The Principle and Foundation: Boundless Love

This embed is from https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ignatian-meditations/episodes/Boundless-Love-e2mtu2j 

Since I posted this, I typed out the script so people can follow along if they want to. 

Here is a link to download the document.

Here is the script:

Boundless Love

A Meditation on a Contemporary Translation by Andy Otto of God in All Things

INTRODUCTION

The Principle and Foundation is a cornerstone of Ignatian spirituality written by Saint Ignatius of Loyola as part of his Spiritual Exercises. It serves as a guiding light, illuminating our fundamental purpose in relation to God and creation. Ignatius saw the Principle and Foundation as a profound statement of our human existence. He believed that understanding our ultimate purpose: to praise, reverence, and serve God, provides the framework for all of life’s decisions and experiences. This foundational concept invites us to recognize God’s love as a source of our being and to orient our lives toward deepening our relationship with the Divine. I invite you now to rest in this loving source in the presence of God as we listen to a contemporary wording of the Principle and Foundation.

PRINCIPLE AND FOUNDATION

We are brought into existence by a God of boundless love with the ultimate purpose of sharing in eternal communion with this Divine source. Our lives are an opportunity to respond to this love, allowing it to flow through us and transform us.

Everything we encounter in this world, our experiences, relationships, talents, and challenges are potential pathways to deeper connection with God. These aspects of our lives can serve as bridges leading us to a more profound understanding of divine love and enabling us to express our love in return.

However, we must be discerning. When we cling too tightly to any created thing or experience, making it the center of our existence, we can inadvertently create barriers between ourselves and God, hindering our spiritual growth.

Therefore, we are called to cultivate a balanced approach to life, whether we face joy or sorrow, success or failure, abundance or scarcity, we are invited to see each circumstance as an opportunity for spiritual deepening. Our level of comfort, social status, or lifespan should not be our primary concern.

Instead, our fundamental desire and choice should be this: to align ourselves to whatever draws us into a more profound, life-giving relationship with God. This alignment becomes our compass, guiding us toward our true purpose and ultimate fulfillment.

PONDERINGS

We are brought into existence by a God of boundless love. Consider the vastness of the universe and the intricacy of your own being. In this context, what does it mean to you that you were personally created by a loving God? How might this shape your understanding of your life’s purpose?

Let us now consider life’s potential pathways to deeper connection with God. Think of a recent experience that brought you joy. How might this experience be inviting you into a deeper relationship with God?

Now, consider a recent challenge. What might this difficulty be teaching you about God’s presence in your life?

We often hear the phrase: God is love. Reflect on the idea that our lives are an opportunity to respond to this love, allowing it to flow through us and transform us. What areas of your life feel most transformed by God's love, and where do you feel resistance to this transformative love?

We are cautioned against clinging too tightly to any created thing or experience. Examine your heart. What do you hold most dear? How much do you honor and appreciate this while still maintaining God as the center of your life? What would it look like to loosen your grip on this aspect of your life?

Consider the invitation to cultivate a balanced approach to life. Reflect on a recent decision you made: large or small. How might this decision have been different if your primary goal was to draw into a more profound life-giving relationship with God? What would it mean for you to use this as your compass in daily life?

Now speak with God about anything that is rising up in your heart.

PRAYER

Boundless and loving creator we stand of your infinite love that brought us into being. Open our eyes to see the pathways to you in all our experiences. Grant us the wisdom to hold life's gifts with open hands, and the courage to align our choices with your divine invitation.

May each moment draw us into deeper communion with you, transforming us and flowing through us to touch the world.

In gratitude and love, we offer ourselves to you.

SONG

In the silence of the dawn

I contemplate what I was born for

To love, to serve, to find my way

Back to the one who formed me from clay

 

In your presence I am whole

Your love the anchor of my soul

All creation sings your praise

Guide me Lord through all my days

 

Riches, honor, length of days

Are but shadows in your gaze

Sickness, health, or poverty

Your love remains my treasuring

 

In your presence I am whole

Your love the anchor of my soul

All creation sings your praise

Guide me Lord through all my days

 

Thursday Morning Thirty Freewrite: Our California Adventure

 I am still determining where I got this quote, but I like it. Unobstruct my heart, God! 

We drove 10 hours and 24 minutes from Mt. Hermon in the Santa Cruz mountains yesterday to our lovely home in Corvallis, Oregon. We were going to stop in Dunsmuir at our favorite Railroad Park Resort (been stopping there since 1997), but why not just blitz it HOME? (I just interrupted my freewrite because I heard a "Welcome Back" from my sweet youngest child. So I had to get up and give him a hug!)

My heart is full. I am thinking about the memories of our first experience at Mt. Hermon. I think the grounds there are amazing, and Renee gave the couples the BEST accommodations called "Lakeside"! Wow. Mt. Hermon is NOT cheap to stay at, but I loved that our room had two twins, a double bed, and a two-sink bathroom. It was also air-conditioned, and that was great because that area had an unusual heat wave come in. It was 97 degrees on the main day of the retreat!

I also thought the food was excellent and the staff was lovely. The meeting rooms were lovely.

It was a "Statio" retreat of the Order of the Mustard Seed. I met some fabulous people, and I think I am glad I went.

