Freewrite: Sabbatical Update and Analogy

In the early 2000's, I started an accountability group called FACED. We focus on reporting about our 

Food
Academic pursuits (from some it is Attitude toward the day)
Communion with God and people
Exercise
Daily care of self and family. 

I had a contest for weight loss in 2005, and two women, Katrina and Rachel, emerged as the winners. All the other people in the group have dropped off, but Katrina, Rachel, and I still continue to try to maintain a healthy balance in all areas of our life as we FACE each day!

We have a new challenge to report to each other everyday from June 1- July 16. Katrina will be done with her nursing program on that day, and I will be going off to England. I do periodic reflections ("Health Freewrites") about my FACED progress, and this is what I wrote them this morning: 

Thanks to both of you for joining in this new phase of our growth. It is a lifelong pursuit, but we are moving forward even though it is sometimes three steps forward and two steps back! I am just pleased after the possible stress of yesterday that it was a peaceful day with no overeating! And I have had a pint of Häagen-Dazs in the freezer for two weeks with NO DESIRE TO EAT IT! YAY!

George and I both did not realize how much we had the stress of anticipation of this surgery. He is in NO PAIN. He has only taken TWO doses preventatively in 24 hours where he could have had up to FIVE by now. He has no desire to have any more pain meds. With a high potency opioid that was one of our concerns and anxieties. YAY!

God gave me a picture of the cycles of my life in February 2014, it was ABIDE>RIDE>REST. There was a surfboard and the wave of the Spirit. There has been a big ride of ministry since February 2015, especially since March. We have been riding this Holy Spirit wave, and it has been fruitful and fulfilling and fully functioning in our gifts. We have abided and listened to God and obeyed. Not one single thing that we did in the last three months was not in obedience to His voice. We have said, “No” where we needed to also (and we have to say, “No” all the time). That isn’t the issue for us.

Yesterday I heard someone talk about their success (in a secular context) and how sometimes it is just a wave you ride, and it really has nothing to do with you. That is so true! 

When he talked, God spoke to me. I know from my surfing experience that once you stand up on the board and ride the wave it IS just the wave propelling you forward, you have no choice but to ride that wave; BUT one does need to BALANCE on the board. I think that is where I didn't do such a great job of balancing on the board in the midst of such a wave-riding ministry time. I didn’t fall off the board in the midst of the surf (that is a big pain, by the way, you want to stay on that board once the wave catches it), but I wasn’t totally aligned in my body and standing in balance!

This is why I had a five pound gain to a weight I have not seen in three years. I kept the weight that I lost off for two of those three years, but when the fruit and big wave came (February 2015), I forgot to maintain. Little by little it came back (not all of it but enough of it to make me wonder why I had not continued to maintain it). It is only a 52 calorie per day average overeating scenario between April 18, 2013 (the date of the 30 pound weight loss) and June 1, 2016, but it is an overeating scenario none-the-less.

The good news: I used to overeat 250 calories a day. Then it was 125 per day. Now, it is 52. I keep cutting it in half. YAY! I am moving FORWARD!

The bad news: 52 calories per day average over a period of three years still results in a weight gain!! 

We were in the "sweet spot" on ministry, but I want to be in the "sweet spot" of my weight now. What is great is that my husband and my oldest son also want to be in theirs too. Three out of four of us are still in the "normal range" for our weight, but we have that "sweet spot" where we know we just feel better, and we are slowly getting there! Yay! (My youngest is not underweight, but he is very close to being so. So, we are trying to maintain his weight right now, but it is hard when you have your jaw wired shut for six weeks!)

I feel confident that my life is back in balance on dry land (less variables attempting to unbalance me). I am RESTING and WORKING on my posture and balance before I take the board back out in the surf! Stay tuned! 

And I am so grateful for you two for faithfully reporting and helping in getting that balance back! 

Sabbatical Until October

7503. רָפָה rāp̱āh: A verb meaning to become slack, to relax, to cease, to desist, to become discouraged, to become disheartened, to become weak, to become feeble, to let drop, to discourage, to leave alone, to let go, to forsake, to abandon, to be lazy. The word occurs forty-five times, often with the word yāḏ (3027), meaning hand, forming an idiomatic phrase that requires careful translation within the context of a particular passage. For

Baker, W., & Carpenter, E. E. (2003). The complete word study dictionary: Old Testament (p. 1072). Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers.

In the context of Psalm 46:10, this is what I am getting at. 

It is the Hiphil imperative where God causes me to slack, relax, cease, desist, leave alone, let go.

I feel a strong sense that I need to just STOP everything and know that He is God.

He will be exalted among the nations.
He will be exalted in the earth. 

Period, the end! 

So, without further ado,  my big "I will" statement:

I am taking a sabbatical.

Any extended period of leave from one's customary work,especially for rest, to acquire new skills or training, etc.

I will do storytelling on Wednesday mornings as that is lifegiving for me and part of my personal goals ("aquire new skills"), but some of the things I have done just suck the life out of me. So, I am ceasing, desisting, etc. I am going to do the above. YAY! 

20. The Message: Remix by Eugene H. Peterson

From 1981-85, I took my time and read through the Bible from cover to cover for the first time. I have read through it many times since then, but over the last nine years I have read through it in three year cycles. I am at the end of my third three year cycle. 

I write a blog called the Bible Book Club www.3yearbiblebookclub.blogspot.com that takes people through that three year cycle. I put it all in a word processor, and it ended up being 3500 pages! It was a BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal) that was SO rewarding. I cannot even begin to tell you wonderful it has been. 

For study, I use a New American Standard Bible, but I do love to listen to the narrated version of this paraphrase by Eugene H. Peterson. Kelly Dolan Ryan does such a great job of narrating it too! 

I have read many books in my life, but the Bible is the BEST. :) 

Ack!

I was afraid to weigh myself. I have been doing really well for six days (really eight, but I officially started on June 1), but I did not do a starting weight. I knew my spring was full of lots of eating (Mother's Day treats that were showered on me would have been enough to gain all of the weight!)

