EnneaThought® for the Day Type Two EnneaThought® for November 4th Today, can you discover positive qualities in yourself that you have not developed yet? Healthy Twos have immense goodwill and generosity of spirit. They are attracted to spiritual values such as love of God and neighbor, loving others as themselves, and forgiving others. (The Power of the Enneagram audiotapes)

Holy Will

Type Two EnneaThought® for October 27th

The Holy Idea for Type Two is Holy Will, which means you can relax your efforts because everything really is "in God's hands." See if you can connect with this truth today. (Understanding the Enneagram, 42) 

So I had to understand what the "Holy Idea" thing was. It is a another concept I hope to understand better when I go to the Enneagram Seminar next week. Here is what this website says: 

"The Holy Ideas of the Enneagram are in service to the alleviation of suffering and the recovery of our true nature through remembering our Essence qualities.  The Holy Ideas remind us of who we truly are beyond our attachments and identification with the construct of the egoic mind.  As we observe our attachments and defense of the ego we become aware of the ways that we suffer.  We can choose to end our suffering.  Suffering is truly optional.  Pain is endemic to the human condition and must be faced squarely and experienced.  Suffering results from clinging to the dualistic, fixated patterns of believing that things are right/wrong (Type 1), that we are loved/unloved (Type 2), successful/unsuccessful (Type 3), abandoned/connected (Type 4), depleted/abundant (Type 5), unsafe/safe (Type 6), limited/free (Type 7), controlled/in control (Type 8) and important/unimportant (Type 9)." 

Here is what it says regarding this Holy Idea for Type 2:



"The experience of surrender is at the heart of Holy Will.  We surrender the illusion that our personal efforts are required to make good things happen.  As we loosen the belief that we are indispensable to making good things happen for others, and that we must manipulate to create good things for ourselves through the force of our personality, we become more humble.  Humility places us in proper perspective [to God] (the Enneagram Institute says to the Universe). Personal will attaches to outcome and we suffer through this attachment.  Through recognizing Holy Will and living in humility there is an awareness that things will always be taken care of."

Learning this concept is perfectly timed after ten days of "praying toward the peace" with a situation I learned about on Wednesday, October17 . I have arrived at a place of true surrender. God told me, up front, that a person's problems were not my issue and to let it go, but I had to pray through my feelings and continue to listen. So I have let it go (and feel nothing but compassion and love for that person's problems). This is my surrender. My personal efforts are not required to make the situation any better for that person. Humility is the realization that He is God and I am not. Selah! 

46. The Practice of Spiritual Direction by William A. Barry and William J. Connolly

These two authors are sages in spiritual direction. I found their wisdom engaging, and it added to my knowledge in the field. I am eating all of this reading up! So glad I made the switch to this curriculum for personal growth.  I also liked that they are Ignatian in their spiritual direction. 

Here is the definition of Spiritual Direction from the book:

Spiritual direction is “help given by one Christian to another which enables that person to pay attention to God’s personal communication to him or her, to respond to this personally communicating God, to grow in intimacy with this God, and to live out the consequences of the relationship.”

Spiritual direction focuses on religious experience. It is concerned with a person’s actual experience of a relationship with God.

Spiritual direction is about a relationship. The religious experience is not isolated, nor does it consist of extraordinary events. It is what happens in an ongoing relationship between the person and God. Most often this is a relationship that is experienced in prayer.

Spiritual direction is a relationship that is going somewhere. God is leading the person to deeper faith and more generous service. The spiritual director asks not just “what is happening?” but “what is moving forward?”

The real spiritual director is God. God touches the human heart directly. The human spiritual director does not “direct” in the sense of giving advice and solving problems. Rather, the director helps a person respond to God’s invitation to a deeper relationship.

As we grow older . . . we must move towards forgiveness, towards letting go and accepting responsibility for our lives at the present moment. This means letting go of grudges and resentments that drag us back into the past and sap our enthusiasm for the present and future. Forgiveness and letting go free us from the endless repetition of past stories of injustice and hurt that we tell as if they were the events of yesterday.

. . . But perhaps the greatest and most difficult challenge of later life is to forgive ourselves. We are called upon to forgive our own failings and mistakes and sins, and to love ourselves as God loves us. Forgiving ourselves means letting go of our regrets, accepting our limitations, and coming to peace with the decisions and actions that we can no longer change. Forgiving ourselves is the final fruit of accepting God’s forgiveness, and the only path to peace.

“The Spiritual Exercises and a Spirituality for the Later Years” by Gerald M. Fagin, SJ

45. Seeking God Together: An Introduction to Group Spiritual Direction

This was probably my favorite book about spiritual direction. It was simple and practical not just for group but for individual spiritual direction.

