The Kingdom of God in No Strange Land

This is about finding God in everyday life. Francis Thompson wrote this while a homeless drug addict in London. Meditate on this. What do you think?

THE KINGDOM OF GOD
In No Strange Land by Francis Thompson

O world invisible, we view thee,
O world intangible, we touch thee,
O world unknowable, we know thee,
Inapprehensible, we clutch thee!

Does the fish soar to find the ocean,
The eagle plunge to find the air—
That we ask of the stars in motion
If they have rumour of thee there?

Not where the wheeling systems darken,
And our benumbed conceiving soars!—
The drift of pinions, would we hearken,
Beats at our own clay-shuttered doors.

The angels keep their ancient places;—
Turn but a stone and start a wing!
’Tis ye, ’tis your estranged faces,
That miss the many-splendoured thing.

But (when so sad thou canst not sadder)
Cry;—and upon thy so sore loss
Shall shine the traffic of Jacob’s ladder
Pitched betwixt Heaven and Charing Cross.

Yea, in the night, my Soul, my daughter,
Cry,—clinging to Heaven by the hems;
And lo, Christ walking on the water,
Not of Genesareth, but Thames!

Me at Charing Cross Road

It is Well - Sunday Morning Fifteen Minute Freewrite

What a great week. It was full, but I had many days of rest and sustaining sprinkled throughout the week.

It was especially full on Saturday. I was a little leery about how busy it would be, but I allowed for time in my schedule today SABBATH REST (the Cycle of Grace Sustaining after a Cycle of Grace Significance/Fruitful time).

Of course it started with time with God, Morning Affirmations and Stretch (M.A.S.S.), and a prayerful review of my previous day with GEORGE. Sometimes I write it on this blog, but most days, I just pray, and I love it when George is home to do it with him.  Thank you, Fran, for doing it with your husband and giving me the idea to do it with mine!

Then I took a Face to Face Prayer Walk before an important leader in an influential church came to visit. God spoke to me MANY years ago about this church, and I have been praying into this for that long.  It has been so wonderful to see God speak and act, and this was the culmination as God spoke to this leader to come and seek our counsel about the direction they are going. It was a good time. She is so on the same page. I like her a lot. What a wonderful, solid young woman! I will pray into her life more and more. 

Then it was off to a lunch date with four people and a baby. I loved hearing the story of a family that came to follow Jesus! WOW! I just love hearing people's stories. 

Then I went to pick up my friend to go to a Henna and English Party. She expressed that her mother-in-law does not speak English and is lonely, having only arrived a month ago. I thought, "Hey, my friend speaks her language, and she is looking for friends from this country!" So, I introduced my friend to this other friend, and I am hoping and praying that something works out for them. 

The Henna Party and English was so great. Amy led wonderfully, and the Henna artists, one of whom was the lovely Joanne from our Kingdom Community, were amazing! I had two ladies from Japan, a woman from the Philippines, a Shi'a from Saudi Arabia (so adorable), my friend from Afghanistan, and a woman from Iran (who did not speak English so Madina translated for us). Really lovely!

There was a little bit of drama at the other table so I went over calm things down a bit ("run interference" was my mandate). It is funny where I see, more and more, that I probably am just as much a 9 Peacemaker as a 2 Helper on the Enneagram! They always tie, but I always thought the Helper better describes me, but I think they both do. I love doing this, and I had such a wonder talk with an Iraqi woman as a result. I have heard about her for years, but I have never really talked to her. 

Then, my friend, Mindy, locked herself out of her car. SO I got some extra time with her to take her home. Then I brought Madina back and spent two hours having tea and meeting her mother in law and talking to her husband. They are such a lovely, lovely family!

I returned home to George making me Italian Sausage and Penne and chatting with the fam. Then, we watched a movie called the Duchess and I had to look up the history of this fascinating character!

It was a full, fun, in-line with God's plan for me kind of day, but I am taking today OFF and enjoying it! God is good all the time. All the time, he is good!

REPOST OF MY 2017 GOALS

How am I doing, LORD?

January 1, 2017 POST:

Teala and I are on our 21st year of having a Day of Prayer at the sorority she is currently working at (with the exception of the two years we were in Malaysia at which time I had it remotely).

The word for the year is SIMPLE. I had all sorts of thoughts about GOALS for the year, but God said to keep it simple. So, I have "Seven Simple Scripture Steps for '17!"

1.Cease striving (be still, let go, relax) and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth. (Psalm 46:10)

(Stilling my heart before Him, not rushing ahead of His plan for my day but being still so I can listen)

2. Continually seek His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things shall be provided to you. (Matthew 6:33)

(Moment by moment seeking)

3. Blessed are those who hear the word of God, and obey it. (Luke 11:28)

(Daily listening and obeying - no more, no less)

4. And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength. (Mark 12:30)

(Love, worship, and adore Him with all of my being)

5. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:31)

(Serve my sweetheart, sons, and students [training, Pilates, TOAG, Tahera, and Bible Book Club people])

6. Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercise self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore, I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified. (1 Corinthians 9:24-27)

(2017 self-control resulting in strong and svelte at 22 BMI)

7. So there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of  God. For the one who has entered His rest has himself also rested from his works, as God did from His. Therefore, let us be diligent to enter that rest, so that no one will fall, through following the same example of disobedience. (Hebrews 4:9)

(Regular rest periods - sabbaticals and Sabbaths)

Friday Fifteen Freewrite (Prayerful Review)

These days are so good. I made a very firm decision about staying with the Renovaré Institute. I love so much about it, and this whole INCLUSION thing is a want, but it is not a need. He finally spoke toward the end of my month of meditation in Psalm 23. 