I am five pounds more than I thought I was! Still within my ideal weight range. Not panicking, 

BUT, I gained five pounds since March 16! That is five pounds in about three months which is overeating about 200 calories a day. Not much, but ACK!

True that I did not weigh myself at the same time I usually do, and I had 32 ounces of liquid and my full breakfast. So I am getting up tomorrow and starting from that weight. I am hoping it is less. :(

I always say I overeat about 200 calories a day. I would always just walk around the block two times, and it would take care of that, but I had allergies all spring (much longer than usual) and then I got sick. So, that could be those five pounds! I am so frustrated with myself.

Part of it is that I am letting other people run my life instead of taking control of it. I am letting people sabotage me sometimes. I don't have to do that. I can say, "NO!" to all of that. 

Breathe. I am going to be OK. Just trying to be honest. I had lost 35 lbs between December 2012 - April 2013 and kept it off for the better part of two years! What happened? I was so careful, but I think the change from less cardio to more Pilates (not intentionally, just not as much time to do both). It does means a pain free life (my back is SO wonderful now - Pilates Pain Free Living!) and a very busy, busy life (too busy) has done me in this last year!

Words from God are: SIMPLIFY and STOP 

That is all changing, and I have to learn to balance. 

And breathe. 

19. The Boys In the Boat by Daniel James Brown

"Where is the spiritual value of rowing? . . . The losing of self entirely to the cooperative effort of the crew as a whole."  

George Yeoman Pocock from The Boys in the Boat

Another great book! I loved every minute of it. It reminded me of reading Seabiscuit so many years ago. They call it "Chariots of Fire with oars," and that movie is one of my FAVORITES of all time. (I have memorized almost every line!) I love how this author has combined this team's rise to the Olympic stage and personal stories, especially the story of Joe Rantz. There will be a PBS documentary about their story on August 2, and I cannot wait. The movie rights were purchased even before the book came out. So I anxiously await that! 

Here is a page that has a lecture by the author and some footage:

http://trojannavy.com/boys-in-the-boat-official-movie-trailer/

I cannot say enough good things about it. One of my favorite books of all time.

I just listened to a lecture by the author, and he was at a homeowners association meeting where one of the homeowners said that she was reading one of his books to her father who was nearing the end of his life. She asked if the author would come and visit her father. That father was Joe Rantz! After the first encounter with Joe, the author decided, then and there, that he would write a book about this incredible story!

It is a story of nine hard-working young men, their coaches, the Great Depression, and the world when Hitler rose to power and hosted the Olympic games in 1936. 

It is also a love story! Loved that part! 

It is a great story, but it is also EXCELLENT and BEAUTIFUL writing!

To add icing on top of the delicious cake: it is a story of people from the PACIFIC NORTHWEST! WOOHOO! 

Riveting. It is a must read! Bring your tissues though and enjoy every moment! 

(I have NO IDEA why I put this book on reserve. It has been around a while, but I had never heard of it.  I noticed that my church book club read it in April, and I may have seen it there. I also noticed that my library is hosting a RANDOM REVIEW on the book tomorrow! I will be there with rings on my fingers and bells on my toes. What a wonderful read!!!) 

Tuesday Morning Freewrite

Do not read this if you do not want a "Freewrite Rant"! I am part of an eating accountability group, and sometimes stress causes me to overeat. So I was reflecting on the day to them, and this is what I freewrote. 

I have to admit that I rarely get mad. Seriously, maybe two times a year, if that. So, I hate it when I do. Actually, I was trying to fast for Ramadan, and I think my blood sugar being low made it more difficult for me to cope since the climax of what made me mad happened during the part of the day that I most struggle. That part is 2:30-5:00, and I call it my "witching hours" where my brain is low on serotonin (regulates impulse control and boosts mood) and dopamine (controls the brain's reward and pleasure center). Food usually helps elevate these (in moderation it is helpful, but this is when most of us overeat). Since I was fasting, I was already vulnerable! 

FYI, here is a handout on these two important brain chemicals and how to elevate them naturally: 

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/469660/Health%20and%20Fitness/FINAL%20Natural%20Ways%20to%20Increase%20Serotonin%20StressLess.doc

Embarrassing to say that I was mad, but here is one of those days (that started out great):

I woke up this morning a bit sore from lifting weights (The Firm Time Crunch aerobic weight training - a video I started doing in 1995! Now they have it on DVD!) for the FIRST time since FEBRUARY! That latissimus dorsi injury took TWO months to heal and then the next TWO, I was TOO busy! (Pilates keeps you in pretty good shape, but weight lifting make you even stronger)

My early morning bike ride was so exhilarating, and I plan on biking 100 miles this month for kids cancer: https://greatcyclechallenge.com/Dashboard#_=_

BUT HERE IS MY RANT. Sometimes it is good for me to process things in writing. Don’t feel like you have to read this.

Yesterday was hard emotionally. The morn was great, but I had such a difficult time getting a certain drug prescribed for my son’s surgery. The pharmacies did not have it, and I drove to a pharmacy in another town because the doctor’s nurse assured me that they had it only to get there and to have them say they made a mistake and do not have it and cannot order it. The pharmacist overheard me telling the cashier that I was assured that they did have it and could they check to make sure, and she had pity and called around and NO ONE HAS THIS DRUG, but my doctor’s office insisted that they prescribe it all the time.

I had to wait until the office came back from lunch to find out the next move (if we did find the drug, it would have to be ordered and can take up to a week so I needed to find a resolution yesterday), and I did not know whether I should stay in the town I had driven to or go back to my town because he has offices in three different places and his answering service does not know where they are on any given day. 

When she finally called back, she gave the solution my husband had suggested (in consultation with our pharmacist) at 9 AM THAT MORNING (and it was 2:15 by the time she called) that would have saved ME hours of calls and driving around looking for it at different pharmacies! I told her that this is what my husband suggested at 9 AM, and she said, “No, he suggested that we prescribe LORTAB and the doctor said that is not strong enough for this surgery.” My husband does not even know what LORTAB is so it would not have even been in his vocabulary to suggest an alternative drug. He suggested the same two drugs in the original prescription as directed by the pharmacist.

