36. The Christ of the Indian Road by E. Stanley Jones

I think this is my fourth time reading this book? I read it for our second Kingdom Community in 2011. I love it, and I always learn new things when I read it. 

It all comes down to Jesus.

My last review is HERE.

35. Muslims, Christians, and Jesus by Carl Medearis

As I read this book, I realized I had never read it cover to cover. It held nothing new in terms of information, but I loved it. Carl is such a great writer! I will recommend it highly to anyone who wants to be involved in better Muslim-Christian relations! 

The Exchanged Life

So, I was reading in Christ on the Indian Road, and when I read this, it sounded so much like J. Hudson Taylor. So, I read both.

Christ on the Indian Road, p. 19-21

I went on to India with 
a deepening cloud upon me. Here I was beginning a new term of 

service in this trying climate and beginning it— broken. 

I went straight to the hills upon arrival and took a complete rest for 

several months. I came down to the plains to 
try it out and found that I was just as badly off 
as ever. I went to the hills again. When I came 
down the second time I saw that I could go no 
further, I was at the end of my resources, my 
health was shattered. Here I was facing this 
call and task and yet utterly unprepared for it 
in every possible way. 

I saw that unless I got help from somewhere 
I would have to give up my missionary career, 
go back to America and go to work on a farm 
to try to regain my health. It was one of my 
darkest hours. At that time I was in a meeting 
at Lucknow. While in prayer, not particularly 
thinking about myself, a Voice seemed to say, 

“Are you yourself ready for this work to which 
I have called you?” I replied : “No, Lord, I am 
done for. I have reached the end of my rope.” 
The Voice replied, “If you will turn that over to 
me and not worry about it, I will take care of it.” 

I quickly answered, “Lord, I close the bargain 
right here.” A great peace settled into my heart 
and pervaded me. I knew it was done! Life- 
abundant Life— had taken possession of me. I 
was so lifted up that I scarcely touched the road 
as I quietly walked home that night. Every inch 
was holy ground. For days after that I hardly 
knew I had a body. I went through the days, 
working all day and far into the night, and came 
down to bedtime wondering why in the world I 
should ever go to bed at all, for there was not 
the slightest trace of tiredness of any kind. I 
seemed possessed by Life and Peace and Itest 
by Christ himself. 

The question came as to whether I should tell 
this. I shrank from it, but felt I should — and 
did. After that it was sink or swim before every- 
body. But nine of the most strenuous years of 
my life have gone by since then, and the old 
trouble has never returned, and I have never had 
such health. But it was more than a physical 
Touch. I seemed to have tapped new Life for 
body, mind, and spirit. Life was on a perma- 
nently higher level. And I had done nothing 
but take it ! 

I suppose that this experience can be picked 
to pieces psychologically and explained. It does 
not matter. Life is bigger than processes and 
overflows them. Christ to me had become Life. 

Apart from this Touch I question if I would 
have had the courage to answer the call to work 
among these leaders of India’s thought and life. 
It was too big and too exacting. But here I saw 
my Resources. And they have not failed. 

Here is a similar experience in Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret:

"The Exchanged Life" Chapter

Yes, in me, in me He dwelleth––
I in Him and He in me!
And my empty soul He filleth
Now and through eternity. 
–– Horatio Bonar

" . . . God made me a new man! God has made me a new man!"

Wonderful was the experience that had come in answer to prayer, yet so simple as almost to baffle description . . .









Do you know, I now think that this striving, longing, hoping for better days to come is not the true way to holiness, happiness or usefulness. It is better, no doubt, far better than being satisfied with poor attainments, but not the best way after all. I have been struck with a passage from a book . . . entitled Christ is All. It says,"The Lord Jesus received is holiness begun; the Lord Jesus cherished is holiness advancing; the Lord Jesus counted upon as never absent would be holiness complete . . . .

"He is most holy who has most of Christ within, and joys most fully in the finished work . . ."

. . . . To let my loving Savior work in me His will, my sanctification, is what I would live for by His grace. Abiding, not striving nor struggling; looking off unto Him; trusting Him for present power; . . . resting in the love of an almighty Savior, in the joy of a complete salvation, "from all sin"––this is not new, and yet 'tis new to me . . . . Christ literally all seems to me, now, the power, the only power for service, the only ground for unchanging joy . . . .

How then to have our faith increased? Only by thinking of all that Jesus is and all He is for us: His life, His death, His work, He Himself as revealed to us in the Word, to be the subject of our constant thoughts. Not a striving to have faith . . . but a looking off to the Faithful One seems all we need; a resting in the Loved One entirely, for time and eternity.

. . . . I looked to Jesus, and when I saw––oh, how joy flowed!

It was resting in Jesus now, and letting Him do the work––which makes all the difference. Whenever he spoke in meetings after that, a new power seemed to flow from him, and in the practical things of life a new peace possessed him. Troubles did not worry him as before. He cast everything on God in a new way, and gave more time to prayer.

It was the exchanged life that had come to him––the life that is indeed "No longer I." . . . It was a blessed reality "Christ liveth in me." And how great the difference!––instead of bondage, liberty; instead of failure, quiet victories within; instead of fear and weakness, a restful sense of sufficiency in Another.

Perhaps I may make myself more clear if I go back a little. . . . I prayed, agonized, fasted, strove, made resolutions, read the Word more diligently, sought more time for meditation––but all without avail. Every day, almost every hour, the consciousness sin oppressed me.

I knew that if only I could abide in Christ all would be well, but I could not. I would begin the day with prayer, determined not to take my eye off Him for a moment, but pressure of duties, sometimes very trying, and constant interruptions apt to be so wearing, caused me to forget Him. Then one's nerves get so fretted in this climate that temptations to irritability, had thoughts and sometimes unkind words are all the more difficult to control. Each day brought its register of sin and failure, of lack of power. To will was indeed "present with me," but how to perform I found not.

Then came the questions, is there no rescue? Must it be thus to the end––constant conflict, and too often defeat? . . . . Instead of growing stronger, I seemed to be getting weaker and to have less power against sin; and no longer, for faith and even hope were getting low. I hated myself, I hated my sin, yet gained no strength against it. I felt I was a child of God. His Spirit in my heart would cry, in spite of all, "Abba, Father." But to rise to my privileges as a child, I was utterly powerless.

