Praying in Color: Kid's Edition

This is a nice book that introduces a creative way to pray by doodling shapes and names of people children might be praying for.

I don't like the introduction, assuming how hard it might be for kids to pray. I think her introducing it would have been better than assuming kids have a hard time praying. 

She does this negative stuff in the adult version too (not finished yet so stay tuned for my review)

If I were reading this to a kid, I would skip the negative upfront part. If there were problems, we can address them, but why assume the negative and worst first? 

The Rabbit Listened

This book is a simple, yet powerful message of presence and listening bearing witness rather than "leading the witness." It is an analogy of what spiritual direction is all about, just being there and simply listening.

I am taking it with Lacy Finn Borgo's Spiritual Accompaniment with Children training. This is the last time she will be teaching it. I think those she trained will teach it in the future. It goes from August 10 to December 10. It is a big commitment, but so far I like it. 

I have read a few of the books she recommends. I cannot read all of them though because they are not in my library, and it would cost HUNDREDS of dollars to buy all the ones she recommends. 

The Critical Journey: Stages in the Life of Faith

If you read my previous two posts, you know that the spiritual directors I am helping Marty and Sandy train (if you want to become a director, they are the bomb - check them out - they might still have room in their upcoming cohort) read this in Year One: Module Five and will reread in Year Two.

It needs more editing, but it is a great book for giving voice to where a person is on their spiritual journey. So, I highly recommend it.

Leadership Emergence Theory and Negotiating the Doing to Being Boundary

I read this in June, but I am behind in my reviews. June was a big month for getting everything ready to lead a group of four people through the 19th Annotation of the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius and three people (it was almost four last week, but it didn't go through - whew. I didn't want that many people and the eight hour time difference adding this person would mean for our meeting time - but I digress). 

I like The Making a Leader by the same author better, but this one explains the whole theory in greater detail which was important for me to understand. 

This group read The Critical Journey in May. So I combined all three books, adding to a handout I created when teaching Women Becoming in 2005 and subsequent SHAPE classes and TOAGs from 2006-2018. 

I hope the people I am leading through this like it! Now I will have it all for people who want to do this when they go through the Exercises OR want to do it in a stand-alone exercise. It is so helpful.

The Making of a Leader

2024: I am taking people through the Spiritual Exercises and decided to give them the option of creating a timeline where they can see the movements of God in their lives.  I have had a handout since 2005 with questions from this book and combined it with questions from The Critical Journey: Stages in the Life of Faith. I wouldn't do this for everyone going through the Exercises, but these are spiritual directors in training, and I thought it might be helpful. It was fun to revisit this and his Leadership Emergence Theory book. We will see how my directees liked it when we meet in September.

Here is my previous review from 2017:

https://carolhomeschool2.blogspot.com/2017/06/the-making-of-leader-by-j-robert-clinton.html 

Fifteen Minute Frenzied Freewrite and the Free-flowing Wine Waterfall

Fifteen minutes, starting now (or so Siri says).

I had another "wrench" put into my scheduling for the year. I think I am addicted to closure and having things settled. I am not even that strong of a "J" on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator ("J" is the one that likes a final "J" judgment - not judgemental, just wants to see a final verdict/judgment in the whole scheme of things).

I think being a strong "F" (feeler) and a big people person, I want everyone to come on along and feel included, loved, and wanted. Sometimes, I am too accommodating though. I like people, and I certainly LOVE what I do, and when it rains, it pours! 

I told George yesterday, that I feel like I am standing under the "wine waterfall"! I had a vision of it on March 19, 2023, followed by a verse on March 26th (Amos 9:13 in The Message), and am getting pummeled underneath it. 

Adding Amos 9:13:

“Yes indeed, it won’t be long now.” God’s Decree.

“Things are going to happen so fast your head will swim, one thing fast on the heels of the other. You won’t be able to keep up. Everything will be happening at once—and everywhere you look, blessings! Blessings like wine pouring off the mountains and hills." 

I am adding Psalm 85:11. The flowers were in the vision, and then God gave me this promise 10 days later (I really love that God confirms things like this):

"Flowering of your faithfulness are blooming on the earth." (TPT)

Where should I stand with the waterfall, LORD? All the things I have dreamed about are coming true, and I cannot keep up. (Grammarly - how do I close you down? You are annoying me to no end with your silly suggestions. This is a freewrite, by Golly.) 

I will put a picture of the "Wine Waterfall" after I am done with this freewrite.

First of all, I am sick today. It started yesterday afternoon, I fell asleep for an hour between 2-3. I fell asleep again in the early evening. Then, I fell asleep at 10 pm and slept for 10 hours. SO UNLIKE ME (I only need six hours - I have the "Sleepless Elite" gene - 1-3% of the population. So when I sleep for 10 and more during the day, I know that I am sick. Here are the famous members.) 

So, I postponed my direction session with "C" until Thursday. She was so understanding. I have only had to postpone two other times in all my years of direction. 

I think I am a bit overwhelmed with the waterfall too. So, I am reading today and trying to schedule one more group that might possibly have a person who is eight hours time difference. I am already trying to get a schedule with five other people in another group for January-June with a 16-hour time change. YIKES! This group with the eight hours is going from February to May. It is weekly for 1 1/2 hours, but if this person joins, it will extend our time another 15 minutes. Everyone else is excited to have that person join, but they are now traveling, and have not got good reception. So, I am in limbo with the scheduling for that group.

Thus, my realization I am ADDICTED to closure. I have known that about myself. ADD to that ADDICTION a desire to make everyone happy, and I am stressed again.

I had so many years of little stress. I think if the wine waterfall continues, I need to be a little more in charge of my own destiny (meaning let my calendar be set in partnership with God). I have other people who are determining my schedule. Lesson learned: If you build it, they will come. 