So, I had to go to his office and get the new prescription (thankfully, I had made the right call and come back home instead of waiting 1 ½ hours for them to call me back after their lunch, and they were in my town that day.)

When I went to pick up the prescription, thinking it would be at the front desk, I got called in his office and lectured by him! I was floored. 

He said, “My office people spent 2 ½ hours looking for this drug for you, etc.” 

My question is if he prescribes it all the time, then TELL ME WHERE I CAN GO TO FIND IT! He had no answers in that way. He said he prescribed it two weeks ago with the people having NO PROBLEM finding it.

My suggestion, “Then call that patient up and ask them where they got it.”

Reply, “Oh they are in another town, and they probably got it at this place.” When I said I was willing to go and get it in that place (an hour drive away), the reply was, “Well, you might go there, and they might not have it so we think we will just do this. (Which is what my husband suggested at 9 am. It is now 2:45pm).

 I felt like I was treated like I was an idiot. I was SO MAD. I cannot tell you how much I do not appreciate arrogant doctors (I used to work in a hospital, and I know how some of them can be.) He also lectured me for not calling me over the weekend when his office was closed when we discovered that we could not find the drug over the weekend. We waited for his office to open on Monday, but that was also our mistake for not calling sooner.

Anyway, they made it way more complicated than they needed it to be, and apparently, it is our fault that we cannot find this drug. (All the pharmacist we talked to did not have the drug and could not order it and some would not give that information over the phone without the written prescription which would have required us to go to each pharmacy on foot.) 

I have to admit that my husband volunteer to take care of all of this, and he is sometimes NOT PERSISTENT in making sure he can get information. If someone tells him, “No,” he doesn’t pursue it, but I am a little bit more dogged in my quests for the right information. My doctor also said there is no proprietary reason why a pharmacy would have to have the written prescription to check on whether they could order a drug. But that is the answer my husband got, and I would have pressed, but my husband never presses.

Bottom line for the doctor, just tell me where all these patients from the past went, and we will go to wherever we have to go! Silence. It was really frustrating.

Sorry for this rant, but it was a really upsetting day for me, but the good news is that I didn’t overeat as a result! I did break my Ramadan fast (I am not a Muslim but thought I would do it to empathize with my Muslim friends. It did this 6 years ago, and it was really great), but I did not overeat in stress. (I did get myself a little sundae to celebrate when I finally purchased the alternative medication at 6 pm after trying to get it since 9 am that morning! I still only ate 1618 which is great because of my exercise during the day [880 calories])

END OF RANT

18. In the Sea There Are Crocodiles by Fabio Geda

What a harrowing story! I have a friend who is Hazara, and I wanted to understand more of their plight so I read about this book in this article on Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persecution_of_Hazara_people). I think it gives one better insight into all refugees, and why they do what they do. In light of what is happening in our world with the Syrian refugee crisis, it gives an inside look into why these people are willing to risk everything to flee from their situations. We will never understand the horrors of being a persecuted people. While we look back at the extermination of the Jews during World War II and say, "Never again," we have such a situation on our hands with persecuted people all over the world. 

The Hazara are Shi'a, and the Taliban and Pashtuns are Sunni. Thus the tension that exists in Afghanistan. Since this book was written, the Hazara are also threatened by ISIS who, yes, is in Afghanistan too (and blowing up Taliban for not being "pure" in their beliefs and practices). 

This boy did not chose to flee, but his mother had enough insight to know why he had to do so. After he sees his teacher murdered by Taliban for refusing to close down a school for Hazara, his mother brings him to Pakistan and leaves him there to fend for himself at 10 years old!

What a journey though! One Teaching Company lecture I heard said that all stories have two plots: "a stranger comes to town" or "a hero goes on a journey." This is definitely the latter, and it is so harrowing and inspiring and amazing. He is definitely a hero in my book. I do not know how this book escaped my notice. I recommend everyone read it to really understand the refugee crisis and why people break the law to get to freedom! 

The boy eventually gets to Italy and tells his story to the author (via Pakistan, Iran, and Greece). 

I listened to the audiobook. I read another person's evaluation of the narrator. It made me think that I was listening to someone to whom English is not there first language. For that reason, I love it even though it took some getting used to. 

I read this story concurrently with The Boys in the Boat and found both main characters (this boy and Joe Rantz) were eerily similar in that they were both abandoned to fend for themselves and how they rose above their circumstances to do great things. The difference is that the mother of this story did it for unselfish reasons, but the parents of Joe Rantz were just plain irresponsible, and the step-mother was incredibly SELFISH and MEAN! Stay tuned for my review of that one next! 

Monday Morning Freewrite

I had written my FACED (Food, Academic/Attitude, Communion, Exercise, Daily Care of Self and Family) group asking them to pray for me because I had some stressors that would usually cause me to eat. Then they asked me how the day went, and I wrote them this "freewrite" and thought I would post. I took out some non-public things though:

STRESSORS:

I had woken up with stress realizing I had forgotten to take care of my son’s prescriptions on Friday when the doctor’s office was still open. (Why did I forget all day on Friday and Saturday? Because I was still sick with my cold, and I was just happy to have two totally free days to rest!) I decided to delegate finding this impossible to find painkiller to my husband, and they quit making it in 2014. So, he is going to call the doctor to tell him and not me (that was also stressing me out and things like that do not stress George out – really nothing stresses him out).

Then at 9:30 we taught Sunday School. We had an amazing morning testimony from a person in another country through FaceTime, but there were 3x more people in our class for the occasion so I was pretty exhausted  (still recovering from my cold and still an introvert). There were technical difficulties as the people were coming in the room.  I was stressed.

