Sunday Morning Freewrite

I was going to try to do more freewrites last week, but here it is Sunday morning, and I only did one last Monday.  Oh well.

I had felt very tired on Wednesday night and could barely make it through watching Survivor and fell asleep at 9 pm. I woke up sick and canceled my 10 am counseling appointment. 

Then I felt OK on Friday and Saturday, but I fell asleep at 9 pm last night and woke up at 12:25 am feeling that cold finally erupting. I had a very fitful night of sleep last night and am finally up now at 6:33 am with a cold. So, I sort of wish that I had rested on Friday and Saturday instead. I am not sure if it would have staved off the inevitable cold that has now arrived, but I knew something was lurking, but Friday was too wonderful for words.

I got up and went for a walk with one of the girls I meet with, and she is doing really well. We did some listening prayer that got to the root of some things, and she has gone home to processing it. I talked with another woman I have counseled with since last November as I drove up the 99 corridor. Then, I had a wonderful lunch, talk, and prayer with my wonderful mentor, Lorraine. We had not gotten together since August (maybe September?). Then, George picked me up there, and we went out to a deliciously quaint French restaurant in McMinnville! It was not even a special occasion other than we knew that I had to go to a wedding on Saturday, and he was meeting with Josh. We ended our evening by watching some Gilmore Girls together.

We got up, and I took a beautiful sunrise walk. Then when George got up, we took another one. Then, I found out that I did not have to go to the wedding after all! YAY! So I was able to get some work done for the Kingdom Community. Josh came over, and I tried to stay away from talking, but I ended up sitting with them toward the end. I feel bad that Josh did not feel really comfortable with our group last year, but he stuck it out and made some good friends! He is a great guy, but he was new to the area, and he did not know anyone. He wants to take our group over again because he did not really know what was going on and too busy with school to really put a lot of time into the homework. But he made it through.

Now, I am enjoying a cup of Perfect Peach tea with honey to feel better. I already took some cold medicine, and I really do feel better, but I know that is not what I am really like, so I am going to stay home from church and really rest! :)

I have to see if I can get together with Mandana on Thursday instead of Wednesday because I would like to go up to work with George on Monday through Wednesday. I hope Mandana can do that with me. :)

Boy this Perfect Peach tastes really good on my throat. Now on to "The Fall" practice. I think I love freewrites. 

Thank you, Julie, for introducing me to them. :) This is not a very interesting one, but it has prepared me for the day. I love early, quiet mornings before everyone is up.

Monday Morning Fifteen Freewrite

Ok, here we go. I am letting my fingers do the walking through the keyboard, and I will not let up for the next fifteen minutes.

I really like our Sunday afternoon group. The single men do not know what they are missing with all these wonderful single women! They are amazing in every way. They have great relationships and are sharing what they are learning about God with others. That is so great. 

They are also learning to abide which is a lifelong wonderful process of growth and maturity. One that I still continue to learn at every turn in my road. I sent them the "Soothing Worship" this morning because many of them had the application of being in God's presence after they meditated on Genesis 3, and the whole concept that Adam and Eve hid from God's presence, and all He wants is for us to stay in His presence which is abiding.  The words are, "I so want to be with you. Just look my way." The problem is that we hide behind the trees instead of walking with Him in the garden.

So I am looking Your way this morning God, and I am in Your full light as the morning light first hits my window. So much to be thankful for.

First, I am just really thankful for this wonderful group that we have on Sunday afternoons. I love that it is only six of us. I think I want to limit the size of our group to eight people every year. It just is a better size for everything: intimacy, accountability, relating, etc. I love it.

Second, I am so thankful for no back pain for the longest time. I am even more thankful that I do not even have tightness most of time, and I am thankful that when I do get the slightest bit of tightness, I adjust my posture, even while running and the pain goes away. So much of it is stretching those pecs by doing a shoulder role where I am squeezing my shoulder blades more together and using those muscles there (what are they called?) to do the work rather than rolling my shoulders forward. This so relieves the stress on my back. So weird how that all works together. Stretching vigorously has also really helped. The Gokhale Method has been that missing puzzle in my back being ten times better in the tightness department. I am addicted to my "stretch sit" pillow! YAY!

Third, I am so thankful that both of the boys have made their transition to a four year university with grace. I would love for Paul to be more involved in the social aspect of things, but I am glad he has adjusted to Michael being gone so well and is doing well in his classes.

Fourth, I am so thankful for the job that George has. I am strangely thankful that he IS up in Newberg for much of the week. Not because I want him to be gone, but I feel very confident that he is to be up in Newberg to be of help with his mom and aunt. It is really quite a small sacrifice for me to not have him during the week, and I can always orient my week to go up and see him too. I really need to reserve Thursdays and Fridays to do that, but this Thursday, that is not possible since I have the prayer summit on Tuesday morning.