Set MY time for the groups, if people cannot make it, they will not sign up for it. They can find another group to join or wait until they can clear their schedule to join. 

I think this is my last year with one of the groups I lead. I love the content. I love the people. But I cannot have someone else be in charge of my time anymore. I am too full up with other things, and when George retires, we will be going away more. I don't want to have just ONE MONTH of freedom in the summer that ends up being full of arrangements for the new crop of people coming in. It is too much for me. 

So there is my fifteen.

Clarify: Love the Wine Waterfall. I just need to know where to stand, and not let people put me underneath it. 

15 minutes. Good clarification for me! 

On to rest and reading. 

(Oh good news, one standing thing I did every Monday and Thursday from 12:15-1:00 pm is being put on hold until January. Woohoo! That is an answer to prayer.) 

Freewrite Fifteen: Touch Grass

Copyright Carol Ann Weaver 

The good news is my Apple Watch has its timer back. I accidentally deleted it a couple of years ago, and I could not get it back. It must have been a glitch. Recently, it reappeared as an option to download.

We are in Government Camp, Oregon at the base of the majestic Mount Hood. A part of me just did not want to go on another vacation after spending 15 days in the Great Lakes, but we wanted a vacation with our fantastic adult children. So, originally, George scheduled two weeks later and 7 hours away. I said, "NOOOO!" Especially since we were going in that same direction at the end of September for John and Katherines and the OMS North American Retreat. 

We were going to go to Southern Oregon, but the wildfires made air quality unhealthy. So, we got the idea of Mt. Hood - 3 hours max in the car to Government Camp. I was pretty stressed still about lot of things, and I felt like I didn't want to go. I had a little mini-breakdown with the family in the car. (We missed a turn-off to a trail, and I just was already very raw from many things, and I just lost it.) Normally, something like that wouldn't bother me, but it did, and I just wanted to crawl in a hole and go back to the condo we rented. But George said, "You need to touch grass." That is a British saying I guess. He was right. After everyone giving me a hug we went to Mirror Lake. Then later that day we hiked around Trillium Lake. The next day was cold and a bit rainy. So, we went to the Museum and ate at the Ratskeller and did a short trail to Little Zig Zag falls when the weather began to clear. That morning, I spent a lot of time journaling, and God clearly said, "Don't worry about tomorrow. Live today." So, I am not worrying anymore about all the people that I am involved with. All I need to do is live today. All the schedules will surely fall into place. I am convinced of it now. 

Yesterday was a hike up to the hut at the base of Mount Hood. Then we ate in the Cascade Dining Room at Timberline. Then we took a tour. Later on that day, we hiked a semi-flat trail to the Enid Lake Loop. It was lovely, and I am relaxed and happy. 

I realized that I work better independently, not having people dictate my life. So, I am holding the future with an open hand. I have the option of running two things independently and two things under the leadership of two different groups. So, I am still discerning the best course of action for that.

Regardless, I am living today. I am all packed up to go back home, but I am no longer going to stress about what is happening in the future. It is a good day TODAY. The sun is shining on us. 

I am also going back to more disciplined eating that I had between January 17th and July 1. I knew that these six to seven weeks would be vacation eating mode. 

So, I think it is 15 minutes. I will pack up this computer after this. I will also post some pictures of our hikes. 

Unfinished Freewrite

I am doing a freewrite like yesterday. Freewrites are typically 15 minutes. So, I will do it during a typical 15-minute halftime for basketball. 

I am watching the Basketball finals for the USA team. It is tied with France. Lots of turnovers on both sides. They do not have the best team for the USA on the floor. The team that should be there was left behind due to politics. It is very subjective how they select teams. 

Fifteen Minute Freewrite for USA Women's Soccer!!!

I'm doing a freewrite during the halftime of the USA vs Brazil Soccer Gold Medal Match.

I don't understand soccer, but it is fun.

I am curious to know how long a soccer halftime is too. I just wanted to write. I was going to read books for my Sabbath, but I feel like the Olympics only comes around once every four years. So, I am watching it. 

I boycotted the last Olympics because of the bad attitudes of, especially, the women's soccer team. The majority probably didn't have a bad attitude, but they got a bad rep because of some who pushed their agenda and were not respectful. So, I was disgusted. 

This team has risen above the politics. I like that. 

Come on USA! You can do it! So, I have had a good morning. I had Centering prayer at 4:30 am with the Meditation Chapel. Then some time in The Reservoir, and I love the simplicity of it. I meditated on Moses praying for the battle with Aaron and Hur holding up his arms. So, I led a Centering Prayer at 6 am with a combo of my worlds. One from the OMS, one from the 2nd Half Collaborative, and two from Sustainable Faith. And the 2HC and OMS people knew each other. That was really cool. 

After that, I went for a great intercessory prayer walk (I also journaled some intercession before that - I listened to God for each person in the Sustainable Faith training. That was cool.) I think that there is more smoke in the air because the sunrise was hazy. 

I had a lot of energy for my walk, but I was SORE. I subbed for summer Pilates. After two months of not teaching, I have sore buns and sore between the shoulder blades. Just a bit, but I feel really energized by it. Thus why I need to keep on teaching even though I am 65 years old. I just don't do it on my own!

George just came back from picking blackberries. 

Back to the Olympics, I have LOVED all the athletes that are living out their faith. They are posting their praise times in the Olympic Village. Sydney who is a hurdler (cannot remember her last name) has been so sweet to talk about her faith. Anywho, it has been really encouraging after feeling so silenced by the Woke abusers. Really has been an abusive rant for many years. I love that they just talk about their faith in Jesus and don't get involved with the political stuff. 

So, I hope those soccer players are resting because apparently, their ace player has been resting for the first half. So, she will be fresh and coming into the game. Go USA!!!