44. The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call of Self-Discovery

43. The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self Discovery

This is my second time through this book, and it helped so much to do so. I listened to it last time. This time I combined listening with my Kindle Book, and I made highlights. This quote about my Enneagram Type Two really confirmed my decision to leave the Renovaré Institute. I needed a smaller group so I could work on my soul. The needs in that Institute were too overwhelming for me. I have found my people with the Spiritual Direction Boise Cohort! 

"If Twos are going to learn how to attend to their own needs as much as they pay attention to the needs of other people, they have to work on their soul in solitude. If they try to do this work in community they’ll be tempted to help those around them grow spiritually rather than focus on their own development. In this situation Twos’ tendency to drop everything to help people in crisis is more a defense against facing their own needs and feelings than an act of service. In their time with God they might ask themselves, Who am I when no one needs me?"

“A humble self-knowledge is a surer way to God than a search after deep learning.” Thomas À Kempis

41. Anatomy of the Soul

This is a reread because it is part of my Module II for Spiritual Direction training. I thought it was more fascinating the second time around when I took notes. 

I love how he has spiritual disciplines to go along with what he is explaining is going on in your brain. I especially liked how he talked about how brains can be changed when we tell our story to an empathetic listener. I have long believed in the power of story. This just added to my conviction about this. 

Anatomy of the Soul (xiv) – “an important part of how people change—not just their experiences, but also their brains—is through the process of telling their stories to an empathic listener. When a person tells her story and is truly heard and understood, both she and the listener undergo actual changes in their brain circuitry. They feel a greater sense of emotional and relational connection, decreased anxiety, and greater awareness of and compassion for others’ suffering . . . Dr. Siegel labeled the change ‘increased integration.’” 

42. Unoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make All the Difference

  This is about not being angry, surrendering all in humility, and loving God and others. It had some endearing stories and the author is pretty funny. 

Addendum:

I had not been offended for quite a while. Wouldn't you know the DAY after reading this book something happened that probably would have offended anymore, but I am SO GLAD I had just read this book because I was able (by God's grace) to not be offended and respond in compassion and love. Perfectly timed book! 

40. Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction

I didn't particularly feel like this book added anything new to my understanding of spiritual direction. I think maybe this was included in my curriculum because she was such an early pioneer in the resurgence of this practice among the lay people. I liked Sacred Companions and Candlelight much better. Also, she has a decidedly liberal bent that I found distracting in the book. 

“The greatest gift the director can bring is a loving presence.” (p. 135)

Tuesday Twelve: In Praise of Good Decisions

This is my praise for making a good decision. I just did not feel right in the Institute I was a part of. I know the majority of the people in that Institute are having a phenomenal time, and I do not knock their experience of it. We are so uniquely created. In addition, our histories are all varied and different.

As I have gone through my overlapping Sacred Story (for Spiritual Direction Training Boise Cohort) and Graced History (for the Spiritual Exercises in Everyday Life Portland Cohort), I realize how incredibly blessed I have been with mentors and friends. Right after having made a total surrender and commitment to God at 19 years old, God brought me these wonderful wise women and men who taught me to dig deeper into my relationship with God. I think this is what the Institute was trying to do, giving people what they didn't have in the beginning of their journey. I was unusual in that I had it, and it was FREE whereas the Institute was NOT FREE. It was also not as personal as I would have liked it, and there were not personal mentors like I had the first time around. There were teachers who taught in an academic way. That was not what I wanted or needed. I have already been blessed in that way. Now it was time to go deeper. 

The Spiritual Exercises have been that "deeper still" and "excel still more" of 1 Thessalonians 4 (because love is the ultimate overflow of the Exercises). The Spiritual Direction training gives me a smaller cohort of like-hearted people and very personal and accessible mentors without a smidgen of academics. No writing papers that fit academic parameters or answer the questions they pose. We write one page summaries of the one book a month we read answering personally and not academically. 

It was a good move. I was doing it for personal growth, and a review is always good, but the habits they were attempting to instill have been firmly rooted in my habits and life, and it has been all for free. 

The first weekend in Boise was phenomenal, and people asked me questions about myself which did not happen very often in the Institute. I did a lot of listening, but I do that a lot in my life so I was looking for something more mutual. I have that from the Boise Cohort, and I also have my Best Boise Buddy, Debbie, to debrief after each day of training. Such a plus!

So I better go. It was great. I am so glad I made the radical decision to take the SEEL/Spiritual Direction offramp to a new FREEway on the road to the glory of God! 