The reason why I say, "I think" is because it got off to a rough start emotionally for me, and I even told George that I wanted to leave early the next morning after all the things I was leading were done. I just didn't feel safe. But I told a woman I didn't even know that I didn't feel safe, and she prayed for me. As she prayed, some things were not what I meant by not feeling safe, and I was able to clarify, and she was really encouraging. 

It is all about connection for me, and I know that my "compulsion to connect" is part of my primary instinct running wild! 

I was also nervous about leading the things that I was leading because I wanted the participants to just get my handouts and choose to do a "Walk with God in Nature" and "Summer Examen" during their free time. But things were more structured than that. So it was Art at 1:30 (Barb led this), the above at 2:45, and Meditation and Movement that I led at 3:30.  So that wasn't what I expected. I don't know how I missed the part where I would be able to discuss with the team how the retreat would be structured, but I think the Type 3 and Type 8 (both "Move-against" leader types on the Enneagram) people did that, and there was no team discussion. 

Also, I was told NOT to make copies of my handouts (which I wrote in June because I didn't know how they wanted me to participate in this retreat, but I wanted to be ready with some options - plus, I have loved having them for my directees, and one of the handouts was used for the 2HC blog - two birds with one stone thing). 

The leader told me that they would have it available digitally for everyone, but then there was no digital option so I woke up that morning stressed and wondering if I was supposed to do that, and how would I create that other than as each person came in, sending it to them via text (and not having their numbers) or AirDropping it for them if they had an iPhone. (I'm sure I could have created a QR code, but I don't know how to do that, but I will learn.) 

So I went into the morning meeting (after a fabulous opening prayer led by the person I adored meeting and one of the reasons God had me at the retreat - Casey, you are the bomb. I adore you.) feeling so unstable and emotional! I want to please and connect with the leadership, be included on the team (but I am not part of the 24-7 Prayer group - felt on the outs there), etc. I'm glad I could be open and honest with this young woman I don't know. 

I'm glad she prayed. Right after that, within a half hour, one of the leaders said, "Oh Carol, I made all the copies for you." Also, she connected with me! (Water to this thirsty soul.) That is what I wanted, and I had prayed that she would reach out. You see. I went through many planning meetings since March with people I didn't know (except one who invited me to come in the first place, he is so welcoming and loving and was my sponsor for the OMS) who have very strong personalities. It isn't that I don't have a strong personality, but I am not a Type 3 or Type 8. I am a Type 2. And sometimes, in my unhealthiness mentioned above, I want to connect before I have business/retreat logistics to talk about or a task to perform. 

So, she reached out to me. Then I had the handouts. George leaned over to me and said, "Does this change your perspective a bit?"

Also, I initiated with one of the leaders asking if I could sit with her during lunch. It was lovely. I was "Boldly Beloved" (because the speaker had talked about our identity names - and Katherine, George, and I are all over that one because living into our true identity is what our community is about). I moved toward a person. YAY! 

 Then I led my things, and the sweetest people participated with me. I loved the small group of three people who came for meditation and movements where the main breath prayer was "He sees me. He knows me. He loves me. I am safe." I repeated it over and over again for me as well. Thank you K, A, and JM for coming to this little class in the dark! I even blessed them with "Blessing Balm"! 

Then, during the last thing I led, Centering Prayer, I got a crazy idea to use actual rocks for my "Drop the Stones" exercise I do metaphorically with my directees and groups. Eight people came, and my comfort blankets of George, Meredith, and Katherine came (who know me well because we have been in community for a long time). And new people I grew to cherish over the two days. We dropped REAL stones, and the sound was really impactful. At least it was for George and me as we talked about it afterward (in fact, God put something to replace the stones in George's hand once he put his empty palms up - wow). 

So, then I went to the evening meeting, and my heart was so glad and palms up to God. I sat behind one of the other leaders, and she turned around and said, "You are extraordinary. Can we have lunch together tomorrow?" Say what? Me - extraordinary? Wow! But the thing was not so much that she complimented me, but she connected with me. I had let go of the compulsion (dropped that stone, baby), and lifted my open hands up to God, and he gave me what I now desired with a new heart.

So, I went to the poetry reading (with cheese and communion elements), and God nudged me to be a "Green Gecko" (Thanks Maddy, for the prophetic word over me.) and read my poem about my dad that I wrote in January 2023. I felt stupid for sharing it afterward (still working on that aspect of my shame), but the other leader (the last one - and in many ways, the hardest one to crack) reached over to me after I shared and clasped my arm and said something really encouraging (I cannot remember what she said). 

So there you go. I was compelled to read a poem about my earthly father's love for me and how it helps me see my Heavenly Father in the same way. 

So, I laughed the next morning during my time with Him, and thought, "What a difference 24 hours makes!" 

George was pretty sure I would change my mind, but he didn't say that at the time. He is SO GOOD to me. 

I was glad I came, but I also think that I am going to need to make a pivot for a season to write my spiritual direction training curriculum and invest really deeply in the groups doing the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius and finish well with the 2HC for my last year with them. So, I will be inactive for a season because I must "postpone my dream no longer and do at last what I came here for and waste my heart on fear no more" (I should have read that John O'Donohue poem in the "Poetry Slam"). 

