Freewrite Fifteen

Here we go. I wonder when Blogger will update their archaic Blogger stuff. It really is sort of a dinosaur compared to other blog spaces out there. 

No matter. I have had this one since 2004, and I think I am very close to 2000 posts. So I am sticking with this.

Paul is bringing in ice for my leg, and my swelling has gone down considerably because when I go out and about (which I have been doing more of), it swells up. So I am trying to be better at reducing the swelling. I went back to taking ibuprofen. There is a theory out there that ibuprofen inhibits bone growth, but I found no research to back that up, and I like how it reduces my swelling. So I am taking 400 mg every four hours, and it has REALLY helped.

Poor George was really out of it on Saturday. I thought he was getting sick, but he seems to be fine now. He forgot to wash the darks, and I needed shorts for PT. So Paul did a load of darks for me this morning. He has been such a great helper. I hope after I don't need help anymore, he will find a good job in graphic design.

My back has been a bit wonky over the last couple of days. I think I slept on it funny two nights ago. So that is not good. I have a osteopathic appointment with Dr. Myers on Wednesday afternoon, but I am on a waitlist to see if I can get in to see him sooner. We will see. I am grateful that my back has held up for as long as it has, being that my gait is obviously so weird right now.

I am three days away from weight bearing, and I could not be happier! I know that the transition to walking will be slow, but I cannot wait to go for a walk in the sunshine! I will never take walking for granted again. My last injury that prevented me from walking normally was ten years ago in November, and I thought I would never take it for granted back then either. This is a wake up call. We 

Sadly, I think I have put on pounds with less activity and the need to eat with medications. I am so looking forward to losing this weight. I am glad because I was NOT overweight going into this, and I am still probably not overweight even now, but I know that I like to be lower.

I had some heartbreaking stuff this past week. The whole "feeling excluded and left out" that I have struggled with for so many years. I know that my fear is being "unwanted and unloved," and it is hard to be unwanted and unloved by those you put so much time into loving and making them feel wanted. So I am sad, but I think I had a good cry while reading In Search of Lost Time. We don't have the social hierarchy that French culture had at the turn of the century, but there are the "haves" and the "have nots" in our culture too. It breaks my heart some time. So I have given that to the Lord and am happy to be in the "haves" when it comes to being "In Christ"! I am part of the "IN" Christ crowd, and that is people from every nations, people, tongue, and tribe, and I will not be left out of that wedding feast of the Lamb! So, I need to know that these slights from people I thought were dear friends are only meant to make me long for heaven and loving God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. I need to love others regardless of how much I perceive they love me. The crying with George yesterday was about feeling like he is the one person in the world who I know loves me. I think with everyone else there is doubt. There is the feeling that I do not matter. That I will be left out. That I am a "second tier" kind of friend. It is hard to acknowledge that, but I think in the back of my mind, that thought is always there, and I find that it doesn't really rear its ugly head maybe 5% of the time in my life, but when it does. I stew on it for days, as I have been stewing on this since August 17. 

Well it is fifteen minutes, and I have some things I need to get done before I go to my PT appointment. Bye.