Fifth, I am really thankful for prayer. What would I do without a way to communicate with You. You are not a God far off but is near to me, in my heart. Thank You God for this. You are very near.

Sixth, I am thankful for Your Word. What can I say? It always seems to be appropriate for what is happening in my life. That is the way of Your Spirit to speak to me through it.

I am praying for opportunity to do a little three-minute study with two friends this week. I really would love to tell Creation through the Fall to someone in my network of relationships. Would you bring that about, God? 

Well, I have about three more minutes on the Freewrite, but I am ready to get to Jeremiah since Karen is coming at 9 am, and I have not made much headway in the last few days. I would also go for my walk, and now that daylight savings time has occurred, it is lighter earlier in the day. So I hope to at least take a walk around the block.

OK, now it is only two minutes to go. I am off to Jeremiah, and I am sending this without a proofread. :) 

40. The Unshakable Kingdom and the Unchanging Person by E. Stanley Jones

 I started this book on my trip to Europe in May. I thought for sure I would read it on the 10 hour plane flight, cruising down European rivers, and on the flight back; but NO! There were too many great movies on the plane that I really wanted to see, and I had too much fun touring European cities and talking to interesting people on the boat to read. I wish I had not taken it with me and just stuck with shorter books on my Kindle if I were desperate (and I never was!).  So, it sat in my "TBR" (too be read) pile for too long until I had a stack of seven books to read, and this is the last of the seven! 

This is a GREAT book! It is one that needs to be read in small chunks and savored. I believe that concepts of the Kingdom of God in Dallas Willard's Divine Conspiracy come from E. Stanley Jones' excellent writings! Prepare to have your spiritual brain stretched!

I also recommend his book, The Christ of the Indian Road. Of the two books, The Christ of the Indian Road is a much easier (and shorter) read. But both are excellent! 

I wish I could have met E. Stanley Jones. He was a contemporary of Ghandi. How cool is that? This will probably not be the last book I read by this great and godly man! 

Friday Free Fifteen

I popped out of bed at 6:15 am, and I thought, "I want to immerse myself in Bible Book Club this morning!" I am still going to do that, but I wanted to do a book review (I am within 70 pages of the end so I always allow myself to write the review when I am within 100 pages of the end as it motivates me to FINISH!). Then I got intrigued that I could not write a comment on the 52 books in 52 weeks blog page. So, I am now "clearing cookies," and we will see if that helps. All that to say is that I have not gotten to the Bible Book Club, but I have . . . 

1. Fully loaded the dishwasher and started it (Paul and I only have 1 1/2 loads during the five days that George is gone, and sometimes the dishes get really smelly! I guess I can maybe just run "half loads" some dishwashers have that capacity, and I need to read up on that. To have our dishes reduced by at least half has just changed everything!)
2. Made a double recipe of Chai tea! (It is a "Friday Fast" day, but I drink tea before the sun rises)
3. Checked Facebook and am praying for the Kurds in Iraq and Syria as my two Kurd friends posted how they felt about the US involvement
4. Listened to 24 minutes of Jon Thurlow "Soothing Worship" which is so free flow, and it is not a published recording but a nice girl sent it to me because she recorded it while in the iHOP prayer room in Kansas City
5. Posted my review of my book and tried to post a comment on that website about four times and NO GO. What gives?

So here I sit doing a Friday Freewrite. I do not know how I got out of the habit of doing these things, but I miss them! I want to become a better writer, but I have not put much effort into it as I am just editing the Bible Book Club these days rather than writing fresh things. 

How I have loved this Bible Book Club project! I started writing on since December of 2007! That is almost seven years of this wonder odyssey. It really is not a "project" because it is part of my time with God! I have made it an abiding time rather than a work time, but it is also work time, but I am always amazed at how no matter where I am in the Bible that it speaks to me for that day! It is uncanny, but we serve an UNCANNY God!

Jon Thurlow is saying, "When you are by yourself, when you are in your car, when you are waking up in the morning light, I am waiting for you to dial down and talk to Me."  God wants us to talk to Him. 

It is interesting because I met with one of the TOAG girls, and she was saying how it was hard for her to have abiding time when she had homework, but we talked about abiding 24/7/365. It was really good. It is hard to believe that your work time and your abiding time can be integrated at her age. I remember when I was her age and crying out to God to have a 24/7/365 kind of life, but it was SO HARD back then.

It is not hard now. But how many years have I been putting abiding into practice. I don't even think about "putting it into practice" because it is like breathing now. When did the change occur? I am not really sure. It just happened. 

I think The Game of Minutes and Letters of a Modern Mystic and The Practice of the Presence of God were all really valuable in this process. Thank You Lord for the example of those who have gone before me!