. . . . I knew I was powerless. I told the Lord so, and asked Him to give me help and strength. Sometimes I almost believed that He wold keep and uphold me; but on looking back in the evening––alas! There was but sin and failure to confess and mourn before God.

. . . . And yet, never did Christ seem more precious; a Savior who could and would save such a sinner! . . . And sometimes there were seasons not only of peace but of joy in the Lord; but they were transitory, and at best there was a sad lack of power.

All the time I felt assured that there was in Christ all I needed, but the practical question was––how to get it out. He was rich truly, but I was poor; He was strong, but I weak. I knew full well that there was in the root, the stem, abundant fatness, but how to get it into my puny little branch was the question. As gradually light dawned, I saw that faith was the only requisite––was the hand to lay hold on His fullness and make it mine. But I had not this faith.

I strove for faith, but it would not come; I tried to exercise it, but in vain. Seeing more and more the wondrous supply of grace laid up in Jesus, the fullness of our precious Savior, my guilt and helplessness seemed to increase. Sins committed appeared but as trifles compared with the sin of unbelief which was their cause, which could not or would not take God at His word. . . . I prayed for faith, but it came not. What was I to do?

When my agony of soul was at its height, a sentence in a letter from dear McCarthy was used to remove the scales from my eyes, and the Spirit of God revealed to me the truth of our oneness with Jesus as I had never known it before.

"But how to get faith strengthened? Not by striving after faith, but by resting on the Faithful One."

As I read, I saw it all! "If we believe not, he abideth faithful." I looked to Jesus and saw (and when I saw, oh, how joy flowed)! That He had said, "Iwill never leave thee."

"Ah, there is rest!" I thought. "I have striven in vain to rest in Him. I'll strive no more. For has not He promised to abide with me––never to leave me, never to fail me?" And, . . . He never will.

. . . . As I thought of the Vine and the branches, what light the blessed Spirit poured direct into my soul! How great seemed my mistake in wishing to get the sap, the fullness out of Him! I saw not only that Jesus will ever leave me, but that I am a member of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. The vine is not the root merely, but all––root, stem, branches, twigs, leaves, flowers, fruit. And Jesus is not that alone––He is soil and sunshine, air and showers, and ten thousand times more than we have ever dreamed, wished for or needed. Oh, the joy of seeing this truth! I do pray that the eyes of your understanding too may be enlightened, that you may know and enjoy the riches freely given us in Christ.

. . . It is a wonderful thing to be really one with a risen and exalted Savior, to be a member of Christ! Think what it involves. Can Christ be rich and I poor? Can your right hand be rich and your left poor? Or your head be well fed while your body starves? . . . . No more can your prayers or mine be discredited if offered in the name of Jesus (i.e., not for the sake of Jesus merely, but on the ground that we are His, His members) so long as we keep within the limits of Christ's credit––a tolerably wide limit!

The sweetest part, . . . is the rest which full identification with Christ brings. I am no longer anxious about anything, as I realize this; for He, I know, is able to carry out His will, and His will is mine. It makes no matter where He places me, or how. That is rather for Him to consider than for me; for in the easiest position He must give me His grace, and in the most difficult His grace is sufficient. . . . So, if God should place me in serious perplexity, must He not give me much guidance; in positions of great difficulty, much grace; in circumstances of great pressure and trials, much strength? No fear that His resources will prove unequal to the emergency! And His resources are mine, for He is mine, and is with me and dwells in me.

And since Christ has thus dwelt in my heart by faith, how happy I have been! . . . I am no better than before. In a sense, I do not wish to be, nor am I striving to be. But I am dead and buried with Christ––ay, and risen too! And now Christ lives in me, and "the life that I now live in the flesh, I live by faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

. . . . Do not let us consider Him as far off, when God has made us one with Him, members of His very body. Nor should we look upon this experience, these truths, as for the few. They are the birthright of every child of God, and no one can dispense with them without dishonoring our Lord. The only power for deliverance from sin or for true service is Christ.

And it is all so simple and practical!

"But are you always conscious of this abiding in Christ?" Mr. Taylor was asked many years later.

"While sleeping last night," he replied, "did I cease to abide in your home because I was unconscious of the fact? We should never be conscious ofnot abiding in Christ."


I change, He changes not; 
The Christ can never die:
His truth, not mine, the resting place; 
His love, not mine, the tie.

34. The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett

This is a great dramatized version of this book! I was hooked from the beginning! This version has won all sorts of awards. Here is a summary with a review:

Winner of the Audie Award for Best Audiobook Adaptation 

Winner of the AudioFile Earphones Award

A 2009 Grammy Award Nominee for Best Spoken Word Album for Adults
 
“Don’t be too sure I’m as crooked as I’m supposed to be. That kind of reputation might be good business.”—Samuel Spade, private investigator
 
 
Believing the book’s vividly drawn characters and memorable dialogue cry out for theatrical treatment, Blackstone Audio commissioned this faithful dramatization by the award-winning Hollywood Theater of the Ear, in which a brilliant cast brings to life all the excitement and suspense of Hammett’s original in the playhouse of the mind. 

© 1929, 1930 by Alfred A. Knopf, Inc. © renewed 1956, 1957 by Dashiell Hammett 

“Wow! Whether or not you’ve read Hammett’s classic noir detective novel or seen the 1941 movie, you will be entranced by this magnificent adaptation, which is a solid reminder of the power of audio…In this mystery rich in characters, the actors show an impeccable understanding of their roles…Voices and sounds combine with a dramatically fashioned script to create a stellar listening experience with a you-are-there feel. Those who have never experienced the pleasures of radio theater are in for a tremendous treat, as are all who experience this amazing production.”
Booklist (starred review)

A 2009 AudioFile Best Audiobook of the Year for Mystery

“Spade…is what most of the private detectives I worked with would like to have been and in their cockier moments thought they approached.”—Dashiell Hammett

The Maltese Falcon first appeared in the pages of Black Mask magazine in 1929. Almost immediately it was acknowledged as not only a great crime novel but an enduring masterpiece of American fiction. Sam Spade, its protagonist, is the archetypal tough, cynical PI, “able,” as his creator explained, “to take care of himself in any situation, able to get the best of anybody he comes in contact with, whether criminal, innocent bystander or client.” And what a client!—the irresistible and treacherous femme fatale Brigid O’Shaughnessy. (from http://www.downpour.com/the-maltese-falcon-1)

Wednesday Morning Freewrite for the next thirteen minutes!