So, how much time is left? 5 minutes left. So, I know that halftime is at least 10 minutes. (I set a 15-minute timer which is standard for a freewrite.)

I am going to go to reading my books. I am 11 books behind on my reading goals for the year. Maybe I will not meet them this year. That might be really helpful. 

OK, the soccer commentators say, "Not very many looks." That must mean that they have not had too many times where they worked the ball down near the goal they needed to score at. "Looks" at the goal? I know that seems like I should know that, but soccer was not a sport when I was growing up. It came to our town when I was about a freshman in high school, and it was just club soccer. There was no high school soccer, and I just remember it being for the little kids and not for the teenagers. We are so behind the world when it comes to soccer. 

Well, there is 1 minute 20 seconds. I may complete this before the halftime is done. Maddy is telling me some rules as I go. 

Oh, it is starting. So I guess it is about 15 minutes! Who knew! 

TaTa for NOW! 

GO USA!!!!! 

I just Googled it: A halftime is exactly the length of a freewrite! Perfect! https://www.sportingnews.com/us/soccer/news/soccer-halftime-how-long-football-games-rules-break/503835c06e1d42064ec394ad

Wednesday Morning Freewrite

I am doing a straight fifteen-minute freewrite.

I am refreshed and rested, only to wake up to a stomach flu ("Selesma sakit"). So, I am rescheduling with the kids I was going to do spiritual direction with. I have questioned whether I should do this class, but it will benefit me in many ways. I don't think it will be that much extra time, just extra scheduling for me. That is always the difficulty: scheduling takes time and emotional energy. Meeting with people is the easy part. I have a lot of energy for that. 

I am rested though. I had some time to take a long walk after I met with two people and a group in the morning, and I was not in charge of the group. That was nice. 

So here we go. The school year is starting even though it is only August. We have people from out of town here, and we will probably be hosting something for them. 

I also start my class in six days. So that is "school" starting. Also, the Sustainable Faith Cohort starts before the official OSU starts. I am only teaching on Fridays. They have a new person who can fill the other days. So, I might just stick to Fridays and sub for her when she needs it. I am fine with that. 

Yesterday was lovely. I loved resting and watching the Olympics. Then we went to Katherine's parents' house for a BBQ and friends. It was so nice. I love those people so much. I feel so comfortable with all of them. 

If I don't meet with the kids, I don't have anything today. I think, after the retreat that I am helping put on, I will take an inactive role with my Order. I have such a full time on my plate, and I think asking myself, "Should I go to this or that" really weighs heavily on my mind in the mornings. I think I had stopped trying to schedule my mornings around that half hour. I love it, but I would rather not have that pressure of feeling like I "should" be doing something. I have so many early mornings with directees that it will be good not to have that on top of everything else. I really liked the session that Aisha led recently though. I will be sensitive to the Spirit's leading, but I really have so much on my plate - all things I have dreamed about. I will always be thankful for the Order though because I tried out so many group spiritual direction things with them. It gave me a laboratory for learning that I carry with me to this day. 

There is a part of me that feels rejected and unwanted, but I don't think that is a fair and true assessment of the situation either. I think it is more me. They are going through tremendous growing pains, and I don't want to contribute to their "pains." I think it is time to become inactive and reevaluate in June when I am done with the Sustainable Faith shadowing, 19th and 18th annotation groups of the Spiritual Exercises, Renovare Book Club, and 2HC. Then, I can reevaluate what is next. Since I will be starting my own spiritual direction training school, I will probably need to put a lot of time and energy into that. 

I need to pull back. It is my social instinct running wild. It will be good. 

Oh yes, I will also need to gather information about the other training. I have been asked to train directors starting in October 2025. I want to say yes to this because of the connections I will get with other like-hearted people. 

Fifteen minutes. That was really good. 

Monday Morning Freewrite

I am going to have a 15 minute freewrite. I might go to OMS 2nd Watch, and I might not. 

I tried to do a freewrite yesterday, but I had some things that happened where my lid flipped. 

My fight or flight (thumb part of this illustration) was totally exposed, and I really wanted to first, be mad (fight), and second, quit (flight) what I was doing. I wrote "I want to quit," but someone who is a part of this thing made me go, "Oh, what about _____?" Then George came in the room, and I unloaded my frustrations. We prayed, and I really poured my heart out, "Where are you God in all of this?" I prayed for others involved; that God would speak to them. I asked for prayer from the OMS and K, N, D,  and our community. It was really good. Things began to lift. I also know that Saturday was so full that I got NO exercise, and that did not help my lid (prefrontal cortex) to go back over my limbic system. 

So, George took me out to eat at Pop's Branding Iron for good, old-fashioned, American comfort food. Then we went for a walk in a new part of Peavy Arboreteum (our usual route was closed). Ah. Then, I called D and spelled out the whole scenario, and she empathized and validated my reality. 

Then! God did speak to the primary person who was causing all the stir (there were others involved, but it was centered around the drama that one person created)! I got the sweetest text that actually empathized with the bad position she had put me in (on two previous instances, there seemed to be no empathy and the person just steam-rolled over me verbally in a group situation). God had already brought me back to a place of peace, but that was icing on the cake for me. 