Well, that was an easy fifteen minutes. Now I am off to explore Zephaniah! I am so looking forward to getting to Jesus! :) I always have "judgment fatigue" when I get to this point in my Bible reading! I still have to get through Jeremiah and Ezekiel first (I am reading chronologically, by the way), but I am up for the challenge! 

Bye!

39. From the Straight Path to the Narrow Way: Journeys of Faith

The beginning of this was somewhat dry because it had to explain the research methodology, but once I plowed through that part (after over a year), the stories of faith were very encouraging! I loved reading about the journeys of faith of people from throughout the world (as I love hearing anyone's journey - please tell me yours!).

38. Freedom Tools:For Overcoming Life's Tough Problems

I have always been curious about SOZO so this book was helpful for me to see the similarities and differences between it and the methods of listening and inner healing prayer I have been exposed to over the last thirteen years. It is very similar with slight variations. It is helpful for an initial exposure to this very important tool in being a "first-responder" of first aid for people with hurts from their past. 

Sunday Morning Freewrite Fifteen

I am setting the timer . . . 

I have not done this in forever. In fact, I have not been doing a lot of writing these days. I am editing my Bible Book Club posts, and that has been so fulfilling and fun. I get to read what I wrote as far back as five years ago (I am editing posts, and the majority of those were written in 2009). It is fun to see that I have GROWN! YAY! I really have. It is so fun to think that this life is so fluid. 

I am listening to "Soothing Worship" by Jon Thurlow. He is singing, "No fruit's gonna' come through you unless you remain in me."  He sings this over and over. This is SO my philosophy of life. Ever since my breakdown in 1983 and Pearl Tadema (I am sure she has passed away since she was retirement age when she counseled with me) told me something to the effect, "You are bearing fruit simply by your abiding. Jesus Christ is the end of self-effort." This was the result of reading my journals and seeing how hard I would try. 

I am looking at my Strengthsfinder strengths, and it is the double edge of llllllll;;; (to the left is me trying to get the chai tea/whipped cream I tried to get off the keys of my keyboard. Maybe I better go and wash my hands - stop timer. HAHAHAHAH). 

Now what was I saying? Oh, the double edge of the strength of "achiever"!  I think I am so much less of an achiever than I used to be.  I love abiding. I would not be able to do what I do without the Lord. I have been with a lot of people who do not rely on the Lord in the last week; and strangely, my heart is so enlarged in love for them. Is it possible to be past the "feeling alienated" stage and feel like I can offer something so real and tangible by being the hands and feet of Jesus? I do not feel like it is me in a sea of liberalism. OK, now I am crying in overwhelming love for all those people. It is not a "me against them" kind of mentality. Frankly, I am not so sure it has ever been like that for me. I just want to be Jesus who lives inside of me and offers hope and healing to others.  Crossing the liberal/conservative chasm is not that hard to do when you do not look at the world through that lens. 

So many lives. So many hearts that need filling. I do not need to defend Him with doctrinal point. I do not need to "sell" Him but just "smell" like Him. The only way I know how to do that is to abide (now we are back to what I was just saying). My eyes are continually on You, Jesus. THANK YOU for grabbing my heart. It really had nothing to do with me. It was all about You.  

"Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on You.
Through it all, through it all, it is well with me.
Let it go my soul and trust in Him.
The waves and wind still know His name."   

Simple steps. "No one comes to the Me, unless the Father draws him." 

(Since it has been a long time since I have written a freewrite, I want to remind my readers that you are to send these things without proofreading or corrections. I write like I talk. So, there will be mistakes.) 

Love you.  

37. Coffee and Orange Bossoms: 7 Years & 15 Days in Tyre, Lebanon

This is a fascinating memoir. I do not know that much about the people of Lebanon so I found it very interesting. The book is very personal and page turning. In the interest of full disclosure, I know the author, and I also know the person who edited his book (I connected them, and she is the author of two previous books I reviewed: The Fifth Season and Through the Veil). I heartily recommend this book! I read it waiting for and on a plane from Chicago to Portland, and I could not put it down. You really want to know how it ends. 

36. Funny in Farsi

 This book was given to me as a gift from my Iranian friend. It is delightful! It is humorous and heart-warming. Dumas (her married name is French) is a great writer! 

Matthew 4:1-11 (Luke 4:1-13): Temptation of Jesus

Matthew 4:1-11 (Creation to Christ - Discovering God)

Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after He had fasted forty days and forty nights, He then became hungry. And the tempter came and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread.” But He answered and said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.’ ” Then the devil took Him into the holy city and had Him stand on the pinnacle of the temple, and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down; for it is written, ‘He will command His angels concerning You’; and ‘On their hands they will bear You up, So that You will not strike Your foot against a stone.’ ” Jesus said to him, “On the other hand, it is written, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’ ” Again, the devil took Him to a very high mountain and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory; and he said to Him, “All these things I will give You, if You fall down and worship me.” Then Jesus said to him, “Go, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only.’ ” Then the devil left Him; and behold, angels came and began to minister to Him.