Afterward, I felt attacked and funny so I went to our prayer room at church.  I worshiped in song (there  is a speaker that pipes the service into the room) , but then God led me into some very sweet time with Him. I felt a bit of enemy agitation with the testimony, and I even texted the guy who gave his testimony and asked him to pray (He had texted to say thank you, and it was SO GREAT. I wish I could have recorded it. It is a very powerful story.), and he wrote out his powerful prayer by Messenger. Afterward, it led me to Psalm 46 and Psalm 91. In our Discovery Bible Studies in our ministry, we make “I will” statements at the end; what we will intentionally do as a result of our studying God’s word. Well, God has many “I will” statements, and He always follows through on them! Psalm 46 and 91 reiterated that for me. 

That took away my stress. Geo and Paul did all the shopping for me, and I went back to bed to rest and read The Boys in the Boat. Then, I picked up one of our TOAG grads for the Bridal Shower of another TOAG grad. It was a lovely shower. I had been a bit stressed because it was at my old church, and you never quite know what you are going to get with that group of people, but everyone from my old church (10 out of 35) was really nice.

I still had a graduation party and congregational meeting to go to, but I just had no energy left in my tank! So, we skipped the grad party and Geo represented for the congregational meeting, and I read and watched things about England on my ROKU.

During some of the stress I ate more than my three-four allotted squares of chocolate (I ate eight), but I stopped there. That was pretty good for me. I also took a walk once it cooled down. Not the best deficit day but still a deficit!

FIVE DAY STREAK! WOOHOO! (And recording on a busy day!)

Carol 

Clever versus Kind

"Someone recently said to me that it is easier to be clever than it is to be kind, and I think that is very true. So I add to my list of regrets the times I have not been kind, choosing instead to be clever, usually at someone else's expense." 
Anderson Cooper from The Rainbow Comes and Goes, p. 270

This reminds me of someone who wanted to be clever and make a joke directed at me recently. When I said I did not get the joke, the person became even more clever and the others in the room were laughing at me because I still did not get the joke. I still did not get the joke until one of the people who laughed at me came to apologize for laughing at me. She told me what she thought the person meant, but she wasn't even sure if that was what the clever person meant and was just guessing. 

I still don't know what they meant, really. I think it is more important to be kind than clever. 

17. The Rainbow Comes and Goes by Anderson Cooper and Gloria Vanderbilt

The title comes from a quote by Wordsworth. 

I find it reassuring knowing the rainbow comes and goes. It helps me accept the way things often are.  

In every life, you have moments of blinding beauty and happiness, and then you land in a dark cave and there is no color, no sky. Then the rainbow returns, and sometimes only briefly, but it always does come back. You have to believe that it will, even in the darkest of times. That belief is what is really important. 

Nothing is meant to last forever. Our lives are fleeting. We surround ourselves with objects, collect things, try to hold on to people and money and status, but it doesn't last.  

We are not meant always to be happy, and who would want to be? Happiness would become meaningless if it were a constant state. If you accept that, then you will not be surprised when something bad occurs, you will not gnash your teeth and ask, "Why me? Why has this happend to me?" 

It has happened to you because there is a nature of things. No one escapes. 

The rainbow comes and goes. Enjoy it while it lasts. Don't be surprised by its departure, and rejoice when it returns. 

There is so much to be joyful about, so many different kinds of rainbows in one's life: making love is an incredible rainbow, as is falling in love; knowing friendship; being able to really talk with someone who has a problem and say something that will help; waking up in the morning, looking out, and seeing a tree that has suddenly blossomed, like the one I have outside my window -- what joy that brings. It may seem a small thing, but rainbows come in all sizes. 

I think about Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz singing, about where "bluebirds fly," and Jan Peerce singing about " A bluebird of happiness." Well, they may never find it, they may never reach it, and that's okay. The searching, that's what I think life is really all about. Don't you?   Gloria Vanderbilt, p. 273-274

This is more a story of Gloria's life than Anderson's, but I found her story so touching. She admits to the many mistakes she has made. She is definitely a survivor. I felt such compassion for her. Her dad died when she was a baby (cirrhosis of the liver brought on by alcoholism). Her mother was too vain and narcissistic (and young) to care for her. This is about her search for love in all the wrong places. 

This is all in the backdrop of her coming from one of the richest families in America. It is sad, and she made some REALLY poor choices (very impulsive person and a dreamer) devoid of any real understanding of God, but I thought these reflections between son and mother were so beautiful that it is a worthy read. I cannot understand the reviews that call her a whiner and complainer. Those people are so non-compassionate and unfair! I ended up wanting to meet this woman!

I could not put it down. (Another reviewer said it was "boring," and I couldn't believe it! As my Senior English teacher once said, "There are no such things as dull subjects, only dull minds." And I might add that she directed it to me when I told her what we were reading was boring. Youth is wasted on the young!)

P.S. This Dorothy Parker quote makes me want to ponder:

"They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm."

I am NOT one of those people, and I never sicken of the calm. Gloria Vanderbilt strikes me as someone who needs chaos. So, I do not think this quote applies to all people. Just sayin'! 

The whole poem in context:

Here are sweet waters, pretty in the sun,
Whose quiet ripples meet obediently
A marked and measured line, one after one.
This is no sea of mine. that humbly laves
Untroubled sands, spread glittering and warm.
I have a need of wilder, crueler waves;
They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm.

So let a love beat over me again,
Loosing its million desperate breakers wide;
Sudden and terrible to rise and wane;
Roaring the heavens apart; a reckless tide
That casts upon the heart, as it recedes,
Splinters and spars and dripping, salty weeds. 

Dorothy Parker

Thursday Freewrite

George's CPAP machine was squeaking at 2 am. He didn't hear it, but it woke me up out of a sound sleep, and I was not able to go back to sleep. I also have some pollen stuck in my throat or something because I keep coughing. So, I am sipping apple cider vinegar and enjoying a very EARLY morning. I went to sleep before 10 pm so am not that tired. I will just go to be early tonight. :) 

I had a great eating day. Chai, soup, salad, four strawberries, orange, salmon and hazelnut salad, and a McFlurry (not my choice but my sweet husband brought it home). YAY! 

I also had a wonderful talk with my boss yesterday, and I am really happy to say that he is very happy with what I am doing. He just wanted to check up and see how I am doing and his plans for me for next year, which were great. Same schedule. We talked about the transition issues in the room I am in, and that was very helpful. We have a game plan now. 