The LORD is my shepherd

I DO NOT WANT

Another way to look at the Hebrew construction of that first verse. The Message says, "I have all that I need,", and I really DO have all that I need. I even have a "prayerful community." I even have found a Spiritual Director who I think is a perfect fit for me. Nancy telling me that I have had SO MANY wise, older people who have poured into my life. Most people have never had that, and I have had them in ABUNDANCE. So, this whole INCLUSION thing is a greediness issue! 

I also asked God about this whole INCLUSIVENESS thing, and I know that Renee did listening prayer with me in 2015 at Rusty's conference about the "my high school friends leaving me alone behind the football stands" memory (while they went to do things they knew I would not approve of), and He showed me that white limousine going the other way. I asked God to show me beyond the football stands, and He did. The trajectory of my life has been so different from theirs, and He has led me into some very pleasant places! And I am not alone in that white limousine! It is just a smaller set of people than all of them piled into the ratty old teenage car. I am grateful for the life He has given me.

So, I think there will be a small subset of people at the RI that I will click with. My new Spiritual Director, Fran, said that if I went through Spiritual Direction Training, I would probably find "my people." I have found some "my people" at the RI though. So, I walk forward with that small limousine car full of them. I have had some DEAR interaction with some of them over email, Facebook Messenger and the phone too. I am UBER-RELATIONAL! (Which is a blessing and a curse sometimes.) But, I cannot expect that of everyone in the RI. That is unrealistic. I want to thank D.J. and Cynthia (RI Grads) for reading this blog and reaching out to me. Also some of you who have no idea about the RI but were concerned and reached out. So sweet. I am GOOD now! 

So with this I will be content.

Now, on to what I was going to do today in the remaining 12 minutes of my FRIDAY FREEWITE! :) 

I made a new handout for the PRAYERFUL REVIEW or EXAMEN HERE!

Here goes

Ask to see everything through His eyes - God, bring light to the review of my day so that I can see everything through Your loving eyes.

Give thanks - I give thanks for the sunlight peaking through the clouds and shining through the fall leaves as I drove down Hwy 20. For Dr. Myers knowing exactly what to do to release that tight muscle on the left side of my spine. For the Kingdom Community - I take for granted that I DO have that kind of community that Chris Webb talks about in his book and Renovare Institute talks about. It is a "community of prayerful love" especially when we go to pray. I am SO GRATEFUL that you have opened doors to create that kind of community here. It is a gift and something most people in the RI do not have. I am grateful for friends, near and far, who reach out to me and love me. Grateful for George and the boys. They are SO VERY KIND, not just yesterday but EVERYDAY they are an example to me of true manhood. I am grateful for rest yesterday. It was a low-key day, and I am so glad I have the freedom to rest after a muscle release. 

Review the day - Holy Spirit guide me through the day, hour by hour. Shine your light on it.

Where I felt most alive and responsive and in tune with your plan for my life in the world.

Slowly driving to the doctor's office. Leaving five minutes early so I was not hurried or anxious

Being a light to Dr. M and the other two interns. One of them joked that I was "spreading the good news of osteopathic medicine," but you gave me the assignment to spread the Good News of the kingdom in that treatment room, and I think I did that.

Resting into my new role as RI member - My heart was occupied with that decision, and it is nice to rest in it, having made it.

Getting feedback from both Kim and Nancy that the Prayer Review I gave them had BLESSED THEM! Let's hear it for listening and obeying.

Kingdom Community prayer

Rick Steves France Shows - why do they relax me so much? Why are they so life-giving to me? They have been for years. 

Where I felt most dead and unresponsive and out of tune with God's plan.

When I led the David study in Kingdom Community - I did not communicate well. I did not prep them well!

Having to make a decision about whether I should go to Jean's dad's memorial service when I have two meeting before and after. Knowing that I would have to hurry to it and from it in order to make both meetings. Decisions like this make me anxious.

Face your shortcomings

Lord, forgive me for my lack of prayerful planning prior to Kingdom Community. My leading was not bathed in prayerful love! 

I resolve to communicate more effectively by always giving a follow up of the next week's expectations. I will apologize for my laziness. 

Look to the new day and "one practical thing" that I will commit to do that will express my love to God and others.

Well, it is obvious! I will send out a nice email about expectations for next week and apologize for not being more clear in my communication. 

Freewrite Fifteen

12:38 pm

I have been processing and processing some more. I processed with many friends, and I also processed with two graduates of the program. I think I got to the bottom of my pain. 

I also talked with the person I most connected with at the residency. So, I loved her reflections and affirmations. So, it will send me over the edge in the direction of staying. 

Lorraine was the only one who thinks I shouldn't. She thinks I have so much already happening here and does not think I need it.

George thinks I need to just listen and obey. It is that simple. I am still trying to hear what He is saying to me. I am so happy to do whatever God tells me to do; one way or the other.

SO here I am on a Sabbath Saturday. I am SO HAPPY to just be having to do NOTHING. Yesterday ended up being a lot of things to do. I processed with someone for two hours on the phone about spiritual warfare. It was good. I talked to a possible Spiritual Director, and I think that she is a YES. I felt like we really connected. She is great, and I can do it by Skype and not have to worry about commuting in the winter and paying an exorbitant amount of money or meeting with someone who has commercialized her direction (one of them has a very slick website, and I want to meet her, but I sense it would not be a good fit for Spiritual Direction). 

I will miss Sister Joan though. She is so sweet, and she really helped me over a little hump a year and a half ago. I am so grateful for her help. I think I will still meet with her on occasion for things, but I think a monthly commute up to Mount Angel would be too much, especially in the middle of the winter. So I will not do that. 

I think there is potential for getting training with Fran's particular ministry too, especially if they do a training up in Portland rather than me having to go to Seattle. 

Ok, on to other things to freewrite about. How about this toe of mine? ACK! I cannot believe that these last days of sunshine in the fall are preempted by a broken toe! I love to walk and talk, but I am still talking to You God, but I miss my walks. I so miss my walks. I tried to walk last night, and it was very painful afterward. So, I need to take this all very slow. 