Luke 4:1-13 (Commands of Christ - Discovering Discipleship)

Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led around by the Spirit in the wilderness for forty days, being tempted by the devil. And He ate nothing during those days, and when they had ended, He became hungry. And the devil said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.” And Jesus answered him, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live on bread alone.’ ” And he led Him up and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time. And the devil said to Him, “I will give You all this domain and its glory; for it has been handed over to me, and I give it to whomever I wish. “Therefore if You worship before me, it shall all be Yours.” Jesus answered him, “It is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God and serve Him only.’ ” And he led Him to Jerusalem and had Him stand on the pinnacle of the temple, and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down from here; for it is written, ‘He will command His angels concerning You to guard You,’ and, ‘On their hands they will bear You up, So that You will not strike Your foot against a stone.’ ” And Jesus answered and said to him, “It is said, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’ ” When the devil had finished every temptation, he left Him until an opportune time.

Jon Thurlow Soothing Worship

Jon Thurlow Soothing Worship



Really enjoying this these days. Twenty-four minutes of pure worship.

Jane Austen vs Emily Brontë: The Queens of English Literature Debate

This is so interesting! I love both the authors, but I think that Austen would have the edge for me!

7: Birth of Jesus (Christmas)

Another storyteller's version: 

https://vimeo.com/groups/240885/videos/27896621

HIS WORDS: Isaiah 9:2, 6-7; Luke 1:26-38; 2:1-20

MY WORDS: Coming Soon!


I WILL: Coming Soon!

Wednesday Afternoon Freewrite

Today ended up being a free day other than cleaning up for the house cleaners to come at 8:30 am. 

I had kept it relatively clear so that we could do any last minute shopping for Michael, who goes away for his junior year of college tomorrow. He still needs office supplies, but I thought we could do it in Ashland, but maybe we can do it today and have some one on one time together. 

It is a sad day. :( I might cry the whole time.

I have had a good week though, but for this weird miscommunication with one person. I sent a clarifying email to four people. The other three totally got what I was trying to say. ONE of the four thought I was angry and hurt when I wrote the letter. I had my husband read it and explained what it said to two of my closest friends, and they did not pick up on anger or hurt. I asked God if I was angry or hurt. Nope. 

Sigh. I hate to be misunderstood. 

But here is the deal, just ONE person out of seven thought I felt those emotions, just ONE. But here I sit, I wrote a well-crafted letter explaining my position privately to her, and another one to the whole group of four. 

Then, I sit and wait for that ONE person who misunderstood me to write me back. She had not. Even though I wrote hers yesterday. 

The clock ticks. I stew. I fret. 

It has become an idol in my life. 

I cannot make her see the truth. Only God can do that. So, it does not matter how she responds or if she responds to my well-crafted letter. She may still continue to believe the lie. 

And that is her choice. I REFUSE to make her response an idol in my life. I will pray she sees what was in my heart in writing the original letter. I will quit stewing on it and enjoy this last FULL DAY home with my precious young man!

I like the idea of crying in the midst of Staples office supplies today over stewing over a return email from a person who misunderstood me. 

Maybe I just need to go and DO THE NEXT THING (see below). 

Do the Next Thing

My favorite poem that I learned many years ago from Elizabeth Elliot

Do The Next Thing

From an old English parsonage,
Down by the sea,
There came in the twilight,
A message to me;
Its quaint Saxon legend,
Deeply engraven,
Hath, as it seems to me,
Teaching from Heaven.
And on through the hours
The quiet words ring
Like a low inspiration-
DO THE NEXT THING

Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment,
Let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity,
Guidance, are given.
Fear not tomorrows,
Child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus,
DO THE NEXT THING

Do it immediately;
Do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence,
Tracing His Hand,
Who placed it before thee with
Earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence,
Safe 'neath His wing,
Leave all resultings,
DO THE NEXT THING

Looking to Jesus, ever serener,
(Working or suffering)
Be thy demeanor,
In His dear presence,
The rest of His calm,
The light of His countenance
Be thy psalm,
Strong in His faithfulness,
Praise and sing,
Then, as He beckons thee,
DO THE NEXT THING

-Author unknown

Lightness of Being

The last month has been very full, but I have come into a wide place of abundance in my walk with You that has been very good. I am not taking responsibility for some things that are not mine to carry. I do not let other people's drama become my drama. I do not let crazy-makers make me crazy as they twist the truth and never take responsibility, and I flee from evil. I trust my discernment, and I run to You. 