My lid had not flipped in so long, but I think I was LOW BATTERY (that is why I chose the picture above). I came back from vacation to too much. I had wanted an extra week to go through my pictures and enter back in. I did a bit of that, but so much of it was organizing the groups I am leading. One is all my leading and no one is over me or assigning me people. The other one IS being assigned people, and I was not given full information about my group, and some decisions were made without talking to me that made for some difficulty that culminated in the "lid flip." I tried to speak up, but it was a decision that I had to live with. I did not feel like I got much empathy or understanding. This group is not my only gig, and maybe I like having a little more say in my life for the next 10 months. In the last two cycles, it has turned out really well, but the first cycle, it was very stressful for me, but I did OK. I just wish I could be consulted and especially given information about the people that I am to have in my group. The first group, I would have asked for a change of people. It caused me great stress, but E and A were there to validate my reality when I heard the news of who would be in my group. I guess I had to realize that it is OK for me to say, "NO, I'm not going to get up at 3:30 in the morning to accommodate the time zone of that person." To me, it is a no-brainer that that would probably not be a good fit for me, but I don't think anyone cared what I thought. That was hard for me. I can also see things more down the road than many strong "Intuitives" (This is the Myers-Briggs definition of intuitive and not the dictionary definition of it.) They are idealists and do not always see the practical implication of things. 

All that to say (my timer went off, but I am going to keep on going), I am wondering if this is my last year. I think it will depend on whether I have a full cohort of people who I will be training in Body and Soul Companion Spiritual Direction Training (BASCSDT - I just wrote that for the first time, and it looks funny to me.) I am going to have three to start with and maybe six. We will see.

So now I am going to stop. I only have one directee today. Things are slowing down. I am allowing God to recharge my low-battery. 

Sixty-Fifth Birthday Saturday Morning Pages Freewrite

Instead of doing my "Morning Pages" in my Scribe this morning, I am going to do my writing on my blog. I have missed doing this, but the physical act of writing (even if it is on a digital tablet) has been good for me. Kim took me out for my birthday yesterday, and her handwriting is so nice. I think mine has gone downhill.

Yesterday, it was helpful to write. Then later I did a freewrite, and it was even more helpful. Since I have been doing "freewrites" on here for ages. (I am not sure when I did it on this blog for the first time. I will look after I am done with this.) The difference between a freewrite and "Morning Pages" is only that Julia Cameron recommends that you do SIX notebook-sized pages, and that takes 30 to 40 minutes, whereas a freewrite is only supposed to be 15. So, I will do about 30 minutes. I think I want to go to the 4:30 am Centering Prayer time in the Wisdom Chapel of the Meditation Chapel people. 

So, yes, it is my birthday today. I am 65 years old. How did that happen? Even though I am now "officially" on Medicare, one of our waiters on our trip said, "You are the 'minors' on this trip!" Meaning that we were young and active: going on hikes during our times in port. I think we were one of the more active people. There was another couple where the woman would run around the boat numerous times. It had a sign that said that 4.5 times around was one mile, and I swear, she ran by me at least 20 times. Her husband walked. But other than that, I don't think anyone was as active as George and I. We had so much fun! Our favorite adventure was going on "George Island" in Killarney to hike about 5 miles on their trail. I called it the "beautiful, buggy, bouldery, boggy, and blueberry walk" because we went into the mud up to mid-calf. It was a hard but rewarding hike with beauty all around us, and we got hungry but brought no food. So, we ate the wild blueberries along the way. A glorious time! (And who could resist an island named after my sweet husband, George!)

So, today is my birthday, and I have nothing planned other than going to the HP picnic for a bit. Then, we are having people over for dinner at about 6 pm. Just a small gathering of people with K, T, M, J, M, and George. Our kids are both working, and we will just sit out on the deck and talk and maybe play the Hygge game? That is all there is planned.

Today, I don't seem to be as stressed as I was yesterday about all the planning. I think I have a better idea about how to manage the groups. I can put the 19th Annotation people into the late morning, or early afternoon my time while they are sometime in the afternoon. My other group cannot meet at that time because it would be the middle of the night for our person in Southeast Asia. Once I realized that, I was a lot less stressed. 

I will find time in between for all the directees that I am leading. I have less one on ones than usual, but I have many, and I just added one more - mainly because she is already in the 19th annotation group and also wanted one-on-one time. So, that is a good overlap. 

I tried putting all my videos into one video like I did for the C2C, and I don't think I am using the same software. It was so much easier last time, but I cannot remember what I used. So, I gave up. I have 1 hour and 17 minutes of video and would love to get it down to less than an hour, but it was becoming so laborious on this one software that I gave up. So, I must find what I used! 

I will do the still pictures instead today. I have had fun looking at our adventures. I don't put as much time into pictures as I once did. Too much sitting afterward to edit them! I can't sit that long, but I could just go to my stand-up, treadmill desk. Maybe I will do that because I love photography.

So, today is a relaxing day for me. I will clean up the deck. I will rehang the picture that fell. I will drink triple chai tea in celebration of being 65 today!

TTFN! 

Friday Freewrite Fifteen

The great news for today: The Timer App has come back to my Apple Watch. About two years ago, I accidentally deleted it, and it would not come back. Apparently, it was a glitch. Well, they must have fixed it because I went to ask my phone to set my timer for 15 minutes when my watch said, "You don't have the timer app installed." Then I said install, and it was the one I deleted two years ago!

So, I have my freewrite timer installed today. That is good after a sort of stressful morning. Maybe that need for CLOSURE needs to be put back in its box?

Ok, maybe I need to quit obsessing over how I am going to schedule 30 people over five different groups and 15 time zones? Last year was different, I didn't have to schedule the supervision group until January. So, I had already started the Sustainable Faith training and 2HC Campfire. It was also much easier to schedule Campfire last year because we were all together in one place, it was the end of August and not the end of July with only a little break between the last one and this one. 

On top of all that, I have a 19th Annotation group to schedule. The good news is that they are all in the Central time zone! So, I am thinking I can schedule them for the afternoon.

More good news is that the Renovare group all wants to come back at the same time.

Bad news, I am hoping I don't have to teach on Mondays at OSU. I would really love to know if I am or not. 

So, I think I will schedule the Central Time Zone people in the early afternoon their time and 11 am my time on a Tuesday or Thursday on the 1st and 3rd weeks of the month.