I have 13 minutes until noon, so I am going for a quick freewrite.

Do you know why?????? I got almost everything on my list done ALREADY! :) 

I have been making "to do" lists on my Cozi app the last three days. 

I learned something about myself from the first two days of "to do" lists! I need to do the physical labor in the morning (after my time with God). I had saved the things like "go through the bathroom drawers and cupboards" for last. I thought I could treat myself to doing that during the commercials when I watched the news. Well guess what? By the time the news comes on (I am only watching PBS at 4pm or 7 pm and one network news show on nights I am here [a lot of times I am doing things at that time] - I am a news junkie!), I am on my "low-ebb" time of day. My back needs a good rest in bed, and I need to just be chill. That is why I have watched the news at that time all these years! 

So, I decided to do something different this morning. I had great time with God. Then I did my homework for my Kingdom Community (that meets on Tuesday mornings and has two hours of homework each week). THEN, I was a MACHINE. I did a 15 minutes laundry boogie (yes the basket had been sitting there for two days as Michael did more laundry and added to it, and I never got around to putting the clothes away). Then, I did a 15 minute paper toss boogie (or whatever The Flylady calls them). I paid for our trip to Mexico for Jenna's wedding too. Then, I did another 15 minute bathroom boogie! Then I did a swish and swipe and finished up my morning routine by eating breakfast and then I cleaned up the kitchen! (My kids had already unloaded the dishwasher this morning even though they left for work at 5:30!!! I have prayed Ephesians 6:7 for servants hearts for them for years, and God has answered my prayers!) I even took out the recycling and washed the recycling bags. Sometime during that, I listened to about fifteen minutes of The Maltese Falcon (WHAT A FUN NARRATION!)  Then, I loosened up my back by doing 1/3 of a Spri ball Pilates work out (thus preparing for the class I will teach at 5:30 pm)! Then, I sat down and wrote my review of The Last Battle. 

Now I am finishing up my freewrite! 

I will see Nancy and maybe prayer walk with her and then I will see Jennifer at 3:30 and bring her to Pilates with me! Then, I can watch the 7 pm news and mellow out, free of guilt over not working on the bathroom or kitchen or laundry BECAUSE I ALREADY DID! 

All in a half day's work! 

SELAH! 

33. The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis

I read this one before The Magician's Nephew because the audiobook became available. So, I am still reading The Magician's Nephew in George's paperbacks from the 1970's.

This was not my favorite of all the Narnia books. I didn't dislike it, but it did not have super profound things like Puddleglum's speech in The Silver Chair! It was lovely to see some of the old characters return too. Also, I liked Patrick Stewart as the narrator.

Even though it was not my favorite, it gave me nice closure to a great summer of reading Narnia! 

Monday Freewrite

I have got a full day ahead of me. But I want to take some time to freewrite. I have been working on this England photo book for two hours now. The deadline is midnight for 50% off, and I know that if I do not do it now, I will let the whole year go by without getting it done. I always think I will work on my pictures a little bit at a time throughout the year, but it is just all or nothing for me. I might get some done during Christmas, but I will not between now and then. The time to strike is TODAY.

I know that most people just let their pictures sit on their phone or on a disc or even just let it sit in their computer, but I really want to preserve our memories. Actually, I am all caught up to Christmas of 2015. I needed to buy an new Christmas album, and I did sometime in the last year, I believe it was after the first of the year? I am not sure. 

Maybe it is silly. People keep telling me that my kids will thank me later in life for preserving them. 

I also want to talk about being devoted to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving, praying for an opening of the Word, and laboring earnestly. 

I think many of us say that we pray. We might be really disciplined in having a personal time with the Lord every morning. I would say that I am one of those people. I will say that it is for my personal benefit that I pray. 

I also intercede and even pray for the world. I had so much fun praying through the book Pray for the World this last year.

I want to get better at strategic prayer. I want to labor earnestly for those who have not yet heard. I want to pray with insight over peoples and nations.

So, that is what I want to labor earnestly for this year. 

All that said, I love this morning. George and the kids were all off to work by 5:30 or 6 am. I have until between 3-5 pm (they got off early yesterday, but sometimes they work longer days). I have a peace about my priorities. I have a peace about doing this newest ministry endeavor. I have peace about the tumult of the second half of August. I have moved on in every good sense of the word. I have been setting better boundaries. I have been putting my big girl panties on and not been so "feeling" when it was important for me to overlook the offense of another. (OUCH on Saturday night when I thought the social engagement would be really safe for me since I was still a bit tender from the brutal beating of August 20, and I wanted to run and cry in the bathroom, but I put my "big girl panties" on, and it ended up being a very pleasant evening. I must not take personally other people's issues and move on. Kim and I are covenanting together to not let others' baggage rob us of our joy!)

I am growing everyday. :)

Now, my goals and priorities for today are:

1) FINISH England book
2) Select and upload pictures to print by midnight so to take advantage of 101 free prints and 50% off of everything else
3) Prayer hours in the morning and evening (it is raining, so may not be a walk)

I think that will be my only goals for today because I think the books 20 pages will take me a good chunk of the day! I am excited to have this big gorilla off of my back (even though it has been fun to relive the memories of our trip). I have been working on them since July 31, but the photo processing software was not cooperating, and I got waylaid. I am now on a mission! 

Timer going off and no proofreading! Forgive me for typos and spelling errors.  

Colossians 4:2-5, 12-13 Word Studies

          Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving; praying at the same time for us as well, that God will open up to us a door for the word, so that we may speak forth the mystery of Christ, for which I have also been imprisoned;  that I may make it clear in the way I ought to speak. Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity. 

