Wellness in Mind and Body

This is the last little part of my "Well" report in terms of summer goals for my body!

Weight Control

I have finally gotten some of the pounds off that have crept up on me over the last few months. I am only four pounds away from my goal weight. This is the top of my range, but it is within the range. I am always creeping up 5-7 pounds above my goal weight. It used to be 7-10, but I want it to be zero!

Exercise

It has been touch and go since my shoulder injury in March (?) on the exercise front, but I am healed from that. After that, I decided to get orthodics from a new business in town that does custom orthodics. BAD IDEA. She is new at it, and I am a very complicated from the waist down. I should have stuck with a podiatrist who makes plaster castes of my feet. She used the foam method, and it just has messed my right knee up something fierce. She wants me to keep coming back for adjustments to get it right, but in the meantime, I am in pain and I have to stop exercising and take a pain killer that makes me sick. I have to get out of the cycle because if my back goes out, I will REALLY be out of commission for too long. I am already precarious at this point, and I need to restabilize. I don't know if she knows what she is doing. It is quite frustrating.

So, all that said, I exercised 2 1/2 hours on Saturday and 4 hours on Sunday by doing all the work on Wildcat Park. The good news that I am not sore from that. I am just tired and resting today. On Tuesday, it is back to the elliptical and the weights. Actually, I might go to Group Power tonight at the club too.

Food

As I said above, I am down. I am also eating fairly well. I was into too much munching, and that has subsided since Kim and I said we were going to record everything that we eat. It always does the trick for me, and I just need to do it all the time.

Summer Goals

1. I want to be in top shape for Debbie's wedding in two weeks since I have a form fitting gown and my shoulders and arms will be all exposed. ACK! So, I am continuing to hit the weights for my upper body.

2.I will try to work with the PT, but I am going back to my old orthodics until I am really strong. I can't afford to have by back go out this summer. If I can't work it out, I will be out 350 bucks because I don't think she has a money back guarantee. I know she is going to want me to come in again and adjust, but I think they are really off, and I should have just gone with what I have always done before because it works. SIGH. If my old podiatrist were in town, I would have just gone to him because he is so great!

3. Continue eating well and recording. I really want to be "within" my range, not at the top of it, but I am happy that I will be at the top of it by next week.

4. Have a complete physical and mammogram

5. Get knew glasses and maybe contacts

The Well-Educated Mind: Part II

In Part I, I blogged about what I was learning with my kids. Now I am going to put my summer reading goals out there and check up on myself to see how I did at the end.

I read something recently, and I wish I had blogged it here because it said something to the effect of how important outside reading is to our spiritual life. I believe it was in How to Read Slowly: A Christian Guide to Reading with the Mind by James W. Sire. As this is one of the things I will be reading this summer, I will post it when I find it because I am almost positive that this was the book.

First of all, let me post where my reading has brought me so far this year:

January

1. Light from Heaven by Jan Karon

I have closure on the series after reading the first in the series in 1997. I have such fond memories of reading about snow storms in North Carolina while sweating in Malaysia. The series ended well.

2. My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult (Book Babes for February)

I really loved the story and the writing. I was a bit disappointed with the ending though! I wouldn't object to reading another one of her books though. I think she is better than most contemporary authors I have read lately.

February

3. Marley and Me by John Grogan (Book Babes for March)

It had some delightful parts in it. I am not a big Labrador Retriever fan. If I had a dog, it would be a German Shepherd or a Shetland Sheepdog because I love calm, obedient dogs. (and they were the two kinds we had growing up, and they were fabulous dogs to own). This dog would have driven me insane, but I wouldn’t have even gotten him in the first place. All that said, I can see why they fell in love with this animal, and it was fun to read about their antics with him.

March

4. Simple Church: Returning to God’s Process for Making Disciples by Thom Rainer and Eric Geiger

Strategy books are just not my cup of tea, and this was all about strategies. I didn’t like it! God is so much more creative than strategies. ‘Nough said.

5. The Memory Keeper’s Daughter by Kim Edwards (Book Babes for May)

It brought up some interesting issues, but it is always hard for me when people can’t be honest with one another. I know it made for a good story, but it still frustrates me.

April

6. The One Year Chronological Bible

I have put my other reading on hold and have been enjoying reading throughout the day. I was in the Old Testament during spring break, but I had some extra time. So, I read it like a novel and got to the Triumphal Entry by Friday before Good Friday. I read along with the events of Holy Week. Then, once I got to the Resurrection, I couldn’t stop.


7. The Ladybird Bible Storybook

This is our third time through this great little Bible book. This is also our last time through a Bible “storybook” as we are all reading a regular Bible now. I will miss this, but we have new fish to fry in this department.

8. The Awesome Book of Bible Facts by Silverthorne

I know they are too old for this book, but we loved it the first time. So, we went through it again this year. So great!

May

9. If You Want to Walk on Water You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat by Ortberg

Not just your fluffy contemporary Christian book. I really liked this, and I enjoyed discussing it chapter-by-chapter with a group of women every week for ten weeks. I am not sure that I would have picked it up to read it had it not been for that reason.

10. The House of the Seven Gables by Hawthorne (Book Dames)

It was sort of a slow story, but I think his language is so beautiful. I liked The Scarlet Letter much more, but I still liked it. I gave it a 7 at our Book Dames Book Club

11. Christianity is Jewish by Edith Schaeffer

This is another one that I read slowly over the whole year. This is the book in which my friend, Beth, read in 1975 and created a seventeen lesson Bible study to go with it called “Bird’s-Eye View of the Bible.” It was so fun to do the study, read the chapter, discuss it in small groups, and listen to my friend (who has the gift of teaching) teach on the lesson. It is all about the “Scarlet Thread of Redemption” from Genesis to Revelation. I just finished the Revelation chapter today, and I am so hopeful and at peace. This is a very uplifting book in every way.

Next year, I will rework the Bird’s Eye View Study and adapted it for my kids to do during their homeschool Bible time. I don’t know what it will look like, but I hope I can make it fun and educational at the same time.

12. Dear Sister, Letters of Hope and Encouragement by Gisela Yohannan

I loved this book. She is a wise woman whose husband heads up Gospel for Asia, one of the largest indigenous church planting mission agencies. They plant churches all over India and in many countries in Asia. These are the letters she wrote to the women in her agency over a period of years. They are PACKED with spiritual encouragement. You can read some excerpts of some of the chapters on my non-photo blog.

13. The Externally Focused Church by Rick Rusaw and Eric Swanson

This is for churches who want to integrate good news and good deeds into the life of the church. It is a practical book with many examples of churches that have done just that! I have always contended that a church is for the maturing and building up of the Body of Christ but that maturity comes through reaching out as a Body to the community around us. So, the focus of this book is speaking to my heartbeat. Our Women’s Ministry Director wanted me to read this and give her feedback about it because she is considering using it for the Fall Women’s Group on Wednesday nights. I am SO there!

Summary

Only four out of eleven are even fiction! I am hoping to rectify that. I love fiction, and I don't want to lose that.

Summer Goals

The books that I am looking to read this summer are:

1776 by McCullough (I like to read a patriotic book around the 4th of July!)
How to Read Slowly: A Christian Guide to Reading with the Mind by James W. Sire
Crunchy Cons by Ron Dreher (Lamp-post discussion end of June)
Passage to India by Forster (Book Dames discussion July 14 and Lamp-post July 27)
The Cloister Walk by Norris (Prep for possible workshop at Jubilee on Private Retreat)
Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnards (Just because I love this!)
Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See (Book Babes for July)
Hound of the Baskervilles by Doyle (Book Dames for September)
Escape from Slavery by Francis Bok (Book Babes that I didn't read in April)

9 books in one summer is more than reasonable!

The Well-Educated Mind Autobiographies

I have read and analyzed and discussed: Confessions of St. Augustine and All Rivers Lead to the Sea by Weisel

I have read but have not analyzed:

The Road from Coorain

Hunger of Memory: The Education of Richard Rodriguez

Born Again.

I hope to read when I am done with the others:

The Gulag Archipelago by Solzhenitsyn

So there you have my MIND goals and category. Stay tuned for my notes from Crunchy Cons!

The Privilege and Challenge of Leading

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is not effort without error or short-coming; but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement; and whom, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

-Theodore Roosevelt, "Citizenship in a Republic," a speech delivered at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910.

My Place of Abundance

As we approach our one year anniversary of our decision to leave our old church, I have been reflecting on the last year of adjusting. I have to say that the last two days have been really good. The fact that I had that "light bulb" moment back in the beginning of May really has given me clear perspective on the trials of last year. I think that there has continued to be confirmation in so many ways. So, suffice it to say that in many ways I KNOW that what happened was not just something I fabricated in my head or overreacted to. It was serious. It is also very sad that behavior continues to go on being tolerated and ignored. It is hard to deal with things, but in the long run, it is a better way of peace and for creating a culture of peace.