See, it is all a balancing act, and it is like a jigsaw puzzle. Leading the groups is not going to be an issue because I have done it before, and I love that they are small and easy to manage.

Also, the 19th annotation group is really great. 

Renovare books this year are really good books: Worth Celebrating, Celebration of Discipline, a book by Rick Villoides (sp?), and one by Caussade. All books I am excited about. That should be easier to lead, especially Celebration since I have already led a group in this before.

Can I just say that I am happy I did not ... now I forget what just came into my mind. It will come back to me. 

So, I am good. I am waiting to hear back from one of the people I am doing a sponsorship interview with for the OMS. 

So, it all starts again next week, but in the meantime, I am celebrating my birthday! Starting with Kim in about an hour. 

That should be really good. And I have an appointment with Dr. Myers to remedy this back thing. It has not totally gone back in, but I have managed it really well. I thought prolotherapy put all these days behind me, but maybe it is still my "thorn in the flesh." Those 11 months were glorious though. So good. Nate has helped with his towel on my sacrum trick.

So, I am happy that I am all ready for the 19th in terms of content. I am also ready for the OMS retreat in terms of content. They have never asked me to do anything, but I see I am on the schedule to coordinate the content (they are pretty disorganized with everything they do on the USA side).

All that to say, I am so excited about this 19th. All eager. All "with it" people. The 2HC as well. So, it looks to be a fulfilling time.

I also think all my directees are "on board" these days. 

Just a jigsaw puzzle of scheduling that should get better when all the people pieces come together. 

 

The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman (1000 Books to Read)

The "greatest of all novels"? No, Virginia Woolf. It is just a jumble of stuff. I didn't get it, but I watched the movie and all the special features that explained it. It is not a favorite, but I can cross it off my very long list (that I am seriously considering abandoning because we are scrapping the bottom of the barrel these days - I think I have already read the TRUE classics that most lists have). I am not sure why Mustich includes some of them, but...here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

This antic shaggy dog story firmly established itself during the twentieth century as one of the most admired books ever written. Virginia Woolf, for example, hailed it as “the greatest of all novels,” and Czech writer Milan Kundera praised it for reaching “heights of playfulness, of lightness, never scaled before or since.” Tristram Shandy’s levity is irrepressibly apparent even before you start reading: Flip through the book and you’ll see black pages, marbled pages, blank pages, and typographic oddities that, you’ll discover, are visual counterparts to specific moments in the story. In large part that story turns out to be about the protagonist’s difficulty telling it. As digression follows digression, and interruption interrupts interruption, Tristram leads the tale on such a merry dance that it proceeds in every direction but forward. His reflections on matters mundane and philosophical and his accounts of the lives of his father and of his eccentric and often incomprehensible uncle Toby are just a few of the detours that distract him from his own progress, which never gets much past his first three years. But this wayward narrative’s energy never flags, and Laurence Sterne’s self-reflexive novel offers one of literature’s first—and probably its funniest—portrayals of the errant urgencies of consciousness.

The Red and the Black by Stendhal (1000 Books to Read)

I love classical books, but I don't think this is one of the best of them. It was a bit too melodramatic for me! 

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

In the pages of The Red and the Black we meet one of literature’s most memorable protagonists, Julien Sorel. The son of a sawmill owner, young Julien has Napoleonic dreams; handsome and clever, he has the gifts to pursue them. Recognizing that the path to glory for an ambitious youth in the France of the Bourbon Restoration runs through religious rather than martial channels, he dons the black robes of the clergy rather than the red uniform of the military. This decision reveals the scheming soul that animates Sorel’s every action, even in the sphere of love. Stendhal is particularly deft at capturing the tumult of lovers’ emotions, their prides and jealousies, anticipations and despairs. In fact, the psychological naturalism with which he depicts Julien’s conspiracy of one—his relentless opportunism in pursuing the unreachable triumphs he imagines are his due—undercuts the romantic sweep of the tale. Stendhal’s realistic style combines with his wry intelligence to treat all that falls into its purview—from the hypocrisy of the church to the petty posturing of both provincial and Parisian society—to a worldly assessment both sardonic and shrewd, making The Red and the Black a pleasure to both read and ponder.

The Dragons of Eden by Carl Sagan

I was pleasantly surprised at how much I liked this book. Sagan was BIG when I was growing up. So, it was fascinating to read his stuff. I have also been into brain science lately. So, it coincided with what I am interested in right now. 

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

Although he had not yet achieved the fame that was to come with his documentary television series Cosmos, Carl Sagan was already an astronomer of some renown when he published The Dragons of Eden, his first book to venture freely beyond the astronomical realm. Employing his celebrated gift for lucid explication of complex scientific matters, he produces a breathtaking overview of the nature and development of human intelligence. In the more than four decades since the publication of The Dragons of Eden, some of Sagan's theorizing has surely been overtaken by new research. But the bold sweep of the book's perception still opens unforgettable vistas of knowledge and imagination.

Sister Carrie

This did not end how I expected it! After reading some lackluster books from the 1000 Books list, it was nice to get back to a more classical story by a famous author. So, I liked it!

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

In the opening scene of Theodore Dreiser’s first novel, Sister Carrie, Caroline Meeber, eighteen years old, wearing a plain blue dress and worn shoes, is on a train bound for Chicago. “Dreaming wild dreams of some vague, far-off supremacy,” she has four dollars in her bag and an equally vague plan to live with her sister until . . . what? Soon enough disillusioned by the reality of her meager new life, she will scrape and scheme and love and fall on hard times—use and be used—before ultimately finding the material success she seeks, as an actress in New York City. Writing with an earnestness that granted society more agency and potency than any novelist before him, save perhaps Balzac, had allowed, Dreiser pioneered an American naturalism that left a path for Sherwood Anderson, Sinclair Lewis, Saul Bellow, and several generations of other accomplished novelists to follow.