I also just LOVED that Katherine came at the last minute and that we invited her friend! I think they were both blessed. Having Katherine in my "band" with Casey was also a blessing! What a good group. It was good to be with Meredith too. I told this woman who prayed for me that I was glad my "people" were also there. That made me stick it out. I'm glad I did.

The time with Katherine and John in Monterey Bay was also super special! Worth the long drive. Memories of Scottish Bagpipes at sunset on a golf green while sipping a hot cocktail and being at the Fishwife enjoying Pasta Portofino and Key Lime Pie after 34 years was a memory I will have etched in my memory forever. So special. Also, just to be with people you adore and feel so comfortable with was such a blessing! Oh, Katherine's whale story was so special. (And John makes the best Jameson's Hot Toddy and Katherine the best sourdough bread! Yum and yummy friends.) 

So, this is way more than 30 minutes, but I got it all out there for anyone who sees my blog! LOL! (I write like no one will read, but I see that a few do.) 

Worth Celebrating and Celebration of Discipline

 

I totally forgot to review this book last year. It was read in tandem with Celebration of Discipline (I think this is my fifth time reading it. So, I am including it in the title but you can CLICK HERE for other times I reviewed it.)

This book tracks the journey of Richard Foster's classic book on the disciplines. It was lovely to read. I read  it right after he wrote it. So, I feel like I was part of this journey.

I loved reading more about Richard's life story. He is a REAL DEAL follower of Jesus and not in it for the glory and fame.

His book is the FATHER of them all. I love Sacred Rhythms because it is from a woman's perspective and I love Practicing the Way because it is written for a younger generation, but Richard's book was the FIRST! :) 

The Virgin Suicides

Haunting and brilliant.

This book was beautifully written. It is a depressing subject but such a page-turner. I could not put it down. 

Since my "coming of age" was also around this time, it made it that much more intriguing (and I went to Detroit for the first time this year). 

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

That Jeffrey Eugenides has made something magical and rare out of subject matter on the one hand so sensational—a quintet of suicides all in the same family, all in the same year—and so banal—coming of age in a suburb of Detroit in the 1970s (complete with soundtrack by Jim Croce, Bread, Carole King, and their contemporaries)—is a source of lasting wonder. The story is told by a collective narrator, a “we” who speaks for a group of boys who, as adolescents, are besotted with the mystifying Lisbon sisters, and, as adults, have remained transfixed by memories of the girls’ mysterious lives and unfortunate ends. Summoning a voice that embodies with expressive exactitude a quality of growing up that has slipped through the sentences of most novels concerned with it, Eugenides captures its nature as a communal experience with breathtaking, heartbreaking sympathy.

Carrying the Fire (1000 Books to Read)

I loved this book. My dad's company was one fo the contractors for the space program. So, this look at NASA in the 1960s was delightful. 

Collins is an amazing writer too. Loved it!

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

James Mustich

Jul 31, 2018

An unrivaled account of the greatest adventure of our time—perhaps of all time—told by one of its protagonists, Carrying the Fire remains too little known. Collins was a member of the three-man crew of Apollo 11 on the first lunar landing mission, in July 1969; while his colleagues Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin explored the moon’s surface, Collins remained aboard the command module, circling in space and preparing for the critical re-docking maneuvers. Alert to the anxieties and apprehensions of both astronauts and engineers, Collins tellingly communicates the human drama of the historic flight even as he commemorates the heroic dimensions of a feat of physical, technological, and personal daring that the vagaries of modern wonder still keep us from aptly honoring. A man on the moon—imagine that!

Germinal (1000 Books to Read)

I watched a movie about Zola many years ago because I watched all the Oscar winners. The film about his life won in 1938. I have always wanted to read a book by him, so I was delighted to see it on Mustich's list.

The guy can write. It is depressing. Why are French novels often so depressing? 

The cry of the poor is the theme. 

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

James Mustich

Aug 9, 2018

You don’t write a cycle of twenty novels unless you’re an uncommonly ambitious writer. And Émile Zola, the engineer of literary naturalism in nineteenth-century France, was nothing if not ambitious. He wanted to capture in prose the entirety of French society—rich and poor, urban and rural—under the Second Empire. The outstanding novel of Zola’s cycle is Germinal, a gritty portrayal of a coal miners’ strike in northern France in the 1860s. Germinal, with its unsparing look at lives and labors of the working class, is an exceptionally gripping novel. In the darkness of the coal pits it illuminates signal battles of the coming age: between labor and capital, between nature and industry, and between the promise of socialism and the hazards of its practice. The author’s contemporaries certainly bore witness to its impact: When Zola died in Paris in 1902, crowds followed his coffin as a parade carried it to the Montmartre cemetery. As the cortège passed, they shouted one word: “Germinal!”

Wednesday Morning 22 Freewrite

Spiritual Direction Training

I cannot believe how much peace I feel after sharing my concerns with my coworkers. YAY!

This morning, I supervised someone I have been supervising for the last two years. SUCH GROWTH. The first supervision I did with her two years ago involved this directee, and it is amazing to see how much the directee has grown and the director has grown. I love what I do!

