The End of An Era . . .The Beginning of New Things

Sadness. A board I have been a part of for the last seven years is closing its doors. I am sad, but it looks like the community will still continue, only under new ownership and goals. I have accepted it completely though. I am sorry it had to come to this, but I am cooperating with the inevitable today, and I am fine with that.

Today has been lovely and hopeful for me (other than the recent announcement on my board). I woke up on time, and I did a pre Group Power workout of Elliptical for 30 minutes and a post-Group Power workout on the Stair Stepper for another 30 minutes. I really like the routine that Jen does at Group Power too. She is, by far, my favorite instructor. She just has a very pleasant disposition, and she works us hard.

I was thinking the week of celebrating and eating lots of candy and cookies would have left me with some extra weight this week, but I was pleasantly surprised when I saw I was at GOAL WEIGHT! It is the TOP of my goal weight range, but it was GOAL! So, that was a great pick me up for today. YIPPEE!

Now, I just read my Bible (Elijah was taken up and Elisha is taking up the mantle), and I am still hurting a bit from having to rehash some things in my heart because M asked me my opinion about working with M. I don't want to give a bad report, but I can't support someone working with her. I had a miserable experience, and I don't want anyone to go through that kind of experience. A different person would go through a different experience though. I know that I am sensitive and my gifting didn't fit with hers, but I just don't support her as a leader, but I am not there anymore. M asked for my opinion though. It is hard for me because there is a line I do not want to cross in any way. It is so hard. I want to be guarded in what I say. I didn't want to have to be put in that situation. I am so sad that it all happened that I had to have a bad experience with her. I wanted to stay the distant friend that I had become. I should never have agreed to do it. Yet, I feel like I finished the course and did well. I feel like women were blessed, and I was blessed in many ways by the experience.

All that said, it was what God intended for my growth and to get me out the door of a very dysfunctional church. I am in such a healthy church now, and I can't believe how different it all is. It is different in every way. The people are so godly. That is the only way to describe them. Degrees don't mean squat to God. Last night was so impressive. I love the fact that this church votes on important decisions. The elders do not have all the power. They are just the spiritual leaders and give spiritual guidance. I am so ULTRA impressed with everything that I saw last night. To see a healthy church in action is a lovely thing.

I will quit gushing about this church. I just love what I have seen. I love the people. I love the leadership. I love the way it is run. I love the community there. I love my Bible study. I love my Bible study leader (Claudia). I love the Women's Ministry leaders (Claudia and Vicki). I feel so OFF THE CHARTS blessed in every way!

Now, it is off to do the Jesse Tree and Timeline work and Rock Cycle Science and Math for Michael. I love my children too!

Sunday Morning Coming Down

The wind blows and the rain comes down, and I am happy and content this Sunday Morning. We had a fabulous dinner party with the Z's and Stews, and my only regret is forgetting to take a picture of the festivities. It was perfect with candlelight and good food and conversation. The time together is much too short for my taste though. There is so much to talk about and explore. George really felt like the conversation went so well.

We caught up on the Jesse Tree this morning with the boys. We were three days behind. We did end up being able to do the "Ten Commandments on the Tenth" as Isaac said it should be. So hilarious.

I don't know what I was going to write other than today is peaceful and lovely, and I am content with my life and direction. I only dread having to tell Cheryl that I won't be able to continue with the cooking club in the winter. It just is not working out with our schedule, and I think I have crammed too much into my life with very little wiggle room. The problem is that I LOVE everything that I am doing, but I must decided between good, better, and best. I never committed myself to doing it, and I was just exploring the possibility. It just means we come back too tired to do our school work on Friday, and I just want to keep the pace up.

So, if this is the only thing that I am dreading, that is a very good thing. It means that I am dreading very little. I am also not dreading anyone. Last year, there was much dread of a certain someone, and I have no fear or dread now. I am free.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation
Whom shall I fear
The Lord is the defense of my life
Whom shall I dread."
Psalm 27:1

The answer is: NO ONE

Thank you for no one to fear or dread these days.

Part of My Week

Monday

Lots of time to just "be" at home rather than out and about. We leisurely went through our history heading toward the fall of Rome in 400 something AD. We also got out our Ring of Fire Rock Cycle Kit! Paul was so excited. I tried it with them four years ago, but he was only in second grade, and it is for 6th - 12th graders (what was I thinking?). It is the perfect age for them this time. Here is a website address for Ring of Fire:

http://www.sciencekitsforkids.com/Level2.htm#The_Rock_Cycle

We decided to gather all the rocks they have collected over the last few year and display them on the Hope Chest after Christmas. Loved the leisurely pace we were afforded with no afternoon commitments. We need more of these.

The rest of the day was relaxing, and I finished reading This Beautiful Mess. Loved this beautiful book, and I love the fact that evangelicals are thinking social justice issues. I love the way he lays that out in Kingdom priorities. I loved the practical examples of how Imago-Dei is doing this.

Here is the web address: http://www.imagodeicommunity.com/

Tuesday

More history and science. Loved it. We moved music to 1:30 instead of 11:15, and I can't tell you how much better it is to have two extra hours in the afternoon to get through school. It was so hard to have commitment butting up to our homeschool almost every day this last term. I am really wanting to clear that space more and more if at all possible.

I shopped during music. We ran home and put away groceries and dashed to a St. Nicholas Day cookie baking with our friends the Iszlers.

WE LOVE THE ISZLER FAMILY!

Wednesday - Happy St. Nicholas Day

I skipped workout in order to get up early, light some candle, and meditate on the Lord and the day. I waited for the kids to get up and loved the morning to myself. Then we opened the stockings. Where did all that come from.

I am so enjoying my life with these two boys on the right. What a blessing to be a mom. I just love every minute I spend with these guys.


In the evening, I went to my sweet Bible study at Claudia's house. I love studying Ephesians with this group of mature ladies. There were only nine of us this time, and the smaller, the better!

Thursday
We had the Alexanders over because Mary Beth is wiped out with Bruce's cancer treatment. I feel for her. She is so tired. So, I had them until about 11. I had a more curtailed time with the boys for school. Then, I had Bible study with Nancy and Kim. Good time or finding out about our personality types. We will work together very well.


The evening meant SURVIVOR! I say either Yul or Ozzy are my picks. No one else interests me. Becky has ridden the coattails of Yul. Sondra is very nice and sweet, but she might be the sleeper! No way on Pavarti or Clay (?). They are lazy. Yul and Ozzy are the best competitors in the bunch. Not to mention they are both very cute!




Friday
Two hour workout in the morning (Weights and Elliptical, and Step Machine). Meditation and prayer. Then off to cooking class. My kids are finally done with doing this. I have been done with it for a while because I just don't think it is the best use of my gifts. I come, and I feel like I want to get in all these conversations, and I just don't feel the freedom to do it. I love the food, and I love the people, but I think I need to be reaching out in a more spontaneous way with women like I did this summer. Plus, we just don't get back to school whenever we do go.
I also need some wiggle room, and I need to stick to the goal of having school in the mornings.
Came home to a meeting with Michelle. What do I do when someone asks me point blank whether she should work with someone? I love Michelle. Don't I want to warn her? I don't know. I am so confused, and I want to be very careful.
Then, I had a talk with Lisa. Love those two women. They are so great. I really miss working wtih them, and I think working with them would have been so fun, but it wasn't meant to be. I am sad about that, but I am in such a good place right now.
So, that is "part of my week."

Second Freewrite of the Morning

I did a freewrite about two hours ago, but it never posted. Oh bother.

Got up at 4:45 today and went to run on the treadmill and talked to Robin the whole time. Then, it was off to Group Power, and then another thirty on the elliptical. I don't want to go back to Paula's routine for me because I think what I was doing before she gave it to me was much more effective and a harder workout. I do like her running routine for me. So, I will still do that on my off days.

I came home and ran around the neighborhood, praying for each neighbor by name. I felt led to do that this morning as I was praying on the elliptical. It was nice to bless the neighborhood at the beginning of my day.

Came in and Flylady dressed to my shoes, checked email and Trapdoor. Got weird email, but I thnk I clarified in both. Got weird post that I didn't quite understand, but I am OK with that too. Just letting things roll off my back lately.

Still trying to find out if the cooking club is really where God would have me be this year. I like it, but I have reservations. I am still trying to find my place.

Yesterday, the women in my new study weren't prepared, and I felt a little bit of a "sigh" on that note. I had such a committed core of women last year, and I really appreciated that about them. I may just recruit a small group from different churches to come to my house and leave it at that. I don't know now. I do like this new study though. The women are great. I want to join you where you are working God.

Paul is smoking in his birthday thank yous.

Speaking of smoking. For some reason, I had a productivity bug in my body after Bible study. I had cleaned all morning for the women to come to lunch and study yesterday. Afterward, I had a frenzy of putting pictures in frames and hanging them. Then, we watched the Charlie Brown Christmas special, and I cleaned up the downstairs and folded laundry during commercials. Then, I went into the boys' room and cleared out all their unused, old clothes and reorganized their whole closet. What got into me!?

I also ordered some Christmas gifts.