         Epaphras, who is one of your number, a bondslave of Jesus Christ, sends you his greetings, always laboring earnestly for you in his prayers, that you may stand perfect and fully assured in all the will of God. For I testify for him that he has a deep concern for you and for those who are in Laodicea and Hierapolis. 

New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. (1995). (Col 4:2–5). LaHabra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.

DEVOTE

 proskartereo /pros·kar·ter·eh·o/ (pro=towards [used intensively] kartereo=tobe strong, to endure in, persevere in, continually steadfast with a person or thing)

to adhere to one, to be constant to one, give unremitting care to, persevere and not faint. 

Strong, J. (1995). Enhanced Strong’s Lexicon. Woodside Bible Fellowship.

Zodhiates - to endure, tarry, remain somewhere, to continue steadfastly, continually insist, steadfastness and faithfulness.

Present Active Imperative Tense = continuous, subject produces action.

Jesus himself prays similarly, e.g., when in nightlong prayer he brings his decisions before God. He directs his disciples to pray in this way (Lk. 11:1ff.) and to persist in prayer (Lk. 18:1ff.), not just observing set times, but enjoying continuing fellowship with God in the obedience and confidence of children. The apostles accept this as part of their primary task in Acts 6:4, and the community as a whole devotes itself to teaching, fellowship, breaking of bread, and prayer in Acts 2:42. Apostolic exhortations to persistence in prayer occur in Rom. 12:12 and Col. 4:2.
Kittel, G., Friedrich, G., & Bromiley, G. W. (1985). Theological Dictionary of the New Testament (p. 417). Grand Rapids, MI: W.B. Eerdmans.

Possible questions leading to an I WILL (follow through): 

Am I devoted to prayer? Am I persistent in the way that Jesus directed His disciples to pray? How can I put into practice?

KEEPING ALERT 

1127 γρηγορέω [gregoreuo /gray·gor·yoo·o/] v. From 1453; TDNT 2:338; TDNTA 195; GK 1213; 23 occurrences; AV translates as “watch” 21 times, “wake” once, and “be vigilant” once. 1 to watch. 2 metaph. give strict attention to, be cautious, active.
Strong, J. (1995). Enhanced Strong’s Lexicon. Woodside Bible Fellowship.

grēgoréō (agrypnéō).
1. This has the literal sense “to watch” in Mk. 14:34; 24:43; Lk. 12:37.
2. It has the figurative sense “to be vigilant” (especially in relation to the parousia)   p 196  in Mt 24:42; Mk 13:35; 1 Th. 5:6; Rev. 3:3, linked with sobriety in 1 Th. 5:6, prayer in Mk. 14:38; Col. 4:2, concern for salvation in Acts 20:31. agrypnéō (only figurative) is used similarly in Mk. 13:33. Lk. 21:36; Eph. 6:18; Heb. 13:17.
Kittel, G., Friedrich, G., & Bromiley, G. W. (1985). Theological Dictionary of the New Testament (pp. 195–196). Grand Rapids, MI: W.B. Eerdmans.

The duty of alertness as opposed to a slack or sleepy spirit is proclaimed in 1 Cor. 16:13; Col. 4:2; 1 Thess. 5:6; 1 Pet. 5:8; Rev. 3:2, 3; 16:15. In 1 Thess. 5:6 and 1 Pet. 5:8,

Watchfulness or watching indicates that the Christian is alert or vigilant in order to defend himself against a spiritual foe. He is properly prepared for any surprise or sudden change in his circumstances, and above all, in order that his fellowship with God in prayer may be undistracted and efficacious.
Zodhiates, S. (2000). The complete word study dictionary: New Testament (electronic ed.). Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers.

Present Active Participle = refers to an action that is currently taking place or which takes place repeatedly. (http://www.alphadictionary.com/rusgrammar/presact.html)

LABORING EARNESTLY

75 ἀγωνίζομαι [agonizomai /ag·o·nid·zom·ahee/] v. From 73; TDNT 1:135; TDNTA 20; GK 76; Seven occurrences; AV translates as “strive” three times, “fight” three times, and “labour fervently” once. 1 to enter a contest: contend in the gymnastic games. 2 to contend with adversaries, fight. 3 metaph. to contend, struggle, with difficulties and dangers. 4 to endeavour with strenuous zeal, strive: to obtain something.
Strong, J. (1995). Enhanced Strong’s Lexicon. Woodside Bible Fellowship.

75. ἀγωνίζομαι agōnízomai; fut. agonísomai, mid. deponent from agṓn (73), conflict. To contend for victory in the public games (1 Cor. 9:25). It generally came to mean to fight, wrestle (John 18:36). Figuratively, it is the task of faith in persevering amid temptation and opposition (1 Tim. 6:12; 2 Tim. 4:7). It also came to mean to take pains, to wrestle as in an award contest, straining every nerve to the uttermost towards the goal (Luke 13:24 [cf. 1 Cor. 9:25; Phil. 3:12ff.; Heb. 4:1]). Special pains and toil (Col. 1:29; Col. 4:12). Implies hindrances in the development of the Christian life.
Zodhiates, S. (2000). The complete word study dictionary: New Testament (electronic ed.). Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers.