I realize that I need to let go of who they think should take my place as I step out of one of my jobs. I think I have someone in mind, and if they ask me, I will tell them. She would be perfect. Oh, that reminds me, I need to tell the other group that I work with that the person who I did a letter of recommendation for would be perfect. I responded within four minutes that I had no reservations, but they had more questions.

Is she going to stay in the "Spiritual Direction Lane"? I had to chuckle for many reasons. Is there a "Spiritual Direction Lane"? I am still chuckling at it because the question is more, "Will they stay in how we define the "Spiritual Direction Lane"?  

It is all so amusing since one of the things I did when I was supervising this person was to help her feel free to follow the Spirit's leading. It is about a lane that the Holy Spirit makes. 

Yes, I understand people not teaching, preaching, prophesying, but even one of the people I go to (when my regular spiritual directors would have a conflict of interest, i.e. she would definitely know who I am talking about if I were to bring up an issue for supervision/direction) says, "Carol, I am going to take off this hat and put another hat on and say......"  And then they go on to say something that isn't very "Spiritual Direction Lane Like." 

No worries though. This person stays in their lane pretty well. So, I can still recommend them without reservation as one of their directors. She is a peach.

So on to my "Slowing September." I am 18 days in, and it is going so much better than my stressful August. I have something coming up that might be stressful because the person I am working with is pretty high on the control scale, but I have known them for probably 15 years, and I can let go of their controlling tendencies and not expect much. I will add "color" to the work rather than try to run it. I give them the right to control away. I know that sounds like a cop-out, but I think they have to learn long-term that they are doing what they do out of their need for significance.

I can just love. I will love. Love and let go. That is what I am being led to do.

So, today is my second time with the 19th Annotation people of the Spiritual Exercises. I am "postponing my dream no longer"! The dream is now. I have dreamed of leading groups through the Exercises. I have loved doing it one on one for the past four years, but my dream was to have groups. I don't think I could do more than two groups a year, but I hope this develops into something. If it doesn't, I will certainly understand, but I want to just enjoy this process and learn. They are a pretty special group of four. I love each one so much. They are going to be such gifted spiritual directors! 

Yippee. Siri says there are seven minutes left.

Oh, Portland is going to have a Women's NBA team in 2026! Can you believe it? I cannot believe it. Wow! That was such a shock to get that email. 

The day is overcast so far, but the sun is supposed to come out in the afternoon. I have two more hours until I am with this group. I am eager to learn. Eager to grow as a group leader of fantastic people. 

Tomorrow, what is on my plate? I think it might be totally free. It is so weird what a more free week I have had compared to last week! The Sustainable Faith training with Marty and Sandy was exhausting. Then I had a new directee over after that. It was so rewarding and good, but for the future, I think it is best not to schedule anything after fourteen hours of training future spiritual directors!

So, I am also going to see John and Katherine in 9 days. We will leave at 1 pm and drive to Monterey, either stopping halfway and driving the rest of the time in the morning or driving straight through. We will spend the weekend with them and leave on Monday to go to Mt. Herman for a retreat for the OMS. That is another decision I made that I feel really good about. After this retreat, I will become inactive with the OMS. It is a closed door for me right now. I feel like even if the door opened after the retreat, it is not the time to walk through it, I need to focus more on my local community and the training and supervising of spiritual directors. That is just what I want to do, Lord. That is the "what I came here for" kind of thing. 

Bring the people, Lord. I have no desire to advertise or recruit. Just bring the people. Speak to them directly. 

Journey to the Heart: Centering Prayer for Children

I loved this book. I am looking forward to my library getting it so I don't have to buy it. I watched someone reading it to me on YouTube. :) 

(This is another book for my Spiritual Accompaniment of Children Course.) 

What is My Song?

It is a sweet story. I like their other books better, especially Sleeping with Bread. 

Let Your Life Speak

I loved this book. I have read so many quotes by this guy. It was about listening to your life to see your vocation.

This is a lot of what I do in spiritual direction - creating an environment of discernment where people see from their life where God is directing them.

It is so readable. Loved it. 

Tuesday Twenty Two Freewrite

I have ceased doing my regular "Morning Pages" and am journaling my thoughts in my Kindle Scribe for my time in the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius. So, I am back to Freewrites semi-regularly (we'll see). I do like just journaling with my typing fingers. 

Yes, I am doing the Spiritual Exercises again. I love them, and I never tire of being reminded of God's great love for me throughout my "Blessed History."

Another reason I am doing them again is that I was given the wonderful opportunity to lead two groups of spiritual directors in their second year of training (and one already through her training but friends with one of them in the group - turns out she was in one of my Enneagram trainings a few years ago, and I did a typing interview with her - or maybe she already knew she was a Type Three, and I did a deeper dive into growing out of your shadow self) through the Spiritual Exercises. So, I have one group that meets two Wednesday afternoons a month until May. Delightful group. This morning I meditated on Isaiah 43:1-7. So rich and lovely. I will start the other one in February and run for twelve weeks. 

I like not having the "rush" of the morning that required me to journal for up to 40 minutes first thing. Then I went to my meditation and prayer. It was too much. Too much but really beneficial for that season. It has been an impetus for expressing feelings I would normally edit. (I don't say suppress because I am very aware that those negative feelings are looming back there sometimes, but I also have these wonderful feelings of love, joy, peace, etc. that are more predominant. So, naturally, I edit out the negative ones because I like those other ones more.)