Now, Paul is almost done with his thank yous. The rest of the day after homeschool is:

Dial a Book Book Deliveries
Library
Good New Club
Pizza Night
Ephesians Study
Drop off Warm Spirit Products to Kim's house

I am a little down now after a tremendously happy morning. So weird.

Excerpt from This Beautiful Mess by Rick McKinley

I read This Beautiful Mess by Rick McKinley today. It was lovely. I am enjoying his casual writing about the kingdom of God. I think he is on to something.

Loved his thoughts on systematic theology:

I love studying theology, but I've noticed that theology has little tolerance for loose ends. As the study of God, it mostly uses human tools like logic and interpretation and systems to define Him and how He works in our lives. Countless brilliant women and men have written penetrating works that help us think more clearly about God. They give us a rich theological heritage, and I encourage you to read them. But be careful. You can study God expertly in His parts and miss Him entirely in His Being. Sometimes I think today's evangelicals have dissected God, put Him in jars, labeled all His pats, and then breathed a sigh of relief. "Whew. Job done, they gasp. Now we have no more confusion about God. Now we have a God we can market. At least now we can be excruciatingly confident that 'our team' is right"

As right as body parts in formaldehyde.

I've found that theology, especially the systematic kind, becomes more helpful when you think of it as grammar. Grammar helps us read and write, but it can't on its own give us one memorable sentence. That's because grammar is a tool, not an end in itself. Meaningful communication is the end. Communication like, say, poetry. Yes, your grammar helps you to understand and experience a poem. But just when you're getting comfortable, a good poet will break a language rule, turn an image inside out. give you the slip, send you falling.

And there's nothing you can say in response but, "Hmm, good poem.I felt those words."

To help us encounter truths that would die if put into jars, Jesus showed us His kingdom in a gallery of poems, or word pictures. Each time He showed us another facet of what He wanted to teach. What He did not do was give us just one picture of His kingdom, much less a short dictionary definition. Of course, He could have. He could have dissected it for us - defined and dead - for all to inspect.

Instead, He gave us a multifaceted picture that is full of shape and contour and texture and tension and beauty and mess. It is both three-dimensional and experiential. To be known, this picture must be desired, received, and lived over and over again. In the genius of Jesus we find ourselves grasping aspects of the kingdom through a "living" definition that is growing and changing all the time. Not neat (that's dogma), not reduced (that's formula), not disassembled (that's dead).

But beautiful.

New Song

I've been grazing in the lush green pastures,
Watching time pass me by,
And I've been wading in the shallow waters,
Where everything is all right-
But today I know that something's different,
Something's disturbing my peace,
Oh, I can feel the changes in the distance,
And hear them calling to me-

The day is here, the time has come
To sing a new song,
It's very clear,
I must move on,
And sing a new song,
It will define who I become,
This new song,
So show me how to sing along
To this new song-

I've been looking in the strangest places,
To find the source of my strength,
And even though the outcome never changes,
Still I search endlessly,
But no more wandering around in circles,
It's time that I cross the see,
Now I'm trading in my cozy corner
For the bigger mystery

Going there means leaving here,
Saying yes means saying no,
Moving on means letting go of what is sure,
For more

Here is my WINNER's Certificate

I made it as a winner in Nanowrimo!

I wrote my first novel!

I hit 50,000 words at about 5 p.m. tonight.

What a cathartic exercise. My mother always wanted me to be an author.

I really have had this thing percolating in my brain since I was a junior in college 27 years ago. So, it was nice to just set aside the time and do it for posterity's sake.

I feel so free. :)

Party

P A R T Y!
Don't let your pastor know
P A R T Y!
Or he won't let you go
P is for Party
A is for Alright!
R is for Rowdy
T is for Tonight
Y is for You!

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!
Paul Christoper's party at 2!

Yes, we are in the thows of a party with ten of my dearest Paul's closest friends.

Love these kids
Love my life
Love my dh who made the cake and did all the shopping and most of the cleaning!

BYE!

41,712 Words Down in my Novel

I am way ahead of the curve in my www.nanowrimo.org writing.

Nanowrimo stands for

National Novel Writing Month.

Every November, an insane number of people write a novel.

Pretty cool. I don't think anyone will ever read mine.

Sunshine on My Shoulder

I woke up at 6 a.m. I was wide awake. When I went to have my quiet time in my happy place, the sun was just rising. GORGEOUS! This is no time to have a quiet time indoors.

Lovely walk as it rose. Had a conversational time with God this morning and talked about many things. Still waiting to hear about some things.

He walks with me and He talks with me
And tells me that I am His own . . .

Sweet communion.

P.S. It was sunny and I popped without knowing that it was sunny. So, I am still holding to my barometric pressue theory. :)

Pressure on my body

Yesterday I POPPED out of bed with no problem. It was sunny, and I went running outside around the Hewlett-Packard Pond (have a picture and will have to find it and post it here) seven times. It was lovely.

This morning, it was overcast and on the verge of a storm, and I couldn't get out of bed to save my life! Is it barometric pressure? Was it something I ate?

So, it is 9:15 am., and I have had a hard time getting moving this morning. I just want to stay at home and hibernate, and I have International Cooking Club and a movie night tonight.

Just wanting to be a homebody today.

That is all I got to say. :)

Call Me Beautiful

I went and saw Carol C. today. She prayed through some things with me like she did four years ago about my friendship that was having difficulty.

There is a new lightness to my spirit as I feel confident in God speaking to me directly about the truth about me and who I am.

So, as I drove home, this is the song that came on the CD, and God spoke to me about the life and future He has for me. Carol assured me that He had a plan in all this happening, and I know that I can rest in that.

Thank you, dear Lord. You call me beautiful

Call Me Beautiful by Ginny Owen

I've been waiting,
For a hero who's brave and strong.
Someone to love me,
Someone to tell me I belong.
So I pretend I'm satisfied,
And I stand watching on the sidelines.
Til You pull me into the light
And say, "It's your turn now, welcome to your life!"

And You call me beautiful,
Say You've loved me all along,
And You've always held the keys to unlock my soul.
You call me beautiful.

There's a smile on my face,
And a brand new light in my eyes,
It's a new day,
And I've never felt so alive,
I feel as if I could conquer anything,
That's what Your love has done for me,
And now all I want to be,
Is everything You want me to be-

Oh, You call me beautiful,
Say You've loved me all along,
And You've always held the keys
To unlock my soul, but I didn't know-
Now I can finally start to live,
Take those chances I have missed.
Things will be much different,
Now that I know You call me beautiful.

Bridge:

The story is better than I could dream after all,
Now this is reality
To know You to hear You call me beautiful.
Call me beautiful.

Now I can finally start to live,
Take those chances I have missed.
Things will be much different,
Now that I know, now that I know You call me beautiful.

Such a nice day

I wonder if anyone every reads these Blog entries anymore? Oh well, no matter. I am just journaling.

I am in a happy place with my lovely children. I am sick. So, we didn't go to International Cooking Club this morning or Scandanavian Dancing this afternoon. Instead, the boys had their usual reading time (Narnia for Paul and Pooh for Michael), Bible (Mark - but Paul is thinking he is not as wild about The Message - He is so much like me about being literal in the translation), and journaling. Then, I read Mara, Daughter of the Nile about a slave girl in Egypt. So far, we like it, and this is the first historical fiction that I have read since last spring!

After this, I decided to plug in The Story of the World by Susan Wise-Bauer in the CD format. I was thinking that it was a bit too elementary for them, and it was also a repeat of what we did last time we went through history, but they LOVED it. We listened to the whole first CD (about 60 minutes), and I had forgotten how much I love how Bauer inserts stories/myths/tales from the culture of that time in history. It is very effective, and the boys drew while we all three listened. It got us up to the time we are studying in our regular history book, and it is good reinforcement. So, I will do this on a periodic basis even thought Bauer is no longer my "spine" for history.

After the CD ended, Bach came on, and the kids were excited. We have decided we are in love with Bach now. It has helped to play these for the last month and a half. It was so nice to get them from their music teacher. She is such a wealth of musical knowledge for us!

So, Michael just finished up math, and he just stuck a load of whites in the washing machine while Paul and I are continuing to listen to Bach while he does his math and I do my journaling for the day.

I already had some delicious time in Ephesians this morning, and I am going to take a shore walk and prayer time in the afternoon sunshine. Even though I am sick, it will be good to get out in the fresh air for this. I am praying through the prayer in Ephesians 3 for myself, my family, my church, and those I am in ministry with.

I supposed I should also journal on the great time that I had with Kim S. on Wednesday. We didn't have Kids' Club (which I absolutely love!) this week. The last Wednesday of every month we take a break from club, and this is nice. So, I initiated with Kim, and she was very excited. I had prayed about our time, and I felt the Lord talking to me about asking Kim how she gets fed with all the giving out that she does. She is the Children's Ministry Director at our church (my new and improved church :)), does Kids' Club at Orchard Court Open Door House, homeschools her oldest daughter, does cooking club, studies Foundation for Faith with another couple, teaches Sunday School, etc. So, it was interesting when SHE brought up the fact that she is really wanting to get deep in Scripture and dig deeper in relationships among others in leadership. She said that she was throwing it out there to me for my consideration. Was she asking me to lead her in this? I guess she was? So, I mentioned that I have a real heart for women in leadership that give and give and give and are not fed. I told her that my experience in the Navigators was that we were in a leader's study while we led a study. My experience with Phil Wroblicky in the college group was also the same.