B. agṓn, agōnízomai in the NT.
a. Striving for the goal is the first thought here (Lk. 13:24). Exertion (1 Th. 2:2) and a concentration of forces (Col. 1:29; cf. 2 Tim. 4:7–8) are both necessary.
b. Striving also calls for denial (1 Cor. 9:25), the setting aside of provisional ends (1 Cor. 9:27). This is not asceticism but athletic discipline (2 Tim. 4:5). It is not contempt for the world but a right ordering of priorities.
c. Little reference is made to antagonists, but obstacles and dangers have to be faced (cf. 1 Th. 2:2; 2 Cor. 7:5; Jude 3).
d. Martyrdom is the final conflict (cf. 2 Tim. 4:6; Heb. 10ff.)
e. The goal is not just our salvation but that of others too (Col. 1:29–30). Paul struggles “for” the church (Col. 2:1–2; cf. 4:12–13). Prayer is crucial here (Col. 4; Rom. 15). So is unity in the Spirit (Phil. 1:27ff.). The gospel brings conflict to the entire Christian life, but as we pray and stand together the sign of the cross is a sign of victory.
C. agṓn, agōnízomai in the Early Church. Pauline ideas recur in 1 Clement. Barnabas summons us to conflict (4.11). 2 Clement depicts the contest in the arena (7). Martyrdom and asceticism are later the leading forms of conflict, especially martyrdom (Tertullian To the Martyrs 3).
Kittel, G., Friedrich, G., & Bromiley, G. W. (1985). Theological Dictionary of the New Testament (p. 21). Grand Rapids, MI: W.B. Eerdmans.

Ok, these quotes from above really hit me:

"Striving also calls for denial (1 Cor. 9:25), the setting aside of provisional ends (1 Cor. 9:27). This is not asceticism but athletic discipline (2 Tim. 4:5). It is not contempt for the world but a right ordering of priorities."

"The goal is not just our salvation but that of others too (Col. 1:29–30). Paul struggles “for” the church (Col. 2:1–2; cf. 4:12–13). Prayer is crucial here (Col. 4; Rom. 15)." 

I WILL QUESTIONS:

Could I devote myself to prayer and labor earnestly like an Olympic athlete? Could I have a "right ordering of priorities"?

Also, the goal is not our salvation - struggling in prayer on behalf of others. And praying for those who have never heard who do not even know enough to pray for themselves. 

From Facebook Post on September 1, 2010

You chart the path ahead of me and tell me when to stop and rest. Psalm 139:3 (NLT)

Does this not totally line up with what I wrote in my freewrite this morning?

Psalm 46:10 Word Study on CEASE (Step Out of the Traffic)

Cease (the striving is an added word for context) - bolding is mine

7503. רָפָה rāp̱āh: A verb meaning to become slack, to relax, to cease, to desist, to become discouraged, to become disheartened, to become weak, to become feeble, to let drop, to discourage, to leave alone, to let go, to forsake, to abandon, to be lazy. The word occurs forty-five times, often with the word yāḏ (3027), meaning hand, forming an idiomatic phrase that requires careful translation within the context of a particular passage. For example, when Ish-Bosheth, Saul’s son, heard that Abner had died, his hands became feeble, i.e., his courage failed him (2 Sam. 4:1; cf. 2 Chr. 15:7; Isa. 13:7; Jer. 6:24, 50:43; Ezek. 7:17; 21:7[12]). The term was also employed to signify the act of ceasing from something (Judg. 8:3; 2 Sam. 24:16; Neh. 6:9; Ps. 37:8); of leaving someone alone (Ex. 4:26; Deut. 9:14; Judg. 11:37; Job 7:19); of letting go (Job 27:6; Prov. 4:13; Song 3:4); and of abandoning or forsaking someone (Deut. 4:31; 31:6, 8; Josh. 1:5; 10:6; Ps. 138:8). On rare occasions, the term conveyed a state of laziness or complacency (Ex. 5:8, 17; Josh. 18:3; Prov. 18:9).
Baker, W., & Carpenter, E. E. (2003). The complete word study dictionary: Old Testament (p. 1072). Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers.

2198      רָפָה (rāpâ) sink down, let drop, be disheartened.

White, W. (1999). 2198 רָפָה. R. L. Harris, G. L. Archer Jr., & B. K. Waltke (Eds.), Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament (electronic ed., p. 858). Chicago: Moody Press.

Relax 

re•lax  \ri-ˈlaks\  verb[Middle English, from Latin relaxare, from re- + laxare to loosen, from laxus loose — more at SLACK](15th century)transitive verb 1 : to make less tense or rigid : SLACKEN 〈relaxed his grip〉 2 : to make less severe or stringent : MODIFY 〈relax immigration laws〉 3 : to make soft or enervated 4 : to relieve from nervous tensionintransitive verb 1 : to become lax, weak, or loose : REST 2 : to become less intense or severe 〈hoped the committee would relax in its opposition〉 3 of a muscle or muscle fiber : to become inactive and lengthen 4 : to cast off social restraint, nervous tension, or anxiety 〈couldn’t relax in crowds〉 5 : to seek rest or recreation 〈relax at the seashore〉 6 : to relieve constipation (leaving this one in because it makes me laugh) 7 : to attain equilibrium following the abrupt removal of some influence (as light, high temperature, or stress)

Merriam-Webster, I. (1996). Merriam-Webster’s collegiate dictionary (10th ed.). Springfield, MA: Merriam-Webster.

Let it go.

Forget it.; Stop worrying about it.  

Don't get so angry about it.  

Let it go. Let it go. Stop fretting. 

McGraw-Hill Dictionary of American Idioms and Phrasal Verbs. © 2002 by The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.

Thursday Freewrite

Today I sit quietly. I wait and listen. I am back on even keel. I counted about seven days lost because of "robbed joy" after the most joyful of summers. When I sat and listened, I put a plan in action. Then came the test. All that was within me wanted to give in to my need to be helpful! But God had given me a service plan that did not include the request before me. I told my accountability people that I almost gave in and would do the service quietly so they would not know about it. (I could make the time, but it would have been at the expense of other things. Not a God's plan, my own. Good things, but they were not GOD'S BEST THINGS.) But I prayed some more, and God was very clear that He had given me those orders that I specifically wrote out in my last "well-watered soul" update on this very blog. So, I must obey, even though disobeying would look like servanthood.

So, I said, "No." Then there was this amazing sense of freedom and peace. Had I said, "Yes," it would have led to dread. 