Talking to different people, my reaction is not resentment, but true compassion. I am praying for growth and transformation. I feel no ill-will toward anyone. I feel compassion and forgiveness. I have felt that for a long time, but in light of the newest revelations in the last few days, I could have a "I told you so!" attitude, but I have a somber sadness that someone can't take the hard road of looking at themselves in light of God's infinite love and make some serious steps toward obedience. This makes me not mad but ultimately sad. I don't want to become that way. I really and truly don't want to harden my heart that way. I want to continue to surround myself with people who will "speak truth in love" regardless of how I feel about it. In regards to last year, I feel like I have been the one to receive all the benefit and blessing from the trial, and I want to spread that around a bit, not out of resentment, but out of genuine concern for individuals AND for the health of that local body AND the larger body of Christ!

This morning I read those confirming and comforting verses that I have underlined and dated more than once:

For You have tried us, O God;
You have refined us as silver is refined.
You brought us into the net;
You laid an oppressive burden upon our loins.

You made men ride over our heads;
We went through fire and through water,
Yet You brought us out into a place of abundance.

Psalms 66:10-12

I wrote in the margin on September 24, 2006 "SCC is my place of abundance. :)" I wrote again on April 6, 2007 "Still true of SCC." I know this talks of Israel's struggle out of Egypt, but in a way, I had my own struggle "out of Egypt" in that it really was more of a captivity there for me.

So, I am glad to be in a place of abundance. I am glad that I heard yesterday from one of the pastors that there are no power struggles in the women's ministry. The people in charge are there for the right reasons. No one is nursing old grudges or trying to prove themselves or jockeying for position or trying to meet an unmet need they never got as a child. The skies are clear above this ministry, and I know that it is a place of abundance and growth for me. Thank you God!

How is your commitment to the Lordship of Christ?

Excerpt from p.219-220 of Dear Sister:

The bible tells us that we are not our own, but that Christ purchased us with His own blood and we have become God's own possession (1 Cor. 6:19-20; 1 Peter 1:18-19; 1 Peter 2:9).

If these Scriptures re true of us, we will:

• Love what God loves and hate what He hates.
• Not question His Word.
• Be willing to lay down our own plans and wishes and submit to His.
• Have no resentment in our hearts when God sends us to a place we don't like to go.
• Be content with whatever He provides for us, whether little or much.
• Accept the lowest assignment with the same glad attitude as the highest.
• Do our best for Him with all our heart, all our soul, and all our strength.
• Not ask for an easier or more comfortable life.
• Always seek to please Him instead of ourselves.
• Choose to serve others instead of ruling over them.
• Be satisfied with God's approval and not be affected by people's opinion of us.
• Walk in humility toward God and our brothers and sisters.
• Not seek--even secretly--for honor, position, or recognition for our service.
• Be willing to suffer if it brings glory to Jesus and advances His kingdom.
• Never consider stopping our service to the Lord when other believers or leaders fail us.
• Find our fulfillment in obedience to His will instead of in the things we want to do.
• Place no restrictions on what God can do with our lives.

How God Equips You to Serve

I thought this chapter in Dear Sister was so appropriate for the "Experiences" section of SHAPE that I wanted to take some notes here for future reference:

. . .I would like to explain a little why God leads us through times of waiting for answers to our prayers, testing of our faith and struggles from within and around us.

It's for our personal growth as Christians. If God would fulfill our prayers and expectations and give us a smooth life without any adversities, we would forever remain weak, immature Christians. As much as physical exercise is vital for a small child to learn how to sit, stand, and walk, we as believers need spiritual exercise to develop in our Christian lives.

The more we are forced by circumstances to learn to trust God and overcome adversities, the more our faith grows and the more Christlike we become.

(She encourages reading the story of Joseph from Genesis 37 on - how cool that I will studying this with Kim, Rachel, and Lisa in July!)

. . .count how many struggles he faces. He was misunderstood and hated by his brothers, thrown in a well, sold as a slave to Egypt, separated from his family, lived as a Hebrew among idol worshippers, falsely accused, imprisoned for many years and forgotten by the royal official who could have helped him get out.

. . .I am certain there were hundreds of smaller [struggles] Joseph faced daily in his heart . . .wondering if his father, mother, and brothers are still alive and if they ever found out the real reason for his disappearance . . .wondering why God had not rescued him , answered his prayers or fulfilled the dreams.

God used each of these obstacles in Joseph's life to help him grow not only in his faith, endurance, and ability to cling to God, but also in his character. Joseph became a man of integrity, faithfulness, forgiveness, obedience, and patience. He learned courage to stand alone, serving and caring for others --instead of wallowing in self-pity--waiting for God's timing.

It's also for equipping us to serve others who face similar circumstances. The apostle Paul wrote in 2 Cor. 1:3-7:

. . .the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the same comfort which which we ourselves are comforted by God. . .(I didn't quote the whole passage).

This Scripture says that God doesn't leave His children alone in their struggles. He has already prepared someone who faced a similar trial to understand, encourage, comfort, and strengthen us. . .

Even if you find no one else who faces the struggles you go through, you will always have Jesus. He faced all our temptations (Hebrews 4:15), and He bore all our sorrows and afflictions at the cross (Isaiah 53:4-6). His comfort is perfect and His grace sufficient in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

As believers, our ministry in the Body of Christ expands with ever victory we win in our battles. Through trials, testing, struggles and adversities are things we would rather avoid --and often complain about--they are the very things that cause us to grow, overcome, and become useful in serving God.

(Dear Sister, p.136-138)

Dear Sister

I am reading the book entitled Dear Sister,: Letters of Hope and Encouragement

You can find the book at www.gfa.org

by Gisela Yohannan.

She is the wife of the founder of Gospel for Asia and will be the speaker at our women's retreat.(Click here for her bio: Jubilee Women's Conference)

The chapter I just read is "Do You Share God's Expectations for Your Life?"

Here is an excerpt:

. . . I planned to take a few hours off to reflect on the past year, pray,
and think about what I should specifically believe God for during the next 12
months. (Wow! That is what I have done every New Year's Eve/Day for about 25 years!). I wanted to write those things down and make them a matter of prayer, faith, and expectation.

This brings me to the question I wish to ask you:

Do you have any specific prayer requests and expectations for this
year? . . . what I want you to consider is your spiritual life: the
depth of your personal walk with the Lord, your growth as a Christian, the
progress you have made toward developing a Christlike character, and, most of
all, how real your relationship is with Jesus --if the things you proclaim can
be seen in your life.

Our time here on earth is so limited . . .it would be
tragic if we let them pass by carelessly and simply live each day without being
conscious of our purpose. . . The quality and depth of work we will be able to
accomplish largely depends on the quality and depth God is able to work into our
personal life and character. Our steadfastness, genuine love, and trust
in God's word -- and conversely, our shallowness, lack of faith and worldly
mind-set -- will be reproduced in our disciples.

Why should we have expectations for our life as a child of
God? Because God does! . . . He looks at each one of us, He sees
not only our potential through Christ but also the finished result, and He longs
to bring us there. (She then uses examples of what God saw in Moses, David,
Peter) . . .The highest expectation that God has for each of us surpasses that of a
deliverer, a king, or an apostle (referring to Moses, David, Peter). He wants us
to become like Jesus (Ephesians 4:13).

We need to agree with God, and with all humility, share
His expectations for our lives. . .there is no hindrance to
what God has in mind for you. . . He needs two things from your side:
your cooperation and your faith!. . .

At least once each year, we should take a serious look at our
spiritual life, keeping God's expectation in mind. How do we know if we
come a little closer to God's goal . . .? Look for signs like these:

• My tongue has become more hesitant to speak out, spread rumors, and judge
  others.
• I find myself more often praying and doing something about the needs of
  others than my own.
• My conscience seems to speak louder and alert me faster to confess sin,
  forgive others, and stay away from things that I would not have recognized as
  dangers to my spiritual life six months ago.
• Instead of depending on [others] to rescue me and comfort me each time in my struggles, I have become increasingly able to draw strength from the Lord on my
  own.

Evaluations like these don't make me more spiritual, but . . . are helpful in determining what I should pray and believe God for, search out in God's Word, work on and pursue for victory. . .take time off and learn where you are
in your walk with the Lord. Think of several areas where you struggle the most,
and make them your specific prayer requests for this year. Expect that God will
change you, and it will happen according to your faith.