Trust in the Slow Work of God by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Friday Freewrite Fifteen

Such a good poem. It made me think of one of my directees who is only in her 30s but has been through so much that she is out of the "Productive" Stage 3 of Hagberg and Guelich's The Critical Journey. Wise beyond her years. 

Going through hell early on has its advantages. She has been through it, spiritual abuse from church, and health issues. I get that. Pain can be a great teacher, but it is never fun in the middle of it. It is nice to reflect on it and say, "That was painful but I learned so much through it. I wouldn't trade it, but please Lord, I would prefer not to go through that again." 

Today is a low-key day. I am supposed to go to a group intercession time at 8 am, but I don't know the people, and that is awkward for me. Then, I meet with one of the people I am sponsoring for the OMS at 9 am. Always a rousing conversation. I might just do my final exit interview now since the window of doing that starts in nine days, and I want to take a break in the summer. I will still meet with directees, but I will meet for two days at the beginning of July and three days at the end. Then, it starts all over again if the 2HC is a go next year. 

With these two Spiritual Exercises groups, it is difficult to know if I will have the capacity for all that I have put before me. The good news is that I got a definite NO about supervising new spiritual directors through Deepen starting in January. (That would make me work through the summer in 2025, and I want to not be working through the summer with these groups.) I was asked to supervise directors in training starting in October 2025, and I will probably say yes to that because the people I would be supervising are international workers in areas that are my passion. So, I have that penciled in, and it would require a mid-October 2025 trip to Spain. So, I would like to combine that with two weeks on the Camino de Santiago! So, something to dream about in the future.

So, 2HC will be over next Saturday at 9 am. Then just those few directees and one Silent Prayer time, and I am on VACATION to the Great Lakes. I cannot even describe how excited I am to have uninterrupted time with George enjoying the beauty of being in a boat on the water: a big ship (378 passengers), special operations boats (about 16), Zodiak boats (8?), and kayak (just me and George together in beautiful Canada!).

I want some time to reorient for this trip. I had a strange lull in activity at the beginning of April. So, I did a lot of research on the places we will be going, but I have not had enough time to really get back to it. 

I took a wonderful walk this morning at 54 degrees. Now it is warming up and will be a high of 86. We have a late dinner with our community/family group out on our deck since we cannot meet on Sunday since we are celebrating Father's Day late with our bugs. I think we are going to Pop's in Albany. Comfort food. So fun. The kids have never been there, and I think they will like the big menu. So, American (even American flags stuck in the food). 

Bye! 

Freewrite Fifteen on a Tuesday

Sunrise at Joseph and Mary Retreat Center, Mundelein, Illinois, August 2023 

I am having a writer's block. So, I am going to have a fifteen-minute freewrite and then go into some Centering Prayer (with the nuns of House of Prayer East Moseley). Then, I will have an hour and a half to write what I hope will be a lovely blessing for the whole 2nd Half Collaborative. I don't even remember doing this last year. Ack!

Somehow freewriting loosens my brain up. I love blessing people, but how do you summarize a blessing after 10 months with this great group of people? The first-ever group that we actually had an opening retreat that was face-to-face at the beautiful Chicago retreat center (the name escapes me, but I will post a picture of it at the top). That was such a lovely time, and I felt like I floated. It was an effortless time of relating with a great group of people. It was small - 13 participants and five facilitators. The grounds were lovely, and they had BIKES to take and ride (so, of course, I did a 25-mile round trip to Lake Michigan and back on our day of Silent Prayer - because that is what Carol does). 

I think part of the reason I have a block is because I spent a delightful morning in a two-hour talk with spiritual directors in training. It was on "Cross-Cultural Spiritual Direction," and I'm no expert, but they asked me back again.

I forgot the planned "statio" time of entering into God's presence and launched right in. Still, part of that was that we started with everyone introducing themselves and where they were from. (Not my choice because that was part of my time of statio - but I didn't communicate that to the person in charge.) The start of my talk is about where I am from and what a culture shock it was to go into the church after not being raised in it (I still feel a little out of place in the traditional church - not in the body of Christ, however). 

Anywho, the talk went well, and I am still thinking through it. Good questions that I did not field super well, but that is OK. I feel, overall, very happy about how it went. 

Maybe I just need to ponder that a bit longer before I go into my next thing: writing my blessing. It is probably 50-100 words, but I want to wait and ponder that too.

I also have a directee at 2:30 where we will evaluate her time through the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius. That should be good. Then, I have this writing, but tomorrow, George has the day off. So, I am not going to the agenda overview for a retreat that I am helping with for the 2nd Half Collaborative. We are going to go to one of our favorite spots: Beaver Creek! Love that place, and we have not been there since we were there with John and Katherine, and we saw that cool rainbow cloud. I miss them so much.

All that said, the people who asked me to do this talk also asked me to be a trainer for their spiritual directors. So, I would lead a monthly cohort and supervise them as they write up Contemplative Reflection Forms, I really love supervising, AND on top of all that, they are people who are international workers who are becoming directors, and that is my niche, wheelhouse, whatever you want ot call it. 

So, I am seriously considering it. It would be the Fall of 2025, and I would not be leading two groups through the Exercises like I am this coming season.

Speaking of that, I am so excited about that. This 19th Annotation group is the bomb. 

Time to go! 

Friday Freewrite Fifteen Morning Pages

I slept in until 5:15 this morning because I stayed up until 11:30. That is unusual for me, but I wanted to watch the finale of Welcome to Wrexham. I love that show. Usually, I get up and write my morning pages on my Scribe, but I miss my Friday morning freewrites. So, I am combining the two.