Sister Joan had said that I could modify and set time limits to my service. I always think that is so selfish. Where does that come from? I do think that my mom would serve and give and give and give some more. So, I know that she had trouble setting boundaries when it came to service too. My dad, no so much. He was a big servant, always towing people's broken down boats as we sat in the hot boat. But it was always such an adventure of servanthood. He always made it so fun! He always made a friend through the service, and we received blessings (like the time the houseboard overturned and dumped all its new contents into the water, and my dad coordinated three boats that towed an upside-down houseboat to the nearest dock miles and miles away. The owner told us we could have all the contents we could find at the bottom. My brother and I dove down to the bottom and pulled a treasure trove of contents up. Forty cans of POP was our biggest joy, but I think my dad was more excited about the Sears Battery that he traded in for $40! Hey, it is just dawning on me that my dad had us do all the pulling up. Free labor! HEY! LOL!)

So, obedience is better than sacrifice. It is best to chose the best rather than the good or better. God's plans are always the best.

So, here I sit with an agenda for today.

I will start a new ministry season. It started out with just two people, but now there are two more who are interested in joining us. I love this ministry that God has given us, and I get to do it with the two women that I invested in 10 years ago.

Then, I think we will be going on.

Got a very sweet message from my other boss this morning telling me how much she loves the "positive energy" I bring to the gym. That was nice to hear. 

Well, I only have 1:45 left to go, and the last freewrite I did ended up being more 45 minutes than 15! SO, I will end this and . . .

1) Meditate on Psalm 46:10 AGAIN (Theme verse for the rest of the year)

2) Upload the rest of my pictures to Shutterfly

3) Lifts weights

4) Walk with Katherine

5) Work on ministry manual

Peace out! 

Listening Freewrite

I have other posts that I pulled for some personal reasons. I may repost them some day, but right now, I am afraid to do so.

I have had this beautiful morning. 

Hearing the garage door open at about 5:30 am is my signal to pray for my boys as they head off to work at the farm. I meditate on Psalm 145 as I wake up.

I make my Chai tea as per my tradition (Could it be that this has happened more than 10 years?). This morning (since my boys are not sleeping), I play instrumental praise music on my Bose speaker as I make it. Ahhh.

I sit at my happy place desk and center my heart as my tea comes to a boil on the stove.

I bring my tea over to my happy chair, and I find a deer fixedly staring at me from my backyard as the dawn is breaking on this end of August day. Another gift from the Father. I cannot tell you how much it calms my heart.

Now I sit to write for a "Freewrite Fifteen" (and I finally add "Freewrite" to the dictionary on Google so it will no longer have that ominous red line under it that warns me that I am in danger of spelling error). I am again touched by the finger of God because my new Flylady App (better than those annoying emails that flood my box at the wrong time because she is three hours ahead of Pacific Standard Time) has a FIFTEEN MINUTE TIMER (sorry for shouting)! It is already preprogrammed in; almost as if the Flylady knew that, in addition to needing to do "Fifteen Minute Fling Boogies" to my junk, I would need to do "Fifteen Minute Freewrites"! 

Today, I will "fling a little emotional junk" and type away. I processed a LOT on here on Saturday, but then something happened that made me afraid that the wrong people would read this. You see, I don't think anyone reads this, but I know they do because I have a page view count on my page that tells me that people are doing so. There is really only one person I would prefer not read this blog, and I think that person has in the past. If anyone knows how to block people, let me know! I don't think I know how to do so.

Anywho. I am doing WAY better than I was on Saturday where I had a true panic attack and have never had one of those in my life. I am not normally an anxious person. I always joke that my mom had enough of those for all generations to come. (Come to think of it, the panic attack was triggered by something related to a person a lot like my mother. Hmm. Must explore that with God this morning after I write.)

Yesterday's time with God was very significant. He led me to listen to the Michael Card song,"Why Will You Not Listen?"  



Wow! I just listened to it again this morning (By the way, my fifteen minutes is up, but I am on a roll!), and I am blessed all over again. I am adding this to my morning worship playlist next to Jon Thurlow's "I Want to Be With You." 

Yesterday, I took time to listen, and my goodness, everything just fell together like none other! The fruit of listening is that I am running a "Tuesday TOAG Light"! 

So these are just a few of the things (in quotes) I wrote down in my journal as God talked and I listened:

1) LISTEN: Duh! "As much as you (me) say you have. You haven't." I think I had the discipline of "LO" (Listen and Obey) cemented during the last two TOAG's, but I think I have slipped in that discipline and am going to rectify that. Maybe it was the busyness of last year's new career in Pilates and Personal Training? I am not sure. I also wrote in my journal, "Behold I will do something new, Carol. Watch and wait for it." Yes, He told me that at the coast in mid-August. (So glad I did not know about all the crud that was going on during that retreat and the two glorious weddings. Talking with Nancy yesterday, I realized that God protected me from it so I could truly enjoy everything about that JOY FILLED weekend which was really a JOY-FILLED 14 days after we came back from our trip to England [because of Elizabeth, Stacy, Micah and Christen, Houcks, closure with MBA, and sunset in a vineyard] which was, come to think of it, a JOY-FILLED 14 days prior to that! Oh my! Too much JOY followed by such CRUD!). So I continue to wait and watch for something new. I think part of it unfolded after that quiet time though.

2) LEARN: "LIFE TOGETHER, LEADERSHIP, LIGHTROOM, LAPTOP"

LIFE TOGETHER - The CRUD made me realize that I need community, and I cannot have community that never prays for us (I cannot tell you how many times we share prayer requests along with everyone else and no one prays - these are YOUNG PEOPLE - I need to be around people that don't see us as leaders who do not need prayer!) or cares for us too. I am going to finish Life Together by Bonhoeffer. In fact, I need to just buy a copy and mark it up. I borrowed Steve's, and it has a lot in it that is markable!

With LEADERSHIP, I need to set some ground rules, I think I have been feeding into followers' selfishness for a while. It is all about them. "Who listens to the listener?" was Sister Joan's comment to me, and that is why I got to the point where I was in June. I made some changes: Tuesday night walks with Kim and regular meetings with Sister Joan. That is so healthy! I was spending so much time with people who were just dumping on me all the time. I let people dump and complain too much. I need to politely encourage sharing but not whining or complaining. It was good to talk with Mary yesterday and hear we are at the same place in that we both do a lot of listening to people (She had some amazing insights into a certain person too -- wow!).  Leadership means you train people to be other-centered. Listening prayer sometimes lends to people being very much self-absorbed!