GOTTA LOVE THAT!

SHAPE Wrap Up

WHEW! Last night was the last night of SHAPE teaching, and I think, overall, it went very well. The women were so fabulous to work with. I love the openness of the women and their desire for discovery was awesome. People make the class, and this was a great group to go through the process with. I loved the streamlining of the Spiritual gifts part that I did, and it made me wish that I had done that for the women in Women Becoming, but I "lived and learned" through that experience. I also think doing this right off the bat with the Women Becoming women probably wasn't the best thing to do. It would have been better to start off with Inner Life Growth and "telling our stories" and done the other things along the way.

The only thing about this SHAPE class that I am still unsure about is the whole "Experiences/Abilities" time with them. I just didn't know how to have the "warm up" teaching. I think the one for Spiritual Gifts/Personality Type/Heart Passion "warm ups" went really well (about 25 minutes for each), but how do you teach on life experiences? I think maybe I should have just talked through my own time line and how I came to some conclusions based on this one. So, I am going to get some feedback on how to make that time better. I do think that it allowed for more time in the small groups, and once the things got going it was really good to hear the stories, but I feel because people weren't "warmed up" that it was sort of clunky in the small groups until people started warming up. Then, it was phenomenal. So, praying for wisdom about all of that. It also made it more difficult because I was trying to do two letters in one night.

Also, I need to work on the "wrap up" part and still need to talk to Claudia and Carol about what that would look like and how it might help them in the whole process of moving women toward transformation. I do think that Claudia has such the "transformation" philosophy that I have. The whole concept of "life training" is so great too.

What I do like is that this was done in the context of people being in relationship before we launched into this. With Women Becoming, we used it as a "tool" for getting to know one another, but it may have caused us to "pidgeon-hole" one another and also not be able to affirm each other in our gifts after a year of being together. It would have been better to do it toward the end and to go right into the Life Mission Statements for follow up.

Another reflection is that I love being part of a team of people in Claudia, Carol, Mary (and Lynne, who became a new small group leader naturally). Now, Claudia will carry on with having a follow-up discussion on accountability/mentoring next week, and this is also a perfect follow-up to this, but she is so much better at doing this because she is a more global thinker than I am. Give me the little specialized details, and I am good to go, but let me team with some global thinkers and I am more than good! YIPPEE to a great team of mature and godly women. I was so alone, especially last year. One exception in my previous church experience was when I worked with Terri on Watchwomen. That was a good team effort (because she is mature and godly!), but it didn't encompass all my gift-mix, and I was not fulfilled in that there was no relationship with the women out of that two hour block of time on Tuesday afternoons every other week. It was really just about prayer (which is important), but it didn't encompass other aspects of discipling and accountability. The accountability with Terri and I was great, but I needed more "life-to-life" contact with the women, but they were all women going their separate ways. After two years, I needed to get back to my "roots" of accountable relationship in a small group setting.

I also think that women in some of the Bible studies I led were good teams too. The Kim, Lisa, Cheryl, Mary Ann, Mary, Sharon group was fabulous. Those women are just dream women.

Well, that is my pondering for a Thursday. So glad I did not go to the Swiss Family Robinson play today. It is great to just "be."

My right leg is in pain today, and I am waiting on the doctor for what to do about that right now.

So many things wrapped up and coming to an end

WHEW! My four weeks of teaching the SHAPE Class are done, and I think, overall, it went very well. It gives me such a "zip" to hear what people are learning about how God has wired them for His Kingdom purposes. Just loved hearing stories of people. I am very grateful that it went well. Just the third week of the "Experiences/Abilities" section was a bit clunky. I need to work on how I can have a little "warm up talk." I had them go directly to small groups, and this was a bit "clunky," but I honestly didn't have a clue about how I could talk about that one. So, praying for wisdom for the next time I do this.

The Tale of the Three Sisters

Walter Women, originally uploaded by carolfoasia.

My cousin was murdered at 7:10 a.m. Saturday morning. See article here .These are some reflections on the question that is instantly asked by all, "Were you close to your cousin?" I relected on that question this morning and journaled about it. It became a reflection on families that I wanted to document here.

"Were you close to your cousin?"

We grew up in El Segundo (on the beach near LA Airport) and they grew up in Corona (inland Riverside). So, yes, we grew up together, but we didn't live in the same town. We would usually have a "kids swap" where they would come to our house for a week, and we would go to theirs for a week in the summer, and sometimes we would all go to my other aunt's house for a week (who was childless for the first ten years of my life). I specifically remember them all dressing me up like a Christmas Tree in the middle of summer and hanging bulbs and ornaments on me. Being the youngest for ten years, it was always interesting to see how much they would abuse me (In a fun way. So, it is a happy memory). I also remember my Cousin Arlene running down the street with a knife wanting to kill Robert (I was so scared. Not a happy memory.).

He was from the home of my mom's sister, Annie, the one who died in March from a fall and hit on the head. Annie did not get along well with my mom's other sister, Eleanor. My mom sided with Eleanor (they are best friends). Consequently, there hasn't been a whole bunch of "mixing" between our families and theirs, especially since my grandmother died and the "fight" over the money (because there was lots of it and Annie wanted it because she has never been as "well-off" as the other two sisters and thought she deserved more) left some hard feelings. Every time I have gone down to visit, I have wanted to see these cousins, but my mom hasn't wanted to have that happen. Even in January, at my mom's 80th birthday, she did NOT want to invite her sister or my cousins and their families to the big party, even though my aunt called repeatedly asking if there was anything going on for my mom's 80's. My mom kept saying, "They will only cause trouble." Six weeks later, my aunt was dead. Four months later, my cousin is dead. What a tragedy. It makes me sad that I was not able to see them. Such is the family dynamic of this irrational Swedish family though. SIGH The drama growing up between all of them always made my father, brother, and I sigh. Big sigh as I type. Is there a sigh emoticon?

You asked if we were close. Robert and I always got along. He was kind to me (not to his sister, as you will read below), and we were both the youngest children in our respective families of very LOUD, OUTSPOKEN, IRRATIONAL people. Consequently, there was always this unspoken bond between us. Believe it or not, I was the quieter one in my family, and he was in his. He was 18 months older than I was. He was more passive in how he dealt with things. He was gone alot as he grew older, and below you will see why.

FATHERHOOD PONDERINGS

The difference between the three families of the three sister can be summed up this way:


My mother and Eleanor married wonderful men (my dad and my Uncle Kenny)

Annie married a jerk.

(Above is a photo of Annie, My mom, and Eleanor. The wedding picture is at my parents' wedding. The two sisters and their husbands are the people in the wedding party.)

My Uncle Glen was an alcoholic, and a mean one. I didn't realize just how mean until the last couple of months. My cousin, Arlene, tells me that he was drunk almost every night, and he would annihilated her personally with verbal barrages. He also could never hold down a job. So, my Aunt Annie was a pretty crabby lady growing up, and she took things out on her children.

Add to that the mix of my Aunt Annie. My mother's family of origin was sort of luny. So, my mom and Aunt Eleanor have their issues, but their husband's stabilized the lunacy. My Aunt Annie had no stabilizing, only further lunacy.

I remember going there for that week in the summer and feeling so insecure with all the yelling. My mom remembers me going there once and coming back as a young child saying, "I didn't like it there. They never put us to bed. I am so tired."

So, as adults, their three children (Gary, Arlene, and Robert) didn't fair so well. Gary was a schizophrenic. Arlene married at 19, got pregnant by another guy, divorced at 20, jilted at the birth of her daughter by the birth father, married an abusive husband who doesn't work and abuses her verbally to this day. Actually, Robert was the one who was the "golden boy" of the three. He started a successful roofing business and married a nice girl. According to Arlene though, he always drank and had a mean streak. His wife divorced him in 1995 after almost twenty years of marriage and three children. He was doing well on his own though until he met a woman two or three years ago (a former prostitute) that took him into crystal meth, speed (I don't know if they are the same thing or not) and more alcohol.

The most recent issue involved my Cousin Robert trashing my aunt's house after she died. My cousins, Arlene and Gary, went to the house, and Robert became angry. They left, and he tried to run them off the road with his car. They called the police, and he resisted arrest and was charge with assault with a deadly weapon. He tried to get out of jail by calling my brother and having him bail him out, but my brother is into "tough love" (Chris and I have a half brother who is an alcoholic. So, Chris has learned that) and Chris told him that jail would be the best thing for him. So, my Cousin Robert went to jail and would have been in jail had not one of his friend bailed him out. Within a week, he was murdered.

My Cousin Arlene is in agony because their last phone call was him trying to get her to drop the charges, and she encouraged him to get help. She said last night through tears, "He died HATING me, Carol!"