Wednesday Freewrite

I don't have a whole lot of time this morning as I stayed up late finishing up watching Dr. Thorne, an adapted screenplay by Julian Fellowes from a Anthony Trollope book.

It was lovely. Most of the actors were familiar to me. It was great to watch. Alas, I stayed up too late. I look forward to having the summer off where I do not have to rush out the door in the mornings. At this point, I am done getting up and out the door on Mondays, and I only have one more Wednesday, and I am done. I also finished up my Tuesday morning commitment, and I will be done with the Thursday afternoon commitment once on month this Thursdays. My only commitment will be the Summer Storytelling Symposium (or some other "S" to make it an alliteration). I am hoping to have that in the mornings, but I need to talk to the lovely girl who teaches at INTO to see if she is teaching this summer. 

All that said, I think my first priority will be getting a bit more cardio in. I have done a lot of core strengthening this year, and I am rock solid. I will continue to do Pilates each morning, and I hope to have Marie train me on the apparatus a bit this summer (expensive, but I am curious). But I want to combine that with more cardio. I have especially enjoyed riding my bike to and from class every Monday and Wednesday (except on days I have had Dial-a-book or it has rained too much. I think I have only had one day where the rain was the reason for me driving to work - amazing for Oregon). All that said, I need more calorie burn. My cardiovascular fitness level is still excellent, but I just am not burning calories like I used to with the extra Pilates. So, it is more walking and moving around every day of the week. I hope to do many home projects that always burn a lot of calories. I hope to go through each closet. I had started that last summer, and I got through many of them, but I also want to do a total kitchen reorganization, paint the wall in my bedroom. I also want to get the deck all spruced up as the plexiglass has been broken for years. 

I need to be faithful to do all of these things and not sit around! Move More and Eat Less.

I have been eating too much lately! I just snack in the evenings. But that will change as I hope to move more in the evenings too. The three shows I love to watch: Survivor, Amazing Race, and Dancing with the Stars have all concluded. So, in the evenings, I will move more; but I also hope to read more. I have so many books waiting to be read, and I just have not been good about reading them! 

I also hope to go up with George more often as I will not be limited on Mondays and Wednesdays. I will just not teach at SNAP on the weeks when I want to be up with George. If my enrollment for SNAP continues to be low in the summer, I will take a hiatus in the class. 

Well, that is almost fifteen minutes, and I need to get ready for my second to last day of class. I will be meeting with my boss after class today, and I am bit nervous. I am not sure why. I have debated about continuing to do this. I have not been able to develop my personal training, but I love being able to work with people who are young and establishing life-long habits of postural awareness, corrective stretching, and core stabilization! I use all my knowledge from personal training for this class too. It has benefited me greatly. 

I applied for the scholarship for further Pilates training, but I have not heard a word. I guess I didn't even make the first cut. Oh well!

TTFN! 

Wednesday Freewrite

I have been able to do more freewrites lately. I love them. I love that Paul does them daily now. YAY!

I am still suffering from allergies! I keep thinking I am better, take a walk in this beautiful weather, and then suffer the consequences the next morning when I am all stuffed up. I don't know if I will stopped walking and riding my bike though because I love outdoor exercise. What is a girl to do? We will see. 

I must remind Will that I need my membership refunded. Sue is the only one coming to my class lately, and I think it is weird that three weeks ago, I had a full class. The weather is much nicer so people are out and about. I am wondering about it all and will just have to pray about it.

I know it is silly, but I am watching the finale of all these shows that I watch in the spring: Survivor, Amazing Race (last Friday), Dancing with the Stars, and Selfridge. I am not sure when the finale for Call the Midwife is though. Anyway, I am excited to have more time to read! I have a pile of books I am ready to plow through in the evenings!

I got a book called The Inklings that Lorraine had on her shelf. I am very excited to do that since I will go to where they gathered in Oxford! YAY. 

I know it has not been fifteen minutes, but I am struggling for things to write. Today, I have to straighten up the house for Valentina, get ready to teach a Ball Pilates class (I cannot for my 10 am because Dee is using the balls for her class.), teach two classes, stop by free lunch and say hi to Ika on my way to having lunch with Teala. Then I go to the library to pick up dial-a-book books and then back home for a bit of a rest before my Wednesday Pilates night class. Then, it is that Survivor finale! 

Thursday is relatively free other than a lunch at Panera with Michelle. I have not seen her in forever. I have no idea what she is up to these days.

Friday, George is working from home so I am keeping the day clear and working on home projects which have been sadly neglected. 

Saturday, we are free! I had the option of going to a listening prayer workshop, but it was a basic level one and none of the women I mentor needed that basic level, and I certainly did not. I am excited about having a truly 100% free Saturday for the first time since April 16. Last Saturday was close to it, but we went to the wedding (which was a joy) in the afternoon and early evening. 

Well, now it is probably closer to the fifteen minutes. Valentina will be here in 1 hour and 15 minutes (I woke up at 5:15 but went back to sleep until 6:15!).  So, I must get this house ready for her. I don't care if there are allergens throughout the air, I won't to go out and enjoy the sunshine! 

Ta ta for now. 12 1/2 minute freewrite is better than no freewrite at all! 

Sixty Slim Down

Spring is always busy. I am not sure why. Five workshops between March 12 and May 5 and 12 weeks of teaching in Sunday School. I am through all the workshops and one more month of Sunday School, and we will be free.

Maybe I am just tired from the school year. I have been dragging the last two weeks. It also might be that spring always brings on allergies that seem to knock me out. 

Spring also brings on extra pounds. I don't exercise as much because I walk less due to the allergies and being busier than usual. 

So, over the next sixty days. I WILL be better (also helps that those holidays where George tends to buy me FOOD instead of something non-edible are all over until our anniversary.) 

So, I will be journaling more about my journey to wellness of BODY here. I may listen to more audiobooks instead of sitting down to read them. I need some Move more and Eat Less Training (MELT) for the rest of the spring and first month of the summer. 

Ready GO! 