I can go for a bike ride later on today though. I wonder if George will want to go with me. I really need to get some exercise. I have been eating too much and exercising too little.

Classes are going well. I have a sweet group of students. No "extra grace required" ones who are constantly trying to take advantage of you and beat the system. That has been a relief. 

I love Pilates. Just saying. I want to develop a class that incorporates praise music and scripture into the routine. That will be great. 

I like all the talks I have had today. I think I need to go and preempt my fifteen minutes though because I need to have a shower. 

So, it will be only 11 minutes today. bye. 

Trying to Get to the Bottom of this Need to Belong

I love so much about this Institute I am in. I love the readings we have been doing. I love the academic question every month. This last one, about living in the Kingdom of God was really, really fun for me to write (even though it took all day). I loved the interaction that I had with those who did respond to my posted question, and I especially loved the response from the grader for this portion of the institute. But the community in general didn't really respond to what I said, they all had a great time with each other talking, but other than two people, my answer was just ignored. The same was true for my practice answer. We were supposed to write about a phrase from Psalm 23 that really hit us, and only one person responded. (And that person is someone I really liked from the Institute.) 

Why does it matter to me?

I have such wonderful community here, and I can talk about these things with them. In fact, I met with one of those small groups on Friday, and we prayed through Psalm 23, and it was so enriching! They get Kingdom living, and we live it together. 

Our new group that started in September is also turning on to Kingdom living. So, I have so much here. So many people who are supportive and loving and wonderful.

In this new community that is mostly online other than 28 days together over the course of two years, I still feel like an outsider looking in. I have a hard time feeling safe with others, but I want to belong with others. I don't want to have chit-chat over the next two years, I want depth and soul-stirring conversation with others. Is that realistic to expect when I will see them face-to-face 28 days over the course of two years? Should I talk to someone about this? Why do I feel that it is so necessary to have people interact with me over these things. 

I guess I expected that it would be more of that for us. That it would be more the whole community versus little groups already forming, of which I don't feel like I have a place within that to say that I have found "my people" there. 

Then I pray, "even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death/I fear no evil/Thy rod and Thy staff/They comfort me."  

I don't think I fear the people. I just don't know how to get inside. I dread the next residency. Maybe it is good to feel that deep loneliness because I certainly do not feel alone with You Lord. 

But it is the same feeling I have when I go to Women's Retreats. I feel so very alone there. With the exception of the time that Cathi Von came, and we hiked around together, I never felt like I belonged there. Cathi is like-hearted though. In a general church population, I just don't find a lot of like-hearted women. 

Yet, I have like-hearted women that I have carved out a life with here in my town. So, I don't feel lonely here. I usually have someone to get face-to-face with and process. 

Will it just take some time to do that with the people at this residency? Can that even be achieved with this residency with the little bit of time we all have together. I want to feel like I belong to this community on line. I respond to so many people's posts, but that doesn't get reciprocated. I post a prayer request, and no one says they will pray. I asked for prayer before the residency, and people did respond. Is it something I said or did at the residency that makes people repelled by me that they wouldn't respond to a request for a broken toe? Should I just leave my requests for my face-to-face community here who has been very concerned for me toe and understands why because of my desire to do a 24 mile prayer walk? Maybe people just are not into the things that I am into. I don't think I did something to make people be repelled by me. 

I feel so NOT alone here in Corvallis. I feel SO ALONE with this online community. 

So, I heard a "wait" this morning regarding this community. I love what we are reading, and I hope my small group goes well. I do like the people in it. Maybe my expectations are just too high for the larger community. 

Speak Lord, I am listening. 

Carol's Beloved Charter

My princess, I have given you the names Carol and Boldly Beloved for a reason. You are a wonderful creation of mine, and I am with you always as your victorious, quietly loving, warrior, empowering you to be bold and rejoicing over you with songs and shouts of joy (and your earthly father was listening to Me when he changed your name to Carol without even knowing it meant "Song of Joy"). On top of all this, I want you to know there is no condemnation from Me because you are in Christ Jesus, you are free from the critique of people, living only to please and delight Me as your audience of One. Nothing, absolutely nothing, will separate you from My love in Christ Jesus.

Saturday Sixteen Minute Freewrite

7:00 am, and GO!

Here is go with 16 minutes of furiously typing on the keyboard. :) 

Bummer about my toe after 30 days of walking around the campus and praying God's Kingdom come there, that I would break my toe. I must realize that GOD IS GOOD and SOVEREIGN, and there is a reason I am not to walk 21 miles this morning.

So, I am brining my bike, and I am probably going to bike three laps to their one lap around. This is a big undertaking, and I heard God say to do 21 miles, but it will be on wheels rather than on my feet!

So, here are the other things that I am thinking of this morning. Regarding the whole thing about the Residency. I do not need to feel GUILTY that I have done most of these things. I do not need to feel GUILTY that I don't have anymore false narrative floating around after 35 years of seeking God's true narratives (I think the main false narrative is that in order to fit in with the other participants, I have to act like all this stuff is new to me, and it is not. I cannot be fake in that respect. I have to be true to who You made me to be and live for an audience of one - even if it means NOT fitting in and being able to enter into their experiences. Still need to know why this is important to me. George said he would not feel guilty about it. Why do I?). I need to just share my journey honestly and hopefully. George says it might give people hope that it is really possible to come out whole! 

So, I guess it might be lonely, but it also might be surprisingly great. I need to be more optimistic about all of this and not worry that I feel on the "outskirts" of this big group of people. I do feel great with a few people, and I feel good with most of the leadership, and there are some people I just have not gotten to know yet, and I wish people would have sought me out more, but I did most of the seeking out of people, and some just didn't seem interested in me. 