What is really interesting is that the Thursday before Mother's Day, my Cousin Arlene went to visit my aunt's grave and told her mom (in the ground), "Robert is not far behind you. I feel his time will be short."

Sixteen days later, he was dead.

Her daughter also had a dream where my aunt came to her and said, "Tell Robert I don't like what he is doing, and he is going to be talking to me soon."

We suspect that someone knew that my cousin had fifteen thousand dollars in cash on him because he had just sold his house and was going to have his son put the cash in a bank account for him. He must have gone to San Ber. to buy drugs and met his end.

Anyway, that was a long story, but it helped for me to write this out. Murder is a weird thing. I have never had this connected with my family before.

My brother and I were commenting on how his own life has turned out and could have gone down a similar route. He strayed for some years too which included some partying with Robert, but I am really pondering the power of a father this day. Even when my brother strayed away, he always had a standard and reference point that pointed back to my dad who is my brother's hero of heroes. Robert didn't have the reference point with my Uncle Glen.

I am so sad.

Thanks for listening. I am crying.

The Well-Educated Mind: Part I

So, I may not have a Part Two for the Well-Watered Soul for a while. I just wanted to talk about the fact that I am

DONE WITH HOMESCHOOL!!!!!! See here for my final moments on that with Michael. Apparently, about the same time (Noonish), George was finishing up math with Paul at home. Who knows? Maybe they ended at exactly the same time! TEE HEE. They are so connected at the hip, I would not, at all, be surprised.

Anyway, in summary, we had a very good year. Things seemed to be so balanced in getting through things but still having flexibility in going to plays and field trips and the like. I think taking out the literature/read-alouds and only having them at night has made our days run so much more smoothly. Sometimes, those LOOOONG Sonlight readers would really bog down our history because I didn't want to move on until we were done with the book for that time period. Now that we have been through the read aloud favorites in their catalog, we can pick and chose what choice books to read at night, and I am not caring what time period they are from. George has gotten through some fabulous books with them. He is currently reading The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring. That will take them well into the summer, no doubt.

So, we got through Ancient and Medieval history this year. I used The Story of the World CD to give them a quick overview and then I went back through those time periods with 2-4 pages per day of The Kingfisher Encyclopedia of World History. IMHO, the Usborned Internet-Linked Encyclopedia of World History is much better, but it is nice to go through another one. We also did cover the dinosaur/early animal stuff in the Usborne this year. It was pretty weird, but the boys have always been curious about it.

For Science we used the Kingfisher Science Encyclopedia. Again, I think that the Usborne is far superior. We went through geology, earth science, conservation, ecology, and astronomy. We will continue with the astronomy studies throughout the summer as we do stargazing with our telescope in the clear summer skies.

A Reminder

“When life hands you lemons, don't just make lemonade. Open up a lemonade stand.”
- Anonymous

Summer Study Goals

Well, speaking of Bible study. I am looking at my calendar and realizing that SUMMER IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER. We just wrapped up Bird's Eye View of the Bible last night. It was a great overview and review of the entire Bible. I am so pumped to be in the Word of God this summer. So, I am looking at where I have been and where I am going, and I would like to have some personal Bible study goals. I still have that goal of studying through Precept Upon Precept with others in these key main books:

Genesis (Halfway through with Kim in 2003-2004)
John (Done 2002-2004)
Romans (Doing now!)
Ephesians (Many times, last was Fall 2006)
James (Done 2004-2005)

So, here are my goals:

Romans 1-5

WHEW! Kim, Nancy, and I finished up this a couple of weeks ago, and we aren't going to continue with Romans until after they get back from Korea. There is just too much on their plate, and we are going to spend our Thursdays in prayer for this. It is a good stopping point, but I realized that I had straddled doing Brenda's study and trying to do the Precept Upon Precept Study (Romans 1) and realized that I preferred to do just one of the other. So, I chose to continue with the Romans 2 Precept Upon Precept Study for Romans 6-8. So, I want to go back and fill in the holes that were left in my Romans 1-5 study. This should be good. (Finished the last day of May!)

Genesis

I realized that I had done the Creation Genesis study and got through seven out of ten of the lessons in the next Precept Upon Precept study and stopped. I can't remember what was going on, but I would like to just finish up those last three lessons and go on though Abraham (6 weeks) Isaac and Jacob (4 weeks), and then get to Joseph (4 weeks) and do this with Kim I, Rachel, and Lisa S. in July. So, I think I will spend June in Genesis! That should be fun.

Misc.

I did a Precept training and we did just the first two lessons of 2 Thessalonians for the class. I would like to finish this too since it is just a short little study.

Revelation

I know I probably won't get to it this summer, but this is another one of those studies that I got through the whole book, but Precept has the Prophecy studies related to Revelation that I never finished. I would love to have closure on these too!

The Well Update: The Well-Watered Soul Part 1

Haven't given an update of "The Well" in forever and a day!



THE WELL-WATERED SOUL



I would love to write a book with this title someday. :) This is really the priority and passion of my heart for myself and for others because I really believe that all other things flow out of a well-watered soul! I remember once when I was on the Well-Educated Mind loop I talked about the Well-Watered Soul and one of the ladies emailed me telling me she had spent all day trying to find that book on the internet, and she wanted to know who the author was! Tee-Hee, just a phrase I coined in reaction to the assertion the The Well-Educated Mind was the be-all end-all of life. THIS is the priority!



I just spent the last two hours (yes, it is only 7:30, but it is springtime, and I am up with the sun for the next few months, just how my body clocks it) in delicious savoring of every bite of the first five chapters of Romans. Oh how yummy! Better than the Chai Tea I imbibe every morning. :) I have been studying this with two incredible women, Kim and Nancy:
(sorry about the blurry picture, but this was taken in March and before I had some tutoring on taking low light pictures by changing the ISO on my digital camera. Still learning there.)


We have just "unpacked" the first five chapters of Romans and are heading into the "sanctification" chapters of 6-8. They are great to talk this through with. Kim is a real "global thinker" looking at themes and how she can apply them to her ministry and Nancy is a wise woman with an amazing spiritual heritage under her belt. So, part of my well-watered soul is from the interaction over Romans with these women.


(Note: We really need to study with other people! Personal Bible study is the first step. It is like you are packing up precious truths in your suitcase for life, but it is amazing to see what happens when you go on "vacation" every week with other people and see what they packed in their suitcase and what you didn't and visa-versa. It is like when you forget your hairdryer on the trip and you are so glad that so-and-so didn't forget hers. Thank the Lord for the person with the mosquito repellent or the sunscreen that you forgot, but I digress into analogy. Group Bible study (as opposed to just doing Personal Bible study) multiplies the understanding and learning and love. So, I heartily recommend grabbing a couple of friends and studying the Bible TOGETHER! Synergy. I'll have to share more of my convictions about small group study someday. I think they are all "S's". Somewhere buried in one of my journals.)


Since we are moving on to Romans 6, I got out my new Romans 2: Precept Upon Precept study, and did the review in the first lesson. Water to my soul when I read and chewed on:

While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (5:8)
Who was declared the Son of God with power by the
resurrection from the dead (1:4)
So then as through one transgression there resulted condemnation to all
men, even so through one act of righteousness there resulted justification of
life to all men. (5:18)
For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of
His Son, much more having been reconciled, we shall be saed by His life. (5:10)

We had such an ephiphany moment in study a few weeks ago when we talked about what reconciliation really means. I used the example of going through the process of peacemaking with someone (that is another part of my "well-watered soul" that I will expound upon in another part on another day because this post is getting extremely long and if you are still reading my ramblings, you get a gold star for the entire day!) and you confess and they forgive you and they confess and you forgive them, but many times the friendship is never the same after that. Haven't you had that happen? It is so bitter, but I thankfully I have had it where you have had conflict and forgiveness and the relationship is TEN TIMES better and sweeter and there is true restoration and beyond of the relationship (Can I give a shout out to Missy as this is the one that comes to mind when I think about that fact?). Just like that reconciliation means that restoration of RELATIONSHIP with God and even better because of Jesus. I love reconciliation, the sweetness of realizing what you might have lost had it not been for Jesus. Still pondering that one.


So, we always go back to that word RELATIONSHIP in all aspects of Romans.