I'm doing really well. Really, really well.

Part of my consolation of yesterday was being able to be brave enough to tell my "boss" about one of the things that I do that this will be my last year. It was such a good conversation! It also led to some of the stress that I was feeling over someone who was put in the group I lead. It was a very healthy conversation, and I feel like my load is shared. I am not alone - God is with me, but my coworkers are with me too. Reminds me of the time I went to my boss at OSU and told him about how one of the faculty members was being verbally abusive, and he came to my next class to "have my back"! I will always appreciate that, and I don't regret saying something. Also, when one of the patrons at a health club that I worked with was doing the same thing, I told my boss (and another participant wrote a complaint to my boss about how this person was treating me), and my boss found out that that patron had been doing it to several people. 

(That was also the case with that faculty member. He eventually had to have surgery for an injury and retired early! That was a relief for all concerned.)

So, I was CONSOLED after about six weeks of desolation regarding the situation I found myself in. I have wanted to quit so many times, but I think it is a way for me to not be a people-pleaser. Growth for this 65 year old woman! 

So, today is my 55th birthday in the Lord! I came to Christ at Green Oaks Boys (yes - the first time they ever let girls come) Ranch in Vista, California. It is great to go through my Blessed History and remember seeing Jesus beckoning me to come to him and me springing up out of my chair and going forward at the same time my other friends at the ranch also sprang up (and we had not even talked about it). I wonder where all those girls are now. Maybe after this, I will look on Facebook to see if I can find them.

Today is overcast. I went for a long walk, but I think I will stay inside the rest of the day until my class at 5 pm. I am on Lesson Four today, 1/3rd of the way through. It has been fun, but I sure will have a lot more time once it is over. I knew that it was going to be busy this fall with the OMS Retreat (I am becoming inactive with the OMS after this - I just don't have the time to devote myself to getting involved anymore.)  I also have the teaching at Northwest Hills, but I have a feeling it is going to be the person we are team teaching with who runs the show. He cannot help himself. So, George and I will just add color to his show. 

I have 3:30 left on the timer. I don't know what else to write other than...OH...

Another consolation of yesterday was one of my directees. I loaned her Living Fearless last Wednesday, and she sent me a picture of the book and a card where she had written all the things she had heard with an exclamation at how wonderful it had been!

That made my heart sing: GENERATIVITY is the word that keeps coming to me. I love to pass along to people things that help them grow. 

So, I think the timer is just about ready to go off. I am going back to my reading and maybe even working on the curriculum guide for the Body and Soul Companion Spiritual Direction Training! YAHOO!

TTFN. 

Sailing Alone Around the Room (1000 Books to Read)

Some of these poems made me laugh out loud! Most were delightful. Poems are not meant to be overanalyzed and just enjoyed. 

These are the ones I liked (some are linked):

Walking Across the Atlantic

Books 

Introduction to Poetry

The Dead

The History Teacher (my favorite)

First Reader

Nostalgia (this link has the author reading it to a laughing audience)
Consolation 

"Why feed scenery into a hungry, one-eyed camera

eager to eat the world one monument at a time?" 

Osso Buco

Directions

Tuesday, June 4, 1991

The Blues

Strauss

I Chop Some Parsley While Listening to Art Blakey's Version of "Three Blind Mice"

Marginalia

Lines Lost Among Trees

The Death of the Hat

Sonnet

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

James Mustich

Jul 31, 2018

Billy Collins is a very funny guy, and there aren’t too many former Poet Laureates of whom that can be said. Be his subject poetry workshops or forgetfulness, saxophones or cows, canceling a vacation or nursing a hangover, Collins shapes his poems with a gentle but incisive humor that is ingratiating, intelligent, and, with delightful regularity, inspired. In his work the immediate genius of a stand-up comic is allied with the slow intelligence—the layering of life, learning, and lyrical intuition—of an accomplished poet, so that the reader is transported over the edge of understanding and, for a moment, suspended in the freedom of an imaginative leap.

The Sheltering Sky (1000 Books to Read)

Excellent writing. Depressing story. 

From the Introduction by Tobias Wolff:

The Sheltering Sky has been called nightmarish. That description lets us off the hook too easily because it implies a fear of the unreal. The power of this novel lies precisely in the reality of what it makes us recognize: the seductive voice in each of us that promises freedom through refusing responsibility.

So true. The whole time I was thinking, "Why is he doing that? Why is she doing that?" But they were both listening to the seductive voice. Chilling and yes, nightmarish!

The title comes from this quote:

This one also mentions it:

The supreme moment, high above the desert, when the two elements blood and excrement, long kept apart, merge. A black star appears, a point of darkness in the night sky's clarity. Point of darkness and gateway to respose. Reach out, pierce the fine fabric of the sheltering sky, take repose. (p. 185)

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

James Mustich

Jul 28, 2018

The Sheltering Sky is the story of a New York married couple, Port and Kit Moresby, who bear some resemblance to Bowles and his brilliant, troubled wife, Jane, whose long physical and mental decline would occupy the author for years. Traveling in the Sahara with a friend, hoping the journey will impart some emotional momentum to their inert relationship, the Moresbys fall further and further away from each other, both losing themselves in a kind of primal surrender. The extremes of detachment and mortification Bowles’s characters pursue and endure give their story the horrific beauty and otherness that other eras might have found in the lives of the saints. His unsaintly couple, neither holy nor blessed, lead our thoughts toward first and last things with an eerie surety.

