" for them or just one more thing that they have on their plate.
I, personally, have enjoyed the time because I like being with people who come prepared to study the Scriptures and don't just say what is off the top of their head rather than have opinions formulated from hours of private study. I miss that in the circles that we now find ourselves. I like it much more this time around than the last time I studied Romans. One finally got the vision for doing the personal study, but the other one was not every prepared, and it was obvious. It is hard to tell a person that, even though they have grown up in a religious home, they still need that time in the Word of God. I don't know how people function without it! Much better experience this time around for me.
The rest of the the morning and early afternoon, I will be doing dinner prep while listening to Once Upon a Secret about Mimi Alford's affair with President Kennedy. I won't comment on it here because I have already formulated a review of it since I am 60% of the way through the book, and I DO have a very strong opinion about it. Stay tuned.
I also hope to get some time in Isaiah. After that, I will either walk or ride my bike to the library to hear Heba run through her Ph.D. dissertation. My back is feeling a bit precarious right now, but maybe walking will loosen it up. I have 2 1/2 hour to evaluate that. So, I will wait and see.
After time with Heba, I will probably come home with George (or take the bus) and finish dinner and get ready to meet with Kathleen. I was hoping to have some time with Paul too because George is at a meeting and Michael has Bible study, but I am not sure if that is going to happen tonight because of meeting with Kathleen.
Well, I have five more minutes to write, but I really want to get to time in the Isaiah. So, I will say GOOD BYE for now. :)
Sunday, April 29, 2012
52 in 52 Week 18: Missions and Money by Jonathan Bonk
"Is it any wonder that Christians from poorer parts of the world -- in response to the siren appeal of the gospel of plenty modeled by the Western [workers] -- respond to the implicit invitation by saying "Yes!" to materialism? We should not be surprised at the discovery that Western workers are now credited with being one of the greatest secularizing agencies of the past two centuries" (Bonk, p.77)OUCH!
This book reminded me of a book I read in the early 80's called Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger by Ron Sider. I loved that book because it was both biblical and practical and set some of my convictions about wealth in my early 20's. Bonk even has it as a reference in the bibliography. Good for you, Bonk.
It also reminded me of Richard Foster's excellent book, The Freedom of Simplicity which is also practical and inspirational.
I liked the book at the beginning, but I feel like he got increasingly critical and judgmental as the book progressed. It is extensive in its criticism and gives a good case for a biblical view of wealth and poverty, but it is very short on PRACTICAL solutions to what he perceives as the problem.
His thesis is that affluence among western missionaries is the Achilles' heel of missions. He contends that western missionaries sent to Third World countries are usually very wealthy by local standards, and this inhibits the spread of the Gospel because they are not incarnating it or going the way of the cross through self-sacrifice. I think this is true in many cases. It is just hard to know where that line is drawn in some cultures; and again, it is all theoretical and well-researched, but where are the practical steps for turning this long time trend in the opposite direction? He seems to think that all missionaries are turning a blind eye to it and ignoring the call of God, but I can't help but think that they just don't know where to start. Bonk gives no help.
It is also easy for Bonk to make all these condemnations from his comfortable western existence on the east coast having only spent two years in famine relief overseas in his adult life. Growing up overseas doesn't cut it for me. Why don't you go and try to live overseas by these principles you preach and then write a book?
The tone was judgmental rather than inspiring and challenging. Also, he used big words that could make this book inaccessible for many readers.
My husband worked for a foreign government overseas. As a foreign worker, he was given a better financial package than his foreign coworkers, but we chose to live at the same standard of living, sometimes below. Our neighbors had two cars (we had one as we did in the US - which is unusual) with their first car being a Mercedes or BMW, and the second being the national car. Our first car was the national car (which was a piece of junk, but I digress). Our neighbors had air-conditioning in every room, we only had it in the master bedroom. Our neighbors had live-in house help from poorer neighboring countries and treated them like slaves. We had three different nannies (one at a time) that came from the US for our first year there to help me with child care so I could get out and learn the language. We treated them like daughters. We went to our neighbors houses, and most had two kitchens and expensive furnishings. We had one kitchen and inexpensive furniture purchases.
I don't say this to justify myself, but to clarify that not all westerners live above the standard of living of the nationals who were quite materialistic in their outlook. Historically, the western missionaries didn't necessarily transport the materialism because missionaries were not (and still are not) allowed for the majority population, yet the majority population became materialistic all on its own. The greed of Western capitalism had invaded their world through the media, not through missions. Look at the grandiose materialism of the Gulf countries where western missionaries have never been allowed. Materialism is in the heart of every man, in my humble opinion. To blame it all on western missionary influence is far too simplistic for my sensibilities!
Maybe this is the case in places like Africa, where most of Bonk's research originates. I have never been there. I would venture to say that, while missionaries might have had an influence, colonialism was also to blame.
I think Bonk dismisses the many hard-working and wonderful people who have gone overseas with the pure motive of loving others in the name of Christ. Sure there are those who do it for ego and significance (I know some), but the vast majority have truly incarnated Jesus and walked the way of the cross which is more than I can say for Bonk who has lived in the US most of his adult life.