I still need to explore why that bothers me though. Lord, what do you want me to know? 

You are unique and one of a kind. No need to fake anything. Be genuine and real. Hudson Taylor was unusual with the other workers too. Just be you. I like you.

Ok, I will be me. 

The good news is that I am all caught up on my Praxis and Academic Questions. I am feeling more comfortable writing them. I don't think I will ever go to seminary to get a degree in this stuff, but it is fun to try to do my best. This really is a lot of work. I think I will not run a Kingdom Community next year and maybe even take Fall term off of teaching Pilates next year so I can concentrate more fully on all of this. 

Lord, I am going to ask you to confirm, once and for all, that you really DO want me to be there! OK? I want to be like Noah and do ALL that you ask of me.

Well, I better got and get ready for this epic 21 miles of prayer for the OSU campus. WOOHOO! We are a small band of prayer warriors, but we have a BIG God! 

Bye from the Broken Toed Bandit. 

58. If We Make It Home by Nelson

This book uses an alternating first person point of view narrative for three college friends reunited after twenty-five years apart. I didn't really identify with any of the three main character, but eventually, I found myself interested in their stories and where they would all end up in the end.

I think this is a very good first novel for this new author! I loved the Oregon setting for the adventure that these women are taken on. There were a couple of things that I thought were a bit far-fetched, and I would have liked a little more development of the "why" behind what happened in order to make it seem a bit more plausible. But all that aside, I enjoyed the book and was glad I read it!

*I received a complimentary copy of this book from Kregel Publications and was under no obligation to post a review, positive or negative.*

57. Bella Poldark by Winston Graham

Did I really not review this book! It is the final in the beautiful series of 12 books. I will so miss these characters! It is worth the 6064 pages of reading. Winston Graham does a lovely job of wrapping up all the stories for each main character. Really enjoyed the whole series.

 

Friday Freewrite Fifteen

Trusting God is a totally safe place to be. I am just processing on this keyboard without stopping for fifteen minutes. I am reclining with my toe elevated because I broke it. Silly me. It found the post that holds up my kitchen island. I am almost humored by it. It is not incredibly painful (at least not until about 11:30 pm last night when I had to take the "buddy tape" off because I think it was swelling beyond it). I just hope I can still prayer walk on Saturday.

This week was "Synthesis Week" for the Renovaré Institute that I attended last week in Santa Barbara. I feel sort of like I cheated. Because we have had "Kingdom Communities" in place since 2009, we know what it is like to live in the reality of a "community of prayerful love" full of Kingdom Seekers. I am so grateful for the community that we have here in Corvallis. So, I was sort of lonely at the Institute. Like I was an outsider looking in at people coming to the realization that the Kingdom is here and now. It was delightful to see, but it was like I wasn't really invited to the party and was looking in through the glass windows from the outside. 

It did not help that my back went out ROYALLY, and I was somewhat alienated from others because I had to lie on my back for relief, and I became the girl with the "bad back" (which is not true - a massage therapist INJURED me, and I was so sad about that) that people walked by and said, "Poor girl," but few came in to talk while I was flat on my back. So, the only way I could enter in was to say good-bye to the pain and talk at meals, and I did. I was lost in that, but the after effect was set backs in my healing. But that is OK, I had delightful conversations other than one time. That time was hard because I saw such pain in the other person, but that person is closed, wounded, defensive. The person does not feel safe with me yet. So I could not pry, but I can certainly pray.

I like the people though, but there were two points where I thought I might quit. But I asked for confirmation, and You gave it to me. Then I asked again after I got home, and George said, "Let's ask God." So, I am still asking God, but I am pretty sure that I will stick around. It just takes time to make new friends, and I feel like I missed those first two crucial, initial days. People walking off to the beach, which I had dreamed of doing, but I never got to do. Bonding happens on walks, but I was spending them flat on my back, but God told me to look up, and I saw the birds and the sky. He told me to skip an evening Lectio Divina time and do it by myself in my room on my back (after I had a good cry). 

I think the time I felt most lonely was when everyone was playing games on the last night. I am not a big game player, and I hoped that some would just want to talk; but one by one, the people I was talking to were asked to join tables of game players, but no one asked me. I felt like crying. (Rudolph wasn't asked to join in any reindeer games is running through my head right now.) So, I just went back to my room. I wasn't sad once I sat down to finish my book, but I was walking to my room.

The next morning was much better though when I got up to about 2/3rds the number of people because the other 1/3 had early morning flights home. That number was more manageable, and it seemed like many of the Introverts gathered around in the morning sun to process things, and that was good for my soul. I also prayed for confirmation again, and we were all to pray for people on our right and on our left, and one of the them was the speaker who was always in the room in which I was laying on my back. He was the only one who saw how much pain I was truly in. He is a true introvert in that he did not engage with others in the Free Time and was by himself a lot. I know I need to be by myself because that is what energizes me, but I love people too! So, it is always the conflict I face when I am in large groups of new people.

It was also helpful to process with Kim when I came back. I wish I had a soul-mate there. I wish I had asked George to come and do it with me. That would have been so much better, but even when I was with George when we went to Europe, and the "drinkers" all became a clique in our tour group, and they initially wanted us but then realized we weren't drinker so quit inviting us to their gatherings, I felt hurt. Silly me. I have never seen those people since and will not see them again, but it brought me back to high school when my friends started sleeping around and smoking pot, and they left me alone because they knew I wouldn't do the things they were doing. It was lonely. 

So, I go through the painful process of becoming accustomed to a new group of people. That is always scary and hard for me. But I think I will stick with it because I like the leadership, and I also like the things we are reading. 

This was longer than 15 minutes, but it was good to process out loud, so to speak. 

