LIGHTWORKS ONE/3:3 (Lk 12:22-32) Freewrite about Lorraine

Freewrite fifteen

I have to go in 1/2 hour so I will write some feelings.

Lorraine F., my mentor of 32 years, had a stroke and died on Wednesday night. I think it is going to be weird to live life without her. I had just been thinking that I might want her to be my spiritual director for the second year of my Spiritual Direction Supervision, but I felt like Fran was a better choice at this stage. But I had been seeing her consistently every 6 weeks for the last year or so, but I had to skip our April 22 meeting because my allergies were through the roof, and I was so stuffed up and miserable. Turned out she had to postpone too because something happened to her knee and she as admitted to the hospital. But we did not reschedule for later in April (my allergies really were bothering me until the end and then I had to prepare for going to Boise and training there). Anyway, the next meeting will be in heaven. YAY! She got a "Well done, Good and Faithful Servant." I was thinking many people have died in May: my dad, Dallas Willard, my Uncle Kenny (the same day she had the stroke), and it looks like my bestie Patty's mom will die any minute. May. What is it about May?

Today, I Considered the Lilies. I read my things a bit out of order so I already wrote what Tetlow said about this in another post. This post I meditated deeply about not being worried or anxious. I don't get anxious about what I eat or what I will put on, but I do get anxious about little things still, and that is what I decided to pray through this summer. Life will slow down so I won't have the challenge of people-pleasing as much (although pleasing-people doesn't seem to be a big anxiety producer lately). I am not sure what I am anxious about these days, but I have some of it. Maybe it is about the prayer party we will have in five days. Will anyone come? Will people step forward to lead it? The people who I did it with in the past now have toddlers. This makes availability harder. I understand. So I think that is the main thing now.

I am also anxious about my back/hip/waist area (really not as bad in my back these days). I went 2 1/2 days with NO PAIN after releasing my psoas, but I ended up with a sharp pain at my waist on the opposite side yesterday afternoon after feeling GREAT. UGH! Thorn in the flesh. I am always anxious that it will travel, and I will be flat on my back again. 

I am also anxious about a trip. I want to have a family trip AND a trip with just George (because these are SO HEALTHY for us, and we were doing these every other year, but I am feeling a need to have one every year now). So, we talked about how cheap I am, and George said, "Hey, here is something we could do! There are two more spaces available!" But those spaces were more expensive than the economy option. Now the options are all gone, and I wished I had gone for the slightly more expensive option to be with George for 10 days on a trip. UGH. Geo laughs when I get like that. The family trip. We are moving forward. Michael finally applied for a new passport. Since they had baby/toddler passports, they had to physically show up at the county courthouse to apply instead of sending it by mail. So, that will be on the way in three to four weeks. So a mid to late summer trip is an option for us. UGH. I don't know about the summer and all the tourists, but that is probably the best time for us. So there you go: another anxiety. It is a third world anxiety, but we have not been on a family trip since 2015 when we went to Southern California to visit my family. So, I think we are due for one (It might have been 2016?).

I guess I am also anxious about Lorraine's memorial on the same day as Paul's graduation. Paul's day trumps her memorial, for sure, but the graduation is at 10:30 and memorial an hour away at 2pm. I could maybe do both, but I don't want him to feel shafted in any way! So I will leave it to God to work that all out. 

Well, there you go. I don't think I am anxious about anything else. Maybe subbing at TAC because I don't have our summer plans down so I cannot commit to subbing very far into the summer, and this makes me anxious. 

Also anxious about the blank leadership parts at the PUMP party. I might have already specified this in the thing about our prayer thing above, but there you go.

I am almost out of time (funny how I can guess fifteen minutes down to within a minute). 

BYE!