39. All the Light We Cannot See

I made the mistake of reading this AFTER one of the best books of all time: Les Miserables. So, this book doesn't compare to that classical novel, but it is a good book. It is also a sad book. I thought I would be wowed by it because of all the rave reviews. I wasn't wowed, but I did like it. It made me want to keep reading to the end to see how all the characters ended up. I loved hearing about St. Malo and Paris since I was in Normandy and Paris last summer. That was fun. War is a sad subject though. :( 

38. Letting God Come Close: An Approach to the Ignatian Exercises

I did the Spiritual Exercises last year, and LOVED the entire experience (so much so that I am doing it all over again with my husband). This was fun to read from the viewpoint of giving the Spiritual Exercises as a Spiritual Director (which is what I am now being trained to do - stay tuned). I really like William Barry's writing style, and I learned nuances about the exercises. I wouldn't necessarily recommend reading this book unless you have gone through them or at least more familiar with them. 

It was a worthwhile read! 

Type Two Enneagram Thought for the the Day

EnneaThought® for the Day Try this Affirmation today: "I now affirm that my happiness does not depend on pleasing others." (Enneagram Transformations, 47) Does this personality type system have me pegged or what? It will be good as I face new students this morning!

37. Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life

People rave about this book, but I just thought it was OK. He is a philosophy guy, and that is not really my thing. His premise is that we have two halves of life and most people don't really get to the second half of life. We all have to go on a journey to find our true home and true self, and he compares this throughout the book to Homer's epic poem, The Odyssey. That was fun since I have spent a lot of time in that poem.  

I think I started "falling upward" pretty early in life. So grateful for a breakdown at 23. I think that is really the best thing that has every happened to me. It was a marker point in history. The humiliation was so public, spread throughout my organization and my office. But it was so freeing at the same time. Pain has a way of doing that. Failure is a path to freedom. So grateful. I found so much about God through that "fall"! So maybe this quote encapsulates it for you. Sorry that I do not have the page number. I read a library book so I did not underline but found this in a review:

Failure and suffering are the great equalizers and levelers among humans. …There is a strange and even wonderful communion in real human pain, actually much more than in joy, which is often manufactured and passing. In one sense, pain’s effects are not passing, and pain is less commonly manufactured. Thus it is a more honest doorway into lasting communion than even happiness…. Many of us discover in times of such falling the Great Divine Gaze, the ultimate I-Thou relationship, which is always compassionate and embracing, or it would not be divine. Like any true mirror, the gaze of God receives us exactly as we are, without judgment or distortion, subtraction or addition. Such perfect receiving is what transforms us. Being totally received as we truly are is what we wait and long for all our lives. All we can do is receive and return the loving gaze of God every day, and afterwards we will be internally free and deeply happy at the same time.

Falling Upward: A Spirituality of Failure - Beyond Blue
http://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/beyondblue/2011/05/falling-upward-a-spirituality-of-failure.html#VPpVQSijsoDDFRA2.03

36. The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything

I did the online Creighton University Spiritual Exercises last year this time (the new one starts TODAY, in fact), but I loved reading this "encyclopedia" of all things Jesuit to give me an overall view of Ignatian Spirituality. It was fascinating. I don't agree with everything in it, but it has some wonderful things about finding God in all things, making decisions, discovering vocation, and surrendering all to God. I am a big proponent of the Spiritual Exercises for everyone (including evangelicals - very little is decidedly "Catholic" if you are afraid of that). My husband and I along with another couple will be doing the Exercises in Portland starting in six days (seelportland.org). It is such a great deal: prayer exercises every morning, meeting with a spiritual director two times a month, and a half day retreat in a gorgeous setting with other retreatants once a month for only $445!

Here is an National Public Radio with the author: https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124357786?storyId=124357786

35. Life Without Lack: Living in the Fullness of Psalm 23

This is very much in the theme of most of Dallas Willard's books so I am very familiar with the content, but it was nice to be reminded that with God we lack nothing. He has some very practical suggestions for sharing a moment by moment day with Jesus too.

I think I like Living in Christ's Presence much better, and it has similar content. 

Here is another review by someone from LibraryThing.com:

Using the well-known Psalm 23 as his launching point, author Dallas Willard explores what it means to live a life without fear; a life of trust in God; a life without lack. Based on a series of talks given by the author some 20+ years ago, this book was compiled posthumously by a close friend of the author. Willard is an expert at breaking down deep thoughts into digestible bites, and his warmth and true care for the reader is evident in every page. Read this one with pen in hand - lots to ponder and savor.

This review is based on an advance reader copy from the publisher. ( )

   NeedMoreShelves | Feb 6, 2018

34. The Brothers Karamazov and The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

I read the full book of the Brother Karamazov years ago and love it. This was a nice abridged version of the story. 