Falling In Love

Nothing is more practical than
finding God, than
falling in Love ...
in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with,
what seizes your imagination, will affect everything.
It will decide
what will get you out of bed in the morning,
what you do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends,
what you read, whom you know,
what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.
Fall in Love, stay in love,
and it will decide everything.
Fr. Pedro Arrupe, SJ (1907-1991)

56. The Lord and His Prayer by N.T. Wright

This is a wonderful little book that expands upon the Lord's Prayer in such a beautiful way. I have heard N.T. Wright speak, but I had only read excerpts of his writing, and this is a nice introduction. 

It takes each phrase and really gives it such a "kingdom-minded" treatment. Well-worth reading.

Prayer Review of Tuesday-Thursday

What made me feel most alive and in tune with God's plan:

• Teaching Pilates to eager 20-somethings
• Working in a positive university environment with lovely coworkers
• Renovaré Institute readings 
• The LORD's Prayer meditation
• Updating my syllabi and making them be up to the PAC Template (submitting to my authority was hard at first but yielded peaceful fruit in the end)
• Praying around the Campus with John and George
• Praying with Katherine through neighborhoods and have Kent run into us and say, "Oh, are you prayer walking?"
• Walking in the rain through my "Entering Gates" of the East Campus of OSU singing my song and loving the fall in Corvallis
• Poldark - Bella Poldark is the last novel out of 12. LOVE THIS SERIES! Why did you have to die Winston Graham?
• Alexa Worship Music - I really like this feature! I never thought I would enjoy this new device like I have.
• Discussing life with young moms in my living room 
• Knowing speaking to groups is a "sweet spot" for my gifts, talents, personality, and abilities.
• Feeling is pleasure as I moved my body in Pilates - passing on the passion of Pilates to young people
• Freedom from hip pain after my classes
• Finding subs for my October 11 classes
• Sweet text from my friend who just moved
• Eating healthy one of those days
• Ice cream and chocolate on Thursday because is was sort of stressful.
• Ease of renewing my NASM-CPT certification
• Renovaré Justine and doing the Book Club - so looking forward to these LIFE GIVING books (and one of them last year made me start doing this exercise)

What made me feel most dead and not in tune with God's plan:

• Saying, "No" to another person (story of my life) - yes this is a "rinse and repeat" from my Monday life-deadening statement. Only this is another person asking another "little thing" of me, and I want to SCREAM! It is so very stressful for me to stay, "No" to people. I am just at full capacity, and this is probably THE busiest week of my entire year. It is also a busy year because I have CPR - CPT - Power Pilates Certifications all due in the Fall. I guess the "little" request was also so "out there," and the person knows how busy I am. I have got to get better at saying no graciously. 
• Having a person complain about how I did something when they are just not putting any effort into reading directions.
• Expectation that I am going to make things happen when people have enthusiastic ideas - your idea - your execution.
• Opposite experience filing my recertification for Power Pilates versus the above NASM-CPT. NASM took TWO MINUTES. Power Pilates took about four hours because they required PDF of all my certification that I got THROUGH THEM and they sent to me. SO, why don't they just have them on file like NASM does? Made NO SENSE, and now I know I have to keep a PDF copy of everything to upload. Next time will be easier, but I did get really frustrated and ordered that chocolate when Michael went to get more milk
• The Confederate Flag controversy at our university and some unexpected aftermath when I voiced I was going to pray it comes down.
• Michael not being able to be an Uber driver because his car is too old. 
• People taking but not offering to give even halfway
• Feeling alone when I am tired
• Feeling like a failure - I am believing a false narrative, and I want to get to the bottom of that. Honestly have not felt this way in so long. 
• Culture shock back to working with a new population of people
• George might lose his job
• George having major pressure at work
• Extra time required to get things up and running at work (not necessarily out of God plan though)
• Being stressed when I needed to rest
• Seeing Michael struggle to find a job in his field

Ways to show my love for God and others today:

Love on my friends as we prepare food for tomorrow.

Gifts God has given not already covered in feeling alive:

A spouse I can talk to anytime
Low stress children
Seeing Paul thrive in graphic design

Prayerful Review of Monday

I have not done a prayerful review in quite some time. Maybe months. So, I am going to try to do them during this busy time. 

What made me feel most alive and in tune with God's plan:

• Getting my teeth cleaned. Resting in the chair. Taking care of myself. 
• Not overeating
• Prayer walking with Katherine
• Reading Poldark
• Drinking Chai in the morning
• Meditating on the Lord's Prayer after a negative encounter
• Walking - just the simple experience of putting one foot in front of the others
• Listening to My Music on Alexa: Classical, Celtic
• Having down time between 12:45-4:45
• Walking to my OSU meeting and hearing the diversity gathering
• The aliveness and hope of the OSU campus
• Watching people dance and seeing they have skill for the first time

What made me feel most dead and not in tune with God's plan:

• Guarded, annoyed reaction from a person
• Saying, "No" to another person (story of my life)
• Finding the volunteer schedule for Friday is different from how I was first told
• Still a bit of pain in my right hip area
• Traffic

Ways to show my love for God and others today:

The leadership team for IMG. Welcome them to my peaceful, open, and loving home. 

Gifts God has given not already covered in feeling alive:

My boys who left the kitchen extra clean after George gave them encouragement to do so

Laughter of two brothers who get along so well

Rain to put out fires

Lost in Meditation Gregorian Chants on Alexa

That was good! Now off to prayer.

Monday Freewrite Fifteen

I am not sure why I have not done very many freewrites over the last few months. They are usually pretty cathartic for me, and I am always happy to write. 

So, I am going to try to do more. I have been pretty busy. I have written a lot, but it has been more privately and not on a blog. So, just changed focus for a while.