I tried to explain freewrites to someone last Sunday night, but she didn't understand it. It just helps you get your unedited thoughts and feelings down in writing. There is probably brain science that tells you that the physical act of writing is better for your brain than typing, but my computer was still on this morning. And I looked at it and said, "I want to freewrite." So that is what I am going to do. 

I had a little blow yesterday. I had decided to not weigh myself and just lose weight by feel. I got weighed at my doctor's appointment last Monday before I went on my three day retreat, and I made the mistake of looking at the recorded weight when I was looking at the test results. Bummer! I had not lost as much as I thought I had. The good news is that I did lose, but my guess was eight whole pounds less! Wow!

But the point is that I am less, and I am fine. Also, the things I was concerned about cholesterol, LDL, and glucose were all OK. The doctor wasn't concerned about them at all, and after I saw the results I went and spent the afternoon with K who is a Registered Dietitian (we graduated from the same Foods and Nutrition program at Oregon State, but she went on to get an internship, and I went into ministry with the Navigators), and she said for 65 (or almost), I am doing great.

I also noticed on my Apple Watch data that my VO2 Max is doing really well. It is almost back up to what it was when we were hiking hills on the C2C (Corvallis to Sea trail - I think I have posted the video I made for that hike). Hills are good, and I got a LOT of hills when I was at the retreat at the Trappist Abbey in Lafayette/Carlton. I really need to incorporate more hills in my walking this summer because I want to get my VO2 Max up to what it was a few years ago. The good news is that I have a very HIGH cardio score for my age and even the age of someone in their 40s! WOOHOO.

I had a very productive day writing my Belovedness Devotional for my 19th Annotation of the Spiritual Exercises. I think I will be able to send it out today, and I would even like to try to send out the updated Timeline handouts for their "Blessed History" work. 

I might even update praying through the first week. Write a step-by-step guide so they get the rhythm of the Exercises. 

It was so fun to talk to Kim yesterday. We talked for almost four hours. We had so much to talk about, and she brought the dog over to her mom's house so we would not be interrupted. She has been such a faithful friend to me. When I look at my Rule of Life/Personal Customary, I have regular time with life-giving friends as a monthly priority. I am not always as good at doing that. 

Well, the timer should be going off any minute, I think. I will post my C2C video for reference. Hmm. Maybe we should go hiking again this weekend. Hills are so important for cardiovascular health.

There is the timer. I sure enjoy typing and it saves paper and/or stylists on Scribe pens. LOL!

Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie

Finished: May 20 (almost all caught up in my reviews)

Wow! I have never read a Rushdie. Now I know why he is such a celebrated author. I loved this book, and I loved the sweeping history that is the backdrop to this story. 

Highly recommend. 

Here is what it is about:

The novel tells the story of Saleem Sinai, who was born at the exact moment when India gained its independence. As a result, he shares a shares a mystical connection with other children born at the same time, all of whom possess unique,  magical abilities. As Saleem grows up, his life mirrors the political and cultural changes happening in his country, from the partition of India and Pakistan, to the Bangladesh War of Independence. The story is a blend of historical fiction and magical realism, exploring themes of identity, fate, and the power of storytelling. (Goodreads).

This is a perfect summation!

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

Imagine a literary love child of Charles Dickens and The Arabian Nights, and you'll have some idea of the human interest and narrative ingenuity of Salman Rushdie's masterpiece, one of the most admire, acclaimed, and enjoyed novels of the second half of the twentieth century. Like Dickens Rushdie draws indelible characters and sets them in a swirling social context; he similarly shares a gift for exaggeration that gets closer to the truth about people than observational exactitude, illuminating his caricatures with a sense of justice and a sense of humor, often entwined. Like The Arabian Nights, Midnights Children leavens the world it depicts with magical capabilities and coincidences, thereby evoking the intense devotion our emotional lives demand of us, no matter our circumstances. Rushdie's unshakable belief in the regenrative power of telling stories, a faith given from in the unrelenting narrative energy of Midnight's Children is a legacy of both forebears. The force of Rushdie's prose is so propulsive, the currents of story-within-story so transporting, that each page is a futher winding of the crank on an enormous jack-in-the-box that explodes again and again with the wonders of living that hisory can never contain. 

The Master and Margarita (1000 Books to Read)

Finished: May 9

I know it is a classic. My friend D.J. said:

Critical to reading this book is understanding who or what each person or entity truly represents. Because of the government at the time, situations, people, etc. are the opposite of the literal reading.

But it just wasn't my cup of tea. It was just too ridiculous for me.  

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

One Soviet writer has no shortage of admirers today: Mikhail Bulgakov, whose novel The Master and Margarita has become both a Russian phenomenon and cult classic in the West. At once a love story, a supernatural adventure, and a vicious satire of the USSR under Stalin, it bursts with a creative energy that propels the narrative forward at lightning speed. Issued in the Soviet Union in the late 1960s, it immediately made its way to the West, where it quickly developed a following. In the decades since, as its black magic and biting humor attract new generations of readers, The Master and Margarita has become an ever more valuable document of the absurdities, dangers, and quandaries of life in the USSR and—all literature being more than local—beyond.

Sunday Sixteen Freewrite

This is the quote in another translation with words added at the end:

“The man who is wise, therefore, will see his life as more like a reservoir than a canal. The canal simultaneously pours out what it receives; the reservoir retains the water till it is filled, then discharges the overflow without loss to itself ... Today there are many in the Church who act like canals, the reservoirs are far too rare ... You too must learn to await this fullness before pouring out your gifts, do not try to be more generous than God.”

Bernard of Clairvaux, Bernard of Clairvaux on the Song of Songs III

I like the added line: "You too must learn to await this fullness before pouring out your gifts, do not try to be more generous than God."

