I thought through each day at the beginning of my prayer every morning (yes, many do this at night. I usually do it mid-day and then the rest of the day the next morning. Freedom to do it any way your heart wants to. No legalism here.) while I was in Boise, but I did not necessarily write anything down.
Holy Spirit, I pray you would shed light on my weekend and help me to see my days through your eyes.
What I am grateful for: a smooth trip to Boise and back via Alaska Airlines, that I flew instead of drove because it did end up snowing, gracious hospitality of Debbie Brizee Budwig and transportation to and from cohort from Debbie and Michelle, Sustainable Faith School of Spiritual Direction , the leadership of Sandy and Marty Boller , and the Boise Cohort (to use Kayla's terms, It is "the bomb.com."), a great end to my Fall term classes, getting my grades in before I left, packing light, dinner with Michelle (and family) and Val.
Review of the Thursday-Sunday:
Thursday: up early, prayer, baked cookies for 100% attendance students, pack 90%, bike to campus, teach Pilates I and II (KK helped me with my stereo problems so I gave her the extra cookies), Cardio Weight training (cookies to Nick for such great leadership in the class), bike home, enter grades, let Jeff park his trailer and visit, shower, pack last 10%, Geo home, drive and dinner at Parkstone Wood Kitchen , Listen to The Great Alone , fly to Boise, Debbie's house and talking till 12.
Friday: prayer, Debbie drove me to Nampa for training but early so I walked for 30 minutes. The 8a-4:30p training consisted of breakfast and lunch (with a walk to Dutch Bros for Eggnog Chai Latte with cinnamon, oh my - "Christmas in a Cup"), "How are you landing?" exercise, Lectio Divina in Romans 8, discussion of Holy Listening, Summary Reflections for our last two months (consisting of questions about how our spiritual disciplines are going, sessions with our spiritual director and directees, how we can pray, and what our questions or conundrums are), and preview of the books for our next module in January, Debbie pick me up, have salad and turkey sausage and talk, talk, talk, talk to George about being nervous about spiritual direction triads, sleep.
Saturday: woke up having had an anxiety dream about a man being in my house and grabbing me, but I fought back and tied him up, prayer, snow Michelle and Val picked me up (good discussion), breakfast, Spiritual Mapping Exercise (so good - I will keep that one), Spiritual Direction Triad with Michelle and Val (it turned out great - I shared about my Spiritual Mapping Exercise, and did direction with Michelle because I was curious about something she said the day before, Val did it with me, and Michelle did it with Val), evaluation of the triad time, lunch, discussion of Anatomy of the Soul (I cried when I shared about what he said about how art, music, dance, etc. integrates the brain circuitry), Gene's book report on Emotionally Healthy Spirituality and my book report on The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything, dinner with Michelle (and family), Val, talk with Debbie and Ralph at home.
Sunday: Prayer and MORE SNOW, Ralph drove me to airport, plane delayed for de-icing but the two flights before me were canceled, reviewed my graces from the beginning of the SEEL Retreat on plane, IKEA for spiritual direction chairs for my office, dinner at same restaurant, home, cookie, catch up on news, read The Great Alone, asleep by 9 pm.
What made me feel most alive and in tune with God's plan?
- Doing Spiritual Direction training with like-hearted people.
- Doing Lectio Divina and "Spiritual Mapping."
- Visiting with Val and Michelle in the car before and after training
- Walking to Dutch Bros and drinking a Eggnog Chai Latte!
- Walking during the breaks to have "I" time and connect to become more self-aware of how God is moving in me during the training.
- Catching myself drifting when the discussion got very intellectual - going interior to explore my feeling (integrating to a Type 4) and hearing God and restoring to peace.
- Knowing I left the Renovaré Institute for a good alternative! (The choice between two very good things is always hart)
- Feeling certain of my decision to discontinue one of my Pilates Classes during the "Spiritual Mapping" exercises.
- Sharing with the group about the integration of art, music, dance, etc. during the Anatomy of the Soul discussion (after it had gotten very intellectual) and crying and having Trina ask me what touched me and me being able to share about dance for me and how Chagall's American Windows (if you click on it, it enlarges and you can get even closer to it with the + and -, but they are most enjoyed in person) drop on the floor and sob at the Art Institute of Chicago. Afterward, Sandy and Michelle and I got into a talk about dancing and going to art galleries, and musicals (Les Miserables, Lion King) and how they touch our souls.
- Talking with Debbie before and after each training - so good for integrating my brain circuitry and also sharing some stories
- SNOW and thankful I did not have to drive in it.
- Finishing well with Pilates I and II and my coworkers at OSU. Deciding FOR SURE that the other job is just not life-giving for me and knowing that I have other things that God wants me to be doing during those times.
- Reuniting with George and having dinner and debrief - he is my bestie of all besties and the love of my life
- Seeing Paul when I got back (but no Michael because he had already left for home)
- Having Michelle and Val be so interested in me and my life and dinner with them and Michelle's family
- Walking away from an overly intellectual discussion
- George praying for my back to quit being "wonky" after my first day in Boise and waking up to it being just fine.
What made me feel most dead and not in tune with God's plan?
- Stressing about the Triads
- Nightmare about the Triads
- Starting to stress about the intellectual direction of the discussion on Saturday
- Intellectual discussions still make me feel dead inside - I feel like they take away from soul discussion and sometimes are a smoke screen
- The Great Alone - the Playaway player kept stopping and losing my place so I could not listen to it on the plane, but I also am not really overly excited about this book. It is pretty depressing and not compelling. I am wondering where the redemption will be in it - but I am a really DARK part of the book that I really do not like what happened, but I am too far to not finish it now.
- Feeling frustrated with the woman who kept elbowing me while she played a Candy Crush-like game on her phone with no awareness that her elbow was into my sitting space (but I was brave and asked her to move it over a little bit, and she didn't seem to mind at all - so that was life-giving).
Ways to show my love for God and others today:
Follow through on Christmas giving in lieu of presents to my side of the family.
Finish out December well for my Pilates students. Love them and see them as image bearers.
Gifts God has given not already covered in feeling alive:
Christmas break from OSU!
Chants: Music for the Soul by Cistercian Monks!
The Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola
Chai tea in a Christmas Cup!
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