It was a full summer. I worked hard. I rewrote/organized the manual for our Kingdom Community to fit our needs. That was the biggest thing I did. I also took the Weight Loss Specialist course to recertify for my personal training. I also did the four Pilates classes that I needed to recertify for that too. I just finished up my last credit for both of those by doing a CPR/AED and First Aid class with OSU. So, I am totally caught up and just need to enter it all online before October 31 for one and December 18 for the other. 

I start teaching classes on Wednesday, and it will be so good to force myself to do Pilates four times a week! I didn't do so well doing it that many times on my own, and I only did it 1-2 times a week. I can totally feel it in my core! I was great on cardio (mostly walking and hiking) and stretched almost every single morning. Also, I got a good resistance training program down for the summer, but I didn't keep up with all my core work like usual, and it all caught up with me a couple of weeks ago. OUCH! My QL muscle wigged out on me again. Too much walking always makes my QL wig out if I am not also doing Pilates with it. Lesson learned. I must find a teaching gig for the summer where I can do subbing. That will at least keep me up on it. 

Oh well. I also go a lot of reading done for my Renovaré Institute course. I love it so far, and I will be going to my residency in a little less than three weeks. I am so happy. I also am almost done with the entire Poldark series. I have about 500 more pages to go.

We also started up our ministry again, and we have seven people that are just precious. I also do three trainings in the next 11 days. Lots on my plates right now, but it is so good for me to be doing all I do out of overflow. 

That is the key. OVERFLOW. I would not have the power without the overflow of His power flowing through me. I know that it is useless to do things on my own power or self-effort. 

I have one more meeting until my classes start. Hoping that I can manage all that I have on my plate. God is good all the time. 

I know this is very stream-of-consciousness kind of stuff. But I write for an audience of ONE. :) 

I have four more minutes. Oh yes, lay offs at George's work. Will is happen AGAIN like it did in 2008!? Stay tuned. It would mean he would be back here with me. :) I wouldn't mind that one bit. I suppose we will find out soon. No fear when the Lord is near. 

What else should I say. The Vietnam War by Ken Burns in one this week. I fell asleep but will watch it right now during my rest time. (Along with finishing my last Poldark novel.) 

Well, I think the timer is going to go off. So enjoy that I can write. 

Oh yes, I am "festooning" on the Lord's prayer:

My wonderful Father who is behind me and before me and inhabits my space, nearby and close to my heart.

Kept holy is your wonderful name. Treasured in my heart. Honored in my thoughts. On the tip of my tongue. 

Your Kingdom rule come and your will be done on this earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day all that we need, no more and no less. 

Forgive me of anything that I may do that does not honor and please you. Help me to forgive others too.

Protect us from temptations of this world, the flesh, and the devil. Get us out of any scrapes we may get in with him.  Keep us from any bad thing.

For my heart is under the rule of Your eternal Kingdom. You hold all the power. You get all the glory now and forever.

AMEN! 

55. The Twisted Sword (Poldark #11) by Winston Graham

I am almost done with this LONG saga. This was SO good! I am going to miss this series, but I am trying to finish them before I have to get back to teaching in 10 days!

54. The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard

I know. You have seen this book SEVERAL times on this blog. And yes, I already read it one time this year. Last time, I listened to it. This time, I read it more than listened to it, and I took COPIOUS notes since it is part of the Renovaré Institute fall reading schedule. The pages are printing, and I cut and pasted 37 pages of notes from the book. I am insane, but I really love this book, and it grows on me each time I read it.

Dallas had me at "HELLO" when I read this book for the first time in 2009. I thought things were obvious, but the more I read it, the more I realize these things are not obvious to most believers, and I think he articulates things so well.  It is part of our ministry curriculum every year, and most people LOVE this book. 

It is interesting to read it after listening to his talks on Kingdom at the Hollywood Presbyterian Church in 1990. That teaching series was the genesis of this book. 

Abundant life is what it is all about. Life in the KINGDOM is so fun and exciting and wonderful. I believe with all my heart that Jesus was the smartest man who every walked this earth, and apprenticing myself to Him is what life is all about!

Willard suggests that one soak in and meditate on many Scripture passages, and the Renovaré Institute has already included two of those passages in the "praxis" (a fancy word for practice) portion of their curriculum. In August, I soaked deeply in Colossians 3:1-17. So YUMMY! September's Praxis Exercise is the Lord's Prayer. These are two passages I already had on my summer "Curriculum for Christlikeness" (something he suggests we do in order to be intentional about apprenticing to Jesus) already! 

Highly recommend this book. 

Fifteen Minute Freewrite

I have not written a freewrite in what seems like months. Possibly skipped the whole summer long. I am not sure why that is, but I had a wonderful and full summer. I think this is the first one in a while where I did not enter it in any state of physical exhaustion. I felt like last year held a lot of balance for me, and it continued into the summer. I also decided not to have any little cohorts other than my Kingdom Community meeting about five or six time, missional community four times, and one Cooking and Conversation Club. 

I also FINALLY reordered and wrote parts of a new Kingdom Community Training Workbook. It was a labor of love, but I loved every minute of that enterprise. I think I spent over 150 hours editing it. That was my big project for late July. 

I read a LOT of Poldark too. But I also started my reading for the Renovaré Institute Seattle Cohort. I spent mornings out on my deck reading and writing notes for most of July. Somehow, August got busier even though we were supposed to go to the Middle East, but our Visas got denied. But I had to renew my Pilates and Personal Training Certifications, and  As I also loved my recertification training. I got a Weight Loss Specialist Certification and Pilates is always fun and easy for me. I just had to get over my fear of taking a test!

Of course I has my M.A.S.S. (Morning Affirmations, Scripture, and Stretching) and went on many walks. At the beginning of the summer, I went on all the bus routes (except the HP one) and prayed over the city. That was fun! I also memorized Colossians 3:1-17 in August. 