Well, I talked to her the next day, and she had already talked to the Discipleship/Outreach Pastor and Senior Pastor about starting a "Leader's Study." I like her. :)

So, we will see where that goes.

I am running out of battery on this computer. So, I will send this off, and maybe I will journal more later.

Loving the peace. Loving my church. Loving my family. Loving my Ephesians and Bird's Eye View Bible studies. Loving the Kids' Club. Loving my relationships. Loving everything aobut my life right now.

Freedom is a beautiful thing.

Lazy Day

It is already 8:39 a.m., and there is no sight of my children. George went to have breakfast with James, and I slept in and didn't go work out this morning. I went to sleep at about 10:15 p.m., but I slept until 7:15 a.m. That is two nights in a row where I slept 9 hours. So, I am figuring that my body is fighting something. So, I am OK with taking the majority of the week off of exercise in order to get better physically.

Paul just stirred, and he went straight to breakfast. Must be the new cereal that I bought yesterday. :)

Yesterday was a good day. I slept in. Finished my Ephesians study. I homeschooled and John came for the day while Barb was somewhere (can't remember where she went though). We went to music, and Michael is done with the banjo and going for the Psaltry, which is a wonderful sounding instrument. I usually run or shop or visit during that hour, but I quietly read Captivating and did my Bird's Eye View study. Captivating is getting a bit better now. I feel like I have worked through much of what she is talking about though. I know what the issues are for me, and 99% of the time, I can function really well, but there are 1% of the people whom I just cannot work with or the wounds resurface. That 1% was the Women Becoming situation, and I am so glad to be out of it now. So much in retrospect realize that given the people with and over me, I would not be able to avoid that 1% quagmire. I am not perfect. I am also not perfectly healed. So, I met my match in M. Bottom line. I can't go there again or with that type of person ever again. Hoping my trip to see Carol C. will shed light on this little wound that still remains with me.

Then, we went shopping, and I cooked them lunch. Boy, John eats so much more than my kids; but all their friends eat more than my kids. LOL!

After I was done with all this, it was already about 3:oo. So, I climbed into bed and rested my sickness away. George followed about 15 minutes later, not being able to make it through the whole day of work with his sickness. I rested until about 5 p.m and watched Oprah. Then, I sprung into action for beautification for the Suburban photo directory.

We all arrived at 6 p.m., and again, the contrast between this church and our old one is so striking. I can't describe it. You walk in, and there is PEACE. I remember walking in in May to our one at our old church, and there was not peace. So, the photoshoot was great, and we were warmly greeted and loved. The 8 a.m. service people were practicing their hymns, and I love the fact that they have a service for people who love to sing hymns, and I still want to go to that service when I get the opportunity to go. I also didn't know that Claudia sang and played the keyboard. My goodness, that woman is so multi-talented! I am so grateful to have a godly role model in my life like her.

M did say, "I wonder what the middle school Sunday School is like here?" We would love it if they would go there, but we don't want to push them, and I loved Jamie's attitude about it. That is cool and he is glad they are excited about going to church. So, this is where we are at.

After photos, we went to have a great family dinner at Elmer's, and I just want to say that I LOVE my family! They are the coolest people that I know, and I am so glad that we all get along so well and love each other so much.

I came home to watch Dancing with the Stars and I voted for Joey and Edina because I am afraid he will get eliminated because he isn't that well known of a star. Jerry Springer needs to go, and Jerry Springer wants to go, but his fans keep voting him to stay!

After that, I think I watched something else, but I can't remember what it was. Then, I turned off the TV read for a while and went to sleep.

So, there you have my day yesterday.

Today, I will homeschool, have tea with Kim and go workout. Then, I will go to Ephesians study.

A very slow day today, and I am glad about that.

A Freewrite

My kids are doing a freewrite. So, I am doing one on my old computer, and some of the letters stick! So, I am not correcting this thing. (Warning: The "S" sticks a ton!)

This morning I went to Group Power, and it was great with Angie. I like her. She is very positive. After this, I went to a consultation with a trainer at the club, and she set me up on a program. She suggested that I not continue with group power and that I would get a better workout using her strength training program. So, I will try it for three weeks.

She also suggested that I run three days a week. I will also take her running class to help improve my running technique. It is 40 dollars, but that isn't bad for 8 weeks of classes. My goal is to lose fat in my arms and my stomach and above my hips in the back.

Well, the timer went off, and they are reading their freewrites to one another. They love freewrites now. Go figure.

Bye!

Rain Must Fall

My kids are doing spelling and math right now. So, I am going to set my timer and do a freewrite for myself.

Yesterday, I sprang out of bed with such courage and optimism. I went to my "happy place" chair and spent three glorious hours in prayer and Scriptures. Such a great morning. We had already gone to our lovely church the night before. (I love the cozy feel of the Saturday night service, and we got to meet Jamie, the AWESOME Youth Leader.) So, I had the whole day until practice at 7 p.m.

So, when George brought the kids to Youth Sunday School, he dropped me off at Timberhill, and I worked out to worship songs, classic music, and Nora Jones on the elliptical and treadmill and read about the beginning life of Solomon. What a great workout. I love the club!

George picked me up about 1 1/2 hours later when he picked up the kids, and we all brought back books to the library and went shopping together. I love my family. Nothing give me more pleasure to just hang out with them doing the ordinary. I treasure these years because I know they won't last forever. Love the men they are both becoming.

After that, George fix a fabulous Shrimp Primavera from a frozen Contessa Bagged mix. Doesn't taste artificial AT ALL. It is also on SALE all the time at Fred Meyer! We ate our lunch and watched a couple of episodes of Forsythe. Then, he went to "be good" by working on his paper for DeDe while I called my mom and talked to Kenneth! He is in Portland now, and it was great to get caught up with him. We have to get together. He is doing so well. His speech has improved so much. He just gets better and better everytime that we talk to him.

After that, I watched Religion and News Ethics Weekly (or it might have been before), ate my dinner and went to worship practice. On the way to worship practice, I talked to Debbie on my cell phone, and she is still in love.

I walked into my lovely church with the lovely women who are doing the Jubilee Conference. Then, a person from NWH walked in the door, and I immediately froze.

WAMOOO! I knew she was coming, but one look at her made me wonder. What does she know about me? What has she been told that isn't true but is the perception of a dysfunctional person and the enabling spouse. I know they are in the same small group, and I know that person is very verbal about how she feels about people.

I felt attacked, self-consious, and paranoid. What happened to the woman who sprung out of bed full of optimism just thirteen hours before?

What is wrong with me that one person walking in the room can send me into such a tailspin?

So, I focused on Jesus in worship, loved the women I was worshipping with (loving Wanda, Jewel, Betty, Karen, Melissa, and I have loved Cynthia for years!) So, it wasn't terribly bad, but I found myself traveling back in the car crying out to my God and rehearsing what I would say to those people who have wronged me if they every wanted to know what they had done (which they don't care to hear what they have done wrong and would rather blame it on me.).

I came in the door, and George knew immediately that something was wrong. Nothing said or done to me, but the demons wouldn't get off my back. I wondered through the internet and ate 500 calories worth of brie cheese and sourdough bread as I blankly looked at the screen for solice and comfort.

We watched some more Forsythe, and I layed my weary head down to rest.

Well,

"The Lord gives to His beloved even in their sleep."

I dreamed of being in a tent together with others, and we conducted some kind of experiment where there was a timed explosion that would rain radioactie dust particles in the sky, but we were safe in the tent . . . together.

I woke up refreshed and ready to go to exercise class (it beats some kind of nuclear fallout in my dream). I came in to do the elliptical and read my syrupy Christian book by a popular author's wife. (Not into it), but the cloud lifted as I sweated and saw Terri's bright and shining face this morning. Went to Group Power and love the instructors and being there with Terri.

After that, I went on the cycle and talked to Terri for an hour more. My relational cup was full.
Came back to tell George that the cloud had lifted (maybe there was symbolism in the nuclear cloud falling out of the sky!), and he said he had gotten up early and had a long quiet time and prayed for me for quite a while.

Silly. Other preventative things that I did:

Prayed
Pampering evangelism (scheduled haircut with Lisa and manicure with Sherry),
Tea date with Melanie today
Breakfast with Lisa tomorrow
Put off procrastination with the teeth thing
Drank some tea
Wrote this post

Life is grand once again, and people do love me. I must not forget that in all of this. Even my partner probably loves me, but she just had a funny way of showing all of that. Most important is that God loves me.

Now, the last day or so of pouring down rain has given way to sunshine on my shoulder. One of God's way of speaking to me through the years. Thank you. Rain must fall, but it doesn't fall forever.

The Famous Margarita!

Chuey's for Tex-Mex and Margarita!