LIGHTROOM - How fun that Jeff R. and Jeff B. both responded to my inquiry. I am going to learn that software, and I think I am going to do a bit more photography again this year since my back is doing so well! YAY! Balance in something I love and helps me worship because I look so much more intently at God's great big world.

LAPTOP - I have a new one with a whole new upgrade in Windows 10. I WILL learn it and its capabilities.

3) LOVE: "Means loving other well and training them not to be selfish." I often make the relationship all about the other person while doing "violence to myself" (as Sister Joan so starkly put it). Love can be tough too, and I have not been very tough because my empathy often trumps everything else. I am a softy and cheerleader, and I realize that I do not listen to the spiritual gift of discernment half as much as I should. That is not love.

4) LAUGH: "Take time with George and friends to have fun." Often our weekend time together has been taken up with ministry, serious ministry. So, that is going to change too. People with emotional instability are not always that fun. I need to have more balance in that area. I did not realize how much fun George and I have together until I looked at the 2 hours of video we shot on our trip to England. :) We laugh a lot. George is the funniest person I know. Just a goofball. I love that he makes me laugh all the time. So, more time with George would be a welcome thing! 

5) LOLLYGAG -

lol·ly·gag

ˈlälēˌɡaɡ/

verb

NORTH AMERICANinformal

1. spend time aimlessly; idle.

   "he sends her to Arizona every January to lollygag in the sun"

   • dawdle.

     "we're lollygagging along"

I do spend aimless time at night. I crash at night and have TV going in the background as I work on a goal or project! (So maybe not too aimless.) I do play Spider Solitaire, but I usually do it to help me think through a challenging situation. I thought this was funny that God gave me this word because I sometimes joke with George that he needs to "quit lollygagging" and get going. I need to slow down and smell the roses more. I think a better thing is REST (which was one of the "R" words He gave me at the beginning of the summer). I got that sign three times last week: EVERYONE NEEDS REST. Amen!

6) LET GO, LET GOD - the problem that I have been excluded from is a GIFT to be excluded from because IT IS NOT MY PROBLEM. I had this dream where the person's dress kept on catching on fire, and the singing people just kept on singing and ignoring the dress catching on fire. The person kept on walking toward it, and I felt totally responsible for it. God said, LET GO and WAKE UP. SO I woke up in such peace. Psalm 46:10! Praise GOD I am being excluded from helping (I think I am being "punished" because apparently I did things incorrectly even though I succeeded swimmingly in the long run - must be vague for privacy reasons.) and led by God to NOT BE INVOLVED in any way! YAY! I should be thankful, and I am! I am free to do His plan for me.

On another note, I am needing to LET GO of Corvallis. I love this town, but I am probably leaving in the next year. I need to laugh with George more. :). I also need to leave people who do not live authentic and lives of integrity. I should not have gotten myself involved with someone who does not, but I was deceived, and I regret the five year investment. OUCH!

7) LONG, LOVING LOOK at Me - That is the second half of Psalm 46:10 in The Message and my theme verse (combined with the NASB margin) for the next year:

Step out of the traffic!

(Let go, Relax, Cease Striving)

And take a long, loving look at me.

I will be exalted in the nations.

I will be exalted in the earth. 

Psalm 46:10 

This keeps on coming up over and over and over again. Must not ignore. I must listen and obey!

8) LEAVE well - I want to tie up the loose ends in Corvallis and leave really, really well. Get Paul settled with his teeth and jaw issues that should conclude Spring Break 2017. It will be 14 years of teeth issues for both the boys. Can you believe it? That is what has kept us in "Captivity in Corvallis," and it has been a beautiful one, as we have "planted fruitful gardens" as God directed us when we left Malaysia in 1999! 

9) LOSE LAST LINGERING LAYER of fat! LOL! I am in my range, and I am doing well, but the last 12 days have been stressful (because of someone else's hardship because our life is lovely)! I have stress eaten, and I have come back to some old bad habits. I had about 5 lbs left to be at my favorite weight. So, tally ho! 

10) LIFT - Dumb maybe, but I love it when I lift weights, but I have not put that discipline back in my life since I injured myself in February! I started two weeks ago, but I have only done it twice! 

11) LIGHT - TOAG Light, that is! I want to be a LIGHT in Corvallis and BEYOND! So, I proposed to the two people who have wanted to do TOAG in the past, but they were not available until this year. It is not a full TOAG, but it is two people I feel safe with. So, I contacted them both and Tuesday TOAG LIGHT was the only day that I really had every Tuesday, and guess what? It was the only day for them too! So, we are meeting Nine to Noon for Tuesday TOAG to be a LIGHT in Corvallis! YAY! Our "Swan Song" for Corvallis TOAG!

I am well. It is well with my soul. This has been more like a 60 minute freewrite but good to get it all down! 

I forgive. I forgive. I forgive.

Summary of Spiritual Direction with Sister Joan

I always like to summarize things here so I do not forget what I am learning.

The first time with Sister Joan was a realization that I needed a sabbatical. The second was me following through on that. The third (yesterday) was me realizing that I had broken that promise.

The last freewrite earlier this week precipitated me meeting with Sister Joan. What a helpful "unpacking" session. It helps that Sister Joan and I are the same personality type (although she is less of a "feeler" than I am) and we have similar ministries.

Here input:

I need to know when to

- Refer when thing are above my level of expertise
- Trust my intuition (I had a warning sign last May or so and I pulled back. I should have referred though.)

I think when someone has that much of a difficult background, it is important to refer regardless of what is going on on the surface. 

In order to not take it personally, I need to realize that the person is speaking from:

- current environment and situation
- personal history
- disease

Sister Joan said: 

"One who is GOOD at what they do (She was very complimentary of me at that point. Elizabeth was also very complimentary regarding this as she said I am a "cheerleader.") gets more expectations placed on them from the people they are trying to help." 

I can add to this that I can also disappoint people more! That is so hard for me because I try too hard to "not disappoint."