Bad Mormon

Since I almost became a Mormon in 1977, (I am happy to tell you my story privately) I was intrigued by this title.

It is informative to hear it from someone raised in the culture of this religion. I agree with most of the things she says regarding this. 

This memoir is from her perspective, but she wants to diss her husband at the end (so what if he is frugal and wants to fly Southwest Airlines, really?) when it seems more like incompatibility from the get-go (she was bored on the honeymoon) than how she paints him as the "bad guy" in the relationship and "patriarchal."  That made me sad. Marriage is about compromise, and his giving up because she is just going to do it "her way" anyway reflects poorly on her more than on him. He remains quiet. This is admirable. Is he really such a bad guy when he has not said anything to denigrate her character?

Other than this part, I felt like it was a good and informative read. 

Hillbilly Elegy

No matter what your political pursuaion, this is a good read. It is about "family and culture in crisis," and I love how he weaves his personal story with facts about the state of the family in the strata of society he grew up in. 

Spiritual Conversations with Children

This is the textbook for a class I am taking with the author. I was supervising a group of new directors, and one of the other supervisors of another group asked if any of us had any experience with doing spiritual direction with kids, and I said, "No, but I know someone who does." Then I got curious and saw that Lacy taught a class about it. I thought it was a once shot deal, but it turned out to be 12 lessons over four months. I had to say no to the January-Mary one, but I signed up for the August-December one instead.

It adds more labor to my work, but I LOVE IT! I have a group of kids in one family that I meet with every week. Delightful time. I already have a full load of adults that I meet with both one-on-one and in groups, but it has been a change of pace for me that I have enjoyed. 

I was supposed to read one chapter for each class, but I needed to read the whole thing to learn about different activities with the kids. Next time we meet, I hope to "Pray in Color" (see previous post about the kids and adult version of that book). 

I like the book. 

The Moonstone (1000 Books to Read)

So fast-paced and fun to read! A true page-turner.

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

James Mustich

Jul 31, 2018

While the plot of The Moonstone is compelling, it is the play of its distinctive voices upon our understanding of events that makes the book truly absorbing. Clues are laid out carefully and, in retrospect at least, quite tellingly, but their meaning is obscured as we read by the shifting perspectives and personalities of the narrators. In the same way, the exoticism of the diamond that is the story’s catalyst disguises Collins’s real invention in domesticating the melodrama of the Gothic tale and inviting its titillating energy into recognizable drawing rooms, thus laying the table for Agatha Christie and countless other novelists who would set murderous puzzles close to home. Psychological acuity, formal virtuosity, the social and human amplitude of a Victorian novel, and the narrative pulse of a thriller add up to make The Moonstone the prototype of “the book you can’t put down.”

The Magic Mountain (1000 Books to Read)

This was VERY long, but it had such profound insights into the culture and the condition of Europe at the time of its writing. 

The writing is excellent. It is not for everyone, by the way. It could be called a "slog"! 

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

The Magic Mountain, Thomas Mann’s sly, satirical novel of illness and civilization in the years before World War I, is supremely readable; more than any other modern novel of its caliber, it’s a book you can take to bed with you, for its slow unwinding of individual destinies within a communal setting evokes something akin to the feelings you might have watching the most high-minded miniseries ever filmed. Which is not to say it isn’t profound, and funny, too, filled with human foibles of every kind and replete with sexual as well as intellectual passions. All told, its unprecedented fusion of realism and symbolism appeals to the heart as much as the brain. Set almost entirely at a sanatorium in the Swiss Alps, where well-to-do patients from across Europe are recovering from tuberculosis, The Magic Mountain tells the story of Hans Castorp, a young man from Hamburg, who arrives to pay a short visit to his ailing cousin Joachim. Seven years later, he’s still there breathing the mountain air, unable to return to the world below. The disease of Castorp and his fellow patients is Europe’s illness, Mann implies, and, for all its liveliness of character and incident, the novel is an elegy for a culture that the author inferred was approaching its demise
 

Inner Compass

This book has been sitting on my shelf since 2018! I wanted to look at the first chapter because there is a spiritual direction exercise that I was exposed to that is adapted from the first chapter. 

Now that I have read the whole book, I see that the exercise, while great, really doesn't get to the essence of what she is saying in this book. So, I won't put her name on my handout as being "adapted from." Or I might change the exercise to fit what she is really saying. It is that good! 

This book is so good. As a director through the Exercises, I found myself underlining so many things that I would love to pass on to my directees. It is a valuable "take" on Ignatian spirituality!

Why We Can't Wait ("Letter from a Birmingham Jail") by Martin Luther King, Jr.

Everyone should read this. I cannot believe it took me so long. 