Susan & I at Mt. Bonnell on the Colorado River

The Top of Mt. Bonnell in Austin Texas

Susan and I at Mozart's on Town Lake!

Andree Seu Article on Forgiveness

The thing we don't do
Forgiveness is hard work Andrée Seu
Forgiving is the hardest thing you will ever do. That's why most people don't do it. We talk about it, cheer for it, preach on it, and are sure we've practiced it. But mostly the illusion of having forgiven is that the passage of time dulls memory. The ruse will come to light with hair-trigger vengeance when fresh offense hurls in to empty out the gunnysack of half-digested grievances.
I asked a few people if they'd ever forgiven anyone, and what it felt like. They gave me answers so pious I knew they'd never done it. I am at the present moment in the maw of temptation, and I can tell you there is nothing exalted about this feeling, this one-two punch to the gut that comes when you even contemplate forgiving, which is as far as I've come.
At first I decided I would forgive the person—and never speak to him again. This felt pretty good, but I saw the dissimulation in it at once. I alternately toyed with going to him to "tell him his fault" (Matthew 18:15), which is my biblical right, so there. I had the decree of rebuke written up in my head, a document of fastidious and plenary detail—all for his own good. A smarmy satisfaction accompanied the plan, so I nixed it. For now.
In C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce, a woman confronted by an angel about forgiving her husband says, "Well, I have forgiven him as a Christian." The phrase is meaningless. She then bulimically seethes for pages about his wrongdoing and her longsuffering.
Keeping one's mouth shut is commendable, and more than I have managed in the past. It will work as long as I don't go near a phone or e-mail. But I am reminded that "Absolom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad" for two whole years after the rape of his sister Tamar, and it ate him alive till in the end he killed the man.
O my brothers, you cannot imagine the exquisite verbal retaliations I have hatched in the idle hours, each more perfect than the last: theologically impeccable, legalistically faultless, poisoned prose polished to a lethal point. Must I now relinquish these? Must I kill the little darlings? Are they not to see the light of day? Such a waste.
Forgiveness is a brutal mathematical transaction done with fully engaged faculties. It's my pain instead of yours. I eat the debt. I absorb the misery I wanted to dish out on you, and you go scot-free. Beware the forgiveness that is tendered soon after injury; be suspicious. Real forgiveness needs a time lag, for it is wrought in private agony before it ever comes to public amnesty. All true acts of courage are thus done in secret.
Pastor Tim Keller of Redeemer Church in Manhattan shares the following letter from a man who once had to forgive a woman:
"I forgave her and it took me a whole year and I had to forgive her in small sums over that whole twelve months. I paid those sums whenever I spoke to her and kept myself from rehashing the past. I paid them whenever I saw her with another man and refused self-pity and rehearsal inside for what she'd done to me. I paid them whenever I praised her to others when I really wanted to slice away at her reputation. Those were the payments but she never knew them. However, I never knew her payments, but I know she made them. I could tell."
And now the unthinkable: not only to forgive but seek the good. Nature abhors a vacuum and Jesus admits of no middle ground between hate and love. Pray for him.
When you were a child you thought like a child, that pain was something to flee. Now in the adulthood of faith, suck up your hundred denarii, because someone took your ten thousand talents upon Himself (Matthew 18), and like a lamb led to slaughter and a sheep before its shearers was silent (Isaiah 53:7). He did not retaliate but "continued entrusting Himself to Him who judges justly" (1 Peter 2:23). Be so awash in the ocean of His love, my soul, that the shortcomings of all human loves will, more and more, seem but a trifling thing.
Copyright © 2006 WORLD MagazineSeptember 30, 2006, Vol. 21, No. 37

Life's Simple Pleasures are the Best

Life's Simple Pleasures are the Best!

I posted in response to Susan's post about how we seek joy, and I thought I would post here what I posted:

You posted after I had gone to bed on Friday with a "full cup of joy." So, I was going to have a similar question like "What fills your cup?"

Actually, it was a "joy full" week in general. As I look at my At a Glance Day Planner (By the way, this is my new one, and I LOVE it - July to July with tabs for the months and a month and weekly calendar and lots of "Quick Note" space for taking notes - but I digress . . .constantly) I see the theme for joy is:

People . . . While people can bring great pain, they also bring great joy; and I am learning to be very selective with the people.

(Positive people are especially nice . . .this is a sub-theme for me because positivity in people is really good too. NOT that we can't have struggles and pain, but I do not find joy in being around people that are negative about other people and put them down all the time.)

Presence . . .Actually, I have a whole talk on the difference between joy and happiness. Joy to me is Jesus Over You. This sense of God's presence in the good, but also in the bad and the ugly. That "God with us" Emmanuel kind of thing.

Peace . . . It goes along with joy. I am most at joy when I am at peace with God and men. So, being in regular touch with God is so precious to me and brings me peace.

Prayer . . .Keeps me filled with joy to be communicating with Him.

Pampering . . .I think I really find much pleasure in pampering myself now and then; and if I can do that with people, I am blessed twofold. I am also including pampering myself by making myself sweat and eating right. Joining that club was a way to pamper myself, and it has brought immense joy to be free of pain and my gut!

So, I look at this joy full week, and I see all of those things coming together.

Joy this week was:

Sunday
Church (Peace and People) - Peace-filled church, peace-filled people, peace-filled pastor and leadership. AWWWWWWW.......JOY INEXPRESSIBLE in this department. You never know how sick you've been until you are well.

Pride and Prejudice Party (Pampering, People, Peace) - What felicity to spend five hours in a home theatre (Movie screen on the wall of their family room!) with safe Sharon on my right and safe Rebekah on my left and four lovely new friends on the floor. Baked brie and honey, scones, organic pasta, peanut butter M&M's and Colin Firth. Can you say JOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!

Monday

Lunch with Amy (People, Pampering, Peace) - Yummy Chinese with safe Amy who came south one hour to see me!

Tea with Terri (P,P,P!) - Spending three hours sitting outside on a gorgeous 75 degree day and talking about life with someone who knows me well but I haven't talked to in years. Leaving a church makes those people who love you come out of the woodwork to tell you how much you mean to them. JOY.

Tuesday

Biking with Mary Beth (P,P,P!) - She teaches a class, and it brings me such joy to see one of my friends who at one time was so unhappy find her niche as an exercise instructor in a cycling class. So, joy comes in seeing other people be at joy. It also brings me joy to work up a sweat!

Homeschool with fabulous boys (P,P,P) - This self-proclaimed Pollyanna (another P!) finds joy in homeschooling these guys. It is a privilege and pleasure for me that I have yet to get tired of. How is that for sick? How great is it to assign some homeschool tasks while I sneak away for one hour to ride the bike with Mary Beth and come back to boys who have done all their work independently and are ready to cuddle on the couch and read The Epic of Gilgamesh and lean more about prehistoric times? These kids bring me joy.

Music Lessons with Suz(All P) - I love this woman who teaches my kids banjo and piano. She is so positive (sub-theme). I spent some of the time watching my kids and some of the time going for a run and praying on campus as I ran through International Student housing and stopped to visit my old basketball coach!

Walking with Paul (another favorite Person!) - What a kid. Still love doing this while dad and Michael go swimming together.

Manicure with Sherri - It is pampering, but Sherry also just became a believer in Jesus last Sunday and couldn't wait to tell me all about it. So, it was so exciting to hear about what is going on in her life. The angels in heaven and I were rejoicing with great joy over that one!

Tea with Nourieh - My sweet B'Hai neighbor. Love this woman. She pampered me, and I love drinking Jasmine tea the Persian way (Sugar cube between the teeth until it dissolves)!

Telephone with Kim - A new friend named Kim! She is an evangelist, and we are soul-mates already! So exciting to talk about all the things God is doing in our midst among internationals.

Dancing with the Stars! - Pamper, pamper. Guilty pleasure.

Wednesday

Make up with Mary Beth - Arbonne personal party trying new make-up colors. Pampering at its finest with one of my favorite people. Mary Beth says that I am branching out like she has never seen me! This brings me great joy.

Swimming with Mary Beth and Elissa's kids - Three hours of sun, fun, pizza, and polite kids that play together without a single conflict. Mary Beth's kids and my kids have known each other since the womb, and Elissa is a new friend. It was so peaceful and joyful and Elissa's dry sense of humor made me laugh all afternoon!

Ephesians study with amazing people - I sat in silence as I listened to these wonderful ladies share from their hearts about what God is teaching them, awed and JOYFUL!

Thursday

Deep Tissue Massage with Anna - Already commented on this one in another post. Great JOY with a little pain and NO MONEY OUTLAY!

Bible Teaching with Beth - Watching Beth fly in her gifting and speak in front of women brings me such joy.

Friday - The most joyful day

Workout with Annie - Love my Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays of pampering my body by a good strength and cardio workout! Overjoyed at the results.

Visit at Lisa's - Deep sharing and tea while kids frolicked in the sunshine with remote controlled planes. No words for the joy.