P.S. June 1 update: I decided to wait until my classes were over so I started this yesterday and am on a plan with two other people for the next 45 days. That should get me down to my "low" weight again. I am still at an acceptable BMI, but I like to be at the lowest and healthiest BMI for me!

June 6 update: I have a five day streak going in recording and reporting! It is going great. I am biking more, and I am done with my allergies and the cold that followed and plagued me for 11 days! 

Monday Freewrite

Listening to Ephesians 2-6 and freewriting.

Ephesians 2: He sits us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus the Messiah. Saving is all God's idea. It is God's gift from start to finish. Whew!

Rich history of God's covenants. So rich to know the Old Testament covenants. It makes listening to this so joyful. 

Christ came and preached peace to everyone. Equal access to the Father through Christ. We all belong here in Christ. Building a home. Brick by brick. Stone by stone. A temple in which God is home. 

Ephesians 3: The mystery is that people who have never heard of God and those who have heard of it all their life are on equal ground before God through Christ. This is my life's work: helping people understand and respond to the Message. . . Came as a gift . . . God handling all the details. . . When it came to presenting the Message to people who had no background . . . I was the least qualified . . . God saw to it that I was equipped, but you can be sure that it had nothing to do with my natural abilities. 

I was going to go on in the Ephesians, but I think I need to pause and marvel. "This is my life's work . . . " that section is what I turned to while praying with Lorraine on Friday! I had written the whole passage out in my journal, but I had not written down the reference. I am grateful that God showed me it this morning because I think this is my life's work also! Lorraine said that hers was to "Sow the Word of God." She has done that her whole life. God can take care of the rest.

5:18 and The First Bird Sings

I am up early this morning, and it is getting lighter earlier and earlier. I heard my first bird start to sing at 5:18 am, and now the other birds are joining in the morning welcome of the new day that God has made. "We sing the glory of our God!" YAY!

I went to a lovely wedding last night. It really was lovely. Anna B. married a man she has been dating for a little bit over a year. She was at Jesse and Kat's engagement party, and I knew there was something different about her. She was positively glowing! Then she told me about Michael. What a sweet, sweet girl who used to come to the Bible Book Club (www.3yearbiblebookclub.blogspot.com) during our first cycle through back in 2008! I guess we have known her a very long time, and she has always been a very, very sweet girl!

I am not feeling really well with a bit of a fever. So, I am thinking of staying home from church and Sunday School this morning as I have a big week ahead of myself. 

I am currently reading through Galatians, and I am loving this! I should be able to start my favorite book, Ephesians, this morning too. YAY!

Well, I just wanted to write about the birds. Nothing significant or earth-shattering. This is more like a mini-freewrite to welcome the new Sunday, May 15! 

Sweet Sixteen Saturday Freewrite

Sixteen minutes on a Saturday at . . . darn . . . I should have done it at 6:16 or 7:17! Then it would have been so alliterative that I would have been in raptures.

Not!

It is 9:46, and I have already started reading Galatians (yummy), sipped my chai (two days without it while up in Newberg and McMinnville is such a sad thing), listened to Tozer, written a review of Tozer, responded to emails about request to lead another thing (a good thing - so am tempted), and had a dialogue with a friend who wrote me in distress last night and then did not respond when I asked what was wrong (8:36-9:26)! ACK! All is right with her (I finally started praying when she didn't respond to my texts about her condition! Duh!)

Oh yes, then George got up, and we processed about a few things. I also cleaned up the kitchen, having neglected to totally clean it up before i left on Wednesday afternoon (bad homemaker!). 

So, here I sit three hours after having risen from my slumber (A good one - I might add after a very lousy one my first night in Newberg! I needed to catch up. I slept from 10:30-2:30 and had to get up due to Mexican food tummy ache, bad bed, and shifting hubby.) I have a free Saturday morning only because I opted out of going to book club this morning. They are discussing Wuthering Heights, and this group had already discussed it long ago, and I did not want to revisit it with the newbies. I like all those newbies though. They are reading Jungle Book next, and I definitely want to go to that one! :) 

George is going to pick up my hold. I want some more Bible Study time though. I think Galatians deserves my full attention, and I was distracted by my friend's distress. 

I sit here so happy to say that I "It IS well with my soul." I told George there was one thing that was causing me stress, but I pray for it daily, and I expect God to answer in a surprising and wonderful way. 

I sit here in love with God and my husband, and so loving my boys. They are men of exceptional character and responsibility. I really love them a whole lot. I love that Paul freewrites every day, and that I did not know it. I am so happy that Michael responsibly carries out everything that he needs to do without expecting us to hold his hand. I pray he gets an internship in animation this summer. :) He is so talented. I pray Paul gets one in graphic design, but I think that will come later these days. 

I love Tozer, and I hope that you can read my review before this post. SO yummy.

I got distracted by that handsome man in the room so I added five minutes to my freewrite time and am going to not stop (he is leaving to pick up library holds and tomatoes so I will be distraction free until my next thing - lol!).

So what else is on my mind (freewrites mean you can write about anything you want). I have been eating too much. For Mother's Day, I got twelve HUGE chocolate dipped strawberries, three cheesecakes, and one HUGE ice cream cake (and a partridge in a pear tree - oh wait, no). How can one person eat all that before they go back. George came home after a week, and I am forcing him to eat one of the cheesecakes and having Paul have ice cream cake. If it is in the house, I feel obligated to eat it! 

Well, I am now tired of freewriting and will go for a walk in the rain. I need to move more and eat less as I think I have put on five pounds since the beginning of the term! ACK! I can feel it keenly. 

So good-bye blog for today. :) 

16. Delighting in God by A.W. Tozer

My, oh my! Get this book. I am a HUGE A.W. Tozer fan. He was the first theologian I read when I was a fairly young believer. I remember reading The Knowledge of the Holy in the music room of the Memorial Union Ballroom on the Oregon State University campus in 1981 and being absolutely blown away! This book is a follow-up to that book, but it was only recently published. 