Last weekend was busy, but there was a joy and lightness of soul that was so good. I am not responsible for how people respond to anything. I can only be responsible for how I respond, and my response is in partnership with You. 

I better go deliver bread to my neighbor. It is getting dark!

TTFN!

Perfectly Timed Words

Do not be afraid or dismayed (shattered) because of this great army for the battle is not yours but God's . . . You need not fight . . . take up your positions, stand and see the salvation (deliverance) of the LORD on your behalf . . . do not fear or be dismayed (shattered) . . . face them, the LORD is with you. 

(2 Chronicles 20:15-17)

1145 Deficit

Popularity versus Truth

   “There’s trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others, saying what flatters them, doing what indulges them. Popularity contests are not truth contests—look how many scoundrel preachers were approved by your ancestors! Your task is to be true, not popular.” 

(Luke 6:26, The Message)  

1356 Deficit

All goals achieved!

Sunday Morning Freewrite

   Bear one another’s burdens, 

and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. 

But each one must examine his own work, 

and then he will have reason for boasting

in regard to himself alone, 

and not in regard to another.

For each one will bear his own load.

(Galatians 6:2, 4-5: NASB95)  

Stoop down and reach out 

to those who are oppressed. 

Share their burdens, 

and so complete Christ's law.

Make a careful exploration of who you are 

and the work you have been given, 

and then sink yourself into that. 

Don't be impressed with yourself. 

Don't compare yourself with others. 

Each of you must take responsibility 

for doing the creative best 

you can with your own life. 

(Galatians 6:2,4-5: The Message)

   Let us not lose heart in doing good, 

for in due time we will reap 

if we do not grow weary.

 So then, while we have opportunity, 

let us do good to all people, 

and especially to those 

who are of the household of the faith.

(Galatians 6:9-10, NASB95)  

So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. 

At the right time we will harvest a good crop

 if we don’t give up, or quit. 

Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance,

let us work for the benefit of all, 

starting with the people 

closest to us in the community of faith.

(Galatians 6:9–10, The Message)  

Note to Self: Meddle Not in the Affairs of Swine for You Are Crunchy and Good with Catsup!

The quote above is one that I have above my desk, but it refers to DRAGONS rather than swine, but I did this to match up with this great pearl of wisdom from Dallas Willard on Matthew 7:6:

“Do not,” he said, “give dogs sacred things to eat, nor try to get pigs to dine on pearls. For they will simply walk all over them and turn and take a bite out of you” (Matt. 7:6). The long-standard use of this verse is directly opposed to the spirit of Jesus and his teachings. That use suggests that we may have certain wonderful treasures, of truth and of service perhaps, that we could give to others. Perhaps the “treasure” is the very gospel itself. But there are some who are not worthy of those treasures. We have to watch for such people. Normally they are thought of as people who will not accept our “treasure” or would not use it rightly. They are the “pigs” or the “dogs” in question. And we are not to waste our good things on these worthless or evil people. So goes the standard reading of verse 6.

But it is hard to imagine anything more opposed to the spirit of Jesus than this. Indeed, the very coming of Christ, the pearl of God, into the world, would be a case of pearls before pigs thus understood. . .

The problem with pearls for pigs is not that the pigs are not worthy. It is not worthiness that is in question here at all, but helpfulness. Pigs cannot digest pearls, cannot nourish themselves upon them. Likewise for a dog with a Bible or a crucifix. The dog cannot eat it. The reason these animals will finally “turn and rend you,” when you one day step up to them with another load of Bibles or pearls, is that you at least are edible. Anyone who has ever had serious responsibilities of caring for animals will understand immediately what Jesus is saying.

And what a picture this is of our efforts to correct others by pouring our good things, often truly precious things, upon them—things that they nevertheless simply cannot ingest and use to nourish themselves. Often we do not even listen to them. We “know” without listening. Jesus saw it going on around him all the time, as we do today. And the outcome is usually exactly the same as with the pig and the dog. Our good intentions make little difference. The needy person will finally become angry and attack us. The point is not the waste of the “pearl” but that the person given the pearl is not helped.

Willard, Dallas (2009-02-06). The Divine Conspiracy (p. 228-229). Harper Collins, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

35. The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard

I read chapters 1-2, and 9 for our ministry every other year, but I had only read through the entire book one other time (2009). I decided to get the audiobook this time, and it was such a pleasure. It took me four months to read through the entire book last time I read it, which is really unusual for me, but Dallas Willard is one to be savored. This book is deep, but it is so very good. I have a renewed appreciation for his brilliance. 