Scandanavian Dance with the H's - My kids didn't want to go, but there was deep joy in being able to not coerce but to persuade them of the benefits (using my Dale Carnegie principles of persuasian!) and seeing them rise to the challenge of being enthusiastic, reaching out to a family in crisis, and learning dances because their mom is Scandanavian and they are too! They ENJOYED themselves, and I was able to listen to this mom in crisis pour out her heart like never before with 2 1/2 hours of uninterrupted time while the instructor occupied the kids!

Malay food with Masons - Asian food and fantastic fellowship.

Saturday

Prayer and Lunch with Ginny and Lorraine - My mentors give me great joy as they listen and impart their 164 years of combined wisdom and life experiences. Joy in their persence. Joy in seeing a lightbulb go off as Lorraine read an article about true forgiveness from World Magazine. I love it how things come together. That brings me joy.

Genesis with Nourieh - Studying the Bible with my Bhai friend brought great joy

Church with new church body - Already gushed above, but there were friends from our old church there and it was so joyful to visit. Also, the message on confession was totally well timed. God was there last night. That brings me JOY to see him cause all things come together in my mind. I have been praying all week that God would give me a "spirit of wisdom and revelation in the true knowledge of Him" and that the "eyes of my heart would be enlightened," and I do believe this was an answer to prayer. Presence there and I know joy deep down.

Movie with dh - Pampering by watching Monarch of the Glen with my favorite person.

Survivor by myself -

Sunday

Slug with family - I am still in my P.J.'s at 3:45 p.m. Pampering myself by some internet time, talking with dh and children, eating good food.

All week:
Great time in prayer and the Word brought great joy as I meditated all week on the prayer in Ephesians 1:15-23 and prayed it for myself and other people, read Desiring God (Piper is always delicious and joyful because he says, "The chief end of man is to glorify God by enJOYing Him forever"!), and read through some of the Psalms of David while Absalom was being a pill. The forgiveness, confession thing just came together this week. I can freely forgive and that gives me great joy.

And now I am done with these silly details of my life. Some of you might roll your eyes at this (I am just a detailed process person!) but it is good to reflect on the things this week that brought me joy. I am thinking that when we reflect with gratitude, it can bring us great joy, can't it?

Please Only You

So here I go again, again
I let myself get spread so thin
But I can see right through my skin
And I don't like what I'm finding in my heart

So many different voices call
And I try hard to please them all
I run in circles 'til I fall
So I'm falling on my knees and praying

Please, Please, Please only You, only You
Please, Please, Please take my heart, and make it true
Let everything I say and everything I do
Please, please only you
Please only you

For every moment of my time
For every thought that fills my mind
For every melody and rhyme
This is the prayer that I'll be praying

Please, Please, Please only You, only You
Please, Please, Please take my heart, and make it true
Let everything I say and everything I do

This is what it means to be
The reason why I live and breathe
To know that I am totally existing for Your pleasure
I'm still learning but I know
As this becomes my only goal
The more I find my heart and soul is filled up with joy when I

I please only you
I please only you
Please only you

My Place of Abundance

I am springing out of bed with new life and vigor. I am so happy to be alive today!

Some reports are in order.

Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller

I have taken foray into the postmodern church mindset and read Blue Like Jazz. I loved it, and I can't wait to talk to people about it. What I liked most was his openness to admit that we Christians cannot just jump into the hip pocket of the Republican party and call Bush Jesus because he is not. I really like George Bush. I voted for him. I believe he is a born-again believer in Jesus Christ. All that said, he ain't Jesus, and if another believer wants to vote for the democratic candidate, I will not condemn that person's spirituality.

I also really like his emphasis on Christian spirituality and not on Christianity. I loved the confessional at Reed College where the Christians confessed to the students the sins of Christianity. It moved people so terribly. What a beautiful thing.

This is recommended reading for all Christians. Michelle and I will go to Imago-Dei church in Portland as a result of it.

Suburban Christian Church

We are still as pleased as punch with our new situation at Suburban. The 2 1/2 hour talk that I had with Kim on the phone was so stimulating, so amazing. The people in this church are very outreach oriented. I believe that Kim has such the right attitude in showing love and kindness to people. She must have similar gifts to me. I really look forward to gettting to know her in the future.

I have to believe that God plucked me from my old church (that I still love and pray for on a regular basis) and set me in a place of abundance.

Psalm 66:10-12 (ESV)
For you, O God, have tested us;
You have tried us as silver is tried.
You brought us into the net;
You laid a crushing burden on our backs;
You let men ride over our heads;
We went through fire and through water
Yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.

Amen and Amen

The Conclusion of the Dale Carnegie Course

I have just completed 12 weeks of the Dale Carnegie Training: Effective Communication and Human Relations. What a time. I feel like it was a fabulous class for me on a personal level that will help me for the rest of the life. I was nominated twice and won one award, but the most rewarding thing that happened to me during the time was what happened on the 11th week of the class. Here is what I posted about it on another website:

We had to give a talk on someone who has really inspired us. We practice with our neighbor before we give it to the whole class, and my neighbor, Anthony, would not share his. I had seen he had written it out on a piece of paper, and I asked him, "Do you usually write them out?" He replied, "Not usually, but this one is really important."

Later, as we were volunteering to go, I volunteered to go after him, and when I went to sit next to him in the front "waiting" chairs he said, "Oh, my plan is working out perfectly!" What did he mean by that??????

Well, he gets up there, and he says, "I would like Carol _____ to stand." I was already at the front of the room, and I stood up, and he said, "Someone who has really inspired me during the course of this class is Carol ______."

OH MY! Tears.

Then, I sat down, and he gave the most beautiful speech, and I cried. He said that he was inspired by how I didn't listen to the doctors' diagnosis and I helped my son learn to talk (my first talk in the class about a defining moment in my life). He talked about how inspired he was by the fact that even in the difficulties that I encountered in my leadership in my church, I persevered (That was the talk on how I am learning to manage stress and I talked about how I am just praying for my partner every time I hear that she has said something negative about me and this has relieved my stress). He also said that he sees my stick-to-itiveness in even when I had to be a back up to an Olympic Gold Medalist, I still worked hard to make her better (My talk on an achievement in our life.).

By this time, I am going back and forth between extreme embarassment and extreme tears of joy.

Then, I had to get up and give my talk to the whole class. Talk about having to gain composure very fast!!!!!

At the end of my talk, my Dale Carnegie instructor looked at me and said, "It is obvious that you have had a tremedous influence on this class and that is a sign of a true leader."

I sat down and asked Anthony if I could give him a hug (I am old enough to be his mother. So, nothing wrong with doing that.), and he gave me the sheet that he had written out his speech on and said, "I wrote it out so that you could have it."

Can I just say that I was a bit overwhelmed?

OH MY!

The icing on the cake is that Anthony won the award for the best presentation of the evening. What a sweet win for him.

On graduation day, my dear husband, George, was able to come and meet everyone in the class. My trainer went up to him at the end of class and said that I paved the way for the other people in the class to be really vulnerable by the first talk that I shared. Also, John, one of the guys in the class came up to George as we were leaving in the car and said, "George, I want to tell you that you have one hell of a wife." LOL! I thought that was so sweet.

What a wonderful group of positive and fun people. I will never forget what I learned in this class, and I will apply the principles for the rest of my life because they are all Biblical principles.

"When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade!"

Sitting in the 76.3 degree sunshine and sipping my lemonade!

Life is so sweet. God is so kind. God is good to all and His tender mercies are over all His works.

It is well with my soul.

I am sitting out on our front driveway in one of our camp chairs on a beautiful fall 80 degree day. How perfect is that. The wind is blowing in such a gentle way, and we are having a neighborhood garage sale. I haven't had one in 25 years since I had a sale to sell stuff to raise money for the trip to Glen Eyrie in Colorago Springs. Amazing.

I am in such a good place. Life is so grand.

I had a two and a half hour talk with Kim S. about so many things that are just so on my heart. I think I have found a soul mate. Kim is the Children's Ministry director at my new church, but she also has a real heart for showing love and kindness to Internationals. She is teamed up with all these people like Beth A. It is so encouraging. God is so awesome. I had no idea that all of this was going on in our city. I have been so clueless.

Pinch me please.

I forgot to write about Anthony. I will do it in another post. It was such a positive thing. I am so blessed these days.

So, peaceful but a heavy heart

I am sitting here on a Monday where all I had to do is homeschool this morning. So, I have a very free day and decided to fast and pray from Lunch today to dinner tomorrow for the church that I left. I heard some very disturbing things on Friday, and I was even more disturbed when I talked on Saturday with the perpetrator of the disturbing things. It made me mad to sad. Now, I am just grieving in my heart. I don't want to give up hope for this church that I loved for so many years. You are calling me to pray.

BUT, there is so much hope about the future in my new church!

Carrie, the Family Pastor, is going to the Peacemaker Conference and wants to talk about discipleship.

Roxanne, women's leadership person, wants to meet to talk more about the leadership course she wants to develop.

Vicki, the Women's ministry director, and I had lunch and she talked about authenticity, prayer, waiting on God and not moving ahead before you know it is what he wants you to do, becoming a Mary when she was naturally a Martha, discipling, healing, her heart for women, and inviting me to come and share my heart on the second Monday of the month when I am ready to do it. What a sweet woman of God! I love the maturity that I feel surrounded by.