I met with many women, went camping (caught 21 fish among all 11 of us), and hosted 11 people for the Solar Eclipse. Overall, it was a lovely summer, and I must remember that I really have 2 1/2 more weeks until school starts, but I must get my CPR/AED and attend many meetings. I think that means no 40th high school reunion, but that is OK. I have too much on my plate, and I don't have anyone "really hoping I will come." The two people I really want to see will not be there. I like them all, but it is OK to miss it this time. I will go to Santa Barbara in October for Renovaré Institute, and that will be enough money to shell out for a trip down south. 

I have loved everything about this summer, and it has really been free of any drama.

Oh my, there you go with the 15 minutes. That went very quickly!

I

My Money is on Texas - Beautiful

52. The Miller's Dance by Winston Graham

Great in every way!

53. The Loving Cup (Poldark Series #10)

I am so amazed at how this saga continues to enthrall me and surprise me! There were a couple of shockers her that made me gasp out loud in the quiet library where I was reading! Great series!

51. Life in the Trinity by Fairbairn

I do like this book. It is readable theology. I liked his take on looking at what the early church fathers wrote, and it helped that I had read Athanasius' On the Incarnation earlier in the year for the Renovaré Book Club. This book is for the Renovaré Institute. (Thank you Justine for helping me learn how to make the l'accent aigu!)

He talks of the "Scarlet Thread" throughout Scripture. I didn't know it was commonly embraced in evangelical circles today. If you follow my other blog: www.3yearbiblebookclub.blogspot.com, you know I am all about the "Scarlet Thread."

I was reading his book while in a row boat fishing at Clear Lake. My friend, Gladwin, grabbed the book and thought it very readable. He is a big theology person. I could be, but I don't want to be. I just want to love God. But this book is a good introduction to theology that emphasizes the relational aspect.

50. The Stranger from the Sea by Winston Graham

I just had to include this cover of the book because my library has the original hardback version of the the book published in 1981. It amazes me that he wrote the twelve books in the series between 1945 - 2002 with a 20 year hiatus between books 4 & 5!

This is book 8/12. Love this cover! :) Love the storyline with more concentration on the next generation of Poldarks/Warleggan, especially Jeremy. 

48-49 The Four Swans and The Angry Tide

The plot thickens. At the end of the Angry Tide, that is the end of the series from the 70's. So, I wasn't super surprised at its ending, but from here on out, the Poldark saga will be new material. (Except there was a movie that we saw with the next generation of Poldarks, but I don't really remember much about it.) The Four Swans had something very different from the old TV version, and it will be interesting to see how the new series handles it! 
Again, the writing is excellent. My husband and I both intersected on the same novel over our anniversary weekend so I read him the story on the way to the coast and back with our own copies to read in between. We walked about 12 miles on Saturday around Newport, but we managed to get many pages of reading in while we were there.

Quote that hit me in light of unrest all over the world today:

"All atrocities are duly punished - or at least avenged. One never knows who begins them - only that they set off a train of consequences that never end."

Ross Poldark in The Angry Tide by Winston Graham

47. Face to Face: Praying the Scriptures for Intimate Worship

I am so behind in my reviews. I always forget to add this little gem into my reading every year. It is a lovely little prayer book with Scripture for each day of a three month cycle. I have use it regularly so go through the whole thing at least once a year. :) I just found it on Kindle this last round. Now I don't have to take my book with me on my walks anymore! 

46. The Black Moon by Winston Graham

The writing is still superb! I wish I would have read this much sooner. It has been delightful to read it over the summer months. My husband is reading them at the same time. So it has been so fun to discuss them! 

45. Warleggan by Winston Graham

He is a more modern day author (even though he has passed away), but he captivates me like an Austen or a Dickens. Some people were just born to write. I don't want to give anything away. I suggest the whole series. 

44. The Good and Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith

I really loved this book. It is simply about falling in love with God. Each chapter deals with a characteristic of God and the false narratives that we believe about Him and what is true through the life of Jesus. I loved the soul-training exercises at the end. If someone says "Meh" about it (as I read one review), I wonder more about that person than the book. I think this would be especially good for someone with a poor concept of God based on their parental picture. 

43. Jeremy Poldark by Winston Graham

I continue to be so impressed by this author. He rates pretty high up there in my book. I get totally lost in his stories!

The new television adaptation follows the books much more closely than the 70's version. 

It is interesting to hear that Caroline is the one who is tall with red hair in the books! So different from both television versions. 

42. Soul Keeping: Caring for the Most Important Part of You by John Ortberg

I have read two other John Ortberg books (well three, if you count Living in Christ's Presence which is a transcript of a conference he did with Dallas Willard), and I always enjoy them. He has a very casual and easy writing style. This is a foundational book if one wants to understand the care of the soul. It is also very sweet because it is somewhat of an ode to his mentor, Dallas Willard. It chronicles their relationship over the years until Dallas' death in 2013. 

We often joke that John Ortberg is "Dallas for Dummies" as sometimes Dallas is difficult for people to understand. (But so worth the investment of time to get to understanding.)  Much of this book is a simpler version of book #41 on my 2017 reading list, The Renovation of the Heart. I adored that book, and I adore this book as well. They are both worth an investment of time with this book perhaps being a good place to start as it is more accessible. I also highly recommend, The Good and Beautiful God which I am currently reading and EATING UP! YUM! YUM!



The book starts out with an analogy that is explained in this YouTube video:



The stream is your soul. And you are the keeper. 

Then it goes on to talk about care of the soul. So rich.

“A very simple way to guard your soul is to ask yourself, “Will this situation block my soul’s connection to God?” As I begin living this question I find how little power the world has over my soul. What if I don’t get a promotion, or my boss doesn’t like me, or I have financial problems, or I have a bad hair day? Yes, these may cause disappointment, but do they have any power over my soul? Can they nudge my soul from its center, which is the very heart of God? When you think about it that way, you realize that external circumstances cannot keep you from being with God. If anything, they draw you closer to him.”  