It comes so perfectly timed as our Celebration of Discipline chapter this week was on Worship. I did not have an "I WILL" statement from our reading, but I knew God would reveal that to me. I had downloaded this free book on to my iPhone (Christian audio gives away a free book every month. If you want to download this one, you can download the app and search for it or go to the website HERE. This book is only available for May 2016, but if you are reading this after that, there will be another one available on the website.), and I had a long car journey up to Newberg, down to McMinnville, and back home. So I listened and marveled at God's perfect timing.

He talks about passion for God, and how our perception of God can be shaped. The outflow of that is worship and much more. Perception is reality, but I really believe our perception of Him is based more on the church's anemic representation of Him, rather than who He really is. That, coupled with our perception of Him that is based more on our parents, makes for not seeing God as He really is. Therefore, we do not delight in Him. This book is a call to truly seeing Him for who He is: fantasy transformed to reality.

So good. I am in the middle of the book, but I wanted to post this before I finished so others could take advantage of the free book for the next few days. I may add more to this book when I finish! 

15. The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Can I just say, "WOW!"? 

I had this as one of the books in my library. Somehow I have a memory of reading this in the Rustenbach's backyard in about 1981, but I remember a much smaller book. It must have been something else or maybe it is was just a chapter of it.

This book is so deep and rings so true in my heart. The advantage of listening to it in audio is that I don't find Bonhoeffer as difficult to get through (thinking how audio helped me get through C.S. Lewis and Dallas Willard when I first began reading them), but the disadvantage is that there were so many gems that I would have loved to underline and cut and paste! 

I think everyone should read this (behind the Bible, of course). I think it will be hard for most to get through but well-worth the sustained effort. 

The audio narration was lovely too. 

This book is so compelling. I especially liked his words on the disciple and unbelievers. The bottom line is the way of love, which is the way of Jesus. I have said that to so many who have wanted to thump people over the head with the gospel. 

Wednesday Freewrite

Things are slowing down so much that it looks like I can finally go up and see my mother-in-law, aunt-in-law, and George! I had to cancel something, but I was very happy to do that and wish I would have just done it last week since I was there already. 

I am really mellow this morning. I think I am still a little knocked out from allergies. Nancy is a little bit higher in elevation so her Scotch Broom was in bloom while they have stopped blooming down on the valley floor. So, needless to say, a 2 mile hike socked it to me. 

Nevertheless, the walk was so worth it. What a glorious and beautiful day! I loved it. We had a nice talk on worship yesterday. It was lovely. 

All of a sudden, I am thinking how nice it would be to have a webinar about spiritual growth with people all over the world. Women who are in countries where they are somewhat isolated. Or more specifically, single women who are isolated. I think about my talk with one of those single women. She is in the States right now though, but she is somewhat isolated, and she wants to have a "growth plan." What about a growth plan of spiritual growth going through Celebration of Discipline? 

I am going to pray into that, and we will see where that ends up. 

I went to my doctor for a little "check up" because I only see him once a month for back issues. Guess what, I went in there having not had any pain for a very long time, and I have had a pain in my right lower back ribs since he adjusted me last THURSDAY! That is six days. What gives? I don't understand what has happened.

I stayed at Nancy's until 4:30 yesterday. I got there at 9:30. It was was relaxing though. I needed a day "away" from things I could be doing at home. I needed a day to just talk. I talked about being tired. I am not as tired now. I think I am tired because of the allergies though. Seven hours is a long time, but I think Nancy enjoyed it. :) It was edifying conversation. 

I just want to say that I sense God's Spirit pretty powerfully now. I have been reading this heretical book by this guy who calls everyone else a heretic. I don't think he would know God's Spirit. I feel like he is always in his head, slamming every other legitimate spiritual leader in the world, not hearing God's still, small voice because he doesn't believe that God has a still, small voice. It made me very sad. I got his book because somehow it came up when I was searching for something else. The heretic who calls others heretics. The people he calls heretics are just going about their business helping others grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ while he is spending all his time and energy slandering and mocking others and trying to recruit people to his point of view. It is very interesting. You will know them by their fruit. Where is the fruit in this man's life. He really believes he is doing God's work, but he is creating destruction and disunity. I am resolved to pray for him.

On a fun note, I have LOVED praying for the world recently. I am in the "K" countries. :) 

And speaking of that, I am off to do it because my 15 minutes freewrite is officially over. 

Have a wonderful, sunny, lovely day!

Wednesday Fifteen Minute Freewrite

When I have time to freewrite, I know I have created margin in my life. I have been very busy. I told George this morning that we have been doing everything we love lately. There is nothing we have been doing that is outside of our giftings and passions, but even too much of a good thing is not so good! 

So, today, I made an executive decision to just "be" here. All here. I do not have a single obligation until 3:30 this afternoon. I am thinking that I will NOT do anything on Friday or Saturday either. We realized we had not had a "clear calendar day" since April 16th, and I think we are due for one. So, I think I can swing tomorrow as a free day for just me, and then Saturday is a free day for the two of us together. George does work at home on Friday, but he will not be free. 

I think I have a free day. I do not want to come up for air on this freewrite to look at my calendar though. Actually, I remember that I do have a possibility of something, but I am going to resist it. I am not going to go to it. It would be really fun, but it might mean an obligation of more relationship follow-up, and I have more than enough relationships for one person, and George does too. We are filled up to fullness, and it is fun. Too much would not be fun. It would be a burden.

Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline series has been lovely, and the "Discipline of Submission" chapter was pretty profound for all of us. He said something like, "Submission is also submission to your own human limitations." I know myself all too well that if I do too much, I crash. I have no energy left. I get crabby and lose perspective. I need those times of solitude and prayer beyond my daily time with God. I have learned the joy of a moment-by-moment relationship with Him more and more with each passing year as it has been my ambition to lead a 24/7/365 kind of life since I was in my early-20's. 30+ years of practice has made that more of a reality, but YET, I still need those times where that is my only occupation with no discipling others, no exercising, no Pilates, no teaching, no workshops, no social engagements, no writing work, nothing but me and Him and 100% focus. Both are important, but I follow Jesus' lead that He, "often departed to lonely places to pray." 