Joyce wants to talk about discipling college women!

Kim wants to maybe use Foundations for Faith with the Japanese students.

Cheryl wants to talk about the International Cooking Class.

Tina wants to talk about smaller group Bible studies.

God, you are already giving me women to partner with and they are all so NICE and NON-CONTROLLING!

I asked George to pinch me when we left church yesterday it was SO exciting to be there.

In fact, the sermon was on "Strengthening the Foundations," and that is exactly what God told George in his quiet time right before church!!!! As Steve (dear pastor Steve!) was giving the sermon, George drew a brick wall. He didn't even know that the front of the bulletin had a picture of a bricklayer making a brick wall with the quote:

"The strength of the building is determined by the strength of its foundation."

God is in this move. I know it beyond a shadow of a doubt. We have finally come home.

Following the Leader

I have now met with or talked to personally eight of the main leaders at our new church, and I have to say how very impressed I am with every single one of them. They are authentic and want to follow what the Bible says about peacemaking, and this is one of our main criteria for selecting a church.

I feel so very privileged to be a part of it all.

Thank you Lord. I am so amazed at how you have worked in us!

Home at Last

We have finally decided to stay at Suburban Christian, and I feel at home in a church for the first time in my entire life.

God is so good. Thanking and praising Him.

One sentence to explain my life

Laura, of TDS, asked us to write a one sentence summary of your life.

Still contemplating that one.

We just completed our first week of homeschool, and it is going GREAT! I love this life with my children. It just fits for our lifestyle and the balance we are seeking to create in our kids and our own life.

No one is running our life except the Lord Jesus Christ. I must remember not to let anyone run my life again or any church run my life again. There is a fine line between submission to authority and idolatry. I think I crossed it last year, and it was scary. I am back in a very good place again.

Patty gave me the greatest idea about using some of my tithe money to go and get pedicures and manicures from "Blondie" so that I can spend more time with her and continue to love on her. I definitely think I will do that! What a great idea! Thank you Patty!

God is so good.

I had the most lovely meeting with R.M. yesterday about the future of leadership development at SCC. She is so lovely. I love the people that I am meeting there, and I continue to just want to listen to His voice as I make plans for my future. Lord, I don't know what doors You will open, but I really want to be discerning about what ones that I need to walk through at this point in time. You are so good to me. I want to walk slow and listen to You all the way. Yesterday was so encouraging, but I want to walk through a door that You want me to walk through, and I have a tendency to get so excited about everything. I am so grateful that Your Holy Spirit will lead and will guide me to all the truth.

You are so very good.

I know I keep saying that, but it is so very true.

Part of My Day

This is a no exercise day. So, I slept in until 7 a.m. and got on the scale to see that my dinner and dessert at Novak's was still in my system. :) I am still at my goal weight though. I just would like to be lower, but I know that I am probably three pounds less than what the scale said this morning.

I spent a leisurely morning looking at Jesus On Leadership: Becoming a Servant Leader. This book covers so many of the things that we did in our leadership class in a much better format! I am so glad that I came across when I was at my mother-in-laws. I am praying about my meeting with Roxanne and hoping that God will open some doors there. I don't know what kind of doors I am hoping that he will open though. I am praying about that and will spend some extended time praying in the car and tomorrow morning on this. I need to hear from God

I also need to hear from God about whether to do the Myers-Briggs workshop for the Oasis Interaction Group and whether to join the cooking club with internationals. Also, should I do BSF/Suburban Ephesians/Bird's Eye View of the Bible?

I went to get my new crown. This is my second fitting. This time it filled the gap, but the dentist thought it was the wrong color for me. So, they are darkening it ever so slightly.

The boys and I worked on their timelines this morning. I think this is going to be a really good year of learning history with less details about every single thing and seeing most points in broader strokes and going deeply in only a few cultures. They like ancient history the best. So, this will be a very good year.

Now, the boys are doing their math, but they seem to have deteriorated into talking and laughing. So, I better go.

I must practice for my talk on stress relief tonight. I am finally ready to have the Dale Carnegie class be over. I have LOVED it in every way, but now that things are kicking up for the fall, it will be really nice to be home another night of the week. I only have three more weeks to go, and it only overlaps with my Bible study two weeks, and it doesn't overlap with Bird's Eye View of the Bible at all.

Friday: Two hour workout, three hour homeschool, make a meal for the Smiths, meet with Roxanne McAuley, meet with Teala at Iovino's Restaurants during Happy Hour from 3-4:30

Saturday: Workout, shopping, Dot photo pictures, Forsyte Saga.

Sunday: Workout, Suburban, rest.

Monday: Rebekah's for walk and prayer, homeschool, "Garden of Blessing" at Suburban.

Our First Day of the 2006-2007 School Year!

I'm keyed. I'm pumped. I'm psyched! (To borrow from the vernacular of my college days.)

WE STARTED SCHOOL TODAY!

It went great. Here is what we are doing for this year:

HISTORY

Starting all over again with the Ancients, but we will do those first 100 pages from our OLD history book, The Usborne Internet-Linked Encyclopedia of World History, and do the prehistoric stuff that we missed last year. I challenged both boys to write a report from this first leg of world history, and they both want to write a report on Dinosaurs. Michael's head is already turning with ideas.

I also introduced them to the Timeline books, timeline figures, and history notebooks. They loved the Ancients book covers for their notebooks.

BIBLE

I am having them each read a chapter in the New Testament and jornaling in a notebook. Trying to introduce having a daily quiet time every morning. Then, we will read Old Testament together and read a selection from The Awesome Book of Bible Facts. I also have timeline figures for Biblical characters that we can add to our timeline.

We also are praying through Windows on the World as we learn about many of the countries. Today we learned about the Garden of Eden and also prayed for modern day Iraq.

SCIENCE

We are going to let the dinosaur study count for both science and history. Then, I have the Usborne Earth Science book that I bought from Laura H. for only $2 many years ago. :) It includes three books in one. One on the earth, one on ecology, and one on weather and atmosphere. The second half of the year, we will study astronomy when we can do some star gazing in the spring. I will use the Ring of Fire Rocks kit for science experiments.

GRAMMAR

Just went to Kinko's and copied off the first fifty-five days of the Daily Grams. I stil love this simple way to do grammar every day in ten minute increments! I thought I had already done the copies, but I guess not. :) We will also continue our Vocabulary on the Vine studies with Greek and Latin roots.

LITERATURE/READING

Michael is reading the A.A. Milne poetry book called And Now We are Six. Paul is going to read the entire Narnia Series.

I will also continue reading A Child's Garden of Verses that I never finished last year! I know there is another Sonlight book that I would like to read from Favorite Poems Old and New. I will have to look it up in the library.

I also want to read some of the Read-Alouds recommended and one of our favorites: Detectives in Togas. Paul does not remember it, and Dad has never read it. So, I will have him read it to them at night.

Other ones that I am considering are:

Beyond the Desert Gate
Eagle of the Ninth
Flame Over Tara
God King
The Golden Goblet
I, Juan de Preja
Master Cornhill
Otto of the Silver Hand
The Second Mrs. Giaconda
The Shakespeare Stealer
A Single Shard
The Trojan War
The Wrestling Game
Aulaire's Book of Greek Myths
Archimedes and the Door of Science
The Bronze Bow
The Great and Terrible Quest
Hittite Warrior
The Ides of April
Mara, Daughter of the Nile
Mary, Bloody Mary
The Mystery of the Roman Ransom
The Phantom Tollbooth
A Proud Taste for Scarlet and Minver
The Saurai Tale
Shadow of the Bull
Theras and His Town
The Cat Who Went to Heaven
The Children's Homer

WRITING

Handwriting is a nice book I got from Bob Jones Press. I will have them write in their history notebooks about things we are learning in history. Much of their writing will also be their research reports. I will do dictation too, but I am not sure of the sources at this point.

SPELLING

It will be no more books for this homeschool mom. I am liberated from them. I will be correcting their writing as they write and give spelling tests from them. So much more practical.

MUSIC

Michael is taking banjo lessons and Paul is taking piano from Suzannah Doyle. She is fantastic. We will also be studying one of the BIG composers a month. This month will be Bach. I have a great Disney record on the composers that George had as a child.

EXERCISE

Still working on this one. I am thinking swimming after music practice on Tuesdays. I thought that we would do fencing, but it is in Salem, and that is a bit far.

ART

I want to finish up those water color books. I want to also do some nature journaling in our journals. I also want to use the Great Artists book that I have never used. Maybe with our coop kids!

CO-OP

Dee and I are really going to do it this year! I promise! We will do fun things and field trips and such.

PLAYS/FIELD TRIPS

With Co-op and also with the plays group. I think one play a term will suffice. The kids are growing out of many of the plays. I also would like to go to a Shakespeare play next summer.

BOYS GROUP

They will be meeting every Wednesday instead of every other Wednesday. Abigail also mentioned wanting to do something together on an every other week basis too.

I think that is it for now!

I will write about what I will be doing tomorrow!

Lifelong Sisterhood

I just went up to Lake Oswego for a reunion with my Bible Study from 25 years ago. It was so fun. I wish I had a picture.