The ultimate goal of this book is that you will “join God in a divine conspiracy to advance the invisible kingdom of God here on earth,” and you do that by “choosing to be an apprentice to Jesus, who stands at the center of everything – having died on a cross ‘to undermine the structures of evil’” (Study Guide, p. 5, DC, p. 188).

Willard writes:

Whatever the ultimate explanation of it, the most telling thing about the contemporary Christian is that he or she simply has no compelling sense that understanding of and conformity with the clear teachings of Christ is of any vital importance to his or her life, and certainly not that it is in any way essential. … More than any other single thing, in any case, the practical irrelevance of actual obedience to Christ accounts for the weakened effect of Christianity in the world today. . . . It also accounts for the practical irrelevance of Christian faith to individual character development and overall personal sanity and well-being. (introduction, p. xv)

This book . . . 

. . . presents discipleship to Jesus as the very heart of the gospel. The really good news for humanity is that Jesus is now taking students in the master class of life. The eternal life that begins with confidence in Jesus is a life in this present kingdom, now on earth and available to all. So the message of and about him is specifically a gospel for our life now, not just for dying. It is about living now as his apprentice in kingdom living, not just as a consumer of his merits.

From Amazon:
In The Divine Conspiracy, revered Christian philosopher and scholar Dallas Willard critiqued the church's obsession with "sin management" and revolutionized our understanding of true Christian discipleship. Jesus is not a remote savior, waiting to welcome us into heaven after we die, Willard argued. He is a dynamic living force, a leader and teacher to whom we apprentice ourselves to learn the sacred skills God wants us to embrace, and to fulfill His son's vision when Christ declared that the "kingdom of God has come." 

A WELL!

"What makes the desert beautiful is that 

somewhere it hides a well" 

(Antoine de Saint-Exupéry).

Love feasting in the Word and reading my old Bible Book Club posts (now editing Year Two!) with great quotes like this.

Glass half FULL! There is some seeming "hopelessness" swirling, but what a great quote to come across in the midst of it!

 http://3yearbiblebookclub.blogspot.com/2012/01/job-13-14-from-hope-to-hoplessness.html — reading Job.

Margin Mail

It was pretty providential that this email popped out at me today:

Amy Pak

Having Margin in Your Life... "Just Say No!"

(Carol's Note: Is this just a message from God to me or what? I had margin until about mid-July when I felt like someone did not respect my boundaries. )

Can you imagine reading a book where the words went right out to the four edges of the paper? How unsettling that would be to try to read! The margin is there for a purpose. It gives us space to hold the book comfortably. It gives us breathing room to take in all of the words. It provides area for necessities, such as page numbers and chapter titles, reminding us where we are. Why, then, do we feel the need to cram our lives full by trying to accomplish everything that comes along and ‘appears’ to need our attention, then guilt ourselves when we feel overwhelmed?
If there is one thing I have come to realize, it’s that there will ALWAYS be need. You are needed, and that’s wonderful. But, you do NOT need to fulfill every need that is requested of you. Priority is crucial, and you’ve been given a job as mother and teacher of your children (Carol's note: Her business caters to homeschoolers, and I have not taught my children since September 2011). You are also the maker of your home. Keep that pyramid of priority in view, so you can organize the requests into their proper place. Your family is a ministry that has been given to YOU to serve! There will always be time to extend to other ministries when time truly frees up enough. The Bible says that on Day Seven, He rested. Did God need sleep or even rest? Probably not, but I believe He did this as an example to us! He also only gave us 24 hours in a day, and from what I can gather, that ain't changin' any time soon!
Margin comes in many areas… How much time do we dedicate to visiting with friends and extended family? How many ministries, commitments, or programs do we participate in? How clean do I expect my house to be? I come from a house where my mother was a STICKLER for clean everything. She used to hang sheets to dry in the summer, …and iron them! She loved the smell of the outdoors and the pressed lines. That was fine for her, but I’m lucky if I get the sheets changed once a month! And although dinner was always on the table at 5:30 and the kitchen fully scrubbed down within a half hour after dinner, I consider it successful that we eat some time before bedtime and the food is put away. The dishes may not always be completely taken care of, but we almost always eat together, and often with anyone who happens to be over at the time. I had to pick and choose what battles to take on, just as I did with the children since they were toddlers. Like I mentioned before, there will only ever be 24 hours in the day, as long as we are on this earth, and spending them wisely is a challenge in itself. Consider what it important to yourself and YOUR family, and once you’ve determined what you can truly handle, remember to add margin. Do not embrace guilt in using the world “no,” or at the very least, “not at this time.” You (and your nerves... and most likely your family!) will be thankful later!

Thank you, Amy Pak for these words to me this morning!

Meditation in Job 6

I am editing YEAR TWO of the Bible Book Club these days. I finished YEAR ONE last week! YAY! It ended up being 1330 pages when put to 18 pt! (I should probably make another copy that is 12 pt and see how long it is.)