I did not know the story of The Idiot, and it was excellent. 

I really enjoy these LA Theatre Works adaptations of classics! 

33. Candlelight: Illuminating the Art of Spiritual Direction by Susan S. Phillips

This author has been doing spiritual direction for several years. She tells the story of her journey with nine of her directees. It is quite beautifully written, and I learned a lot about direction from reading about these journeys. 

32. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

 

The Best Book Ever Written!

This was such a good investment of 58 hours. I loved this narrator. This is my third or fourth time through it, and I loved it even more this time. It remains hands-down my favorite book by a long shot. How much more meaningful to have been to Paris and to see the location of the Barricades and all the places mentioned in the book. It was also such a treat to see the house in which he wrote part of Les Miserables! I was in HUGO HEAVEN at his house, and the old gentleman who looked after the tourist was so tickled at my excitement. 

I read this book in the summer of 1996, culminating with me seeing the stage version in Seattle on my birthday, July 27. This was before I had homeschooled and read all the books from The Well-Educated Mind (press hyperlink to see how long it took me). Twenty-two years later, I understood much more of his references.

The writing is so beautiful. The story is amazing. I think everyone should read this book at least one time in their life! It is so worth the time.   



"The night was starless and extremely dark. No doubt, in the gloom, some immense angel stood erect with wings outspread, awaiting that soul."

Type Two: Indirection

Type Two EnneaThought® for September 7th

The overall keynote of Twos is indirection. Personal needs and desires are expressed indirectly, through service to others. Twos feel that they cannot go after what they want directly: it must be given to them by others as a sign that they are really loved and appreciated. Notice today when you are being indirect. (Understanding the Enneagram, 78)

Type Two Thought for the Day

EnneaThought® for the Day Type Two EnneaThought® for September 4th When we are identified with our personality, we forget that there is much more to us. Today, let go of your habitual self-image and allow your healthy qualities of unselfishness and altruism to unfold. (Understanding the Enneagram, 360)

George finally took the Enneagram Test. He is a Type 9

I cannot believe how accurately this describes our relationship. George is a very healthy 9 though!

Enneagram Twos and Nines are similar in a wide variety of areas and reactions; both types are interested in nurturing others and in helping people to be better, more comfortable with themselves, and more at peace. Both types also tend to be optimistic and to reframe disappointments in the most positive way possible. This pairing has an outstanding warm, kindly, and good-natured quality about it that each side reinforces. Twos and Nines are easy-going, hospitable, and undemanding, happy to make friends happy and to welcome them into their home. Twos bring to the pair a more outward and interpersonally engaging energy: they would most likely be the first to introduce themselves at a party or to go to someone's aid and comfort if they perceived that the other person had some kind of problem. Twos are proud of their relationship, their home, their family and their friends—and they want to share them with others. Twos constantly add energy and new people to the relationship mix. They are more talkative than Nines and more openly curious about other people, how they live and what they are like, and more eager to get involved in others' lives.

On the other hand, Nines bring a quiet steadiness and uncomplicated directness that allows people to flourish and things to get done with a minimum of stress and conflict. Even if Twos become upset about their relationships, or are feeling moments of self-doubt about how loved they are, Nines have a way of calming them down and of providing a great deal of unquestioned acceptance. Both types are drawn to each other to provide soothing and support; their home and hearth, pets and love of nature are extremely important to them. Both go out of their way to be considerate of each other, as well as of other people. Much of their best communication is non-verbal, physical, arising from their simple, direct presence to each other. They can develop almost a psychic link with each other. This is a very mellow couple, whose emphasis on hospitality reminds people of how healing it is to be around loving, generous people.

31. The Sacred Enneagram: Finding You Unique Path to Spiritual Growth by Heuertz

I loved how this author ties the Enneagram types to contemplative spirituality. There were times where it seemed a little too complicated for me to understand, but I kept swimming through the material, and I did not drown. I think it was the third book I have read on this subject in preparation for a seminar I will be attending in November (https://www.benedictine-srs.org/events Scroll down the page to find the event). 

I understood so much more after reading this book. I think I took the test on the urging of Michelle Delanty about five years ago (?), but I didn't really know what to do with it and now I look at the page of the Enneagram Institute, and after reading this book, I "get" so much more! I like that this guy is really into not just using the Enneagram for self-awareness but for "reconstruction, where we'll find signposts to help us navigate the reordering of our identity into wholeness" (p. 192). 

My spiritual direction training will also cover this so we can utilize it when working with directees. 

Again, this author (like the authors of The Road Back to You) reiterated that Type Two needs solitude for growth. This book helped me understand more deeply why this is the case. So I am grateful. 