52 in 52 Week 18: The Mama's Boy Myth by Kate Stone Lombardi
"What today's mothers are doing for their sons -- primarily teaching them emotional intelligence -- is a critically important gift. Mothers, by affording their sons the emotional closeness that they once offered only to daughters, are giving them access to a fuller experience of humanity" (p.9-10)
My husband said a similar thing to me on our Spring Break vacation with our two boys, ages 17 and 20. I had been experiencing some loss as my youngest had followed his oldest into classes at the community college, leaving me without the job of homeschooling after 14 years at the helm.
Those years brought me daily contact with my boys, doing history, science, literature, and read-alouds on our couch until their middle school years. These academic subjects were segues into deep talks about everything under the sun.
In their high school years, their education was more self-directed, but I still interacted with them over papers and literature they were reading for the British, American, and Homeric literature classes I ran with other homeschoolers in our co-op. They were segues into the realm of values, principles, and feelings in this rhetoric stage of their education and development.
In addition, our rides in the car to co-op activities, plays, field-trips, and community service projects were the "car talk" times Lombardi talks about in her book. Many times there were other kids in the car with us and not technically "one on one," but I had many "sons" those years of homeschooling and was a second mom to them.
There has been a closeness with my kids because of homeschool, and I will never regret our decision to do so. Our discussions were not just about academic subjects but springboards into deep discussions about life, and we laughed together a TON. Weekday mornings were "our" time.
Last fall, all the time together that homeschool afforded was gone, and I realized this loss on that Spring Break trip.
I won't go into all the reasons, totally unrelated to my kids, why I was emotionally fragile on that trip, but the fragility caused me to express that loss to my boys. We didn't have the time "carved out" for us like before, and I missed it. With encouragement from my husband, I ran the idea of a weekly "talk time" with each of them, and they were all for it.
Since Spring Break, I have spent time with both of them. On Mondays, the youngest and I walk to the local Wendy's, eat dinner (while dad has a meeting and oldest has class), and walk back. I let him set the agenda for what we talk about. The first time, he opened up to me about many deep things. I thought the time would be over when we were back home, but he stuck around, and we talked in our living room until dad and oldest got back, at which time we all talked together until late into the evening.
My oldest is much quieter, and I find that walking is what gets him talking. So, we do the "hospital hill" two mile walk that takes us about 40 minutes, and I don't have an agenda, I just listen and let him run the topics. Since he is naturally quieter, I thought we might walk in silence if I didn't ask questions, but this hasn't been the case.
I heard Lombardi's NPR April 8th interview on "All Things Considered" only eleven days after having this Spring Break ephiphany and a few "talk times" with my guys. Perfect timing!
Lombardi's book confirmed what I had felt. It is funny that she should talk about Freud's Oedipus Complex because I reported on The Interpretation of Dreams, Freud's 1899 publication that put forth this theory, in my first counseling class in graduate school. I also read Oedipus when my oldest studied classical literature. So, I really tracked with her on the ridiculousness of Freud's theories that have been debunked with modern research.
As I read, I thought about different books I had read throughout graduate school (I have an M.Ed. in student personal work with an emphasis in counseling psychology) when I researched male/female roles during my internship with the women's center on the Oregon State University campus. No sooner did I think of the book, when she would quote from it. So, I felt like I tracked well with the book. She put careful thought into her research. Bravo for her.
My only hesitation in recommending this book is her liberal, feminist leanings that I do not share. Her writing on sexuality is so not where I would even fathom or entertain in my relationship with my boys. While trying to be funny in her opening on this subject, I found it crude and distasteful. It was only a few paragraphs. So, I skipped it.
Another hesitation, toward the end of the book, she had quite a bit to say and research to prove her case about the value of working moms in raising boys to the exclusion of explaining the benefits of stay-at-home moms. I have read research to the contrary. I think there is poor mothering with both stay-at-home and working moms, and I don't necessarily think one is more superior than the other, and she definitely shows her bias since she is a working mom (contributing columnist with the New York Times). She is leaving out the growing population of mothers who are staying home with their kids with her working mom bias, almost dismissing them by ignoring them.
Also, throughout the whole book she is trying to make a point about throwing away the stereotypes of what is truly masculine and feminine, but she gives us this, up front, caveat on p. 14:
Also, my son, a young man now, is more than six feet tall, plays ice hockey has many male friends and a steady girlfriend. Why do I feel the need to tell you this? Because in this culture, I must reassure you -- and myself -- that my deep emotional bond with my son hasn't compromised his masculinity. Look -- he and his mom have this tight connection and my son is still "a guy's guy."She defeats one of the main points of her book before she even starts with this statement IMHO. My kids don't play sports (even though they were raised by a mom and dad who were both college athletes) or have a steady girlfriend. Where does this statement leave me if my kids aren't "guy's guys"? Think about it Ms. Lombardi: can you see how this statement nullifies the whole point of your book? You need to get over your insecurity and learn from what your extensive research has shown you!
But I won't throw the baby out with the bath water because it was confirmation of my gut about the time I have spent investing in my boys.
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