I love his philosophy of non-violence. Everyone who volunteered was required to sign a commitment card that read: 

"I hereby pledge myself, my person and body, to the non-violent movement. Therefore, I will keep the following ten commandments:

1. Meditate daily on the teachings and life of Jesus.
2. Remember always that the non-violent movement in Birmingham seeks justice and reconciliation, not victory.
3. Walk and talk in a manner of love, for God is love.
4. Pray daily to be used by God in order that all men might be free.
5. Sacrifice personal wishes in order that all men might be free. 
6. Observe, with both friend and foe, the ordinary rules of courtesy. 
7. Seek to perform regular service for others and for the world.
8. Refrain from the violence of fist, tongue, or heart.
9. Strive to be in good spiritual and bodily health.
10. Follow the directions of the movement and of the captain of the demonstration."

WOW! Such great leadership. Hero in my book. 

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

James Mustich

"Never before have I written so long a letter. I’m afraid it is much too long to take your precious time. I can assure you that it would have been much shorter if I had been writing from a comfortable desk, but what else can one do when he is alone in a narrow jail cell other than write long letters, think long thoughts and pray long prayers?" That’s from the close of “Letter from Birmingham Jail,” the centerpiece of Why We Can’t Wait, and the book’s thematic fulcrum. The audience Martin Luther King Jr. is addressing is a group of eight white clergymen who had published an opinion piece in the Birmingham News describing the nonviolent campaign of protests against segregation led by King and others as the “unwise and untimely” acts of impatient extremists. The rest of Why We Can’t Wait augments its intensity with a more programmatic agenda for a civil rights revolution, an agenda that would bear fruit in landmark legislation in the mid-1960s. Although dated, even this portion of the book seems ever relevant, sadly enough, to our national discourse.

1 - Morning Pages

Since January 1, I have been doing most of my "morning pages in the designated journal from January to April (except when we traveled to Southeast Asia). Then, I used my Kindle Scribe until August 31. It is September 1, and I will write my morning pages on my blog. Julia Cameron says I should WRITE and not type, but she ain't my momma! I want to change it up and experiment with a different mode. I have written freewrites on here for years. Morning pages are similar to freewrites. So, here I go. 

I'll just do it for this month and see how I do.

I had a long talk with God over what has transpired over the last month or so. I cried more in August than I have in any other month in recent years. I took a good look at my summer consolations and desolations, and I realized some things about when I function well and when I falter. I even made columns for consolation and desolations. The good news is that there were three times more consolations than desolations! There were also definite patterns to both.

Consolation Patterns - friendship and connection with my family and friends. We had some gatherings here that were so precious. We spent long and leisurely time talking with friends. I also had such consolation with the spiritual direction of one-on-one directees. Also, walks in beautiful places. Learning new things. Kayaking on new waters (Great Lakes). Learning about a new place (Great Lakes). 

The Great Lakes Collection Cruise was definitely a consolation for me. The nature, learning, food, fun, etc. It was all there. 

The groups that I wrapped up leading/co-leading in May/June were pretty special: 2HC, ABC Supervision, Boller Year One, etc. It was a good year of group leading. 

Desolation patterns revealed that I don't like the pressure of having someone else determine my destiny, decide what I do, dismiss my ideas, deal unfairly, etc. 

It was good to look at this. One desolation was of my own doing: my back pain for the whole month of July. I functioned well on the cruise, but I made a big mistake by canceling my appointment with Dr. Myers because I thought I was better. I also brought it on myself by working too hard on all the documents in preparation for the 19th and 18th Annotations and OMS Retreat. Writing is a CONSOLATION for me but sitting to write them can lead to DESOLATION! Balance!!!!

There is the bell. I might lengthen the time I do this to 30 minutes because 17 was not long enough! 

Saturday Sixteen Sizzler

Freewrite sixteen (Freewrites are where you just keep writing and not worry about anything other than just to keep writing free.)

It is going to be hot today. I am on my deck at 10:16 am, and it is perfect. We leave at 11:30 for my mother-in-law's house. Then, we are on to a BBQ with people who are involved in the same kind of work that we are involved in. (I forget how to turn off Grammarly. It used to be free and so unobtrusive in their basic corrections, but now they try to get you to buy their Premium, and they are now too intrusive for my taste. I want to turn off the premium part and just stick to things I really have misspelled or forgotten something. UGH!)

So, I had a Centering Prayer time this morning, and my mind had a hard time focusing and kept going to something that happened on Thursday afternoon. Seriously, I have journaled privately about this thing, and I even went away to pray about it at the OSU Library for four hours, and it still is there...lurking! 

So, I thought I better say something. It just was festering, and I kept hoping. I heard from God about it. Come to think of it, he never said to "Let it go." I think I was supposed to speak up, and I did speak up, and the person took it really well. It was hard to speak up, but it was over feeling like someone who didn't have my back. All I heard was what I did wrong. They were very gracious, but their perspective was that they wanted to help out the other person talking. I had made the decision to have that person go first. It may have been a poor decision. But when I was corrected for my decision, I only heard, "Hey Carol, you did this wrong by asking this person to go first. We should have done it this way." I would have been fine had they done that privately, but I felt embarrassed having them do it in front of the whole group.

Also, my mind goes to...would they have done that if I were a man? 