I was surprised to see that it is only $1.99 on the Kindle. I am not sure if that price is temporary or not, but I am so glad because the copy I had was a library book, and I think I would like to have this one for future reference. I took quite a few notes, but it will be nice to highlight the Kindle book. 

The one thing that was weird was he mentioned that yoga "connects you to your body" (p. 174). He is talking about how mindfulness has come into the general population of Western society and not specifically about Christian contemplative prayer, but he really needs to clarify this in the book. (For more information about this subject see the excellent explanation of what yoga is all about by Pietra Fitness: https://pietrafitness.com/pf-not-yoga/)

Other than this comment that needs to be clarified, and the misspelling of the famous missiologist Ralph D. Winter (not Winters as the author incorrectly spells his name), I found this book to be very enlightening and mind-stretching (still need to read over some parts because much of the terminology was new to me)! I also think he nailed why solitude, silence, and stillness are important for the different types. 

I have a friend who thinks Mirror for the Soul: A Christian Guide to the Enneagram is a better choice, but the reviews for it are mixed. 

I decided to add my book report for this book that I did for my Spiritual Direction Training:

The premise of the book is that the Enneagram is more than just a personality test for self-awareness, but it is a pathway of reconstruction for spiritual growth.  The author does a thorough job of explaining the Enneagram and then goes on to look at each of the types in terms of contemplative practice.

In Section One, the author identifies the questions of identity of who we are, how we got lost, and how we might find our way home to our true identity. I totally agree with his premise that we lose our way through our childhood wounds (determine that it comes at 3-5 years of age) that are an assault to our original innocence. This leads to masks that we wear. This can be our perception of things that leads to wounds and not necessarily things that our parent “did” to us. The good news is that God wants to bring us back to who He created us to be, our true essence. Then, he thoroughly explains the Enneagram including its history, his story of how he discovered it, and how it has personally helped him. I found his explanations to be extremely thorough. I was exposed to the enneagram probably more than five years ago; but even though I had read The Enneagram Made Easy and the Riso-Hudson website, I never quite understood how it really had practical application until I read The Road Back to You and this book. This book helped me understand it even more deeply. He is quite thorough, almost to a point where my head hurt reading it as he got into the minutia of this ancient tool. I just kept reading and things began to make more sense. At the end of this long and thorough foundation, Finally, he goes through all the types.

In Section Two, he introduced the intelligence centers of head (thinking), heart (feeling), and body (instinctive). These can determine how we react to things. Head people respond with anxiety or distress, body people respond with anger or frustration, feeling people respond with fear or shame.  He goes into the basic desire, fear, virtue, fixation, passion, direction of integration, and direction of disintegration for each type that was very through and informative. 

I finally understood why sometimes I would go to a Type 8 when I am under stress, anger coming out of “nowhere” when I am not normally an angry person. I used to call them my “Mr. Hyde” moments.  I knew this would happen when I was in a hurry, had too much on my plate, rushed, stressed, or driving. I knew I coped with it by balancing my life, slowing down, saying “no” to people asking me for help, and eliminating people-pleasing. Now I understand the why behind going to this disintegration because it was my “innate self-survival reflex” and “subconscious self-preservation instinct to prevent [me] an unhealthy person from falling farther down the hole [I] they feel stuck in” (p. 122).  This was an “aha” moment for me. I am still trying to understand the integration side of things when I go to a Type Four. I am looking forward to a workshop on “Appreciating the Wisdom of the Enneagram” that I will go to in November to understand this more thoroughly.

Section Three is what makes this particular book on the Enneagram so great. It is about contemplative practice based on our Enneagram type. The author states, “One of the gifts of contemplation is that it facilitates a very gentle awakening to the misguided, selfish, and ego-driven impulses in our subconscious and unconscious” (p. 180). He purports that each need something in their contemplative life to being them back to “home” or their “true self.” The “gut-obsessed, body, control types (8,9,1) need stillness. The “heart-obsessed, feeling, connection types (2, 3, 4) need solitude. The head-obsessed, thinking, competence types (5, 6, 7) need silence.  “Stillness interrupts the addictions of gut people and prompts a reevaluation of their drive” (p. 181). “Solitude functions as a correction to the feeling types dependency on connection and comparison” (p. 182).  “Is it possible to head people to turn down the inner noise—everything that serves as a distraction—to be able to really listen?” (p. 183). This part of the book is what sets it apart from other books I have read on this subject.