“Our problem is that this world does not teach us to pay attention to what matters. We circulate résumés that chronicle what we have accomplished, not who we have become. The advertisements we watch, the conversations we hold, the criteria by which we are judged, and the entertainment we consume all inflame our desire to change our situation, while God waits to redeem our souls.”

“Whether with an entire day, or periods of time set aside every day, your soul needs rest. Not a change of scenery or a spiritual retreat — those are fine and may contribute to rest. But to remain healthy, our souls need solitude with no agenda, no distractions, no noise. If someone asks you what you did in your “time apart,” the correct response should be, “Nothing.” Doing nothing does wonders for the soul.” 

“Your soul is what integrates, what connects, what binds together your will, then your mind (those thoughts, feelings, and desires going on all the time), and then your body (with all of its appetites, habits, and behavior). God designed us so that our choices, our thoughts and desires, and our behavior would be in perfect harmony with each other and would be powered by an unbroken connection with God, in perfect harmony with him and with all of his creation. That is a well-ordered soul.”

“When we reach out to God, we are lifting our souls up to be nurtured and healed. A soul centered in God always knows it has a heavenly Father who will hold its pain, its fear, its anxiety. This is spiritual life: to place the soul each moment in the presence and care of God. “My soul cleaves to you, your right hand upholds me.” It is much harder than it sounds to keep our souls centered on God. We hold on tightly, but often to the wrong things. But staying centered on God — his word, his ways — is the essence of life for the soul.”

41. Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard

 

This might just be my favorite book by Dallas Willard. I suppose Living in Christ's Presence is really my favorite, but that is a transcript from a conference, and they made a book out of it. So it is a little different.

This is The Divine Conspiracy with feet on it. It is about spiritual transformation. It is lovely in every way, and I highly recommend it.

I listened to the audiobook, and it is a treat because it is actually Dallas Willard reading the book in his peaceful and calm voice.

40. Demelza: A Novel of Cornwal,l 1788-1790 (The Poldark Saga #2)

I wanted to listen to the audiobook of this so I waited and waited while I had it on hold. That meant almost a three month break between books. I wish I had just started to read the hardcopy that my husband had picked up for me back in April. 

Still waiting for the audiobook, I finally started reading that hard copy (yes, he kept renewing the checkout) last weekend, and I could not put it down! THEN, my audiobook came in while I was about 1/4 of the way through, and I finished it quickly. Needless to say, I am NOT going to wait for the audiobook of the third book (they did not have it so I had a purchase request that they fulfilled, but there were two people in front of me) and go pick up the hard copy that is waiting at the library.

The story is so compelling. Graham is a superb writer. This narration was not as good as the first one which was narrated by a man. This one was by a woman, and I just did not like how she portrayed Ross Poldark's voice. But many of the other voices were quite good. 

Here is my first review for background of the whole series:

 http://carolhomeschool2.blogspot.com/2017/04/12-ross-poldark-by-winston-graham.html

And here is a link to my review of the gorgeous photo book of Cornwall that makes the whole series come alive:

http://carolhomeschool2.blogspot.com/2017/05/24-poldarks-cornwall-by-winston-graham.html

IndepenDANCE Day Freewrite 2017

Yes, I know how to spell Independence, but I misspelled it in my journal today, and God whispered that "Independence makes you DANCE!" :) 

I feel a little freer this morning after some pointed conversation with God. Stemming from 2 Chronicles 15:17 in Face to Face: Praying the Scriptures for Intimate Worship 

"May I remove the places of idolatry from my life,

and like King Asa, let my heart be fully committed (blameless)

to You all my days." 

I sensed that "still, small voice" say, "Your #1 place of idolatry is people." 

Yes, people, their inclusion and somewhat their approval. Dallas Willard quoted George Mueller (Dallas and George are both literary mentors for me) in the book I am reading. I learned this quote in the early 80's, and it used to be on my wall:

"There was a day when I died:

- Died to George Mueller: to his tastes, his opinions, his preferences and his will

- Died to the world - its approval or censure.

- Died to the approval or blame even of my brethren and friends.

Since then I have studied only to show myself

approved unto God."

(from George Mueller: Man of Faith, Warren Myers, Singapore)

For me, it is inclusion in the activities of my friends. Also, I admitted that I wanted vindication of a nasty rumor spread about me eleven years ago. I was vindicated, and the person was discredited, but no one came back to me to apologize for believing that person's vicious lies about me. So, that is idolatry. I want approval from them. God said I don't need it. 

God led me to "Whom have I in heaven but Thee . . . You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever" (Psalm 73:25). I know people don't mean to be this way, but God has this plan.

He led me to telling me some pretty awesome things about a precious gift He has, and we must wait (leading me into Psalm 37 and resting in Him and waiting patiently for Him, not fretting because of others).

You said I must keep on going deeper with Him and never stop. Others do stop. He told me to be an aroma to those who are perishing and those who have stopped growing and do not know this full, abundant, abiding life (that I have only tasted a glimpse of but am pressing in every farther on it)! It means feeling excluded from good things, but it isn't the BEST thing for me. 

Idolatry of people. Yep, that is it.

Then . . . 

"There is no one (including YOU, Carol) who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for My sake who will not receive a hundred times as much in this present age - houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields, along with persecutions, and in the age to come, eternal life." (Matthew 19:29; Mark 10:29-30)

"Let goods and kindred go

This mortal life also"

IndepenDANCE Day Baby! Go ahead and DANCE!

39. The Global Refugee Crisis: How Should We Respond?

A fascinating pro/con look at the refugee crisis with the transcript of the debate and pre-debate interviews of the four participants. I learned quite a bit. They poll the audience before and after and the difference is quite substantial with one side winning the audience over with their argument. They certainly helped me decide!