I have been sitting and soaking in this quote for most of the morning. I am going through The Reservoir by Renovare again with my Kindle Scribe. That way, I can journal in the notes part of the book. 

This quote starts off the book, and it is one of my favorites, especially since Nancy has a little reservoir behind her house. We went up there a few weeks ago. She calls it "Carol's Spring," but it really is a little reservoir that collects the water coming down the hill from many different streams, and you cannot see them. They are hidden, but there is a reservoir at the side of the road where she stops and prays for me (and has been doing it for at least 19 years, maybe more). There is a metal pipe that channels the water under the road, and then it falls in a little waterfall down the hill into a bigger stream. 

We prayed longer there, and I see it is not a spring these days, and I like being a reservoir. This time, the more full quote that I found on Goodreads really hit me:

"You too must learn to await this fullness before pouring out your gifts, do not try to be more generous than God."

Learn to await this fullness. Soaking in that. Wait - a keyword in my life's journey. 

The memory of Colette standing at my door when I was 24 telling me "It will all be alright" when I was in the middle of my breakdown and leaving staff because of it. Crying my eyes out. She gave me hope.

I needed to wait. Painful experience but so beautiful and perfectly timed.

A memory of Shannon being so kind to call Gwen and have her pick me up in her big Cadillac and buy me shoes and take me to her mansion (yes it was a mansion) and listen to me pour my heart out to her for seven hours and give wisdom and perspective to my burn out situation.

So grateful for this. 

I am leading people through the Spiritual Exercises this year. They are in training to be spiritual directors, which is a requirement. They have just read Hagberg and Guelich's The Critical Journey. So, I am giving them optional "timeline work" along with their "Blessed History" that is part of the Exercises. I hope they dig deep into this. I am already benefitting from dusting off the "Life Experiences" stuff I taught with S.H.A.P.E. that I used for Women Becoming, teaching at the Suburban Women's Evening Bible Study, and later our TOAGs. It is good stuff. I hope it is not too overwhelming, but I think these three people (it may be two, one is still deciding) would be up for it.

One of the people in the 18th annotation group (only 10-12 weeks as opposed to 32-34 weeks for the 19th Annotation Group - the former runs February-May. The latter runs September-May) would also be up for it. I don't know about the other two. I don't want to overwhelm anyone, and I will always say things are optional, and then they feel pressure to do them.

I never get tired of reviewing where I have been and where I am going. Life with God is such a teacher.

Because I tend to think about other people too much (which can be a coping mechanism), these words are always good. "Do not try to be more generous than God." (With emphasis on the word TRY.)

Shoot. Sixteen minutes goes by so fast, but I want to stay true to the freewrite! 

ADDED AFTER 16 minutes:

I forgot that I wanted to add the etymology of the word reservoir:

reservoir (n.)

1680s, "a place where something tends to collect, place where anything is kept in store," originally figurative, from French réservoir "storehouse," from Old French reserver "set aside, withhold," from Latin reservare "keep back, save up; retain, preserve," from re- "back" (see re-) + servare "to keep, save, preserve, protect" (from PIE root *ser- (1) "to protect").

A Taste for Death (1000 Books to Read)

FINISHED: May 5

Another thriller! Such great writing! Such suspense. I liked it so much, that George and I watched the series based on several of her books called Dalgliesh: 

I highly recommend it!

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

The book begins with a precision of time, place, and other coordinates—a police procedural, after all, being in essence a fatal novel of manners. An old woman and a young boy discover two dead bodies in a church. In life, the two men lying in the vestry, both with their throats slit, could hardly have been more different: One was a local vagrant, the other a baronet and a rising star in politics. In one of the most puzzling investigations of his long career, Commander Dalgliesh must unravel the twisted threads that yoked them together in death. As James details his investigations, the plot resonates with themes of faith and doubt that give unexpected dimensions to the question “What happens next?” Fellow crime novelist H. R. F. Keating, creator of the delightful Inspector Ghote, summed up James’s achievement in this book best when he wrote, “By entering the worlds and minds of all her main characters—suspects, investigators, bystanders—she has been able to say more about life than has hitherto been attempted in the crime form.” 

The Silence of the Lambs (1000 Books to Read)

FINISHED May 5

I will never see this movie. But the book was so well-written, and I always find them less scary than the film.

What a thriller! 

Here is why James Mustich thinks it should be one of the 1000 Books You Read Before You Die:

Hannibal Lecter is one of the most chillingly drawn villains in the annals of modern fiction. He is perverse, polite, charming, brilliant, and brutal, and the FBI would like to lure him into helping with an ongoing investigation of a string of savage killings of young women that have left them baffled. Armed with a questionnaire and the protection of a file folder, Agent Clarice Starling comes face-to-face with the cannibalistic murderer, who is serving nine consecutive life sentences in a mental institution. So the forces of social order meet the urges of the sociopath; one side of that equation, as the reader soon recognizes, is seriously underprepared. Twisted minds, tortured bodies, and a straight line of perfectly pitched suspense add real horror to Thomas Harris’s novel, yet it is the riveting allure of Hannibal Lecter, the singular character at its core, that puts it in a class of its own as a modern thriller. 

The Eternal Promise (Renovare Book Club)

FINISHED: May 4

This was the last of the Renovare Book Club books for the 2023-2024 year. 

It was lovely. It took me a while to get into it, but some of the later essays are brilliant.

I enjoyed the person who led us through the book, the new President of Renovare, Ted Harro. His help was so excellent. He had a spiritual practice for each week of the book.

This is very different from the first book that I read by this author, A Testament of Devotion. It is a much easier read and a gem. 

But this one had a history about George Fox and the beginning of the Society of Friends (Quakers). It made my husband and I go to a Friends Meeting in my town. We loved it!