This book informs my personal relationship with God in that it explains to me, after all these years, why disconnecting from people in solitude has been so important in my personal growth journey. I am so grateful that my bible study leader in college strongly encouraged us to get away and pray. I need to get away in solitude so that I am not distracted by other people and my compulsion to feel like I need to help them. “Heart people who find themselves constantly drawn toward others for affirmation and approval are often still very lonely because they are disconnected for their essence . . . “In solitude, a heart person emerges in painfully liberating ways. Solitude teaches us how to be present—present to God, to ourselves, to others with no strings attached” (p. 182). This so makes sense to me because I often find myself in days of prayer and solitude saying, “I had lost me in the midst of all the people and needs. I have gotten back in touch with me!” It will inform my practice of spiritual direction to be able to understand what contemplative practice might be healthy for individual directees based on their Enneagram type.

I would heartily recommend this book to others. It goes much deeper than most books I have read on the subject. Even Ian Morgan Cron, author of The Road Back to You, states that his book is just a “primer” and that this book is excellent for going deeper. I highly recommend Cron’s interview with Heuertz on his Typology podcast Episode 11.

Freewrite Tuesday Twelve

Twelve minutes on the timer. Go! 

I love that I can just tell Siri to set my timer for twelve minutes. Or I can ask Alexa doing it. Some gadgets are just fun.

I have loved having this Apple Watch. I have had it for one full month, and it has kept me moving. There are three "rings" that you try to close. One is the MOVE ring where I have an active calorie goal every day. The next is the EXERCISE ring where there is a goal for the number of minutes you exercise. I have noticed that when I set my exercise on Endomondo, all the minutes did not transfer over to the Apple Activity Rings, but when I used the exercise app that is built into the watch, all the minutes transfer. I will be sad to leave Endomondo. I have used it since November 2012, but it is just easier to have everything transfer with the Apple, but I do like that the Endomondo app on the Apple Watch has the bars that show you what cardio zone you are in! That was very helpful to see that visually. So I am a bit torn. Isn't that a great problem to have? First world dilemma. Oh brother.

Today is Paul's follow up appointment with Dr. Over in Eugene. This will be the last time we go down there unless Paul wants to make adjustments to his teeth. What a long 15 year journey for both of them! Man, it seems like yesterday we went down there. I don't even want to count the number of times we went there.

Tomorrow I will finish my Psalms in a Month Examen on the www.examen.me site. I love that site, but it will be nice to go back to my regular Prayer of Examen . I am also going to walk 1.82 miles every morning and pray in my Face to Face: Praying the Scriptures for Intimate Worship book. I love the mental health of being outside in the early morning before the city really wakes up! I don't always do that, but I sit too long in the morning. AND, I realized I was overeating 182 calories a day. So 1.82 miles is about 182 calories for me! I have always said that this is what I need to do, and I am going to do it. At least until the weather is super bad, but I am going to try to do it even when the weather is not good. I like the early morning because it is light. In the Winter it will be harder, but I am determined to keep the weight off this time (famous last words). Of course, I am not 'overweight" according to the charts, but I know that I am better hallway through that range of pounds, and I am determined to get down to at least a 23 BMI which is not too far away. I will definitely be there by Lisa's wedding.

Speaking of Lisa's wedding, I am excited for them. I had a little scare that maybe the cousins were not invited, but she had just sent them their invitations separately from ours. Whew! That sort of hung over my head after them not being invited to the wedding for their other cousin even though ALL the cousins AND their significant others were invited on the mom's side of the family. My kids would not have been able to come, but I still thought it was inappropriate to invite one side and not the other, but my brother was not alive to represent our side of the family. It was not my call though.

There is the timer. 

30. Sacred Companions by Benner

After reading this book, I realize that I have been doing Spiritual Direction for most of my adult life without even realizing it. I always called it encouraging or even shepherding, but according to his definition, I have been doing direction. I have never been one to say "I am the authority" and that is how he delineates shepherding from direction. I like people to hear God and follow His authority so I guess I have been doing direction. I have done discipling where I follow a set curriculum, but even then, must of what I do it just listen and direct them to God. 

This is a good basic starting book, and it was very sweet to read in my outdoor office this late summer. It encouraged my soul quite a bit. It is the first book in the spiritual direction school I hope to enter as soon as enough people from Portland apply. (Oh Lord, make it so.)  I am hoping that will be some time in the next year. 

Freewrite Fifteen on a Thursday Afternoon

The beginning of the week was quite busy (Sunday on). I was just needing to catch up on some things here at home and more importantly to catch up with myself. 

I am rereading Les Miserables, and can I just say that I still think it is the most wonderful book ever written! It is so good. I even enjoy his pontifications on politics and certainly understand more of the context than I did the first time I read it over 20 years ago!