After my whole big post yesterday, wouldn't you know that my blog post about Job 6 would be about friends! I came upon this line I wrote about Job 6:

In Job 6, he compares them [his friends] to a riverbed which is dried up in the summer when it is most needed. When he most needed his friends, they were a disappointment to him and not kind.

While my friends are always very kind, I was disappointed (not the two I finally processed with about everything but the other three). I was a dry riverbed at the end of the summer, and I needed water for my soul where there was none.

I think I learned a very valuable lesson. I need to stay in balance. I got out of balance due to lack of boundary with one of those friends. She exhorted me to "Set boundaries," not realizing that I was very balanced until she came along with what I perceived were demands upon my time.  I cried out that I had much on my plate, and I felt pushed three times this summer by her. One of the times, I felt like she did hear me. So it delayed me really expressing myself. I read that the ISFJ does have trouble expressing, and when they do, it is sometimes with fear and anger.  All that said, I think it was a good interaction. I felt like I was not assigning motive, and she tried to talk verbal circles around me, but I kept on communicating and was not afraid to say that I was not assigning motives, but please put herself in my shoes as her responses were perceived by me as very insensitive. I felt like I communicated pretty well even though I was fearful in the midst of it. Usually, anger is not my MO, but it sometimes comes across that way because I am often fearful of expressing that I have feelings too. 

Lesson I have learned is that I need to be balanced, and balance means boundaries, even with people that I love and might perceive my boundaries as uncaring. When I get to dinners with my family and do not even look up, I have let my life get too out of balance. 

Both Kim and Nancy really see how much I work, but I do not think my full-time working friends see that. But Kim and Nancy are here in the area where the other two do not see my day-to-day life. I do think the other person who lives close by does see that, but she is often in her own world. I cannot bring her out of that to see me, but I think that has been my role with her for so long. I need to pray about that. I have tried to say, "Come to my house and will you pray with me over these people." She has responded to that, but our relationship would not naturally flow into my world but usually flows into hers, and I totally get involved in her story.  I have to call her attention to my story, and I think I need to do that more to have more balance. I realize that we have not had balance, but that is because her life has not been very great for quite a few years.  

When trouble comes your soul to try,You love the friend who just "stands by."Perhaps there's nothing he can do --The thing is strictly up to you;For there are troubles all your own,And paths the soul must tread alone;Times when love cannot smooth the roadNor friendship lift the heavy load,But just to know you have a friendWho will "stand by" until the end,Whose sympathy through all endures,Whose warm handclasp is always yours--It helps, someway to pull you through,Although there's nothing he can do.And so with fervent heart you cry,"God bless the friend who just 'stands by'!" 

Written by B.Y Williams, published in Poems That Touch The Heart by A.L. Alexander

 So weird to come across this poem because the line, "God bless the friend who just 'stands by'!" was what God told me when it came to this situation with the women who is separated from her husband. I want to be a good friend, and I think I am. And God has blessed standing by this woman. 

You are Not Alone Freewrite

seep

sēp/

verb

past tense: seeped; past participle: seeped

1. (of a liquid) flow or leak slowly through porous material or small holes.

   "water began to seep through the soles of his boots"

   synonyms:

   ooze, trickle, exude, drip, dribble, flow, issue, escape, leak, drain,bleed,  filter, percolate, soak

I do counseling with a lot of people, and this is a common theme: "I am alone."

God always speaks through some incredible ways to communicate to the person that they are not alone. That He is there. He was there in that terrible childhood memory. 

I rarely feel alone. I know He is with me, but I got rattled last week, and I cannot think of the last time I was that rattled. My life is pretty even-keel these days, but I was blatantly lied to by a crazy person and blamed for the interaction through a nasty text message afterward, and it made me crazy for a few days.

George is always there to talk to, but I needed some girlfriends. Two who are usually really good to process with had very legitimate things that they could not drop to do. They wished they could, but they could not, and that was great. 

But one was "too busy" to even answer a simple question about the stuff that is going on with a sticky situation I am in, and this stung since I was SO available to her through her divorce a few years ago. She is a "T" thinker personality type who thinks she is a "F" feeler. So, I get her goal-orientation. 

The other three friends I called are friends of 30+ years but very used to me being the listening ear. Two have gone through really hard things for years, and I have spent HOURS processing with them about stuff with no questions about how I am doing (although I am usually doing really well so that is understandable). Two are thinkers and not super empathetic people also. I did not spell it out to one of the thinkers either so she did not pick up that I really needed to talk. She has gone on with her life since marriage, and she does not need to have me as a listening ear like she used to. So, we have nice chats every once in a while, but she is not sentimental in the way I am sentimental either. So, I get that. Thinkers are different than feelers. I totally and can even logically understand that. 