There is more to Romans though, and this is where it has been so great for me to read the Holman New Testament Commentary on Romans after I have done my own investigation. One of the authors is one of my favorite relational evangelist/discipler, teacher, theologian authors KENNETH BOA!!!! (Thank you Katrina for turning me on to this commentary). He is another person (with William Kruidenier) who has packed some things in his suitcase that I would never really ponder or think through. So, today, after some meditation I read his introduction to the commenatry portion, and he said that this is a "teachers" commentary for Romans. Something he said just made my heart sing:

"Therefore, the goal of the commentary is to help you, the teacher, represent
the apostle Paul to those you teach; in representing Paul, you can expect those
you teach to capture and keep a passion for reaching the world with that
most valuable of possessions - the gospel of Jesus Christ (Yahoo!)
. . .our prayer is that you will have a fresh and intense confrontation with the
power of the gospel as revealed through Romans; that the nations of the world
that Paul longed to reach will become the objects of your own spiritual longing;
and that the horizons of the earth that filled his eyes will fill your own as
you contemplate the fields that are yet white unto harvest, and that you will
consider the one thing, the only thing, that can bring the fruit into the
storehouse - the power of the gospel!"

YAHOOOOOO!!!! Gotta love the fact that Boa and Krudenier are praying that for us! So my heart's desire. God is a missionary God. :)

There is much more to tell, but I have just spent the last 45 minutes rambling, and I want some more prayer time before the 'chillins awake for homeschool.

TTFN.

Encouragement

A Letter:

Dear Carol,

. . .You are much appreciated! How thankful I am that God has chosen to bless the ___ women by placing you in our family! Thank you for your love for the women that has translated into leading this segment of the Wednesday Bible Study. It has been such a joy to watch the women explore what God has given them. Thank you for the years of preparation that have gone into that which you teach us now!

I'm looking forward to what God will do in you, in me, and in the women of ___ as we continue to love and serve Him and His women!

What a joy to watch you delight in Him and to sense His delight in YOU!

Love,
____

I can't tell you how encouraging this made me feel yesterday when I found this letter tucked in a book that she gave me to read.

GOD IS AWESOME!

This letter came to me last Sunday:

My new friend, Carol,

. . .I am so grateful to the Lord for sending you to us. I clearly felt the Lord's presence and saw His hand move before and all through the retreat. Thank you for investing your heart, time, and energy in our women.

I'm looking forward to our future of serving the Lord together.

Many thanks . . .Let's do lunch soon.

Love,

_____

:) These are both the women's ministry directors of my new church. I am so glad to be part of a team of lovely women like this! YAHOO!

It has been a long road over the last two and a half years, and these two letters just confirmed to me that God has led me on a good road. I finally belong!

Thank you God!

25 Points to a Lightbulb Moment

I spent some time reading some Blogs this afternoon, and I am so impressed with what some of these people think to write.

I just don't think I have that many profound things to say.

So, I will treat this more as a journal that processes my thoughts of the day.

I already did this a bit on my photo blog which is right here (just had to do that because I just figured that out tonight!), but I wanted to journal a bit about how I process things so that I might get a better grip on how to more quickly get back on the "road."

1. I anticipated that something might be hard for me in the interaction with a friend today. So, I prayed about it. I asked George to pray about it too. My last "funk" occurred after interaction with this friend. Nothing that the friend has done wrong. This is a lovely person, but my heart is tender still. It is still mourning. So, I went into it thinking, "I might get hurt."



2. I heard some things that made me mourn. It was not anything huge, but I mourned. It made me question relationship. The good news is that I didn't say anything out loud that would cause me to have to make a confession later on. In other words, I remained silent and didn't let my tongue go wild. (For that alone, I can rejoice and say today was really a GREAT day).



3. I go down to a "funk."



4. I wrote George and email, asking him to pray about it. He expressed his concern that this might happen.



5. I considered having distance from this relationship in order to give me time to heal.



6. I called a friend who is part of the funk. I heard something from my friend that made me wonder why another friend hasn't told me about it. Is she hiding it from me to protect me? Does it help for me to hear it from other people? It made me wonder why this friend doesn't initiate an "open conversation" about thing. It made me fear in the friendship. It made me wonder. I tried to call, and I got an answering machine, but that is what I really think is best. I still needed to process more about all of this before I talk it through with someone. (Again, another reason to rejoice. How many times have I, in hindsight, been glad that someone wasn't on the other end while I was still raw emotionally?)



7. I got an irritating phone call from a person I order home school books from, and they were very inflexible about when I could pick up the books. I am already tender emotionally. So, I am not happy with the inflexibility. I know it is because I still haven't processed this morning.



8. I was still in a funk when I take the kids to music (This is funk from 9-1:15 p.m.)



9. I was irritated that the music didn't start on time and the person previous does not leave knowing that I am paying for her to sit and talk to the music teacher.



10. I was sitting there, and I realized that it is a beautiful day. I didn't have to be here. I can make a choice to walk out and get a better perspective on the day.



11. I drove straight to Sam's Station. While in the parking lot, I called George to ask him to pray once again.



12. I armed myself with a journal, Face to Face Scriptures, camera, and I ordered a chai and pay that extra .60 for the whipped cream. I am served by the sweetest, kindest woman.



13. I prayed. I journaled. I processed. What do you know? God showed up!!!

    "No purpose of Mine can be thwarted (Job 42:2). My life is not my own; it is not
    for me to direct my steps. O Lord, corrects me.(Jer.10:23-24). May I receive the
    words of wisdom (Proverbs 2:1). You turned my mourning into dancing, You removed
    my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my heart may sing praise to You
    and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever (Psalm
    30:10-12)" In the margin I had written "8-6-02 - You really have turned my
    mourning into dancing. Thank you for healing. Thank you for Carol C! Thanks
    again for Carol C., visited her on 11-4-06 and cleaned out some stuff!" I was
    reminded of Carol's words to me last time we met (In Dec). "You are my hiding
    place and my shield; I have put my hope in Your word (Psalm 119:114). You are a
    shield to those who take refuge in You (Prov. 30:5). You look upon the lowly,
    but the proud You know from afar. (Ps. 138:4-6)." Lord, I don't want to be
    proud. "My days are like a lengthened shadow, and I wither away like grass;But you, O Lord, will endure forever."
    

14. I confessed my bad attitude toward that bookseller. I need to be gracious regardless of her inflexibility. I don't want to be proud.



15. I "got it." A light bulb went on and I looked up and saw this. (blurry, but I had to include it because it is totally what happened to me!)


16. It is a light bulb planter! It is a hanging planter. The title of this is "Piece of the Puzzle," and I felt like I had some pieces fall together for me today. I ended up buying this piece of recycled art. (It was made by that sweet lady who greeted me at the door BTW! You can see more at Sam's Station Website and click on "ART"). I have to have it as a reminder of a light bulb moment for me.
17. I imbibed the Chai on Ice with whipped cream with passion (you have to have a little pamper time in your processing with God too).
18. I realized that I am protected by His power. He doesn't allow anything for the purpose of defeating me. I went into that walk today almost expecting that something was going to hurt me in the conversation. As I related to George on the cell phone as I left Sam's Station, it was almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I realized that I don't have to go into things in vulnerability like that. I don't have to wear my heart on my sleeve! I am protected, and I can go in there and be proactive and positive in my approach toward all of this.
19. I returned to the music lesson and that instructor must have thought that I had been through an exorcism in the hour I was gone. In some ways, I had been. Garbage was cleaned out! :)
20. I came home and God confirmed by what Carol C. had told me in an email (You can read the quote here).
21. I called Kim and I processed what I heard from God, and it was so confirming
22. I posted to my photo blog a bit about what I have processed. It just helps to have a photo to say that I am looking ahead and not behind. I also cannot distance myself from these dear friends even though it sometimes hurts to hear about how things are going on "without me," but Carol C. said it right about the loaves and fishes.
23. I enjoyed a good processing with my dh when he came home
24. I ate dinner with an incredible family
25. I posted my thoughts here and will go work on my SHAPE for tomorrow night.

That is my 25 point process for working through a problem. LOL!

back on to the road . . .

A Kind of Dream Day

Slept in until 8. Prayed a bit. Read a bit. Got ready for church. Went to church and the new Sunday school class for mediation training. The conversation was so RICH in the class. There are two elders, one pastor, one of the women's ministry directors, and people from the marriage mentor training team. I loved the honest dialogue. I loved the sweet prayers lifted up to God.

We are SO in the right place.

Afterward, we stopped for a lunch date at the Mexican restaurant near church. We saw a family that asked us how we were doing at our new church. When I mentioned that I needed a place with an established women's ministry so I could grow in my passion and gifting and that George needed to be in a place that was more missions-minded, they both said that this was exactly what was brought up in a meeting that their Bible study had with two elders that came an talked to them. People in the group both targeted in on two areas: women's ministry and missions. This is precisely why it was not good for us to stay there. We cannot fix something that does not want to be fixed, and this is our passion and gifting. We had to go where we could grow.