Tinker's memorial was Sunday. It was sad to think he was gone so soon at 62. I told the story of how we "met" when he came in with a ski mask on and scared us all when we were having a simulation of a communist Bible study. LOL! It made people laugh.

Health wise I am cardiovascularly more fit than I thought. I am in the "Superior-Athlete" range! My resting heart rate keeps going down as I add more challenging cardio to my fitness regime. (But I was in that range before I started doing this - go figure.) I was biking and running and swimming because those really are the only three things that keep my heart rate up for a sustained length of time BUT the running irritated the "high hamstring tendinitis" that I got from pulling it when I fell playing Ultimate Frisbee on the beach, but it did not get bad for another three weeks later. So, my glute and hamstring on that side had atrophied. So I am going to Physical therapy, and she is a graduate of George Fox and is really helping, and she even does astym (sp?) which gets the blood flowing in the hamstring. It worked for my tennis elbow and bicipital tendonitis too. SO, I am on the mend, but I miss biking the most, but it also got really smoky outside so I probably would not have biked this week anyway.

I am disappointed to discover that I had gained weight from "Seminary Sitting/Renovare Rest" and multiple injuries over the last year. Ack! Anyway, I realized this time it was about 182 calories per day of overeating. When you think about it, that is a just 2/3 cup of regular vanilla ice cream! And ice cream is my downfall! I had this picture of pints of Haagen Daz attached to my gut and on my love handles! That is about how much I am currently bulging in those areas these days! I ate a lot of that this year for some dumb reason! So, I am going to walk around the block two times on top of all my other activities. That is also about 182 calories, and then I can splurge on ice cream now and then! 

The good news is that I am on a ROLL, recording everything since August 1, and the "France Five" has already come off. The "Seminary Seven" with be next! The "Fatal Five" from the injuries will be after that! LOL! I am on a good track, and I will not be doing Renovare again this year as it drew me out of the balance I had in my life with very little new things learned. I am growing so much more now actually. Cost far outweighed the Benefit, but that wouldn't be true for most people. It is a good program for most. Just not for me and my uniqueness.

It always seems to be three steps forward and two steps back for me!

29. Jonathan Edwards: America's Genius

What a lovely pleasant surprise. It was the "Free Book of the Month" for Christianaudio. I loved it. It is for kids but encouraging for all. I really knew little of his background. So it was very informative. The narrator was also very good.

Things I Love About Today Freewrite Fifteen

A reminder: a freewrite is a device where one sets the timer for a certain amount of time, and you just write whatever is on your mind without worry about spelling, grammar, punctuation. I did it with my kids, and we had fun reading their freewrite journals last Saturday as we cleaned out their papers from 14 glorious years of homeschooling. My son who most resisted this exercises does it EVERY DAY as a 23 year old. Go figure! 

Here we go! 15 minutes.

I love that I got a nice response from Coleman, a Renovare Institute small group buddy saying that there was no need to apologize for leaving. He loves what I do. I love what I do too! I love that God revealed to me that the RI was interfering with what I do best. 

I love that I fixed the Apple Watch "stand" counter problem all by myself. It was silly that it frustrated me yesterday because I didn't want to ruin my "streak" (19 days) because of a glitch in my watch. You see, I would stand and walk around, and the "stand" counter would not count it. I got up and walked around for many steps each hour for nine hours (totaling 3000-4000 steps), and it would not register my "stand"! It did not work again this morning so I unpaired the watch and repaired and reset everything, and it works now. Stupid first world problem really, but it is nice to get credit for my efforts! HAHA.                                            

I love that I don't have to be anywhere until 11:30 today, and I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow! YAY! After my 11:30 lunch date with sorority sisters, I don't have to be anywhere until 7 pm, and I might ride my bike there since I think I can get home before dark from her house, and even if I don't, I can walk my bike home because it is only about 1.6 miles away. 

I love that I have Amazon Prime Music and an Alexa so I can have worship dance times in my living room. I never knew that something like this could lead me into worship. I don't have to go searching for music. I just name a song and it plays. I love that. My worship in song has increased a hundredfold.

I love that I am spending the "Summer in the Psalms"! Man, are they really bringing back memories of when I struggled with so much in my 20s, and these Psalms got me through. They helped me get through that difficult student, and now she has been gone for three weeks, and I think she is not coming back. YAY!

I love that all my men are working in good jobs in their fields. Geo interviewed for a job in town on Tuesday. The impetus for leaving his current job is leaving at the end of August though. But he made this move to look for something here back in May. It sounds like an interesting job at his old place of employment, but I highly doubt the pay will be as good, but it sure would be nice to have that man home every night and me not having to be concerned about him driving on the roads every day.

