Friday Fifteen Minute Freewrite

So much to say and so little time to say it. I have been lax in my freewrites lately. I love them so. The queen of the freewrites just had a birthday. We still love each other, but she doesn't really have time for me anymore, and I am so happy for her success in life and happy for the role I played in her journey and she in mine. Because she "doesn't have time" for me doesn't mean that I am unloved or unwanted. Something I am learning the Enneagram Type Two personality type. I have to let go of the fear that I am unloved and unwanted. I also need to go after what I want, and I don't think I necessarily want the deep relationship that we once had. I really love her, but we are going in different directions. We will definitely meet up and have a lovefest when we meet again (which I am sure will happen), but she is not a day to day friend, and that is OK! 

So today has been a phenomenal day. Because George listened to God and God told him to ask for every Friday to work from home instead of up in Hillsboro. I have him home from Thursday night to Monday morning. How cool is that! I love him at home. What a gift!

I am also over the moon because I am on Day 100 of recording my eating and exercise. I have a whole new WONDERFUL Lose It! online community of friends. That one person who rejected me (twice) and would nag at me about not recording daily is not in my friends anymore. That person was so shaming and guilt producing and not encouraging.  I only have one mutual friend with her now, and I left the other group we were mutually a part of so that I don't have to interact with her anymore. I am so glad that I came back. Some of my old friends are still there and really, really encouraging. It also helped to get the AppleWatch which is all connected to the website so I don't have to log in all my activities on the website. It also does not start subtracting exercise calories for each activity I do until I reach a certain calorie level. So I am not faked into believing I can eat more because of my exercise. It is so good, and I have gotten rid of all the weight that I gained for being in Renovare.

I guess that is the last thing I want to freewrite about. I loved the people and the curriculum, but it was not for me. Every day I would do the Examen and DESOLATION was always overeating. I also left Renovare 100 Days ago, and I have not struggled ONE DAY with overeating since I left, and I think it was connected. It caused me a lot of underlying anxiety. The way the community and small groups are set up was not what made me thrive spiritually. The academic nature was not what I wanted or needed. All the sitting writing papers and interacting online was brining me out of the sacred balance I had cultivated in my life. So leaving was the BEST decision I made of 2018, and the second and third best were doing Spiritual Direction training through The School of Sustainable Faith AND doing the SEEL Portland retreat with George. It is all SO GOOD. I am at the end of my 15 minutes, but it is a great day with great decisions all the way. 

God is so good. 

(No proofreading here)


The overall keynote of Twos is indirection. Personal needs and desires are expressed indirectly, through service to others. Twos feel that they cannot go after what they want directly: it must be given to them by others as a sign that they are really loved and appreciated. Notice today when you are being indirect. (Understanding the Enneagram, 78)