So, I look around me and see C and S from our new church who are so a big part of why we are growing! That was so nice.

Then, we left. George went to tie flies with Doug, and I went to work out for 100 minutes and walk home in the warm and beautiful 72 degree day.

I have been home and enjoying all that is today.

Too long since I posted

To say my life is full is an understatement, but I wanted to say that another hill has been overcome. I have determined what happens in the Vortex sucking, and I am doing my best to avoid any hint of allowing myself to get sucked back in.

I told George that I haven't struggled for weeks, and he said that just that morning he was thinking that he had not heard me relay any "vortex angst" for quite some time.

Yes, I think we are over a huge hump. It just takes time to get over traumatic experiences, and it also needs to be replaced with similar experiences that are much more positive and encouraging. Going to the women's retreat on the 20th and teaching SHAPE on the 2nd has made it abundantly clear that while my activities and ministry are very similar these days, the environment is much better and for this I am eternally grateful.

So, I am off to meet with Sherry (the manicurist) for church!

Bye for now!

A Much Better Week

Something really has lifted. Hallelujah!

Vortex Sucking

PAIN: My shoulder is acting up again. So, I am not happy about that and am deciding this morning what to do about it. I rested all day yesterday, and it seems to be better, but I hate continuing to miss my workouts because of this thing. How should I proceed, Lord?

Peace: I am still trying to carve a way through allowing myself to hear about things and people from the past and just tuning it out because the past is part of the VORTEX that I don't want to be a part of any more. It so discourages me! It is so not a peaceful place to be! I love the people and I don't want to ignore what is in their lives, but sometimes when I see some of these people I get sucked back into some things that are just not my things anymore. They are their things because of the culture in which they choose to live. I have chosen to remove myself from it, and I see life on the outside, and I have such a different perspective. I am in a better place and have moved on with my life. I don't like how the VORTEX sucks away my peace too and makes me want to shrink back from moving forward because of my past life in the VORTEX.

All that to say that God gave me such tremendous encouragement in his Word last night as I was struggling in prayer over this issue of VORTEX sucking. I can't shrink back into it. I have to move forward even though it is sometimes sucking at my back. I must turn and run away or I will shrink back into it, and I will not keep moving ahead. I read last night in Hebrews:

"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance (endurance) the race that is set before us (marked out for us). Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such hostility by sinful men, so that you would not grow weary and lose heart." (Heb.12:1-3)

It robs me of such peace and joy to let this entangle me when I have such hope and peace and joy laying before me.

So, I will not be one of those who shrinks back (Hebrews 10:38). The VORTEX will not get me. I will resist the enemy behind the VORTEX, strong in my faith. I will not be afraid. I will destroy speculation and every lofty thought raised against the knowledge of God and hold every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor 10). I will forget what lies behind and reach forward to what lies ahead and press on toward the upward call (Phil). I will remember that you have set before me an open door that no one can shut (Rev. 3:8).

The VORTEX is strong, but You, my God, are stronger and more powerful than any VORTEX, and you will protect me from it. I submit myself to you.

I am Well

I can't believe it has been nine days since I have blogged on this blog!

Things are going very well. I am enjoying a time of great peace on all sides. I guess that is all I have to say today. :)

On Fear and Faith

Is there a theme or something going on? God is knocking on the door of my heart. Where do I go and what do I do with this?

"Heavenly Father, thank you that you have placed no restrictions on my access to you except that I would believe you. Thank you for father Abraham and the pattern of faith he established. Thank you that through his faith, your blessings have come to me. Increase my faith, O Lord. May you search me out when you need a faithful servant to accomplish a task for you on earth! Amen" p.144 Holman New Testament Commentary: Romans.

This is the desire of my heart Lord. I know that I have shrunk back in the past, and there is no excuse.

I just have so many things in my head. Help me to separate the precious from the worthless.

So much . . .Bible book and book clubs . . . inner life growth . . .leading . . .SHAPE . . .discipleship central.

There is so much. I am excited, but the good can be the enemy of the best.

Do Not Be Afraid

I keep on getting this message over and over and over again in my Bible reading and book reading, and I am pondering all of this in my heart!

Do not fear
For I am with you
Do not anxiously look about you
For I am your God
I will strengthen you
Surely I will help you
Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand
Isaiah 41:10

And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself
perfect
confirm
strengthen and
establish you
1 Peter 5:10

Spring Break

I am on the third official day of Spring Break, but it hasn't been what I expected. The last entry was about the wonderful day I had, and I started by saying that I went to work out. Well, apparently, I had thrown my shoulder out at the Monday night Group Power, and I really wasn't ready to do another weigh lifting workout just yet. So, I had a nagging pain from Friday to Tuesday. I decided on Monday to just ice and heat and rest, but it didn't go away. So, I had Anna message it, and then went up to Paul's for an adjustment. He said it WAY out. My right shoulder was way higher than my left.

The good news is that he said that my lower back was great. This means that my record of it not going out is up to 27 months! YEAH!

I am still sore from the massage and adjustment. So, I will just walk today.

The Well-Watered Soul

I have really enjoyed my Bible reading lately. Since I had so much time, I decided to just keep reading through the Old Testament, and I read all through the life of Ezra and Nehemiah yesterday with the accompanying prophecies in Joel and Malachi. WOW! I loved the extended time to just sit and soak in the Word! It was nice to not have Bird's Eye View or my Roman's study looming over me so I could just concentrate on that. Very fun. I hope to just keep reading and resting today and be caught up to Holy Week in my Bible reading on the actual Holy Week that starts on April 1! Very fun.

Phil and Jan and George and I went out to dinner on Sunday night. We walked along Waterfront Park and took pictures and had a delightful time talking. We settled on Mongolian Grill and had a great talk. Phil let me borrow three of his books The Great Omission, Choose the Life, and Connecting with God by Willard, Hull, and Adsit, respectively. I hope to glance at them as I prayerfully prepare for my meeting on discipleship and mentoring with Claudia, Vicki, and Carrie; three Godly women I am so looking forward to working with for years to come. So healthy, but I have already gone on and on with that one for too long about that happy thing.

I plan on doing much praying for this meeting and for the women's retreat at Wi-Ne-Ma on April 21 today.

Well-Trained Mind

Nikki has not responded about continuing on with the autobiographies. :( So, I am not sure what to do with that. I need to get a plan, but I think I will wait for the summer to execute it. In the meantime, I hope to finish up The Memory Keeper's Daughter for some online and IRL discussion. I also have House of Seven Gables to read with my Book Dames. It is hard being in two book clubs and still continue the books from The Well-Educated Mind, but I can't imagine giving up either of those two book clubs. I love them!

Wellness in Body

Well, I am going to walk today, and I am going to track my food intake. Too much hand to mouth lately, and it has just got to stop. My weight is up about 7 lbs these days. So, I want to get back to ideal. :)

Wellness of Heart

Oh yes, it is so well with my heart and soul right now. I am over the hump of the most recent thing with my old church. I learned a good lesson. Some people are (really ONE person, that I know of) still hurt about me leaving, and I need to embrace that and feel empathy for them. It is not the case with my good friends, they love me and I love them, and it doesn't matter what church we go to in order to continue the relationship. Apparently, for some (or maybe one), it is an issue. So, I don't have any problem staying away. In fact, I rather like it. :)

A Beautiful Day

I had such a great day today. I went to work out and saw Lisa and Scott. I also got a great workout with Kelly who is definitely the hardest of the instructors in Group Power. After that, I had a nice chat with Robin while doing the Elliptical.

I came home and read my book (see margin at right). I love this book! I read about life in the cave and how God meets us in the cave. I have been so ULTIMATELY encouraged with this book. It is hitting me right where I am at these days.

I also spent time meditating in and observing Romans 4 while the boys did their math. I was on the couch, Michael in the chair, Paul on the loveseat. It is the last day of school. They are all caught up with everything. So, I had them just do Math and a bit of reading this week.

Sharon called to say that Lisa was under the gun. So, our lunch was postponed until after Spring Break. I called Sharon and said, "Let's go out to lunch then!" We had a great time at Sam's Station. I loved their soups, and I loved the fellowship. After this, we went walking in her neighborhood taking pictures of the blooms. We also had some tea and scones.

Then, I came home and folded some laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, straigthened up the house, and downloaded my picture of the day.

When George came home he cracked my upper back (have a little pinch, nothing major), and he brought me dinner as I rested on the heating pad. I watched an hour of news. Now, we are watching the Oregon vs. UNLV game.