Can't believe it has been so long!

I haven't posted since my birthday!

We had a great time in Seattle staying at the downtown Westin and enjoying the Aquarium and Pacific Science Center and seeing good friends like the Mossings and the Steenstras. In addition, I saw Rosalie, Lisa, and Sue. It was a great four and a half day and to top it off, I found a Tall Girl shop!

Still enjoying my emancipation and freedom.

Carol

My Birthday!

Today I turn 47 years old.

I feel so young.

I haven't talked about my journey to the Well-Educated Mind lately! Today I am reading Robinson Crusoe. It isn't on my "classics" list because it isn't considered a classic novel but more a precursor to the classic novel. I can see why as I read it. It is really more of a travelogue. It is an exciting one though. I think I will really like it.

I hope to dive into The Gulag Archipelego soon also. That is for my TWEM autobiography list, and it is a little harder than the other ones I have been reading lately. So, we will see how long it takes me to get through it. I really want to get back on track with the novels.

The journey of my "Well-Watered Soul" is coming along nicely too. I am learning much. There is much to humble me these days, but I am going forward with a positive attitude hoping that there is somewhere where I can fit and belong. Belonging is a big thing for me, and I am realizing that I never felt like I "belonged" at Northwest Hills. I am not sure why that it, and I am done trying to analyze it because it is no longer my problem, but there is always that fear that you may not belong somewhere else either!

Off to meditate and pray. I am so excited to be turning 47 today.

Carol

Long time no blog

I am living enthusiastically every minute. I am loving life and living large. I LOVE being free. I am mourning the loss of the women, but I am still seeing many of them. It is good to be in the place that I am in.

So, that is just a bit of an update of where I am at in this journey we call LIFE!

Carol

Wasted

I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by Wasted
-Carrie Underwood

This song has been so strange for me. There have been so many times over the last few years that I have cried to George saying,

"I don't want to wake up one day and realize that I have wasted over half of my life at a dysfunctional church."

Aren't the words in this song so strangely similar to what I have been saying to him?

Carol

Dale Carnegie - Week 2

What a great program. We learned memory pegs to help us memorize the nine factors for becoming a friendlier person. I will do them from memory:

1. Do not criticize, condemn, or complain
2. Express honest, sincere appreciation
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want
4. Be interested in the other person
5. Smile
6. A person's name is the sweetest sound to them
7. Listen to the other person and encourage them to talk about themselves
8. Talk in terms of the other person's interests
9. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

We discussed which ones were hard.

Then we all shared our presentations about a defining moment in our lives. What a great group of interesting people!

I won the Outstanding Performance Award for my talk about Michael learning to talk! I was also in the top three for the Breakthrough Award.

I received a Dale Carnegie pen as a prize!

What a fun class. Off to tea with Sharon Z!

Carol

A South Beach Getaway

In honor of our 16th anniversary later on this month (We are camping on our actual anniversary), we got away to South Beach, Newport for two nights of talking, reading, praying, walking, eating (at Chowder Bowl!), and just being together.

Such a valuable time during this transition time of our lives.

Dale Carnegie - Lemons to Lemonade

One of my goals with this move to a new church is to work on my interpersonal skills. I am great working with most people, but I have a hard time with the difficult people and situations. I don't handle stress or negativity well.

So, I thought the Dale Carnegie Course would be a positive step in helping me overcome these obstacles in my life and have inhibited me from effective mnistry in the past. I am committed to upgrading! So, I figured that $1700 was a small price to pay for upgrading.

Taking this class has been in the back of my mind for the past nineteen years. There was a man in my high school graduating class who took the course back in the eighties. It was great to run into him at a restaurant the day after my ten year high school reunion and see a positivity in his life that was very appealing. I know that only Jesus can transform us, but I also know that John Maxwell even recommends that we go to this course, even though it is secular.

After this first class, I sent my old classmate an email, and I am hoping he responds to my question about it. I want to know how it affected his life. and is still affecting his life 20 years later.

The first course was fantastic. It was the most positive and encouraging 3 1/2 hours that I have spent in a long time. We learned each other's names through association. We developed our vision of where we see ourselves in three to six months and many other things. So far, it hit it out of the ballpark for me.

I love the fact that they believe that you build on your strengths rather than your weaknesses. After such a negative year with negative people over me and working with me. It was a breath of fresh air to be around positive people again.

I am Making lemonade out of the lemons. Such a fun journey!

Life is grand, and sipping lemonae these days.

Carol

Fabulous Fourth

We went to the C's annual BBQ at Willamette Park, and it was a blast. Water balloons, water guns, tug-0-war, sack races and just good friends and laughter. That is what I carry with me about the people at my old church.

They are a wonderful group of people, but I don't think I will be separating from them. I have moved on, and I am excited about the options that lay before us.

CLOSURE
I have closure on the mysteries that surrounded our exit from our church. Nan did not break confidentiality. I had a hard time believing that she would, but I had to be sure for my own sanity. She is so upfront. I know we will be friends for a long time, and this is very important to me.

So, I think I can finally move on in peace. There is a good fit for us somewhere. I have much to do to grow, and I am heading in that direction.

Tomorrow Never Comes

You will recall that the White Queen said:

"The rule is jam tomorrow and jam yesterday but never jam today."

I was listening to Ginny Owens again today, and I have listened to this song, and I FINALLY get what it says:

Tomorrow Never Comes

It really does not every come. Therefore, I must live today to the fullest! Living in "day-tight compartments" as Dale Carnegie would say.

Waiting for Tomorrow

I'm waiting, waiting for tomorrow
Staring out my window until today is done
I'm living, living for the future
Just biding my time here '
'Til something better comes along
Resting in the shade of my daydreaming
'Til I finally awake to what's been missing


I belong here
In this moment in this day
Not some other place
I was made for
For a race that must be run
So I'll run on
Knowing that tomorrow never comes

My trouble, trouble with tomorrow
Is that I always try to borrow
Its worries and its time
While I spend my life anticipating
Today slips away while I am waiting

I belong here in this moment in this day
Not some other place
I was made for
For a race that must be run
So, I'll run on

When today becomes far more than I can bare
I remember ?????
Is driving me every near

I belong here
In this moment in this day
Not some other place
I was made for
For a race that must be run
So I'll run on

I belong here
In this moment in this day
Not some other place
I was made for
For a race that must be run
So I'll run on

Knowing that tomorrow never comes
Tomorrow never comes

Living for today that was glorious,
Carol

A Lovely July 3rd Evening

We spent the evening with two other homeschool families tonight. Turkey dogs, baked beans, potato salad, chips, watermelon, and lemonade.

The parents sat around and talked as the kids played out in the backyard. What a fun and intelligent group of six adults. I really enjoy these two families immensely.

We watched the sun go down as we viewed the valley floor from Vineyard Mountain.

Ahhhh......Life is so good.

Still at Peace

The transition we are in is really huge, and I have some unanswered questions that I am finally at a place to find out about. I can speculate all I want, but I needed to go to the person that I thought was the source of some of my answers.

We meet on Wednesday at 2:30, and I am praying that there will be answers that will unlock the mystery of everything.

George will meet with another person after this meeting. I am praying for everything that was exposed to the darkness will come out to the light.

You, O God, will bring every work into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil. (Ecclesiastes 12:14)

My Happy Place

This is my new arrangement of the furniture in my office. This morning. I sipped Oregon Chai and sat and had a great time with God. In the photo, you see that all my study tools (Greek Word studies with Zodhiates, Vine's, Wuest, etc) are on the left hand side so that I can grab them easily. Before that, the chair was on the opposite side of the room, and I would have to get up and grab and leave them in an unsightly mess on the floor. Now, I can get them one at a time and put them right back! The room also looks twice as big, and there is more floor space where you need it. I could even do my exercises on the floor while I put the DVD in the computer and put it on the ottoman on the right!

MY HAPPY PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Room with a View

Today was a day of rest after our 16 1/2 hour car ride over the past two days. So, we rested, but George also rearranged the office furniture, and it looks so great in there. It is a new "happy place."

Happy and peaceful,
Carol

The Lord Give You Shalom

Had a wonderful morning time with Chai Tea and a word study on Peace:

It came from these two verses in my Face to Face: Praying the Scriptures for Spiritual Growth (I feel like I am definitely in a season of growth that I haven't experienced for quite some time.) :)

O Lord, bless us and keep us;
O Lord, make Your face shine upon us
and be gracious to us;
O Lord, turn your face toward us
and give us peace. (Numbers 6:24-26)

You have loved me, O God, and called me to be a saint; You, O God my Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ have given me grace and peace. (Romans 1:7)

This was most definitely the cry of my heart in the tumultuous time in late May and early June, and you granted it to me at the Sylvia Beach Hotel, and it has not subsided since we made the surprising decision to leave our church of 28 (me) and 20 (George) years.

So, what is peace?