Other things she said: 

"No heroics" - This is what I have to explore because I don't think I am a hero and will come in to save the day by any means, really! So, I need to really pray through that one. I am open to that being the case, but I am just so driven by my empathy sometimes that I forget about me, which leads me to the most earth shattering of all the things she said.

"Violence against self" - I had to ask her to unpack that one, but as I review the first day with that person (about 6 hours but about 8 with the travel time involved), I did not EAT. I did not DRINK. I did not take a break.  Sister Joan could not believe I took that much time. I couldn't leave. I couldn't leave when two other people came because I felt obligated to get to know them. So, this is the biggest thing I do. I do get so lost in other people's stories that I forget that I exist. This is why I needed to take the sabbatical because I had forgotten about me and my health by the end of the school year and my weight control that had been so good for three years changed!

So her recommendations were that I need to:

- Begin to take care of myself - even as I type this, a tiny part of me thinks that is so selfish. I am a helper personality (Enneagram), I score second highest on empathy (Strengthsfinder), the ISFJ is the "Defender" (Keirsey and MBTI - read my strengths and weaknesses HERE - I especially identify with how I take things personally). As I type, this is so GOOD to process in this way! Adriana, are you and I the same personality type? 

Get a Life - I think she means separate from our ministry. Our ministry takes so much time, we do not always take time to be with healthy people our own age or be with each other as much as we should (we did stop George meeting with the guys on Saturday mornings though). She also meant spend more time with George and travel. She thought England was a super healthy thing to do!

Build a New Life - "You will live longer." I love our ministry, but I think it is time to move on from the one we have here in Corvallis. I am ready to start afresh. I have learned so many lessons here. I have grown so much! We are already leaning toward me moving up to Newberg next year, and this situation helped clarify that for us. Also, it does not look like there will be people so that we can run our internship (S wrote to say that she was moving to the one that was a "sure thing" and that helped clarify our direction). So, we are a bit more free to do so.

Enjoy Your Own Company and Your Husband's - I don't think that will be a problem. I love being alone and with George and my adult children. I love our family dynamic. We laugh a lot. We love a lot. 


Detach from judgments (remember it is the environment, history, and disease of the person) catch them, cock your hand back and throw them to the Moon. (I  went up to the Abbey on a very sunny day and adapted it to throwing it at the Sun because it is an allegory for the Son who can take care of everything. 

I have prayed through the judgements, and they were absurd, inappropriate, lies that attacked my person hood and integrity, and they need to be thrown away where they belong. I am open to correction, but these were so twisted that I must reject them outright.

It was really cool to talk to Sister Joan to talk about the role the enemy of our souls has in all this. She is RIGHT ON! So, I must remember to armor up, and this goes along with what Kim does every time she talks with the mentally ill people in her life. (Parenthetically, I think the "rumors" about Sister Joan ministry being liberal and "all faiths" is totally unfounded. She is very solid. The strongest voice against her is someone who has never met her. But I digress.) 

It takes a village to help a person like this (no heroics), let the village take over. I have done a superb job over the last four years of being a cheerleader and encourager, but I am done with my role (especially since I am called to prepare people through our agency, and that will not be happening for a very long time). 

She also had a very practical suggestion that I think I will take into all my interactions with others when they come to sit and talk with me: Have a "hard stop" when you end the time with the person. I get so lost in a person's story that I never think they need to leave, and that is not healthy for me or the person! (I get so lost in their story that I lose me and no longer exist in the matrix - I think people also take advantage of that - not all but some.) True confession: I have stayed with a person up to seven hours!

So, I need to have "hard stops" in my time by having something that I am going to after the visit. A part of me thinks that is so rude! That is what I have to get over it!!! 

In about 2012,  I realized that I could not do that anymore because of my back was not having it. (It would cost me $40 to get uncorked by the chiropractor [now it would be $20 with an osteopath]), and the person was not paying me for the listening prayer and spiritual direction time.) So, the back has helped me to have a hard stop time. But I have also really not done much listening prayer this last year because I needed a break, and I realize that my passion is not listening prayer. This is part of my "toolbox" in my true passion:

"Shepherding women toward abiding fruitfulness in Christ through relational evangelizing, establishing, equipping, and encouraging." 

She has said this before, but she reiterated to me again: 

- Trust God: I go back to what I have heard many time, "When a person shows their true colors and self, believe it! God has allowed this to happen for a very good reason. This whole situation has made me question, but I have some new policies in place as a result of this situation, and I am very grateful.) 

- Trust Self: God has told me many times, "I gave you discernment as a gift, use it!" If I were honest, I probably had red flags but ignored them (because my empathy often ignores my discernment) only implemented them partially when I realized it last year when that person very rudely complained after one of our sessions leaving me to question myself. The sessions stopped because we were going nowhere, but I did not follow through by referring. That is where I need to grow. The art of referral is key for me.) 

- Trust Person: I think, ultimately, it is the person's responsibility to get better. No one can make those choices for them. Be still my soul. She said that, and I told her that I have been listening to this song for a while now. It has the trust in Him and letting go part:



One last point, I broke my sabbatical promise. So, I am seriously thinking about a year long one. I think there is a book in my heart called Journey to Joy that this blog reflects. My journey from a psychotic break in 1983 to today. I must evaluate what that all would look like. 

Stay tuned! Please comment. I know some of you read this, and I know this is very open and vulnerable. But it helped that Adriana commented last time. 

32. The Magician's Nephew by C.S. Lewis

This is where it all began! It had some fun surprises that tie many things together with the other books. 

There is also quite an allegorical message about hearing the voice of God. It is quite beautiful, but I don't want to give away spoilers. This one might be my favorite one of all the Narnia books. It is either this one or The Silver Chair.

Kenneth Branagh is the BOMB reading this too even though I only got to listen to a bit of it before I had to turn it back in and get back in the cue waiting for it! I went ahead and read my husband's 1970's version that has the funkiest cover with the 70's colors on the boarder! Check it out:



My kids are both artists, and they loved looking at all the covers in my husband's 70's set! :) 

I read the last two out of order, but I have to say that this was a most satisfying summer of reading this whole series! I am done now, and I am so happy I did it!