Oh, btw, I had a wonderful thing happen to me yesterday. There is a woman who called me to humbly apologize to me for teasing me in a public setting. She was praying that morning, and she felt that she must ask my forgiveness.

WOW! We had such a lovely talk about things, and she told me how much she respected me, how much she loves having me in the group, and how she see such great things for me in my future. She also just talked about love and the love in the body of believers I am now involved with. What a blessed phone call, in every way!

I feel so especially blessed because I have had such bad experiences in the past of people teasing me with a sarcastic twist, hurting my feelings, and me just either sucking it up or going to that person if it gets to be a pattern and have them be 1) clueless and/or 2) defensive. So, can I just say that I am SO glad that I am in fellowship of believers who display Biblical peacemaking! YAHOO! Confession and forgiveness are wonderful things!

I do want to say that I was trying to be really careful not to say anything negative about people. I think I did OK. I am trying to be compassionate and honest but not negative about things. So, I think that I did all right.

Quote from Nikki's photoblog

What I dream of is an art of balance, of purity and serenity devoid of troubling or depressing subject matter. ~ Henri Matisse

Ticket

Got ticketed for not having proof of insurance in my car yesterday. I really cried.

Weeping may last for a night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning.

I'm over it. I need to take a break. I think I have too many people in my life right now.

Moments of Quiet

There have been some full days. They haven't necessarily been busy, but they have been full. I had the A boys from 8:30 yesterday to 8:30 today. We visited the H's which made eight kids all together. Heavy talks with people. Still processing.

Now we have J over while his mom is at a prayer retreat. Surprisingly, I am all caught up with my Bible study and book reading. I just need to prepare for my summary of the chapter to present to the women for Wednesday night. It is quiet as the boys are downstairs, and I am up here. The house is picked up and fairly clean. So, I am enjoying the quiet.

Went and took some more pictures of flowers. I know it must be tiring but it is nice to document. I got wet and muddy as I took a picture lying on my back on the wet lawn. Sacrificing my body for a picture. LOL!

A Pencil

A pencil
long and lean
strong as wood
but giving out bits of me
on to the page of history
until I must be sharpened down
with cuts and blades whirling around me
so that I become effectively sharp once again
in order to give out bits of me on to the page of history.

The process continues: giving out bits of me and sharpening,
giving out bits of me and sharpening as the wood is whittled away
and all that is left is that tossable cold metal shell where the eraser once stood,
and the long and growing story of an instrument directed by the Author's hand in HISstory.



(An online friend suggested a poetry writing challenge, and these were the instructions:
"For this prompt, you`ll come up with a poem about an object that describes you. First, choose an object. Next, list down the reasons you think the object you chose represents you. From your list of reasons, which one is the most powerful? Which one conveys the strongest image of you? Once you`ve chosen your main image, list down things that support this main image. Build your poem from there.")

The Joy of Laying it Down

Weeping may last for a night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning!

I almost didn't go to Book Babes this morning. I was ready to crawl in a hole after the bomb of last night. However, I had been up since 4:30, and I had journaled and prayed. So, I got my iPod and camera and walked in the wonderful sunshine to downtown. (About a 45 minute walk) I did call M to find out if we were OK, and she said that we were totally fine. I mourn the loss of what working together would have looked like. That was one drawback of my decision.

Almost to town, I found some of the most lovely flowers.

I think seeing the beauty in each new day is what is important when you have something hard happen. So, just the effort to stop in the middle of my walk to photograph the lovely flowers was enough to really cheer me up. Stop and smell the roses. There is something to that statement even if these aren't roses. :)







Then, I got to Book Babe, and a cup of Big Train Chai in a cheery yellow cup, a nice waitress, a empathetic ear from Carol, and talking about a fun book started to lift me.

How can your spirits not be lifted by going to a cafe that has the name Sunnyside Up and posters like this in their window?










And then there was this sweet little girl with her dad going to do the St. Patrick's Day Fun Run:





Then, talking with Rosemary and her husband at the run was fun. Why didn't I take a picture of you Rosemary? Did you win a prize?

Then, I walked down to the river and took lots of pictures of ducks while I talked on the phone with Kim:




I even did this with one hand. I have a funny story about what happened while I was talking to Kim at www.carol365.blogspot.com.

Then, after this, I went to the library and got House of Seven Gables by Nathaniel Hawthorne and Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife (Sequel to Pride and Prejudice and later taken back because it was pornographic IMHO!), then, I walked to Borders and ordered a Chai Frost and sat and read the Hardy book. Then, I walked home and talked to Patty on the way home. She validated my reality about the thing that made me sad last night; and from sharing with me about her own life, she mentioned having memorized James 1 regarding her own trial of having bursitis. This really spurred me on to apply it to my own life, and it reminded me of this passage I memorized in the Philips version of the Bible:

When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your life, my brethren
Don't resent them as intruders, but welcome them as FRIENDS
Realize that they come to test your faith and to produce in you the quality of ENDURANCE
But let that process go on until that endurance has been fully developed
And you will find that you have become a [wo]man of mature character
With the right sort of independence.

James 1:2-4 (Philips)

So, it was nice to have Patty say, "What happened was ridiculous." George also reaffirmed and validated my reality too, and he really helped me to see the character of the person who said the things she said to me last night, and you know, I actually listened to his assessment. I usually don't believe him because I think he is biased toward me. I remember him telling me this summer that he can tell me truth about good things about me over and over, but I don't want to listen to him (he really was crazy to marry me, right?) Well, I am listening to him now, and that is a very good thing. He is a wise man who shoots straight and tells it like it is.

Then, I finally got to talk through it with Kim H., and we were able to talk through what happened. Not, at all like the conversation I had with the other person last night. It just reaffirmed for me that Kim H. is a very good friend, and I love her very much.

So, I got off the phone and everything lifted. It was all the lovely things that led up to this too. The sunshine and exercise and picture taking and lovely sights of Corvallis and ducks mating and talks with friends and prayer and reading and chai teas and face-to-face contact with lovely people.

So, the cherry on top was also talking to Teala and having her come to church with me tonight and meeting Claudia and talking to Debbie on the way to church on the cell phone and having her tell me that what happened to me was just a bunch of "hokey-poky" LOL!

So, I sit here tonight a changed woman. Thanks God. Thanks for friends and dear husband and lovely, sunny days. I really have been able to spread that letter out to you and have let you take it from me.

Laying It Before the Lord

Sigh, sigh, sigh. I woke up this morning at 4:30 with a heavy heart. All the other things happening in my life have been so hard in the life/death/divorce dynamic, but the relationships grow sweeter by the day as a result. People pulling together and loving. It has been a beautiful thing. I kept telling people that all the things happening have been an exercise in me "laying the letter at the altar before the Lord" like Hezekiah. I was rejoicing in God growing me to lay the burden on Him. I told George just this week, "I feel like I am going through such growth. I am so excited!"

So, now comes this new little thing. A conversation from a person who thinks I have "abandoned the family" because I have left my old "job" at my old church. OUCH! I see it as being called to a new job with better benefits; still part of the same company or "family" but in a new building. Same CEO (Jesus Christ), but it is a work group that I am much more fitted to.

So, why can I not lay this "letter" out in front of the temple before the Lord like Hezekiah like I have been doing over the last month and a half? Again, every new thing that has come my way in the last month has been placed there at the altar. God continued to whisper "Peace, peace" to me. Where is your whisper, dear God? What is it about relational tension that sends me reeling emotionally to where I cannot hear that still, small voice from You? I think it is because it is more personal. It is more relational. It hits me more at the core. It hits my identity. I have this need to be liked.

OUCH, OUCH, and DOUBLE OUCH!

My dear sweet George listened to the whole phone call, and he said he prayed for me through the whole thing. I hung up and he yelled from the other room, "Oh Carol, she is so young!" I think I need to realize that, she is so young. Most of my other friends are much older and wiser, and they totally "get" why we left and are excited about what we are doing. I had another friend say, "My biggest comfort in your leaving is knowing how genuinely happy you are in your new situation." This young woman did not know my misery in my old situation. She did not know the burden that I carried there. My leaving was a way for me to give that burden totally over to the Lord because in the midst of the situation, I could not seem to give it over to Him. I could not continue to play a game of "everything is fine" when it wasn't fine.

So now, I have to deal with the accusation that I have "abandoned" this thing that she calls family. I just see it so differently.

What is weird is that she is not that good of a friend. It is not like she really knows me. We get together, and I listen to her while she talks; that is the extent of our relationship. I don't need to go to her church in order to continue to do that. She is young. I need to just pray for her and not be hurt by what she said.

All this because C wanted me to go to the conference and hear the speaker. Oh my! If I had known what would result of it, I never would have done it!