I love that I am controlling my eating after about 15 months of no regard for how much I was stuffing in my mouth! I decided not to weight myself and go by feel because I want to feel when I am gaining. My stomach is shrinking again. I am not overweight according to the charts, but I have a weight I feel best in when I wear certain clothes. That is what I am looking at, I want to go by the fit of my clothes. It is going well.

I love that my sons thought to text me about getting me a Blizzard last night, and I took them up on it because it was so sweet of them to ask. I went over for the day, but I will make up for it today and tomorrow! 

I love that it is a bit cooler today. I will check the air quality.

19 seconds to go. I am out and sending this without a proofread. 

I love this song!

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
And You are mine

[6x]
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Oh, Jesus, you're my God!

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

28. Sanctuary of the Soul by Richard Foster

This is a sweet little book to introduce someone to meditative prayer. I liked it. I read it outside in my outdoor office (deck) in the evenings this week, and I practiced meditative prayer as I read it. It was lovely.

Circle me, Lord

Circle me, Lord,
keep protection near
and danger afar.

Circle me, Lord,
keep light near
and darkness afar.

Circle me, Lord,
keep peace within;
keep evil out.

In the name of the Father, 
and of the Son,
and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Oh Lord, I pray that you would . . .
Surround me with the light of Jesus Christ;
Cover me with the blood of Jesus Christ; and
Seal me with the cross of Jesus Christ.
This I pray in the name of Jesus Christ.
Amen. 

Saturday Morning Freewrite

Psalm 52:1 - The steadfast love of God endures all the day.

This is the verses that stuck out to me this morning in my Psalm meditation. It has been so fun to meditate through the Psalms this summer! The psalms were my constant companion ever summer for years as I pored over them in the decade of my 20s. I really believe that this is what gave me an accurate concept of God. I am meditating through them now and think about specific instances where God met me in the pages of the Psalms. 

Today, I will be aware of the steadfast love of God throughout the day. It is a free Saturday which is so rare these days for us. It will also be cool so I hope that we can go for a little hike/walk when George wakes up. 

Yesterday, Mindy came over to get homeschool things. I thought that we had a box of books. I know we do, but George does not think we do. I did sell many of the books, but I thought there was still a box that I could not sell anywhere. But maybe not. Through her coming, I went through the "science" and "art" cardboard drawers. I have had that cardboard chest of drawers since before I was married! I think I bought them when I moved into my first apartment alone in 1983! Imagine that. Regardless to say, we are tossing it. It held up really well, but we are getting rid of it. After she left, we made a "Goodwill" pile from the extra stuff that she didn't take (which is most of it - I had a lot of high school stuff, and she is just not there yet). I have a paper tub for each of our kids, and I am going to have them go through them and toss what they don't want to save. It was fun to look at Michael's freewrite stuff. I have to find Paul's because his freewrites were so silly because he hated doing them, but it is ironic that he now does a freewrite EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. as a 23 year old. Go figure. The one who hated it the most would make it a habit.

We also have all these Seed to Fruit books we got for free, and they are just taking up space! I need to just get rid of them somehow. I want more space in my closets. This is a project that will probably go into the fall term when it gets busier with work, but I will not have the Kingdom Community or Renovar é to contend with for my time. So I should be much better. 

The weight loss reboot is going really well. I calculated that I was overeating only 143 calories a day throughout the last year to put on half of the weight I lost 5 1/2 years ago. I am still in the "healthy" weight range, but as I have said here many times, I know what weight I like the best, and that it about eight pounds lower than I am right now, and I like to be even lower than that so I have "wiggle" room. So, I have just about got the five pounds I gladly gained eating my way through France in June. Now I want to get the eight to ten I gained with two back injuries (bad massage and fishing day fall), two broken toes, and Renovaré Institute sitting! It should not be too hard. I already feel so much better with just a three pound drop. What I have loved is this new Apple Watch that I got for my birthday (thank you George!). It keeps track of my beats per minute so I am looking for cardio that is going to get my body into higher ranges for fat burning and cardio training (although I am, surprisingly, in the athlete/superior range for my age group already). So far, swimming and biking have won with an average of 138/140 bpm average. Biking on a hybrid mountain bike (touring or road bikes do not get my heart rate as high due to smaller tires resulting in less resistance on the road) depends on the traffic and stop lights. My first ride did not yield as high of a BPM, but my second ride definitely did. I loved doing both! The elliptical interval training was 126 BPM. I would love to go back to running, but I am not sure my knee is ready. I realized there was no lift in my shoe, and who knows how long that has been out of there. I think I remember switching them when I was in France in JUNE! So that might have been why the knee was acting up. We will see. 

I have run out of time for my 15 minutes of freewriting. Off to more time in the Psalms!