So, I sit here today. Actually, I do have something very important to do for my OSU Pilates classes, and I need to do them before Jennifer is off of work for the weekend because I might have questions for her. I also will need to grade two late papers that I anticipate will come in any minute. But that will be the bulk of my "work" for today. Then, I will help lead this Webinar at 3:45 - 5:15. Thursday night will be the beginning of my rest, of wait, I might go to the thing at Calvary tonight as Kellie is leading something fun. But FOR SURE, I will start bright and early Friday morning. (I may not go tonight either - I need to see if my partial rest this morning will be sufficient for me - I am very tired.) Friday and Saturday can both be those days. 

Well, I love to freewrite even though people always ask me what it is that I am doing. It still shocks me that anyone actually reads these things anyway! 

I also have to say that George always laughs when I say I have a free day because he knows that I will fill it with doing something productive, but I am not having to "work"! Productive does not mean that I cannot have restful productivity! I don't like to be a slug, at least not in the mornings. I am usually a slug in the late afternoon, and that has usually been my practice unless I meet with Kellie. I am sure glad we moved our Celebration of Discipline time to the mornings. I am so much more "with it" then!

I am sure it has been 15 minutes. 

I will say what is left of my longer term commitments:

Ahh. Saved by the BELL! No listing. I am pressing send. Please know I know the difference between there, their, and they're. I just do not proofread these things before I send and am aghast when I read them later on! LOL! 

Tuesday Twelve Freewrite

This new Google timer on my search page is going to be a boon to my existence! It is so convenient to do freewrites without having to search online for my old one or search for my little Flylady timer (Where is that thing anyway? I saw it recently, but I don't remember where. I am so bad at keeping track of little things.). 

I am going for a walk with Jamie today. I had been thinking that she would probably benefit from some basic discipleship time. It would be great. I think I will tell her that and see what she says.

I am texting with Ika from Indonesia right now about going on a walk. I am excited about that. I like her alot!

I need to contact T too. I have not heard from her in a few days, and I like to check up on her because she lives in a very dangerous place. 

I will do that after I finish this freewrite. 

I woke up early this morning. Yesterday, I had not gone to bed until 2 am because I was fixated on our London itinerary, and the time just flew by. I think I have a really good itinerary now, and I am excited about that. 

Ika and I are going to go to Bald Hill! I am not doing a very good job of sticking with this freewrite. LOL! I keep texting with Ika. 

Well, with my few minutes remaining, and I will say that I have eaten far too much ice cream lately. I think that May will be the day I start in earnest. Could I go a whole month without overeating? I have done it in the past (I don't think I am overeating truly because my weight is still OK - just a bit up from my ideal but still very healthy BMI). I need to bring my eating in or I will get overweight! It happens to so many at my age, and I am determined not to be a statistic! So, May it is! 

In fact, I will start TODAY with that (Even though there is another pint of ice cream screaming at me from the downstairs freezer - can I go until June 1st until I eat it? Hmm.)

Resolved. Ask me if I did it. I have it on the web for all the world to see! 

Ika and I will walk at 9 am. 

I think I am going to get to reading my book chapters for my study on Friday. :)

The Bard Lives on 400 years later!

Love this little summation of the greatest storyteller of all time. https://t.co/jhjpL9SYPN

— Carolfoasia (@Carolfoasia) April 23, 2016

Thursday Thirteen Freewrite

Google now has an online timer that comes up on the search page. Oh happy day. This will be great for my freewrites, but it will also be great for my attempts to get up every fifteen minutes to make sure my hip flexors are not in a set position for too long. 

George is home today, and I could not be happier. I have to prepare for a workshop on Saturday, get my hair done, and meet with Heather, but it is great to have him here until ten tomorrow morning.

It is Queen Elizabeth II 90th birthday today. What a great and consistent monarch she has been. Long live the queen. I am going to go and see those bells of Westminster ring in person. I cannot wait!  England, here we come!

This morning, I get to pray for more of the world again. Yay! I am very excited about. You can read my previous post about this great little prayer resource, Pray for the World. I am also going through Romans right now. I have listened up through Romans 9, but my studying has followed far behind. So I hope to catch up today. I need a "catch my breath" day because Monday-Wednesday were full and fun.

Tuesday was especially great. I am so glad that the Celebration of Discipline group has gone so well. It was a bit rocky at first when we set down some goals, and I realized that one of the people seemed not ready for the journey. Alas, she confessed on Tuesday that she was skeptical, but not she is totally on board. I saw such great glimpses of wisdom with her, but she was still a bit wrapt up in her journey of healing. Some people get so wrapped (Is it wrapt or wrapped? I think it is the latter, but this is a freewrite! So, I won't stop to check!) up in their healing that they don't integrate and invite the Lord into the process. It becomes this separate self-absorbed enterprise, and I think this can be very dangerous. Anyway, I think she sees the benefit of the integration. So, I am excited to finish out the journey with these two where I wondered about bowing out because it was not meeting the goals that I explained for the group. The turning point was also the half day in the Upper Room. It was very beneficial for all of us. 

God is very good. I am very excited.

With work on Monday and Wednesday, this disciplines group, and free lunch, it has been a busy three days. I tried to keep this day free, but this seemed to be the only day that Heather could meet, and I felt it was very important to meet with her this week. So, I will really have to focus this morning on the workshop that is starting in 50 hours! It is not like I have not done this before though. Seriously, it is like breathing for me. So, I am not too worried about the preparation for it, and Nessa is helping me. I just need to incorporate Betty Sue's great graphic on how storytelling affects different parts of the brain! So fun!

Well, I best be going. I think this ringer is going to go off any second. Nope. It goes off in 1 min and 20 seconds.

I am doing great health-wise. I am losing those pesky five pounds that came on because I focused on Pilates without doing cardio over the summer. There is such a balance between strength training and calorie burn. Yes, strength is super important in more efficient calorie burn, but you have to do the work of burning too. I have a nice balance, and I am also free of pain because of that concentration on Pilates. I need to go back to maximal strength training though.

There is the timer!