Old Testament word in Numbers is Shalom. That is familiar enough. A deeper study says "peace, safety, prosperity, well-being, intactness, wholeness, peace can have a focus of security, safety which can bring feelings of satisfaction, well-being, and contentment (Strong's). Vine's says it primarily signifies "wholeness." The Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament has a more complete definition of "health and completeness." It says that it means "much more than the absense of strife. . . the root verb Shalem better expresses the true concept. . . Completeness, wholeness, harmony, fulfillment, unimpaired relationships with others and fulfillment in one's undertakings. To wish one Shalom implies a blessing. . . Shalom is the result of God's activity in covenant, and is the result of righteousness."

Isaiah 32:17-18
And the work of righteousness will be PEACE,
And service of righteousness, quietness and confidence (security) forever
Then my people will live in peaceful habitation,
And in secure dwellings and in undisturbed resting places

The TWOT goes on that it is the "state of fulfillment which is the result of God's presence. Specifically indicated in the 'covenant of peace'."

Isaiah 54:10
"For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake,
But my lovingkindness will not be removed from You,
And my covenant of peace will not be shaken,"
Says the LORD who has compassion on you.

I just noticed as I typed that there are two contrasts:

mountains removed/lovingkindness NOT removed
hills shaken/covenant of peace NOT be shaken

COOL!

In 1 Chronicles 22:9-10 it is associated with calmness, rest, and to be quiet.

"The classic statement of this concept is in the Aaronic benediction of Numbers 6:24-26. The man to whom God has given peace is one who is blessed (barak) guarded (shamar), and treated graciously (hanan), by Yahweh. This is fulfillment through the divine gift."

Ultimately, our sar shalom is the Prince of Peace - the one who brings fulfillment and righteousness to the earth. Christ is our peace (Ephesians 2:14) who has broken down every wall. He is the messianic prince who brings wholeness and redemption to mankind.

My prayer has been for a season of peace in my life, and I do believe that He is granting it to us.

SHALOM,
Carol

Home Again

Home Again, Home Again, Giggity-Gig. :)

We had a great time in CA, but there is really no place like home. We returned from a perfect vacation. Everything went so smoothly with my mom and her move. It also went really smoothly with my brother and his family.

Intertubing was so much fun!

Did I mention I was free?

There is a big theme of freedom going on here, and I am more excited than anything.

Driving in a boat with the wind in my hair

We are in California for the week, and my brother and his family took us out for a fantastic day of boating, skiing, and intertubing.

This middle-aged momma still has some groove left in her. I got up on Chris' O'Brien ski without a hitch and had a blast! I haven't skiied in nine years.

Paul had a great time on the intertube too.

A good time was had by all. Life is grand when you are free.

Never forgetting that I am free.

Free at last. Free at last. Thank God I am free at last.

I'm Free

Here is another free song that has been running through my mind lately:

Through You the blind will see
Through You the mute will sing
Through You the dead will rise
Through You all hearts will praise
Through You the darkness flees
Through You my heart screams I am free

Chorus:
I am free to run (I am free to run)
I am free to dance (I am free to dance)
I am free to live for You (I am free to live for You)
I am free (I am free)

Just another free song!

Three more:

Shawn McDonald says..
"I wanna be free, free to dance and free to sing
Free to live and learn and free oh, free to be me"

Chris Tomlin sings..
"Caught in the half-light, I'm caught alone
Waking up to the sunrise and the radio
Feels like I'm tied up, what's holding me?
Just praying today will be the day I go free"

Ginny Owens sings...
Turnin' molehills into mountains
Makin' big deals out of small ones
Bearing gifts as if they're burdens
This is how it's been
Afraid of coming out of my shell
Too many things I can't do too well
Afraid I'll try real hard And I'll fail
This is how it's been
Till the day You pounded on my heart's door
And You shouted joyfully
You're not a slave anymore!

CHORUS:

You're free to dance
Forget about your two left feet
And you're free to sing
Even joyful noise is music to Me
You're free to love
'Cause I've given you My love
And it's made you free
I have set you free!

My mind finds hard to believe
That You became humanity and
Changed the course of history
Because You loved us so
And my heart cannot understand
How You accept me as I am
But You say You've always had a plan
And that's all I need to know
So when I am consumed With what the world will say
Then You're singing to me, as You remove my chains

Free from worry
Free from envy and denial
Free to live, free to give, free to smile

Life is a Promise, Fulfill It

Mary Beth said today that she looks forward to hearing where God will have me fly. She remembers the prophecy that was said by Denise Beckhart to me during Candidate School in AZ. It was in October of 1994. She had a vision of a bird in a cage, and God said that he wanted to take me out of the cage and hold me in the palm of his hands and let me fly. George and I knew that day that it is in relationship to Northwest Hills.

I felt like I flew in Malaysia. I was free and unencumbered, and it was so great. I came back to a dysfunctional church culture that I have never felt the love and grace to encourage me to fly. I want to fly, and I want to encourage other people to fly too.

So, when Mary Beth said that today, I remembered that Women Becoming women gave me this bird:

I truly believe this is a confirmation that we are doing the right thing. This bird has the Mother Teresa quote, "Life is a promise, fulfill it." This also goes along with the exhortation from you to "fulfill my ministry." Lord, I will miss the friends at Northwest Hills, but I really think it is time to fly out of the cage of Northwest Hills. The ending of Women Becoming really became the vehicle in which to do this. I finished well, and I know that you are proud of me. Thank you Lord for teaching me to fly.

Welcome to Love

This song is the one that is ministering to me so much these days:

Welcome to Love by Ginny Owens

You’re always peeking ‘round the corner
Prepared for battle at all times
So scared someone might steal your thunder
So scared you might be last in line
You forgot you can’t earn
What you do not deserve

Welcome to Love
Let it surround you feel its touch
You can give up on being good enough
Welcome to love

You face your demons in the mirror
You wonder how you’ll face the day
You think about how they perceive you
Your every move you calculate
You won’t care about these things
When you realize you’ve got all you need

The Lord has definitely surrounded me with His love, and I am in awe and humbled. I wish that I could hold this feeling of humilty fast. The Lord is good. Oh, so good.

Today was the first day of our adventure of finding a new fellowship. I went to Suburban Christian today, and I have to admit that I loved it. The worship was fabulous. The people were friendly. The sermon was meaningful. They have communion every Sunday! They had a drama prior to the communion service about what worship is. An elder read a little "mandate for fathers" that was very good.

What is weird is that they just started an outreach to internationals. The pastoral staff is going through The Peacemaker book. The women's ministry wants to start a discipleship ministry. The pastors wife invited me out to lunch with Carol Menken-Schaudt (I wonder if I will become "Little Carol" once again.). Their assistant pastor was on Campus Crusade staff.

Lord, could this be the place for us. I don't know why I am not more sad about leaving Northwest Hills, but I am just relieved more than anything. I feel almost giddy and happy.

God thank you for surrounding me with your presence. Maybe it will be like dad's death where I didn't really break down until about six weeks later. That might be when it gets really hard. As it is now, we have made a clean break. We went one week, and we are not going the next.

Emancipation

Well, we did it! We have officially left our church of 28 years. I went to see Ginny and Lorraine today, and Ginny looked at me at the lunch table and said, "You look like you have been emancipated!"

The thought of starting all over somewhere is the most wonderful thing. I will live a life of self-reflection as I move forward in faith and see God open up doors.

Maintaining Peace

I had something happen yesterday that was annoying to me. It was also hurtful, but nothing is going to shatter that peace. I have an immovable rock in our God. In the midst of the discouraging thing, two Mormon missionaries came to my door, and I was able to share with them the wonderful plan of Jesus Christ . . .period. Nothing added to it in the belief in a prophet like Joseph Smith. I was able to share with them my journey, and it was awesome. Praise God.

In the Well-Watered Soul department, I am wondering when the best time is to start the Romans study. I am waiting on setting up a plan with Kim and am looking forward to spending one-on-one time with her.

In the Well-Educated Mind department, I am loving my reading of The Kite Runner. I hope to finish that today.

So, I am off to a free day!

Perfect Peace

There is a Ginny Owens song "Let the Silence Speak" that I have been listening to lately. It typifies so beautifully where I am right now. One of the lines says:

"I will lead you to a place of perfect peace"

It speaks of God's calling us by name and waiting and leading. I have found this niche lately that has settled my soul into being still before Him and sensing the perfect peace of His presence. There isn't much filling up my space lately. So, I have had so much time to be still. In that He has been pleading for my heart, and He has it. In the silence speaking, it really has done what she says in her song:

Let is move you
Let it draw you into Me
Let it free you
Let it heal you
Let it speak

I don't say this to boast, but I say it to praise the God in whose presence I "live and move and have my being."

My brains are securely in my head and not at the door

Hee Hee. I just read another blog of a dear friend who believes that evangelicals have been sold a bill of goods about the miracles in the Bible. I love her to pieces, but I came to a different conclusion. I was just at the coast on Wednesday night. I sat there in such perfect peace and confidence in my God. He is real and He is relational. He is there; and yes, He speaks to me. Everyday.

Oh, I love her though, and there is power in love. :)

Loving Limbo Land

Had a major breakthrough in all areas. It is huge. I don't mind limboland at all. Life is an adventure. I am living life in "day-tight compartments," and it ain't so bad.

Thankful to be out of the fog!