Just really need to pray for the hurt feelings that others might have with us leaving. I can't believe the difference in attitude at the new church. I am in such a better place. Thank you, Lord for bringing me to this "place of abundance."

The LampPost

The LampPost, originally uploaded by carolfoasia.

I just love this photo! Spider webs and all! This is on the creek down the street from my house.

All Creatures of Our God and King

All creatures of our God and King,
lift up your voice and with us sing,

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Thou burning sun with golden beam,
Thou silver moon with softer gleam!

O praise Him! O praise Him!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Ye who long pain and sorrow bare
Praise God and on Him cast your care

O praise Him! O praise Him!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Rushing wind that art so strong
Clouds that sail in heaven alone
Rising mourn in praise rejoice
Lights of evening find a voice
All ye men of tender heart
Forgive others, take your part
Praise the Father, praise the Son
Praise the Spirit, three in One (2x)

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

It is Well With My Soul

When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
What ever my lot you have taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul

Though the devil will ruin, though trials may come
Let this blessed assurance control
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate
And He shed His own blood for my soul

It is well, with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought
My sin not in part but the whole
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul

It is well, with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

And Lord haste the day when my faith shall be sight
And the clouds be rolled back as a scroll
The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend
Even so, it is well with my soul

It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

Yes, peace like a river, Lord. Really, all around me is difficult. If you were to count it all out on a table, the stakes are such that I should be a basket case by now:

My mom's chest pains and heart disease and slide toward heaven
My aunt's death
Cousin's 23 year marriage ending when she gets aunt's inheritance settled
Cousin hooked on Speed and tearing aunt's house apart
Bruce's melanoma and seeing that whole family go through so much
The drama between two people that I got caught in the middle of last week
Friend's child custody battle - those poor kids
Finding out these long-time friends are on the verge of divorce
Lorraine's fall, broken hip, hospital stay
A friend's heartbreaking news on Thursday
The drama about whether I should come to the conference or not. Oh brother!

BUT it is well with my soul! I am in such a supportive environment with praycry (thanks ladies! You have no idea how much you bless me everyday by your love for the Lord and for others), friends, church (HUGE - I have never had church leadership be supportive, ever! Such rocks, absolute rocks of mature, godly people, blessings to Claudia, Vicki, Kim, Nancy, Rick, Steve, Jerome, Big Carol - they are supportive just because of their stability as human beings. So sad that I have never known that before in my life!), Ginny and Lorraine, Debbie, Patty, on-line friends), Kim I. is also a HUGE rock of prayer support for me too.

Also, the thing with Bruce has caused me to see your power, drawn me closer in relationship with a plethora of people, including Bruce and Mary Beth! (Reconnecting after many years of just running in different circles and having different ministries. Old friends draw together in crisis). I have had sweet loving talks with my brother over mom's care, huge blessings all the way around in all of the sorrow, really.

Above all, YOU Lord are my ROCK. I am so glad that you have put me so FOCUSED in your Word and prayer. Everything seems so very applicable that I am studying with Bird's Eye View/Quiet Times/Romans study/Peacemaker Sunday School) and praying with Nancy and Kim and Kim I! It is so amazing how You fit all my life together. So OBVIOUS that we made such a good choice this last year.

So, peace. That is what I feel.

Wellness Check

For me, I need balance, and it is time to get it

Well-Watered Soul - time for Bible reading and prayer. Want to FINISH Romans 3:21-31 (I kept getting interrupted yesterday). Tomorrow, I would like to have a day of prayer or at least a half day. So much to process.

Well-Educated Mind - Read book club selection or Sherlock Holmes

Well-Nourished Heart - I think I will call my mom and see how she is doing. I don't know how much longer she will be on this earth. Pray for L - she is so hurting.

Wellness in Strength - Went to Group Power and Elliptical. I need two hours tomorrow of cardio, but I have a free day. Maybe a run or hike with George.

A Clean Date

I know this may be hard to believe, but I do not have one bit of chicken scratch on this date in my calendar. I am free as a bird. So, I wrote FREE. I had George take the car to work (He was going to walk because his bike is on the fritz, but it is pouring down rain, for crying out loud!) so that I am not even tempted to go out, and so that I can say no to anyone that asks me to go out. :) I am looking forward to a day to decompress after a very high-powered week living my girlfriend Mary Beth's life, having six children, racing from appointment to appointment, and dealing with one of her friends who is difficult. In addition, I lived my life of homeschool mom, fitness buff, small group and Bible study leader, counselor to friends.

I am dizzy from living two lives, but I am so happy and fulfilled too. I know that there are some deep waters ahead for those around me that I love so passionately, but I also know that there is a very deep God, whom I love even more passionately, and He will carry me one step at a time.

Calling Me to Walk On Water

Literally, got a major bombshell dropped on me today. I am called to walk with some people through some very difficult days, and this isn't even Bruce and Mary Beth.

So, if you read this, please pray for me. This is huge, but the events of the last week have shown His infinite power to do the impossible.

Breathe

Yes, I have a breathe. Taking care of two families is quite a chore. Going from two to six kids is alot!

Also breathing and happy that I was able to get over a little "bump" with a situation. It was awkward, but I feel like I handled it well. :) YEAH GOD.

He led me to peace through prayer and this passage that I memorized almost thirty years ago:

Psalm 31: 19 - end
How great is Your goodness,
Which You have stored up for those who fear You,
Which You have wrought for those who take refuge in You,
Before the sons of men!
You hide them in the secret place of Your presence from the conspiracies of man;
You keep them secretly in a shelter from the strife of tongues.
Blessed be the LORD,
For He has made marvelous His lovingkindness to me in a besieged city.
As for me, I said in my alarm,
"I am cut off from before Your eyes";
Nevertheless You heard the voice of my supplications
When I cried to You.
O love the LORD, all you His godly ones!
The LORD preserves the faithful
And fully recompenses the proud doer.
Be strong and let your heart take courage,
All you who hope in the LORD.

Grateful - A freewrite

I am sitting here in my happy spot. George has gone to take the kids to church and then on to go to do the shopping for the week.

Grateful - that George sees my need for a little quiet. He is a dear one.

I now have about 1 1/2 hours until I get ready for church that starts at 11:00 a.m.

Grateful - for some time to sit and reflect and journal (here) and pray

Sunday school will be our 9th lesson on Peacemaking for the excellent Ken Sande DVD series.

Grateful - that I go to a church that places a premium value on peacemaking by teaching its members how to make peace in a Godly way. This was one of our top ten things we were looking for in a church.

After that, I will have a long distance conversation with Katrina about "time."

Grateful - for wonderful online friends who love God!

I will also go and study the gospel of Mark with Norieh

Grateful -that God has heard my cries for this neighborhood and has brought Nourieh in my life to study Scripture.

Well, I am off to have a long prayer time before I "beautify" for church.

Grateful - for the gift of prayer and life in YOU Lord.

On the Road Again

Jogging Up, originally uploaded by carolfoasia.

I just love this photo. I would have put it on my Project 365, but I also loved the picture of my dh and I too. I just thought this was symbolic of where I am right now. I am pressing forward.

I have written an allegory off and on for years in my journal much like Hinds Feet On High Places, but the girl is running forward listening to the "Great Coach" and following Him. I am climbing and reaching toward the goal.

I like this.

Life is Too Short to Be Scared

Just wanted to say that I am not scared. I appreciate your comments, and I know that He holds me in the palm of his hand, forever.

I am so convinced that I am in a very good partnership - team actually. There will be four of us who will be working together in seeing discipleship at our wonderful church. I have known one on the team for 28 years because I used to play basketball with her in college! (I was her back up. She went on to be an Olympic Gold Medalist). So, I know that I am in such a healthy environment. ALL the lies that were whispered to me are being washed away and replaced with three other very truthful and Godly women. So, I am grateful.

I am also realizing that life is short. The brevity of life is coming in full view as I see that our friend with melanoma has a very poor prognosis. Sending them to New York was a big stretching of our faith (The ringleaders of Lisa, Michelle, and I). After we got the go ahead at noon yesterday, Lisa said she wanted to back-peddle, and God said, "NO!" If any of us had back-peddled, we wouldn't have been able to see His glory manifested in providing miracle after miracle on this road to getting them to New York. We wouldn't have known the love of countless phone calls with DEAR people and the generosity of people giving from as far away as Pennsylvania and North Carolina. (You know who you are. :))We would have missed out on the joy of living by faith.

So, I say: (S)HE WHO HESITATES IS LOST

There is no room to be scared because life is too short. Embrace the moments. Don't shrink back.

This is what I am pondering this Friday.