Here we go. It is time for my FRIDAY FREEWRITE! WOHOOO! I already freewrote 750 words this morning, but I went for a walk and the word I am going to explore in this freewrite is the one above: PENSIVE.
It is SO where I am at right now, right here on this day in May 2026. Oh, my goodness, I think this was my last day with the Women Becoming group on this week 20 years ago! Was that really and truly 20 year ago!?
Anyway, I am pensive. I am so pensive. I am thoughtful and reflective. I got "stood up" yesterday, and I waited from 1:30-4:00 pm for someone, and they finally said they fell asleep. But I waited for 3 1/2 hours. I asked at 1:30, "Aren't we getting together?" And there was no answer. Silence on the other end of the line.
This morning, I responded to the reschedule that this afternoon, Friday, would not work. I also gave a polite but direct, "Hey, it was not very considerate of you to not let me know we were not getting together. My time is valuable" kind of message. It wasn't like I didn't do other things in the meantime, but I kept wondering. I kept other things that I could have done on hold because of this.
Of course, the gentle note was received well. I don't think it was shame producing. It was a heads-up for the person. It was a good interaction, but then it left me PENSIVE. I could focus on listening to the Narnia book I was listening to.
It was good for me to process all the emotions that come with the word PENSIVE.
We are going through a major life transition in the next week. George got his Ph.D. 30 years ago this October, and he worked for 30 years in his field (really longer because he worked for nine years, 1987-1996 between his master's and his Ph.D. finish in the same field being paid a full-time salary while he was let off time to do his Ph.D. studies. So gracious of Scott, his major professor.)
I came into the picture in 1987-1988 and didn't start dating George until 1989, but I have been there through all of it, and he even dedicated his thesis to me.
So, his retiring is also my retiring. It isn't going to be as big an adjustment for me as for him, but it is still going to be an adjustment.
So, it is OK to be pensive in the midst of all that uncertainty of the future. He has taken care of all the financial stuff, and we sign up for Medicare Part B for me in 2 1/2 hours. So there are all these adjustments to everything right now.
I don't fear change, but I can certainly be PENSIVE about it! It is weird to think George is old enough to retire. What? I am so amazed.
Life is so short, and I am so happy that we have had this life together, and we have been so incredibly happy and content in our relationship. Securely attached. That is a gift that many do not have.
So, here's to change and transition and allowing myself to be pensive in the midst of it.
Now on to curriculum development for my Spiritual Direction Training! I am excited about that more than you would ever know. So much God keeps telling me. It is going to be great.
So, now I have 15 seconds, and now I have 8. Now I have NONE!!!!
I have to write now. then I will add the PENSIVE definition later.
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