The person apologized, and eventually, they gave their thought about why they did it, not even thinking about how it might affect me. It was a good talk. I was just going to not say anything, but then I wondered if it would slip out in the future. 

Seriously, I have felt like I wanted to quit. I have not felt like I wanted to do that in the middle of something in a long time. 

I still wonder if I am at the end of my tenure in doing this thing. I have continued to get that picture of that Boldly Beloved Bird Flying Free. I do remember at the end of the first year that I wanted to leave, but my spiritual director talked me out of it, and I am glad because it was great for years two and three, but I am not sure if I am the best fit for this group of people. I am not on the "in crowd" when it comes to people like them. 

I think I do much better freelancing. I am good working on something if I can tweek and have autonomy to tweak as I see fit. That goes back to that counselor in 1983 saying, "Carol, you score really high on creativity. How did you feel in the Navigators?" My immediate response was, "Stifled." There have been times where I have felt stifled with this situation, but I love what they have created. 

That is why I am sort of glad that it didn't work out for me to be with the spiritual direction training organization that I was going to join. I think I should be on my own in that respect. I won't have the advantage of having someone else take care of the financial part, but I like that I can be free to create my own stuff and fly free in creativity. 

I will have to see. I want to put that poem by John O'Donohue. Maybe I will just put the section that I have in a painting I purchased in Boise. 

I want to "live the life that I would love...and waste my heart on fear no more." 

I am crying. August has been my crying month. Happy and sad tears combined. He stores them all and He knows me (John 10:27). 

Stranger in a Strange Land

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

Robert Heinlein's most famous and influential work, albeit not his most brilliantly speculative, is surely Stranger in a Strange Land, a book whose questioning of social mores and religious certitude have made it as congenial to some readers as it has been controversial to others. Astonishingly entertaining, yet full of meaty philosophical and quotidian barbs, rife with pathos and laughs, this novel—whether in its original form or the expanded author’s cut—remains as poignant and provocative as the day it was issued. 

Centering Prayer by M. Basil Pennington

It took me FOREVER to read this book. This was the first book I picked up on a prayer retreat at Queen of Angels Monastery many years ago, and I read a few pages and said, "This Centering Prayer is not for me."

Well, I have about six years of consistent Centering Prayer practice, and this book makes so much more sense to me now. I ate it up! Loved it. LOL!

If you want to know my Centering Prayer story, here is it: 

Practicing the Way by John Mark Comer

This is a newer version with content similar to Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline and Ruth Haley Barton's Sacred Rhythms. 

He has a whole web presence with activities for churches (https://www.practicingtheway.org/). I pray it reaches this young pastor's generation just as Foster's reached mine. 

I went for a retreat at a monastery in June, and there was a woman on a church staff who was incorporating the practices into their church. She had never been on a retreat like this. It was phenomenal for her. So, I applaud Comer's efforts to reach his generation. 

Paddle-to-the-Sea

I had only seen the movie made on this book and never actually read the book. It is delightful! We are going to order it.

We went on a journey through the Great Lakes in July, and one of the educators talked about the St. Lawrence Seaway and started with this book being the inspiration for his fascination with it.

(Pictures from that trip coming soon - on our last cruise, I posted pictures every day, but the one on the Great Lakes was SO BUSY! I didn't have time.) 

Mother God

This book tries to get at the maternal side of God. The illustrations are gorgeous, but it just didn't connect with me. It is one of the recommended books in the Spiritual Accompaniment of Children class I am taking. 

A Well-Trained Wife by Tia Levings

This will probably be the hardest review I have ever written. 

I cried through every page. I am crying now. 

I will be brief:

Read this book.

It will help you understand that there is truly a disgusting undercurrent in Christianity today. It isn't just in "cult-like" Christianity. 

If you are a pastor, please be humble and read it to understand the HORROR that happens in countless "good Christian homes" worldwide. You need to wake up and protect women and hold men accountable for their abuse.

If you are a happy follower of Jesus with a good marriage and have never experienced this, you still need to read this. It is happening. Mark my words, it is happening! Practice compassion. Quit judging. 

If you are offended by the language, get over it and read it. 

As I read through tears, I tried to remember where we were on Tia's timeline when I slept in Beth's room with Tia on the floor in June of 2002. It was our second official Trapdoor retreat in South Carolina. (When you read the book, you will see a chapter with that title. I'm Carolfoasia.)  

Trapdoor Retreat June 2002. Greenville, South Carolina

I don't remember what we talked about, but I know it was late into the night, I remember Tia being so brilliant, creative, and wonderful. I have always loved her. But that night, there was something in the shadows. I wanted to ask the deeper questions, and I wish I had. 

Reading about what was hidden in the shadows breaks my heart. My tears flowed. And my blood boiled! 

I wish Tia's story was an isolated one.

It is not. There have been other women in this situation in my life since then. My tears flow. My heart breaks. My blood boils. Every...single...time.

I am currently a "friend who stands by" in two situations. One where the pastors and elders have acted with compassion and protection (and this happens to be my church). The other is where the pastors have acted like condescending jerks. I want to scream every time I read a letter from them reprimanding my lovely mentor and friend. 

I stand with the women who are abused.

Read the book.

Please stand with them too.