But I guess the thing that sent me over the edge was all three refused my invitation for the ice bucket challenge. It was humiliating to me. One would not do something like that. One refused. One did it for another person and not me. I know it is just a challenge, but my motivation for accepting the invitation from my friend, Nancy, was based on being so honored to be nominated by her and her wonderful friendship. For me it was a response of love and thankfulness to Nancy for honoring me as a friend. I wanted to pass that on to my longest term friends as a way to publicly acknowledge our friendship and honor them, and not one of them was willing.  OUCH! 

I do not think I would have taken it so hard had I not had a very traumatic thing happen to me on Friday with no real response about the trauma. One even responded with her own issues and did not even read my letter to her. I was able to talk that out with her, and she was great. It is rare that I bring up hurt (because I really do not get hurt that often, and I usually evaluate whether it is prudent to bring it up). Also, It is so rare that I ask for help. I felt like it was a slap in the face to have no response. I felt so alone. 

I am glad it is a foreign feeling to me now. It was good that I felt so alone and no one understood me. We ARE alone in the world. God is the only one who will and can be there 100% of the time. I have learned my lesson quickly this time. I let go of my expectations in friendships which are very low except for the rare times I really need someone, and then it is hard for people who are used to me having me be there stability become mine. I get that. I really, really do. Role reversal is hard, and I honestly am not that needy of a person most of the time. I am not afraid to be vulnerable with struggles, I just do not struggle that much. It is rare, but when it happens, I often feel very alone. I know there are two people who DO process well with me though. It just was not the right time on Sunday. George said I ate my whole meal with my head down and did not look up the whole time. I was low. My kids both realized something was wrong too and asked George about it. Low Sunday. (It started out so well though!)

I think I was just so emotionally exhausted from all the drama of other people last week that it seeped into the small holes of emotional vulnerability that are left in my ever more increasing secure self!  

The effect was so great that I even got sick. Now I am forced to rest, and that is a good thing. I am not alone today in my home. I have forgiven my friends who did not and still may not get it and me. I am an empathy person, and I usually can get it with people's pain. I need to understand that many other people are not empathy people but have other strengths.

On Monday, I was also able to talk to those two friends who were not available on Sunday, and they helped me process all the yuck that stayed with me because of the Friday phone call and text and the Saturday feeling of rejection from my three long-term friends. 

So I am much better. Still need to rest and not take on any more counseling until I get myself into a really rested state. It is just the ABIDE - RIDE - REST cycle once again:

34. Union and Communion by J. Hudson Taylor

The branch of the vine does not worry, and toil, and rush here to seek for sunshine, and there to find rain. No; it rests in union and communion with the vine; and at the right time, and in the right way, is the right fruit found on it. Let us so abide in the Lord Jesus. James Hudson Taylor (1832-1905) 

J. Hudson Taylor is one of my heroes, and I have read his biography Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret more times than I can count. It is probably my favorite non-fiction book. I live my life by his secret, and I have since my early 20's when my mentor, Helene Ashker, put this great book in my hand. 

I have read Union and Communion more than once also, but this is the first time I have listened to it. I was reading in Song of Solomon, and this is J. Hudson Taylor's spiritual take on it. It is a wonderful read. 

Here are all my posts on my Bible Book Club Blog about Song of Solomon and this great book: 

http://3yearbiblebookclub.blogspot.com/search/label/Song%20of%20Solomon

Here are all the free electronic ways you can access this little gem: http://www.ccel.org/t/taylor_jh/union/

For more on this man, read here:

http://www.ccel.org/ccel/taylor_jh

33. The Text of the Bible: Its Path Through History and to the People by David S. New

This review was written for LibraryThing Early Reviewers

LibraryThing in its predictions said I would WOULD NOT LIKE this book. I wonder what criteria they use to determine this. I bid to become an Early Reviewer of this book because I really thought I WOULD LIKE it since I have taught the Bible for many years.

Alas, LibraryThing was correct. I did not really like it very much. It pains me to say it, and I am so sorry that it took me a YEAR to the day to get through it. I am usually better about my "Early" Reviews, but this book was so laborious to read that I had to force myself to read it in small chunks. Finishing it made me dance a jig.

It had bright moments, and I did learn things here and there, especially about Martin Luther, but it just did not grab me. I have heard talks given on how the Bible came to be that were exciting and encouraging and did grab me. 

Perhaps a rewrite is in order? It has potential!

Also, not one mention of the New American Standard Bible in the chapter on current translations into English. I have always understood this to be the best translation for scholars. I was surprised that it was omitted. (  )

Great Day

Holy Spirit CHILLS. Just sayin'!